


Firefly

by jeejaschocolate



Series: Never Doubt I Love [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Angst, Anxiety, Backstory, Bad Coping Skills, Bad Sex, Blindfolds, Character Development, Childhood Memories, Confessions, Conflict, Consensual Slut Shaming, Daddy Kink, Domestic Fluff, Dry Orgasm, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Feels, Family Issues, Fantasizing, Feelings Realization, First Dates, First Time Blow Jobs, Firsts, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Making Love, Massage, Mental Health Issues, Morning After, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Noctis is crushing hard, Not so great dad!Regis, Overstimulation, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Problematic!Ignis, References to Depression, Relationship Negotiation, Reverse Sugar Daddy, Rough Sex, Sensual Play, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Sex Work, Sexual Frustration, Side Ships, Size Issues, Teasing, Trust Issues, Vibrators, Voice Kink, Whump, awkward!Noctis, depressive episodes, good food, safe sex, sex worker!Ardyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-09 04:39:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 116,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11661795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeejaschocolate/pseuds/jeejaschocolate
Summary: (Sequel to “Foxfire”)PrinceCharmless: I mean, you could come over tomorrow. Or now. Or maybe you could stay forever? :D ;) Ardyn looked at those little smiles on the screen. He could not help imagining those same expressions on his boy’s face. So cute. And so…rewarding.[In which Noctis and Ardyn try to figure out what they are to each other.]





	1. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaha, I am so ready to go with this fic! I really wanted a sequel to happen, and so I'm planning on a full story type deal for this one. Because <3! 
> 
> Note: Still on the Hamlet kick. Going to pick a different quote per chapter that will (hopefully) have something to do with what happens each time. Don't look too hard into this one, it's mostly just for fun lol. First chapter quote is from the famous soliloquy:  
> “To be, or not to be: that is the question:  
> Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer  
> The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,  
> Or to take arms against a sea of troubles…”
> 
> *TW:* consensual slut-shaming, as per the tags.

**Chapter One: The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune**

“I can’t believe how filthy you are. Playing with yourself in the bathroom at work. Such a little pervert.”

Ardyn adjusted the mouthpiece on his headset. If he tilted the microphone closer to his mouth, it sounded more like he was speaking directly into someone’s ear. Now, if he brought his tone down a few octaves, he could channel the perfect sultry voice that all his users got off on.

“You’re going to have to come to my office every day at closing time. Do as I say, unless you want those pictures leaked to everyone you know.” Dark, dangerous, just a tad whimsical. A pleasing cocktail.

“Mmmm…ah…yes sir…” The user’s voice broke in the middle of those words, ‘yes sir.’ So. There was the button. Good to know.

Meanwhile, a manuscript about the history of the Roman Catholic Church in France lay open on Ardyn’s computer screen. He had been working on this new text for the better part of three days. The subject material was more interesting than Ardyn originally thought it would be, considering how the author focused mostly on the little-known scandals of French Catholic history. Scandals were such a fashionable thesis topic these days. But this manuscript started all the way from the beginning: The baptism of King Clovis I in 496 CE (although the author foolishly chose to numerate the year as AD, _anno Domini._ Rather outdated now). 

While Ardyn listened to the breathy moans of his already masturbating phone sex customer (one “cockhunter781”), he crossed out the AD and re-typed CE. That error would probably come up again. He could count on that.

Well, part of the appeal of copy editing was being able to re-annotate quickly. Mindlessly even. Rewriting CE for every AD didn’t require that much brainwork.

“I’ll do whatever you want…nnh…just please don’t tell my boss…”

Ardyn carefully adjusted his glasses, making sure the frames didn’t jostle the headset he was wearing. Small extraneous noises would take the user out of the fantasy.

“Well, you should have thought of that before jerking off where someone else would see.” Ah, there, another AD. Ardyn fixed the error as he said, “Now you’re going to have to do whatever I want. _Whenever_ I want.”

“Mmmh! Okay, okay! Ah, God…” 

Ardyn heard the inimitable sound of flesh slapping against flesh. This guy was already working himself pretty hard. Too hard, probably. Ardyn didn’t like that. He wanted to milk this conversation for as long as he could. This little fantasy gave him such material to work with—it would be a shame to waste!

The way it worked on callmeanytime.com, users selected the profile of the ‘playmate’ they were interested in and called the site to request some time with them. Then, the site’s management connected the user’s phone line to the employee’s through a switchboard. This way, no one ever shared personal numbers. Actually, giving out personal information of any kind, from either the user or the playmate, was strictly forbidden. All the calls were monitored. Call Me Anytime billed themselves as a medium for phone conversations only, not an avenue to arrange in-person hook-ups. 

The calls cost $75 for a half hour. As soon as the user went over thirty minutes, they were charged for the next session. So the longer Ardyn could keep his customers on the phone, the more money he made. He had been chatting with cockhunter781 for over twenty minutes now. If the guy blew his load before reaching the thirty minute mark, Ardyn would be cheated out of $75 more. 

“Stop touching yourself,” he growled into the headset. Purely dark now. “Damn, such a little whore. Try to keep your hands out of your pants for five minutes, will you? My god.”

“Ah, yes…I’m a whore, I know…such a whore…please don’t let my wife find out…” Yeah, this guy (sounded like a middle-aged dude, probably some working stiff who needed to debase himself to get off the way he liked) was pretty close to the edge. Ardyn needed to walk him back a little.

“Your wife? Hmm, I have her number you know…” Ardyn clicked to the next page of the manuscript, listening to his customer’s babbling noises of pleasure.

“No, no, please! Come on, I’ll do whatever you want…”

“Hmm. Just keep your hands off that greedy little prick of yours while I think about what to do with you.” Glancing at the clock, Ardyn saw that he had already reached twenty-five minutes. Just a little more.

“Alright, I will, I will…” Some muffled sobbing sounds. But no more telltale groping noises. So at least he was following Ardyn’s instructions.

Sighing, Ardyn went through a list of things he could “do” to cockhunter781. Of course, none of this was real. Ardyn would never meet this customer in person. He was just saying erotic things to turn the guy on. The basic plot line here was that cockhunter781 had been masturbating in the bathroom stall at his office (was it true? possibly) and Ardyn had “caught him in the act” and "taken photos.” Now he was “blackmailing” the man into “doing things” for him. A fairly typical scenario. Little by little, Ardyn was learning the guy’s real kink: Humiliation. The sweet spot of any phone sex call, because Ardyn had so many ideas for that one.

“Let’s see,” the older man began, skimming a page about Pope Leo III and the Holy Roman Empire. “I could spank you, but I’m inclined to think a pervert like you might enjoy that.”

“Nnnh…” A breathy moan right in Ardyn’s ear. He adjusted the earpiece slightly off-center. Tiny bit farther away.

No need to be too close, thank you.

“I could bend you over my desk and make you fuck yourself on my fountain pen…” Did ‘fountain pen’ work there? Was it penis-shaped enough? Well, judging by cockhunter781’s shuddering breaths, the image worked. “…but I think you’d enjoy that too. And I don’t want you cumming all over my carpet. Not before I tell you to, anyway.” 

“Mmm please…anything…” 

Twenty-seven minutes. Nearing the goalpost now! $150 would be well worth his time. 

All of a sudden, he heard a familiar jingling sound from his computer. He turned his attention to his Fox Toy page (which was sort of always open in the background now. Really, that kind of money? Ardyn could not afford offline time—he could always be landing more customers from such a lucrative venue). 

Sure enough, there was a live chat message.

**PrinceCharmless:** hey

Ardyn’s eyes lingered on the message. His hands hovered over the keyboard. It took him a few extended seconds to rapidly switch gears from French catholicism and cockhunter781, to Noctis. 

By now, it had been a little over week since his first night with the prince. The…groundbreaking session, as he had taken to calling it in his own mind. What a night! Ardyn figured he had probably doubled as Noctis’s therapist there for a few minutes, helping him work through whatever issues he had with his father. And such sweet, glorious sex. The kind of sex that made a job like this worth every lousy gig. Truly a night for the books. One that never failed to bring a wistful sort of smile to Ardyn’s face every time he thought of it.

And of course, $1200. Some kind of golden ratio, wasn’t it?

Noctis sent Ardyn multiple messages a day since then. The older man enjoyed chatting with the boy—he would admit, Noctis was a peach. Shy, pretending not to care most of the time. But with the most wonderful sense of humor, Ardyn was discovering, every now and then. And Noctis harbored a good amount of tender puppy love for Ardyn himself, evident in the boy’s myriad kissy faces and bashful praise. Which pleased the experienced sex worker immensely.

But Noctis had been putting off another in-person encounter. They only met that one night . Naturally, Ardyn constantly hinted at wanting to see Noctis. He even flat out asked if they could set up another meeting sometime soon—when impatience got the better of him. Yet, Noctis always danced around the question. Putting Ardyn on ice.

Phrases like, “I don’t think tonight is good. But soon, I promise.” Or, “Haha nah, I can’t now. Maybe tomorrow.” Even short dismissals like, “Can’t :(.” 

It was frustrating. Ardyn had been hoping to get a regular thing going, a couple of thousand per week maybe. Knock out some of his apartment loan in a nice big chunk, instead of chipping away at his monthly mortgage like he was currently doing. But for the past week, the older man made no money through his relationship with Noctis. Perhaps most aggravating of all, Noctis did not seem to be interested in buying any more of Ardyn’s pictures.

“Why would I want that when I know how good the real thing is ;)?” the boy would write. 

Why? Ardyn wanted to say. Because then you can actually pay me. Didn’t Noctis realize this was work for him? He had bills to pay, damn it! He couldn’t afford a whole week with no income, $1200 or no. And yet, all Noctis seemed to want to do was talk.

Talking. The great money-less plateau. 

Still, Ardyn continued indulging in his conversations with Noctis. First of all, he had good reason to believe another hook-up would happen again in the near future. Secondly, it was part of the gig. If the client wanted to talk and you wanted to keep them on the line, then you needed to talk. Anything to keep them happy. Keep the money coming in. And thirdly because…

…well, talking to Noctis wasn’t entirely unappealing in its own right, after all. 

**fierydjinni:** Good evening, prince. I hope all is well in the penthouse castle. 

**PrinceCharmless:** Yup. Pretty good. I had an okay day.

**fierydjinni:** Hmm. Okay but lonely I imagine. 

“Ah…what are you going to do to me…?” 

The sweaty voice in his ear jerked Ardyn’s attention back to his call. Yes, still on the clock. Twenty-eight minutes and counting. He’d better get back to the fantasy before cockhunter781 clicked off in boredom, or gave Ardyn a bad review on his profile (two rather regrettable options). 

“Hmm. Why don't you get on your knees for me,” Ardyn murmured into his headset. “Right here where I’m standing. Put that mouth to good use.”

“Fuck yeah, I will…” 

Ardyn thought he could hear a distant bang. Perhaps the user had actually gotten on his knees wherever he was. A way to elaborate the fantasy. Some people liked to do that, act out whatever plot line they were roleplaying over the phone.

Because of Noctis’s disinterest in any kind of billable work, Ardyn had been taking on more casual clients. He wished there were more boys on Fox Toy who wanted companionship for a night, but so far all Ardyn had going were messages. He sold a few more photos though, fortunately. Other than that, his copy editing job had been rather busy lately. Ardyn was currently working on four manuscripts at once—not an all-time high, but it was up there. He was editing texts all hours of the day and night at this point.

So, chained to his home desk and in need of quick cash, Ardyn fell into the easy habit of taking phone sex calls. They were the perfect thing when his publishing job got busy. He could put on his hands-free headset, take as many calls as he could, all while keeping up a good editing pace. 

Plus, phone sex calls were painless. Ardyn didn’t need to exert himself too much. All he had to do was focus on keeping the clock going. 

“That’s right. Suck me, like a good little slut.” Ardyn’s voice fell into a quiet purr. “You’ve probably been waiting for this the whole time. But that’s fine. I want to see what a tight mouth like yours can do. And I’m going to take what I want, understand?”

“Yeah…take it, take it…”

**PrinceCharmless:** eh, yeah kinda. I hung out with my friends a little. 

**PrinceCharmless:** well, friend.

**PrinceCharmless:** I mean you know.

Ardyn frowned when he saw that remark. A correction from “friends” to “friend.” Just what was his prince implying there? That he only had one friend? Impossible, most boys mingled through all kinds of different friend groups at the age of 24. But, that could be isolating in and of itself after a while. So many friends, no real connections. Maybe Noctis only had one person he could really trust.

Or, most likely, the prince was just being sullen and melodramatic. And then immediately regretting it once he realized how it sounded. 

To cockhunter781, Ardyn said, “Shut up. No more talking. Just sucking. Take my cock in your perverted little mouth and lick it. Mmm, yes. That’s nice. Very nice…mmm, sluts like you know how to work a dick, don’t you?”

“Ooh…f-fuck…” 

Ardyn could manipulate his voice to make it sound like he really was enjoying this. In reality, his hands were nowhere but the keyboard and he was (almost) completely uninterested below the waist. Roleplaying an extortionist was fun, but sort of old hat by now. Ardyn was just going through the motions, saying what he needed to run out the clock. Putting enough silk in his voice to make the play believable. 

A standard act.

**fierydjinni:** Ah, lackadaisical youth. Cavorting the days away. Sounds nice. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

**PrinceCharmless:** haha it was okay

**fierydjinni:** But did you miss me?

As expected, it took Noctis a few moments to work through his reply to that one.

While he waited for a response, Ardyn continued his phone sex call. “That's it. Take it all the way in, right to the back of your throat. Ah, yes. So good. Can you feel me, pressing on your throat just like that?”

“Mmm…mmmmm!”

There was a tiny clicking sound in background of the call. That was from the switchboard; it meant thirty minutes had passed and the user was on the hook for the next session. 

At last. 

Ardyn allowed himself a small smile. He chuckled into the headset. “Don’t choke now, my little deviant. Go easy on yourself. Just keep working your tongue. There’s a good boy…”

**PrinceCharmless:** always <3

Ardyn blinked, eyes stuck on the small heart. As much as he tried to ignore it, there was something…unique about Noctis’s heart icons. Ardyn knew that the prince did not give away hearts willy-nilly. It had taken Ardyn days of work to get to that point with this client. Beyond that, Noctis’s typical apathetic attitude did not lend itself to displays of affection. Ardyn believed that perhaps the boy was not used to giving out love signals like that in general. 

Shaking his head, Ardyn laughed it off. He liked to believe that, anyway. Who knew what the truth was with Noctis. The kid had so many layers. So many secrets.

Sometimes Ardyn even doubted whether Noctis was really a virgin. Had he just made that up to get Ardyn to give him a discount or something? Or to use as an excuse for coming so fast the first time? Anyone would believe a person was a virgin if they came from just a few quick strokes and some gestures. At least, they’d better be.

“You can go ahead and touch yourself now,” Ardyn said into the phone. “I know you’ve been waiting. So just do it already. Make a mess like the pervert you are deep inside. And then you can clean it up.” 

“Ah, oh fuck, oh fuck! Shit, I’m…ah, fuck…” 

Harsh slapping sounds. Ardyn rolled his shoulders, getting ready for the end. His shoulders felt stiff from sitting at a computer screen for too long. Maybe his doctor was right and a modicum of exercise would do him good…ah, whatever. 

**PrinceCharmless:** I was thinking about you a lot today.

Seeing that, Ardyn closed his eyes for a moment. A small line of satisfaction slid down his spine. He imagined Noctis going about his day, goofing around with his friends. Doing this and that, menial tasks. But always keeping an image of Ardyn somewhere in the back of his mind. The things Ardyn had done to Noctis that night perhaps. Fucking him senseless. Making him come dry from nothing but the older man’s fingers buried in his ass.

Mm. Yes. Ardyn liked knowing that Noctis was thinking about him. 

Hopefully the boy was also thinking about some kind of payment.

“Ah—FUCK me! Shit!!” Cockhunter781 screamed loudly into Ardyn’s earpiece as he came. It sounded gratifying. Maybe a little more intense than even the user himself expected. He wound down slowly. “Ah….ah….oh. Mmm.”

“There you are,” Ardyn commented. He glanced at the clock. Thirty-five minutes. Just under the wire. But worth it.

“Ah. Phew, that was real good.” Relief was evident in the user’s voice. Naturally. “Thanks, man.”

“You're quite welcome,” Ardyn assured him. Smooth and polite again.

“So…how much?”

“Your card is being charged $150 as we speak.”

“Right.” The man sighed. “Umm, okay. Bye.” 

“Good night.” 

Click. And farewell to cockhunter781.

Ardyn took the opportunity to stretch his arms and remove his headset. That was the fourth phone sex call he had taken in a span of two hours. Definitely time for a break. His performance would suffer if he didn’t cleanse his mind every so often.

So, he put up his away icon on Call Me Anytime. A signal for management not to give him any calls for the moment. Then he turned his attention back to Noctis, smiling again when he saw the prince’s last message. 

**fierydjinni:** Mmm. Good things, I assume?

**PrinceCharmless:** The best. 

Ardyn huffed a laugh. Might be time to put some music on in the background—Debussy fit the bill. Something light and palatable to clear the air. “La fille aux cheveux de lin,” the girl with the flaxen hair. A lovely piece. And he was already reading about the French, just a few centuries earlier. Give or take.

**fierydjinni:** Lovely. Care to share any of those precious thoughts, my prince?

**PrinceCharmless:** mmmmm….no. :P

Heh. The shy boy was back. Shutting him down before they could play. 

Really, when Ardyn thought about it, Noctis probably was an actual virgin. Why would someone his age want to lie about that? Normally boys made up stories of their exploits, embellishing as they went. Very rarely would someone pretend to be a virgin if they weren’t. In fact, Ardyn could not think of a time.

It was just so strange. How could someone as attractive and ruthlessly adorable as Noctis not have any experience? Had truly no one taken advantage of that skinny, sexy thing before Ardyn?

There was probably a missing story there. Some reason. The question itched the corners of Ardyn’s mind—he wished he had the whole picture. 

**PrinceCharmless:** Besides, you probably already know what I was thinking. …right?

**fierydjinni:** Probably. ;) Would you like me to guess?

**PrinceCharmless:** haha no that’s okay. As long as you know ;)

The track on his stereo (yes, he still liked a homebound audio system, call him old fashioned) changed to “Prélude à l'après-midi d'un faune,” prelude to an afternoon with a fawn. A meditative, playful piece. Hmm, perhaps that was a sign. It certainly put him in some kind of mood.

Ardyn frowned and decided to try his luck yet again. Well, first time for that evening anyway. What the hell.

**fierydjinni:** Oh I’m sure I know, Noct. I’ve been thinking about you as well. You know that right? Ever since that night, I just can’t get you out of my mind…

**fierydjinni:** It makes me wonder when I’ll ever get the chance to see you again. I still have so much to show you, my love.

**PrinceCharmless:** …I know

Interesting response. Ardyn paused to wait for more, in case the young man wanted to elaborate.

**PrinceCharmless:** and I like

**PrinceCharmless:** really want you to show me…

Ardyn blinked slowly. He did not want himself to get too excited here. Noctis sometimes talked about theoretical future meetings. That did not mean the young man intended to deliver.

But it was difficult. Ardyn’s pulse had started to flutter in the vein just under his chin. Noctis wanted to be shown some things? Well, where to start!

Ardyn had a few ideas. To be honest, he had been considering for some time now what else he could do with Noctis. He carried around such a list of ideas in his brain at all times, workshopping it at odd intervals every so often. Playing around with what he might like to do. 

Thoughts like that kept him entertained when he was bored. Which, faced with endless manuscripts and dull phone sex calls, was most of the time. 

**fierydjinni:** Do you? Well, need I say it again? You pick the time and the place. Let me pick our evening’s activities. ;)

**PrinceCharmless:** haha umm actually

Ardyn paused. He had a feeling something had changed. That the prince was going to tell him something important. But he had no idea which direction it would go. 

Such it was, Ardyn realized with a sigh. He forced his pulse to calm. It was silly to chase after the young virgin with a hair-trigger G-sot. Visions like that never lasted. Ardyn should just count his cash, chalk it all up to one lucky night, and move on with his life—

**PrinceCharmless:** I might have some free time soon.

**PrinceCharmless:** so I mean yeah.

**PrinceCharmless:** If ur not busy. And if you want. Maybe you could come over?

Ardyn laughed outright where he sat. Dear lord. Was this boy attempting to be a flirt right now? One night in the saddle and suddenly he thought he could keep people on a string like a king on a throne—unless of course, Noctis was being serious.

Long story short, Ardyn could make time for him.

**fierydjinni:** Oh Noct. Don’t be coy with me. You know Daddy’s been dying to see you. So when would you like to meet?

**PrinceCharmless:** I mean, you could come over tomorrow. Or now. 

**PrinceCharmless:** Or maybe you could stay forever? :D ;)

Ardyn looked at those little smiles on the screen. He could not help imagining those same expressions on his boy’s face. So cute. And so…rewarding. Noctis could go a whole conversation with no passion and then suddenly throw a whole handful of smiles after one phrase.

Whenever he got excited enough. 

It was cute, but Ardyn had to shake his head at those words. A whole week of no meet-ups and now Noctis wanted him to stay forever?

Good thing Ardyn was a sex worker. It felt like Noctis really had no idea how to keep up a relationship. 

**fierydjinni:** Mmm, forever? Let me see what I can arrange ;) Why don’t we start with right now?

Roughly ten minutes passed before Noctis sent his next response. Sadly enough, Ardyn expected this. It fit the pattern.

So, he turned the music off and put his headset back on. Away icon, off. Might as well try to make some actual money tonight.

**PrinceCharmless:** so I think

**PrinceCharmless:** tomorrow is better.

**PrinceCharmless:** sorry

**PrinceCharmless:** I know what I said but. Tomorrow I promise. 

Ardyn saw the message. He would agree to tomorrow, of course, but he wouldn’t keep his hopes up. Noctis might cancel. 

He heard a ringing on the other end of the line. It seemed he had another call. Well, the phone sex lines were ringing off the hook tonight. That was something at least. 

“Hello?” he said, voice clear and inviting. He did not start a call hesitantly; Ardyn always went in with confidence. Put his best foot forward.

His only answer was some heavy breathing and a slow, wet squishy noise. Apparently this customer had already started. And they weren’t saying anything. Nothing for him to work with. That happened sometimes. Some clients just wanted to hear another voice. To be part of something live, even if it was just a one-sided conversation. Actually speaking would be too much involvement. Like a tacit admission of what they’d done. So they let their playmate do all the talking.

“Mmm. Sounds like you’re enjoying yourself,” Ardyn noted aloud to the customer. “That’s good. Let me tell you what I’m doing right now. I just got out of the shower and I’m all wet still. As soon as I started drying myself off, I suddenly got so hard. Now I have to do something about it…”

The voyeur angle. Ardyn could talk at length about how he was going to “touch himself.” Let the client imagine they were watching. Probably wouldn’t last very long (calls like this were always a wild card), but still. $75 was $75. 

He heard the notification of another Fox Toy message. Glancing back over at the page, he saw—

**PrinceCharmless:** …please?

Oh. It occurred to Ardyn that he had not agreed to the following night yet. And that polite little appeal…as a matter of fact, Ardyn could hardly remember Noctis saying ‘please’ before. Manners were somewhat uncommon for the young trust fund baby.

So this must be a serious request.

**fierydjinni:** Tomorrow sounds wonderful, my dear. Should we say 10:00? 11:00?

**PrinceCharmless:** 11:00 is good.

**PrinceCharmless:** I g2g, but I’ll see you then.

**PrinceCharmless:** bye :-*

Just like that, his prince signed off. 

Ah, appointments. That was nice. Being booked in advance. It was rare in his line of work, at least at the level that he was working. Honestly it was a good feeling. Ardyn figured that he had at least a reasonable chance of actually meeting with Noctis the following day, if the prince did not cancel. And that was better than nothing. 

Yes, indeed. Far better.

Tonight, however, Ardyn needed to focus on his current hustle. He was behind in his work on the French Catholicism manuscript. He wanted to get through at least a third of the tome by the end of the night. So he needed to pick up the pace a little bit.

And, he needed to give the user on the line all the intricate little details about some fictitious cock he supposedly had. Sometimes Ardyn went for broke, describing a massive length for fun. Sometimes he went extra tiny for guys who might be into that. It was all a gamble. Tonight he decided to go big or go home. So to speak.

He pushed his reading glasses up the bridge of his nose and tried to focus. Tomorrow would come soon enough. For the moment, this treatise on the Council of Clermont and Pope Urban II wasn’t going to edit itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best thing about this fic is that my internet search history is filled with "Hamlet quotes" "the history of French Catholicism" and "French impression / Debussy compositions." Am I writing porn? Who knows! No one could tell lol.


	2. Thinking makes it so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis thinks too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Noctis's chapter. Thought we should have some of his perspective. Used some personal tidbits to kind of flesh out his character--what with the anxiety and such.
> 
> Enjoy :)
> 
> Hamlet reference: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

**Chapter Two: Thinking makes it so**

Noctis slammed his laptop closed as soon as the message sent. He could hear Ignis’s footsteps in the other room—but he couldn’t tell if they were actually getting closer or if that was just his paranoia. 

Either way, Noctis threw the textbook from his lap onto his desk. Essentially covering his closed laptop completely, as if that would somehow hide the evidence of his conversation even further. He tucked the laptop underneath the corners of the textbook and opened to any random page, trying to look busy. 

“Cross-section of the spinal cord…grey matter, white matter..motor neurons and sensory neurons…” he muttered under his breath. The words flowed out of his mouth but his mind was on other things.

Biting the tip of his thumb, Noctis went back over in his head every detail of the online chat he’d just had with Ardyn. They agreed to meet tomorrow. Finally! Even though it took a few minutes for Ardyn to respond to his invitation…minutes Noctis spent staring at his screen without blinking, heart pounding in his chest.

But of course Ardyn wasn’t chomping at the bit to see him anymore. Not like the first time anyway, which Noctis remembered with a blush. How Ardyn had goaded Noctis into giving his address, told him he just couldn’t wait anymore. That he would give him the proper care he had been needing his whole life…gods. There was no way Noctis could ever say no to that. 

Now, though. Ardyn sounded only mildly interested in seeing him. “Tomorrow sounds wonderful.” Not impatient, and certainly not flying out the door any time soon. 

Obviously. Noctis threaded his fingers in his hair anxiously. He knew he had been jerking Ardyn around for a few days. Alright, a week. Saying he wanted to meet up, and then turning it around by claiming to be busy. Not offering Ardyn any way to make money…the guy probably thought Noctis was an asshole at this point. Already moving on to other clients. Why would he stick around Noctis when he wasn’t making any money—besides, no one liked to be played. By now Ardyn _definitely_ thought Noctis was stringing him along. 

Shit. The young man tugged at his fistful of black hair. He was _blowing this_. 

There was a knock at the door. Noctis jumped, even though half of him had been expecting it.

“Noct, I made some chicken curry and rice,” Ignis announced, opening the door a fraction so he could speak. As if bursting into the room just slightly gave Noctis any kind of privacy. “If you’re at a stopping point, would you like a plate?”

The younger man could smell a softly spiced stew wafting through the open space. Made exactly as Ignis knew Noctis liked his curry. He really should eat…he hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and it was already after 9:00 at night by now. Everyone told him to keep a four hour rule, eat at regular intervals. And it had already been twelve hours…

…But Noctis’s stomach was tied up in knots. He swallowed hard to fight the feeling that his insides were trying to crawl out of his mouth. No way he could manage even a bite of something right now.

“Sorry, Specs, umm…” Noctis turned around to address his longtime companion. “…no, thanks. Smells good though.”

Ignis regarded him impassably. His stolid green eyes surveyed Noctis and then stared at him coldly. Of course, the man knew that his charge was turning down a healthy meal. And of course, this would devolve into a struggle if Ignis tried to push the matter.

“Alright,” the bespectacled man said after a harsh beat of silence. “I’ll leave it on the stove. Maybe you’ll want some in a little while. For now, I’ll just tidy up a bit. Don’t mind me.” 

He began closing the door and then stopped at the last second. “If you need anything, just shout. I’ll hear.” 

Noctis sucked in a breath. “Right. Sure. …thanks.” 

Nodding tightly, Ignis slipped away. 

Finally allowing himself to exhale, Noctis dropped his head onto the thick anatomy textbook in front of him. He figured it was alright if he rested his face on the lateral grey horn for now. The brownish spot of the vertebrae looked pretty comfortable.

As always, a feeling of irrevocably mingled guilt and annoyance swelled in his stomach. That’s just how Noctis felt about Ignis. He had known the guy his whole life—literally since the time he learned how to walk. His father wanted to hire a babysitter for Noctis and settled on a kid just a few years older than him so that Noctis could have something like a peer in his life. Because of his father’s ruthless work schedule, Noctis was often alone as a child. He had nannies, but that was it. Hardly ideal for a growing boy. Even back then, Noctis had very few playdates to speak of. Making friends had always come a little harder to him. Ignis was being raised in a household of dedicated servants—personal assistants and aides to the most powerful people in the country—so he seemed like the perfect match.

Ever since then, Ignis had been a constant presence in Noctis’s life. As he got older, Noctis looked up to him like a brother. A friend. Even…a surrogate parent sometimes. Now, in his mid-twenties, Ignis was some crazy mix of a trusted companion and a helicopter mom. He still reported to Regis, though Noctis had no idea how often or what their conversations were like. He still showed up at Noctis’s penthouse apartment, cooked his favorite meals, and cleaned. Regis didn’t want any other maids around in case there were people out there looking for a way to snoop around his son’s life and dig up dirty secrets. Ignis was really the only person his freakishly cautious father could trust. 

So he was all Noctis had. A butler, a personal assistant, a family member. Their relationship was not typically strained, since they had known each other so long.

But…sometimes. Sometimes there was…stuff. Noctis could be a difficult person to serve. 

He had terrible self-care habits (the not eating thing, to name one) and very little direction in life. For a while, right after he finished his undergrad degree, Noctis had been in a pretty dark place. He spent all his time loafing around the apartment like a recluse. No job, just a lot of video games. Only seeing other people when they bothered to show up. There had been talk about getting him into psychiatric care…whether Noctis agreed or not…

Luckily, about a year ago, Noctis decided on his own to get his act together. Sure, he had issues. Sometimes his thoughts spun out of control and it took Noctis all the strength he had to just barely keep himself from falling into yet another panic attack. Breathing. Getting out of bed. Those were hard things for him sometimes, especially then. 

But Noctis wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. Sure, he could have. It would have been the easiest thing to do, and it didn’t even sound that bad. But the reality was, Noctis felt like he didn’t deserve to give up. He had barely even tried to do life in a real way. Nothing would ever come easy to him—that’s just how it was—but Noctis figured he could at least try. Give it his best shot. One more time. With feeling.

And if that didn’t work, then whatever. At least he tried.

So, he dragged himself out with help from Ignis and a few other people. Step by step. Now, he was re-enrolled in college and trying to stay on target. Noctis knew Ignis would be forever proud of him for that. Relieved. Proven right, in some way. As if Ignis always believed Noctis could get his life back together. The truth was, Noctis had no idea what he would have done without him. 

Now that Noctis was back at the wheel, flying a little steadier…well. He had some secrets. For the first time. Things he couldn’t share with Ignis, or anyone else.

Like he was going to tell Ignis that he had spent a night with a male escort. Or that he wanted to do it again. That part of him was addicted for sure and he had no idea how to stop. 

Yeah. Probably wouldn’t go over well.

Not that Noctis planned it like this! He had never, ever, in a million years, thought he would hire a prostitute—well, sex worker—and then actually have the balls to bring him over. Somehow, though, that was his life now. He actually did it.

The idea still sent Noctis reeling sometimes. Shit. He’d really paid for sex. Like, hardcore, fucking mind-blowingly good sex. The kind of sex you didn’t come back from.

Not only that, he’d lost his virginity to a sex worker. 

How did people find themselves in these types of situations? How did it get this far? In Noctis’s memory, the whole thing started normally enough. Just flipping through porn sites. Catching videos of older guys solo or younger guys on their knees for bigger, kind of swarthier men. He had his usuals. Privately bookmarked vids on redtube and stuff. 

Then, he got recommended to a different site. With a collection of videos solely featuring younger guys getting done by significantly older men. He couldn’t even remember the name of the site anymore. Something like “Daddy’s favorite” or “Spoiled by Daddy.” It was a fucking goldmine! With content like that, just up Noctis’s alley (he hadn’t even known for sure that he had a daddy kink—he thought it was just a preference for older men for the longest time—but, uh, yeah), he had no problem typing in his credit card information and clicking away. Hell, the site had thirty minute long movies just waiting to be watched.

Besides, Regis gave Noctis a trust fund for a reason. He told him to save most of it, but spend some on things he liked. He said a young man needed good money to get his life started, but he also needed to have fun once and a while.

What else did Noctis spend money on? Video games? Barely anything. So, he could indulge on good quality porn for once. Just a little. He wasn’t going around buying the whole internet or anything. 

Then, one night, a sidebar advertisement showed Noctis a picture of a man in a suit, salt and pepper hair, gentle smile on his face. The quote underneath him read: “Want to meet up, sweet thing?” And Noctis clicked the ad without thinking.

It was for [foxtoy.com](http://foxtoy.com). You needed to give your credit card information just to browse—very exclusive. Besides, something about that man’s smile told Noctis this was going to be…different. Like not just videos. So curiosity and desperate horniness led him to sign up.

Of course, a few minutes of browsing the profiles on Fox Toy revealed that the site was an escort service. Each page had some sections dedicated to “rates” and various acts…as soon as it hit him, Noctis logged off immediately.

Wow. So, escorting. That was a real thing. And Noctis had just signed up for a service without even fully realizing. Because, of course that’s how he would get close to a world like that. By mistake.

It took him a few more days to find the courage to log in again. He would be better off just walking away from the whole thing, losing his sign-in information and forgetting the site even existed. Delete his history. The whole deal. 

And he came very close to doing exactly that. But, little by little, the idea that these were _real guys_ got stuck in Noctis’s head. These weren’t actors. They weren’t cam stars or models. They were guys who made their money offline, in the real world. Men who would be interested in having sex with people—with _him_ , Noctis. If he paid, obviously. But still. They would actually agree to touch Noctis…to…do all kinds of things. In fact, that’s what they were there for. They _wouldn’t_ turn him down. 

That turned Noctis on like nothing else. He could barely even get it up for regular porn anymore. It just seemed so fake when compared to guys who were willing to do more than tease. More than flaunt and show off something Noctis would never, could never, have—they would do it for real. 

Eventually, Noctis figured there wasn’t any harm in looking. He could just glance around the website, look at the different profiles. Maybe fantasize about a couple of the guys. Hell, he’d already jerked himself off the night before about the guy he’d seen on the advertisement. 

So he logged back into Fox Toy and clicked some things.

A few pages in, Noctis was already addicted. These guys were _hot!_ A lot of them were the typical silver fox trope—not that Noctis had a problem with that. Not at all. His real thing was the fact that they were all in suits. Classy, but not standoffish looking. All the descriptions on their profiles went like, “Why don’t you come spend a night with me?” “Can’t wait to meet you.” “Would you like to go out? Or we could stay in. I’m open to either ;)” 

Like, totally friendly. Noctis knew it was all a ploy—yeah, he knew that—but it almost didn’t matter. Just the idea was enough. That there was a website of guys who wanted to meet him and maybe even…hook up with him…it made Noctis feel loose and shaky. So into it he didn’t even need to touch himself while he browsed. If he looked long enough, all he needed was a few strokes right at the end and he could get off. 

The site dug up some kind of craving in him. Noctis felt plain hungry now. He wanted to lay his head on one of these guy’s chests. To feel them stroke his hair and kiss his cheek. He wanted to see them naked and for them to do whatever he asked…he wanted it so fucking bad. 

And it wasn’t hard to see why. 

Noctis never had a boyfriend before. He’d realized pretty early on—somewhere at the beginning of high school—that he was gay. All his early crushes were on guys. It kind of sucked because there weren’t a lot of gay people that he knew growing up, almost none in fact. No one Noctis could relate to. And every time he tried to get close to someone—even just try his hand at flirting, or talk casually to someone he found really attractive—he always ended up ruining it. An off-hand comment that sounded snotty. A face that just couldn’t seem to express what he wanted it to. (His best friend Prompto said he had resting bitch face. So for a week Noctis went around with a small smile on his lips at all times. People actively ran away from him. Prompto finally broke the news that Noctis was being super creepy. So he gave up on the whole thing.) He wasn’t the right type, or it wasn’t the right time.

In college, the handful of times Noctis worked up the courage to actually ask a guy out (and he always went for older boys), he was turned down pretty hard. Not intentionally hard, maybe. Just sincere “no”s. 

It hurt. Noctis could never be certain what he was doing wrong. So, his brain put it together that he was just all wrong. As a person. Not lovable material. Made sense, when he really thought about himself…

Needles to say, those thoughts didn’t help him at all. 

Now, post-college, post-breakdown, and mid-life soft reboot, a few people in Noctis’s world knew he was gay. Ignis knew, and Prompto. A few others. That was pretty much it. Not his dad, though. Nope. Noctis would tell Regis if and when he found a boyfriend—and it would have to be a guy moderately acceptable by his father’s weird standards. Well-educated, polite, approachable, successful, ambitious, with a trustworthy family. So no one, basically. Probably never going to happen. 

Yet, here was an entire website full of men who did not care about who you were as a person. They wanted to meet you all the same. As long as you paid them. Noctis could be his completely useless self and they would still say, “Wanna come over?”

Fuck yes, he did.

And that was just the beginning. After a few nights of browsing, Noctis stumbled on _his_ page. Ardyn’s. 

“…Whoa.” He might have even said the word out loud to himself. 

Ardyn was exactly Noctis’s type. Down to the last detail. Not too old, but definitely old enough to be his father. Unreasonably attractive, to the point that Noctis had a hard time blinking or looking away from him at first. He looked nice enough in his profile pic, but his other pictures were all over the place. A fedora and trench coat—what, homeless-chic? An all black suit—dangerous. Practically naked—teasing and a little mischievous. Crazy red hair and intense amber eyes. Noctis had never seen a face like that before. Wow. Just…wow.

That night, Noctis masturbated at his desk with his For Toy page open in front of him, instead of in bed like usual. He didn’t even care. The more he looked at Ardyn, the more he just _needed_ to…he wanted to imagine this guy doing all kinds of things to him. For this fantasy, Noctis pictured Ardyn telling him what to do.

He was sure Ardyn would know just what Noctis liked. Even before Noctis himself knew it. No idea how he knew, but. He just did. Ardyn wouldn’t be freaked out by someone like Noctis who generally had no idea what he was doing.

Creating this image of Ardyn in his head, Noctis developed a huge crush. He took screenshots of some of the photos on the older man’s profile and saved them to a private folder on his computer. He even sent some to his phone, so that he could look at them when he was outside trying to do things too.

Sometimes, when he was having a hard day, looking at Ardyn’s picture made Noctis feel better. At the end of the day, instead of running through a list of all the moments in the past twenty-four hours that he might have fucked up, Noctis turned to those saved pictures. That bemused, confident face calmed him down. He imagined what Ardyn’s voice sounded like. He thought about sitting down to dinner with him at a nice restaurant with good food. Maybe going out to a movie together and holding hands on the armrest. In the dark, so no one even knew. Then afterwards they could talk about their favorite parts, even if it turned out to be a dumb movie. 

Date stuff. Noctis had never been on a date before—not that he needed to go on a date so badly or anything. It wasn’t important. People talked about that stuff all the time, and you know what, it probably wasn’t even that great. But with Ardyn it might be…nice. Just to try, anyway. 

Also, Noctis imagined a ton of sex stuff. He fantasized about rubbing his cheek against the stubble on Ardyn’s face when he leaned in to kiss him…Ardyn smiling and kissing him back. Maybe Noctis would get to put his hands on that unfairly amazing body…pull back that stupid fedora in Ardyn’s mostly nude picture, finally getting to see it—

To tell the truth, Noctis went on like this for weeks. 

Slowly, the thought occurred to him that he could always try to get in contact with Ardyn. The way Fox Toy worked, Ardyn didn’t even know Noctis existed unless the young man “threw him a treat” or sent a message. Sending a message sounded like suicide, but maybe a treat was easy enough…

…Even though it just sounded so lame. Ardyn probably got like a million treats a day from all the other guys. He was probably booked for the next ten years, wouldn’t even realize if Noctis sent him a treat among a sea of likes and requests. Then all the agonizing it would take just to click the “treat” button would go to waste and Ardyn still wouldn’t even know Noctis existed, how much Noctis…liked him. 

He should just go for broke. He knew that. The smartest, best thing to do in this case was to send Ardyn a message and see what happened. Maybe they’d start talking. Maybe Ardyn wouldn’t even see the message because he was so busy. Then that would be that. But it was worth a try. (Wasn’t Ignis always telling him, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”?) 

Because Noctis achingly wanted to talk to Ardyn. He thought about it all the time, increasingly. He wondered if the real Ardyn was anything like the one in Noctis’s imagination. He wanted to know…so many things. 

Noctis pulled up the chat box on Ardyn’s page several times before working up the nerve to actually type anything. He developed a ritual where, whenever he sat down at his desk to study or do some homework, Noctis would pull up his Fox Toy page and open Ardyn’s chat box. He would just leave it there, carefully, untouched. Then get to work. It was relaxing to see Ardyn’s picture in the corner of his computer screen. Knowing that he had something to look forward to—maybe a conversation with his crush—helped him focus. Buoyed him through the tediousness of his daily responsibilities. Even though, almost every time, Noctis did not end up saying anything.

The idea that finally pushed him into starting a conversation was figuring out there would be no real consequences if this failed. If Ardyn never messaged back, so what? Noctis wouldn’t be any better or worse off than he was right now. If he messaged back and somehow—for whatever reason—wasn’t interested in Noctis, then fine. It wasn’t like Noctis could un-see Ardyn’s profile. He could still fantasize about a relationship, if he really wanted to. (Even though, he probably wouldn’t, to be honest.) 

So, hands clammy and shaking a little, heart racing, head going kind of numb from excitement and nervousness, Noctis typed out his first message: “hey.” 

To his utter shock, Ardyn replied back right away. _Why hello. And how are you tonight, my dear?_

Noctis learned a lot about Ardyn through their first conversation. Much to his delight.

First of all, shit, the guy didn’t waste any time. Noctis thought that maybe they would take it slow, kind of like online dating (which he didn’t have any success with either), but nope. Ardyn got right to it. He smooth-talked Noctis immediately, propositioning him with photographs and compliments. Telling him to touch himself and giving him all kinds of directions—as if he were somehow right there in the room, whispering instructions in Noctis’s ear. 

It was all so fucking hot.

And somehow, it fit exactly with what Noctis had been expecting. He never imagined Ardyn to be hesitant or proper—he thought (no, he _wanted_ ) Ardyn to pressure him into doing things. Gently, kindly even. But forcefully. Never letting up, never letting Noctis weasel out of something good. 

He played with Noctis in all the right ways. Noctis loved it. He’d never come so hard from masturbation before. He was so turned on by every picture Ardyn sold him, to the point where he didn’t even look at other porn anymore

He liked following Ardyn’s instructions. He liked listening to whatever Ardyn told him to do and following the “rules” exactly. He knew that it didn’t really matter—not like Ardyn would know if he didn’t or something. But, doing what he asked made Noctis feel like they were…connected in some way. Like they had a thing. 

He called out for Ardyn each and every time he touched himself—letting himself get loud when Ignis wasn’t around. It was one of the best feelings in the world…

…for like twenty seconds. And then, after he finished cumming, Noctis felt lonely again. He wished there was something after the orgasm. A different feeling or something to do, or…he didn’t know. But for the longest time, he never thought he would actually invite Ardyn over to his house. In person. 

And yet, they got there. 

It happened over a few days of chatting. Ardyn was so easy to talk to. He listened to everything Noctis had to say. Patiently waited out all of Noctis’s awkward, hastily-typed-and-quickly-regretted messages. Didn’t bristle at any of Noctis’s accidentally rude remarks. Somehow managed to turn even the most pathetic of Noctis’s comments into something sexual. 

For his part, Noctis couldn’t believe what a huge relief it was not to have to worry about saying the wrong thing. Even if he messed up, Ardyn would laugh it off and turn it into a weird kind of flirting. Like he didn’t even mind. Almost like he thought Noctis's awkwardness was…cute.

Especially with the name thing. For a while, Noctis always tried to keep some information secret. He could never give out his phone number because his father still paid all those bills and he didn’t want to have to explain extraneous calls and texts to an unknown number. But his name? Well…there was a chance that Ardyn would find out who Noctis’s dad was if he knew his name…

…but, even when Ardyn did find out, he didn’t care. The older man just spent all his time taking care of Noctis. As promised.

That was when they met in person. And holy shit—Ardyn in person was like nothing Noctis could have prepared for. Ardyn moved like he had been on this earth for years upon years, like he knew his body inside out and that the world held no more surprises for him. Smooth, like every surface in the world was his home turf. Confident and distantly amused. Sort of hungry. 

Ardyn was like sex personified. Noctis could barely keep himself together when Ardyn came over to his apartment. 

Then, of course, the actual sex….unreal. No other way to describe it.

Noctis had never known that the sex itself would be just as good as the orgasm. And the orgasms Ardyn gave him—more than once that night—were _incredible_. So was touching Ardyn, kissing him, wrapping himself around the older man's solid body. Sleeping next to him.

Trills of happiness jumped through his heart and mind every time Noctis remembered that night. 

Looking at it objectively, he really did want Ardyn to stay forever. That wasn’t a joke or a come on. Part of him was really serious.

Lifting his head off the anatomy textbook, Noctis flipped through the book until he found the chapter they were working on in his class. He might as well get some actual studying done if Ardyn was coming over tomorrow night.

But Noctis’s dick refused to settle down now that he had a second night to think about. He needed to relax, but Ardyn might be in this very room the following night and then they would…

Damn it. Noctis wished he had been able to invite Ardyn over sooner. Then maybe they could have ridden out the wonderful feeling of that first time a little longer. The morning after, Noctis told himself he wouldn’t let Ardyn have a single night’s rest from now until the end of their lives. Noctis wanted _so much more_.

Unfortunately, life got in the way. As it always did. 

For some ungodly reason, Noctis’s dad chose the very next day (only a few hours after Ardyn left his apartment) to come back into town. He had been away on business for months. Upon his return, Ignis insisted (in a way that he normally never did) that Noctis spend some with him. Noctis agreed to a few dinners, but Ignis went ahead and scheduled whole day outings. 

“Your father is getting on in years, Noct,” Ignis explained. “He wants to spend more time with you…and he feels like he doesn’t know you very well anymore.”

Successfully guilted, Noctis spent the last five days over at his father’s place. His father still wanted Noctis to go to school, to see Prompto and all his normal stuff. But at the end of the day, Noctis needed to go to his father’s condominium and talk. Just talk. And talk. So much talking.

Talking to Regis was always kind of a challenge. After a few hours, they both figured out how to work around the awkwardness. Even though, Noctis knew that Regis would always be kind of freaked out around him because of the breakdown thing. And Noctis himself harbored some resentment over the way Regis chose to raise Noctis in a life of semi-constant solitude. Never giving him the kind of fatherly attention he needed. 

It didn’t help matters that Regis spent a decent amount of time the past few days arranging “random” photo opportunities for the press. Somehow, everywhere they went, the paparazzi seemed to follow. They came up with pointless headlines like, “Regis and Son Going Out for Ice Cream on a Hot Day!” Like, seriously? Who cared?

Regis tried to explain that it was good for the public to see him as an average man—the kind of guy who could take his (very normal) son out on an afternoon and have a good time. Made him more appealing, Regis said. Which meant more electable. 

That’s all his dad thought about these days. The next election cycle.

So, Noctis forced himself into a robotic state. Just get the photoshoots over with. Smile at the right times. Whatever. Pretend like he and his dad were comfortable around each other. Even though, Noctis was a terrible actor. He thought people must be able to see the truth for themselves, but. Whatever.

This past day was the first one Noctis truly had to himself this whole week. Which left zero time for him to visit Ardyn. Sure, he talked to the man (he didn’t know if he could go without that anymore). But they did not get to have another meet-up. Plus, Noctis couldn’t even buy any of Ardyn’s pictures because he didn’t have enough space to actually…use them the way he wanted to. As it was, he barely had the time to jerk off in the shower before going to bed—his uncomfortable childhood bed on top of everything.

So, as much as it killed him, Noctis needed to put off time with Ardyn. He could see the older man was disappointed (obviously this was his job, whether he liked Noctis for real or not, Noctis really couldn’t say. He needed to get paid). Part of Noctis was glad that Ardyn still put up with talking to him—Ardyn didn’t have to do that, they both knew. He probably didn’t care about Noctis’s day to day life. 

But he listened. At the end of each stupid, annoying, torturous day, Ardyn was there. Typing away funny, sexy little messages in their chat box.

It was the only thing keeping Noctis from losing it. He always felt more on edge in the public eye, and especially around Regis. These had not been the easiest few days mental health-wise. Truthfully, Noctis was so glad to have Ardyn just a quick message away. Even if they couldn’t be together in person.

He wished he could tell Ardyn how much those stupid messages meant to him. But he couldn’t even tell Ardyn the truth about why he was putting off their next hook-up. How impossibly lame would it sound if Noctis said he had been recruited by his dad for some photo opportunities and family crap? He couldn’t say that. Then Ardyn might see Noctis for what he really was—a man who had no control over his own life. 

Who wanted to spend their nights with someone like that? Even a sex worker would split if they realized Noctis would always be at his family’s beck and call (not by his own choice, either).

Noctis gritted his teeth in anger, folding the corner of one page over and over. He hated that he couldn’t just…fix things. Somehow. 

Regardless, he had this inherent need to keep his family life and his thing with Ardyn completely separate. It just made sense. He _had to_. 

So now they were here. Ardyn sounded like he was over Noctis already. Meanwhile, Noctis’s ridiculous crush on Ardyn had grown about ten sizes since their night together. And, the only thing keeping their threadbare connection together was the promise of more money at some point. Where the hell did they go from here?

Feeling the edge of a panic attack coming, Noctis took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He learned this trick from a shrink last year. Deep breathing and shit. It sort of helped sometimes. He exhaled slowly and counted to eight. Something magic about the number eight, his shrink used to say. 

While he was breathing, he heard another knock on the door. Feeling slightly more grounded, he turned around and said, “Yeah?”

Ignis peered in again. “Well, I’m headed home for the night. Just a reminder, I’ll be busy the next few days with my other job. But, as always, if you need anything please don’t hesitate to call. And you can stop by the shop as needed.”

Outside of his personal assistant work, Ignis ran a small privately owned bakery. It was a business venture that he started using the money he made through his job with Noctis. Whatever Regis paid him, apparently it was enough to buy a shop. Ignis claimed that it was all a vanity thing; the shop gave him some sense of personal fulfillment beyond his regular duties. 

Noctis respected him for it. He wished that he had something like that too, for himself—a kind of side gig that made him happy. Also, Ignis baked unbelievable cakes. Pastries, sandwiches. He was pretty successful. 

“Thanks, Ig, I’ll be good,” Noctis replied, forcing a smile. He didn’t even know why; Ignis could always tell when Noctis was faking it. 

Sure enough, Ignis’s face darkened. He knew Noctis was full of shit right now. But, all he said was, “Good to hear. As long as you know that my phone is always on.”

“I know. I got it.” Now Noctis was looking away. He just didn’t want to make eye contact when it got like this—whenever Ignis figured out Noctis had something else to say but just wouldn’t say it.

“Very well. Good night, Noct.” Nodding his goodbyes, Ignis closed the door. Moments later, Noctis heard his friend leaving the apartment and locking it up behind him.

Alone, at last. Maybe now Noctis could rub one out the way he had been dying to… Forgetting about his anxiety, Noctis pulled up one of Ardyn’s pictures.

This was the special one. The photo taken a few years ago when Ardyn’s hair was a little longer and his face was somehow…fresher. Younger maybe? Noctis was obsessed with this photo. He wished he knew what Ardyn was like when he was younger…he wished he knew more about Ardyn in general.

What did the guy do when he wasn’t with Noctis?

…But then, did Noctis even really want to know?

Shaking his head, Noctis decided against jerking off. He should probably just get some sleep. He was exhausted from days of tossing and turning on his childhood bed. And tomorrow he would be meeting Ardyn in person again.

Shit, shit shit shit…was it really going to happen? Noctis hoped more than anything that it would. And, he tried to picture the whole thing going well. No slip-ups or awkward moments. (This was another technique he’d learned in therapy: Positive visualization.) Just a good time.

_Finally._

Noctis shut his textbook and got ready for bed. After he turned out the lights, he pulled up the chat box from his Fox Toy app again and went over their conversation. He read and reread all of Ardyn’s messages, trying to imagine the older man saying them in his normal voice. (And for god’s sake, that voice did things to Noctis.)

He looked at the kissy face he used to close out every message. Noctis always got kind of nervous to send them because he didn’t want Ardyn to laugh at him afterwards. So he just signed off right away.

…Even though Ardyn didn’t laugh when Noctis kissed him in real life.

Maybe tomorrow he would get to kiss those lips again. Oh man, he couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah man. This gave me a bunch of feels...what can I say. Apparently this story needed feels. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, guys! <3


	3. The play's the thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ardyn and Noctis finally get to meet for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut chapter! Woohoo! By now, I guess, I've realized that my longest chapters are the smutty ones lol.
> 
> Mind the warnings! Especially the problematic ones: Trust issues and whatnot.
> 
> Hamlet reference: "The Play's the Thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of a King."

**Chapter Three: The play’s the thing**

Ardyn packed a tote bag before going to Noctis’s place. He already decided what he was going to do to him. It would require some…supplies. So he threw in some lotion, condoms, a blindfold, his most trusty brand of lubricant, a length of rope. Would he use all of these? Perhaps not. But better to go prepared!

If only he could bring his scented bath salts. Had he known better, he would have brought them the first time. The bath salts promoted muscle relaxation and a general calm, sort of floaty feeling. They were Ardyn’s first used item when he worked with virgins. Just what the doctor ordered—so to speak. 

But silly Noctis did not have a bathtub in his apartment. Just a stand-up shower. There was no way to give this boy a proper sensual bath without the use of a bathtub. Shame. So, that dream would have to fall by the wayside. 

That’s alright. Ardyn had plenty more ideas where that came from. And oh, he was very much looking forward to using them.

He threw a toothbrush and some face wash in the tote bag as well. Just in case tonight required another…extended stay. 

After all, Ardyn could not be certain what his prince would expect of him tonight. Who knew? They had been apart for long enough; no doubt Noctis would be…hungry. And Ardyn was determined to help him with that—through whatever means necessary. As a matter of professional pride. 

And because, well…if Noctis threw Ardyn one of his famous pleading looks, the older man knew he would be completely enthralled once more. No getting around that. Ardyn acknowledged that Noctis had some sort of power over him that way. (He would be a fool to ignore such feelings. They would only get in the way later, so Ardyn knew he was better off being honest with himself and learning how to use his persistent desires to his advantage.) Whether the boy was doing it on purpose or not, Ardyn felt driven to give Noctis all the pleasure in the world. It made the older man’s sleep-deprived face wrinkle with a grin as he imagined all the wonderful things he had in store for Noctis.

Maybe he would use all those special toys. Systematically, of course. Over time.

Yes.

____________________________________

Ardyn arrived at 11:00 on the dot. Noctis heard the buzz in his apartment and literally jumped out of his chair. So many nerves bouncing around right underneath his skin. If only he could stop his hands from shaking, or at least make the tremors slightly less obvious…

He looked into the video comm from downstairs. There was Ardyn: Tipping his fedora into the camera with a polite sort of sneer. 

“Tch,” Noctis said with a smile, shaking his head. Typical. He pressed the ‘door’ button right away to let the man in. 

You know, he thought to himself as he took a few deep breaths and paced around the living room, waiting for his escort to come upstairs. Ardyn really was kind of lame. Like, who wore a fedora un-ironically anymore? Jeez.

But Noctis liked it. A lot, actually. Ardyn’s weirdness made him smile. As if the older man didn’t care what other people thought of him, he just did as he liked. Noctis admired that.

Besides the fedora and black suit thing really did work for him.

Noctis opened the door as soon as he heard the first knock. Too eagerly, perhaps. Ardyn’s fist was still poised for another knock in midair. 

Here. At last. A rush of desire and happiness flooded Noctis as he saw Ardyn standing in front of him. He wanted to pull the man in by the lapels and drag him straight to bed.

But he didn’t want to look like a weirdo. Like he had been imagining this moment for almost ten straight days at this point (which, he had). 

So instead, Noctis just stood there. Eyes gleaming, lips slightly parted. Rooted to the spot as he fought all the different things he naturally wanted to do, ideas darting around his mind in quiet demands. 

_Kiss. Bed. Sex. More_. Shit. Noctis could feel his legs going wobbly. He couldn’t think straight enough to form any kind of coherent thought.

He also noticed that Ardyn was carrying a tote bag this time. Slung over one shoulder. Almost like he was going to the gym or something.

“Good evening, Noct,” Ardyn drawled, inviting himself in while Noctis stood there motionless.

Oh, right. Hello and stuff. “Hey,” Noctis replied. He rubbed the back of his neck to give his hands something to do. 

Ardyn surveyed the younger man with a smile, noting that Noctis seemed to be somewhat useless where he stood. Shrugging the matter away, Ardyn hung his hat and coat on the door. 

Then he turned to Noctis with a heavy stare. Eyes filled with excitement, some kind of unspoken promise. Something Noctis had seen before. But he still didn’t know what to call it. His insides melted a bit and he inched slightly closer to Ardyn, getting in the older man’s space without really meaning to.

“Hmm…” Ardyn hummed. He wrapped his hands around Noctis’s waist and pulled him in for a kiss. 

Ah, finally. Those warm lips. The scruff of Ardyn’s stubble rubbing familiarly against Noctis’s chin. His nose was filled with the man’s scent—cheapish cologne and dry cleaned clothes. Spicy and a bit musky, as if Ardyn carried the smell of himself around wherever he went, no matter how much he showered. 

“Mmm…” Noctis whined. He didn’t know where exactly that sound came from, but…man, Ardyn smelled so good. Just like he remembered—although he hadn’t been able to remember the smell on his own before now. More like, as soon as he smelled Ardyn a second time he _knew._ This was _him._

The smell lit a fire in Noctis’s belly. He gripped Ardyn’s shoulders and tried to think of a reason not to wrap his legs around the older man’s waist. 

Fuck, why was he already hard? He made sure to masturbate that afternoon so that he could have sex for longer tonight! He thought that would be enough…apparently not. Like striking a match, Noctis was hard as stone right away. His overeager length pressed uncomfortably against the zipper of his jeans. That aside, he wanted to rub himself against Ardyn, right there in the doorway…

Ardyn pulled back, their lips parting with a soft, wet sound. He cupped Noctis’s face in one hand. “It’s good to see you.” His molten eyes ran all over Noctis’s body—no doubt taking in the fact that his client was already raring to go. Noctis blushed at that, a little embarrassed.

Instead of commenting, Ardyn frowned. “But you look…tired. Haven’t you been sleeping well, my prince?” 

Noctis’s heart stuttered dangerously at the question. The idea that Ardyn cared about him enough to ask…that he could even tell Noctis was a bit lacking in sleep…it made the younger man want to bury his face in Ardyn’s shirt and let himself be carried away. Just let Ardyn do anything.

Fighting that sudden, intense thought, Noctis fisted the fabric of Ardyn’s shirt. Wrinkling it a bit. “Umm, yeah…I’ve been sort of on edge lately, I guess…”

Ardyn made a quiet sound. “Oh.” He clicked his teeth together in a mix of pity and…something else. Disappointment maybe? “You should have told me. I would have helped you get right to sleep, no questions asked.” He brushed some of Noctis’s bangs out of his eyes and thumbed the dark circles underneath.

“Yeah…” Noctis said with a sarcastic kind of laugh. If only he could have! Noctis _wished_ he had told Ardyn every bit about his last shitty couple of days, and then done exactly as the other man said to help him…relax (fuck, it probably would have been so good). 

But that was out of the question in his dad’s apartment! 

Bouncing his eyebrows at that laugh (oh wait, was that rude? Noctis fell into a panic as he realized how it might have sounded), Ardyn shrugged and said, “No matter. Daddy’s here now. Let’s see what we can do to make you feel better, hmm?” 

Pinpricks of arousal and honest hunger stabbed Noctis all over, as always whenever Ardyn called himself that (“daddy,” his hidden trigger). It just…made Noctis feel so…right. 

He nodded dumbly, dropping his forehead to Ardyn’s shoulder. Face to face with the other man’s neck, he noticed for the first time how Ardyn’s stubble dipped down just below his chin. Also, there were some natural wrinkles in the loose skin around the front of Ardyn’s throat. Signs of age. 

For some reason, that turned Noctis on too. He wanted to suck the loose skin into his mouth and lick the wrinkles clean. Bury his nose against the wayward stubble so hard that his skin kind of hurt the next day. It would be so good…

“Come,” Ardyn said, leading Noctis into the living room. “Do you need a drink tonight? Or should we just get started?” 

Keeping one hand on Ardyn’s shoulder as they walked, Noctis just shook his head. He didn’t want to drink anything—that first time had just been because of nerves. Sure, he was still swimming in all kinds of anxiety right now, torn between a nagging sense that he looked so pathetic and the idea Ardyn was still secretly mad at him. But, for fuck’s sake. Noctis had been clinging to Ardyn since literally the moment the escort walked in the door. He didn’t want to let go.

“Uh, nah, I’m good,” Noctis replied. “But like…I can get you something if you want. And you can put your bag down over here…”

“Oh, no.” Ardyn patted his tote bag lovingly. “This stays with me. I have plans for it, actually.” 

Plans? Noctis peered curiously at the bag, wondering what could be inside that Ardyn need to keep with him…? 

“I would, however, like you to get your phone.” Ardyn straightened up, keeping one warm hand on Noctis’s waste. Never quite leaving his personal space. Just this side of pushy, exactly what Noctis wanted. “If we’re going to get started, would you be kind enough to pay my fee beforehand?” He winked mischievously. “To avoid a repeat of what happened last time.”

Noctis blushed. He still felt kind of bad about that (but then, another part of him totally didn’t, because he had inadvertently forced Ardyn to spend the night to get the rest of his money in the morning. Totally worth it!). He took his phone out from his jeans pocket. 

“I got it right here.” He pulled up Ardyn’s PayPal link. “800, yeah?” 

“Actually…” Ardyn glanced over to his tote bag pointedly. “I have something special in mind for tonight. Why don’t you put in 1,000.”

He didn’t pose it as a question, just a point blank request. Regardless, Noctis didn’t so much as flinch. He shrugged one shoulder and said, “Sure. Okay.”

A moment later Ardyn was staring at a payment of $1,000 in his account. 

Be still my beating heart, thought Ardyn. That was so fucking easy! He didn’t even need to justify his idea with an explanation. Noctis just handed over the money without question! 

Damn, he should have asked for more…Ardyn cursed himself for low-balling it. He should always high-ball everything from now on, especially with this customer! What a waste, he could have made $500 more probably if he just rolled out fifteen hundred instead for no reason at all—

“So what’s in the bag?” Noctis asked, fondling the bottom of the tote to see how heavy it was. That was probably rude too—touching without permission and all that. But he really couldn’t wait to find out.

Remembering himself, Ardyn chuckled and swatted Noctis’s hand away. “You’ll see. Not to worry. But don’t spoil yourself, now…”

“Okay, okay,” Noctis said. He held his hands in the air innocently, breaking into an excited smile. 

At least, Noctis thought, Ardyn didn’t seem too upset about Noctis blowing him off the past week. The man looked relaxed and confident—maybe actually a little tired himself. But not angry. Or at least, as far as Noctis could tell.

Laughing self-consciously, they walked automatically into the bedroom. No need for any more pretenses. Noctis was so grateful for that. Ardyn would never make him rehash all the bad stuff over and over again like you were supposed to do in a normal relationship. Ardyn didn’t care about any of that. Thank god, because Noctis honestly didn’t know if he could handle an emotional unloading and then still be ready for sex. 

Slightly giddy now, Noctis poked Ardyn on the shoulder when they got to his room. Ardyn had thrown his tote bag onto the bed and was unzipping it while Noctis just stood there staring at him—blue eyes gone playful and maybe a bit careless. 

“Hey,” Noctis said, poking Ardyn again. 

“Yes?” Ardyn turned to his client with a bemused expression. “Can I—”

But before Ardyn could finish the question, Noctis jumped him with a kiss. Ardyn responded with a grunt, balancing the bulk of Noctis’s weight bearing down on his chest. It was a natural, manly sort of reaction and it drove the younger man wild. He attacked Ardyn’s lips with everything he had. He even gripped the back of Ardyn’s head to force their mouths together harder. 

Ardyn rumbled approvingly. His boy was just as eager as expected. A little jumpy, even more impatient than last time. But Ardyn was completely fine with that. 

He ran his hands over Noctis’s shoulders, squeezing the muscles in between his fingers. Just as he thought, Noctis felt tight. Like a coiled spring, poised to snap at a moment’s notice.

Taking control of Noctis’s weight, he steered the boy onto the bed. Practically tossing him down on his back. Noctis bounced a little in response and actually giggled. 

“My, my…” Ardyn began, pulling the t-shirt over Noctis’s head. “You can’t wait to get started, I see.”

Noctis shrugged, fighting back a blush. Both at his exposed chest (which he would probably never feel comfortable with) and the fact that Ardyn knew how much he wanted it. “Just…don’t wanna wait,” he said.

Ardyn nodded slowly. He unzipped Noctis’s pants and shucked them off (boxers included) without any struggle. “Well, we've waited long enough, haven’t we?”

Those words shot Noctis with a pang of guilt. He felt a little more than just naked now. Exposed. He pressed his legs together to cover himself automatically. 

Right, so…maybe Ardyn was a little mad about all that. 

“…Sorry…” the younger man said in a quiet voice.

Ardyn moved on as if he hadn’t heard. Quite possibly, he hadn’t. 

Undeterred, Ardyn pulled out a black bottle and showed the label to Noctis. “Here,” he explained. “I have just the thing to help a busy young man like yourself. Some lotion to relax your muscles a little, hmm?”

Noctis read the label. _Fox Envy: Sensual Aromatherapy Massage Oil - Rosemary Orange Blossom._ …Huh?

Ardyn popped open the cap and held the bottle out to Noctis. “Do you like the scent?” 

Curious, Noctis lifted his head to sniff. Alright, the stuff was pretty strong. One whiff and he needed to blink to keep himself focused. The rosemary tickled his nose, heightening his senses, while the orange blossom made his mind go slightly dull.

“It’s…okay…” Noctis replied. He let his head fall back onto the bed with a thunk. 

“Excellent.” Ardyn unbuttoned his shirt, placing it gently on the bed next to his client. 

Right away, Noctis honed in on the sight. Staring blatantly at the older man’s bare torso. Without asking, he ran his hands gently all over Ardyn’s chest. The smooth skin and soft, silky coating of chest hair. Noctis wanted to bury his fingers in the hair and _tug_ —no idea why. He just wanted to. But, because that would probably hurt like a bitch (not that Noctis would know, he had no body hair to speak of, except for a thin patch of fuzz between his legs), he bit his lip to keep his hands calm.

Ardyn allowed Noctis to grope him. Totally unbothered. “I’ll only use a little,” he explained. “Not too much, I promise. Just enough to loosen those muscles of yours…”

He poured some oil onto his fingers. The aromatic smell fell over the room. Noctis kept his eyes glued to Ardyn. He knew what massages were supposed to do, but he’d never actually had one before. He really didn’t like to be touched by strangers like that. It was kind of…weird. And once—when Ignis tried to give him a massage many, many years ago—it even hurt. Noctis was not too keen on the idea.

But if Ardyn did it, then maybe it wouldn’t feel so bad…

Hands sufficiently slathered, Ardyn asked held them out and asked, “Would you like me to start with your back or your front?”

Noctis swallowed hard. He was really nervous now. What if he didn’t like it? Would he just have to endure it? Or would he eventually wuss out and shove Ardyn’s hands away like a little kid…?

“Umm…”

“Don’t worry,” Ardyn drawled. He bent down and placed a quick kiss on Noctis’s forehead. “If you’re not into it, just tell me and I’ll stop. No sense forcing the issue, right? And I won’t be offended.”

Noctis nodded. “…Okay.” He felt somewhat better knowing that. Ardyn would definitely stop if he asked (why didn’t Noctis think of that first? Stupid).

“So just stay right where you are.” Ardyn feasted on the sight of Noctis, nude and at his disposal. He licked his lips unconsciously. Ready for a nice meal. “Only, spread your arms out to the side. There, that’s it. And…” He tapped Noctis’s knees with his knuckles. “…Knees apart. Good boy.”

Arms and legs spread wide, laying there like some sort of awkward starfish, Noctis peered up at Ardyn with a pained expression. He really didn’t know what to expect from all this. But he felt pretty silly.

Ardyn smoothed his hands over Noctis’s shoulders. No pressure yet. Just getting the boy used to his touch. Sure enough, Noctis flinched at the first sign of contact. Perhaps it was better to move through this part faster than he originally planned…Ardyn wondered. Noctis seemed very uncomfortable right now.

“It’s all personal preference,” the older man explained. He spread his slippery hands across Noctis’s shoulders and the top part of his arms, rubbing the oil into the boy’s skin as he went. It took a few passes to make sure the lotion settled the way it was meant to. 

“Some people don’t care for massages. Too much attention, I suppose. And that’s fine. But some people…” Ardyn kneeled down between Noctis’s spread ankles. “…some people can’t get enough.”

Running his hands down Noctis’s forearms, Ardyn made sure to rub gently on the the underside of the arms. Most people were sensitive there. 

Noctis sucked a breath between his teeth. His skin tingled underneath Ardyn’s thumbs, where they were touching the soft skin near his wrist. It didn’t hurt, it just felt…strange. 

“I’ve worked with some clients that asked for a massage every time we met,” Ardyn continued. He figured talking would fill up space, help Noctis feel more at ease. And he was right; instead of complaining, Noctis just stared back at him. Listening. “And some that refused to even go near this kind of thing.”

Noctis thought about that. So he wasn’t the only one. Other people got grossed out by massages, too. That was…good to know. He didn’t feel like such an outlier anymore. 

“But look at you,” Ardyn sang. “I’ve already done both your arms and you seem fine with it. All good?”

“Yeah, I’m okay…” Noctis answered. His skin was starting to feel warmer though. The tingling sensation seeping into his muscles. What would happen if his muscles warmed up…? Wouldn’t that feel…? He didn’t even know.

“Great.” Ardyn moved forward. He locked their hands together, intertwining their fingers as if they were lovers holding hands. An innocent enough touch. He squeezed Noctis’s thin hands, pressing gently on the bones and muscles inside.

Without thinking, Noctis squeezed back. He liked the feeling of Ardyn’s big hands holding his own. He liked their fingers laced together. It was intimate in a different way. They’d already had sex, yeah, but…holding hands was something else. 

He smiled up at Ardyn, feeling much more relaxed already. He definitely wanted to do this more. Just squeezing hands back and forth. No pressure to do anything else.

Returning the boy’s smile, Ardyn unlaced their fingers. He gripped the sides of both Noctis’s hands, thumbing the center of the boy’s palms. Right in the middle, where most of the tension lay. He pressed that spot. 

“Mmm…” Noctis groaned. Some soreness spread through his hands. And some kind of pins-and-needles sensation. Ardyn pressed his thumbs into the heel of Noctis’s hands and the meat of his thumbs. The young man’s fingers wiggled in response.

His hands weren’t shaking at all anymore. They were still. Calm. Melting under Ardyn’s touch.

Who knew his hands could be so sensitive…?

“It’s important to massage your hands every now and then,” Ardyn announced. He rubbed Noctis’s knuckles, fingering the soft spaces in between each bone. Spreading lotion and warmth underneath. “Your hands can get stiff from over-use. Writing, especially typing too much.” He grinned. “And I know you’ve been doing that…”

“Heh…” Noctis smiled. Well, he had. Chatting away on Fox Toy. They both had, actually. “Same for you, then.”

Ardyn nodded. Noctis actually had no idea—Ardyn spent his life at his desktop keyboard. “Guilty as charged.” 

Noctis sat up a little. “So, maybe next time I’ll massage your hands. Keep them from getting too stiff.”

At that, Ardyn raised his eyebrows. “Oooh. Yes, that sounds lovely.” 

Honestly, he couldn’t remember the last time a client offered to reciprocate a massage. Even something small like this. Interesting…

…But that was nothing to get too excited about. Some clients were more into giving pleasure than receiving it. Ardyn had been on the receiving end of many poor attempts at sultry attention (sloppy blowjobs, jackrabbit fucks, etc.) in his day. Noctis would probably be the same. Best leave all that in the imaginary, then.

“Lay back, now,” Ardyn instructed. 

Noctis complied right away. Taking that as license, Ardyn held onto Noctis’s shoulders and squeezed. Just enough to put a little pressure on the top of the boy’s muscles, where they were likely to be sore.

Thankfully, instead of tightening, Noctis’s muscles gave into the pressure. The knots unfurled under Ardyn’s touch with a little coaxing. Smiling in victory, Ardyn pressed his fingertips into Noctis’s back. He hoped to get a little more before moving on.

“Eh…ummm…” Noctis mumbled as he felt his muscles loosen. That was a weird feeling.

Some of his resistance was crumbling. Noctis was so used to keeping his body tight—he was always tight, in truth. Always bracing for the next incoming blow, wherever it might come from (if it came at all). That’s just how he was. So this was really different. 

“Alright?” Ardyn asked, dragging his fingertips up and over, down to Noctis’s chest. 

“Uh, yeah…” Noctis nodded. His shoulders were warm and loose. Slack. His hands too. And his arms felt slow and weak. Defenseless. 

Humming along, Ardyn rubbed his palms into Noctis’s chest. He pressed into the boy’s collarbones, his sternum. A few notable pressure points. Then he passed his thumbs over Noctis’s nipples. Just a flick, nothing more.

Noctis sucked in a breath and flopped around on the bed. Yes, just as Ardyn remembered. This kid had very sensitive nipples. 

“That tickles…” Noctis groaned. Ardyn could see where the boy’s skin had broken out into goosebumps.

“Does it?” he replied innocently. 

Hardly listening, Ardyn picked up the bottle of oil and spread some more onto his hands. He needed another coat for this. 

Now, he started around Noctis’s middle. His stomach. Ardyn laid his hands flat on the boy’s abdomen and smoothed outwards. Just high enough to brush his ribs. Then back down again. Over the tops of Noctis’s thighs. Cuffing his hands around the boy’s slim legs, Ardyn rubbed oil into the thin layer of flesh around Noctis’s thighs and knees. He made sure to work his thumbs into the sensitive skin around Noctis’s inner thigh, squeezing and forcing those legs to go limp. He watched in fascination as Noctis’s hard-on bobbed up and down. Ready and willing, with nowhere to go. 

Ardyn enjoyed that very much. 

Paying Noctis’s erection no mind, Ardyn brought his hands up again. He laid both thumbs on Noctis’s nipples and pressed hard—fully expecting the reaction he would get.

“Nnh…” Noctis began. He basically knew by now that Ardyn liked to play with his nipples. And he didn’t mind so much—he really didn’t mess with his nipples on his own. Not much fun in it by himself. Just a lot of tickling.

But with Ardyn, and the lotion, it was something else. Noctis felt his nipples hardening even though they were being pressed down. They were fighting Ardyn’s thumbs and pushing back, itchy suddenly as Noctis found himself wishing Ardyn would stroke him a little…right there.

Heeding his client’s wishes, Ardyn traced circles into Noctis’s tiny brown buds. His mouth watered as he watched them grow under his touch. He wished he could take them between his teeth…but that might be a little much for Noctis right now.

As it was, Noctis started to feel the tingling effects of the oil. His nipples felt cold suddenly, then warm, then achingly sensitive. The gentlest brush of Ardyn’s thumbs felt...way better than it should have. Almost like a stroke to his desperate cock. Each flick, even the air against them, made Noctis’s hardness twitch. He wanted Ardyn to touch him more…

“Harder…” Noctis moaned, before he realized. Surprised by the sound of his own voice, he pressed his knuckles to his mouth and tried to cover his sudden blush.

Shit, now Ardyn knew what a whore he was. Well, the man already knew Noctis was practically a virgin still. But to get so turned on just from a little nipple play…? That had to be…

“Ah,” Ardyn commented. He broke into a wild grin. “Like this?”

He pinched Noctis’s nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Not nearly enough to hurt, just a small bit of pressure. A little more than normal.

Noctis arched into the touch with a cry. Yup, he felt that right in his cock. The pressure and slight tugging sensation on his chest…Noctis’s hard-on jumped, growing even longer, begging Ardyn to touch it. Some wetness gathered at the tip. A little more of this and Noctis knew his dick would start to gush…and even though that should be embarrassing, he really couldn’t help it.

“Ah, fuck…” Noctis cursed, writhing as Ardyn pinched him again. A line of pearly liquid slipped down the side of his cock. 

Yeah, here it comes, Noctis thought. He was already pretty close. 

“Ardyn, please…” Noctis whined suddenly. Damn it, his body was so loose and weak. Hungry and sensitive. Practically begging. He just wanted…he couldn’t hide it anymore, he wanted— “Touch me…!”

“Hmm, are you sure?” Ardyn asked. He rested his hands on Noctis’s thighs, ever so close to the boy’s furiously aroused cock. “You want this lotion on you like that?”

Noctis’s eyes widened as he realized what Ardyn meant. The older man’s hands were still coated in massage oil. If that stuff got on his cock…? What the hell did _that_ feel like?

Before giving it any thought, Noctis nodded. Eager, mouth slightly agape. 

Ardyn chuckled. “As you wish.” (This brand of oil was safe enough for external use, but not in copious amounts, of course.)

He wrapped his fist around Noctis’s raging, slippery cock. He gave it a long, slow pull. Up and down a few times. 

Noctis thrashed where he lay. He wanted to moan, but it got stuck in his throat. Ardyn’s hand was so big. Those fingers were so perfect…his grip, warm and tight and tingly…soft…

“Does that feel good?” Ardyn asked, making his voice low and dark. But still somehow warm. Something Noctis remembered. Something that he would always equate with sex from now on.

“Yeah…g-good…” Noctis moaned. He’d never felt anyone else’s hands on him there, except for Ardyn. And now it looked like his body remembered the touch. How could he forget? There was nothing else in the world like it…those smart hands that knew just how to touch him…

Noctis whimpered as he remembered what those fingers felt like buried deep inside of him. A dry, unbidden orgasm. Shocks so intense they made him think he was cumming, but not actually. They left him even hungrier for more, desperate for an actual climax once he had been given a teasing little taste.

Fuck, Noctis knew he was about to come. Just from thinking about that time.

“Ardynnn…” he called. “I’m…so close…”

“Already?” Ardyn was not surprised (obviously), but he let himself sound like he was. “We’ve barely started, my love.”

“I know, but…I’m…ah, gods…” Noctis wiggled his hips, trying to get some more friction on his cock. He just needed a little bit more…

Ardyn pulled his hand away. “Not just yet, Noct,” he said when Noctis grabbed his wrist and tried to push the older man’s hands back on his cock. “Let’s get a little farther first. Come on, you’re doing so well…”

That much was true. Noctis had endured a full front massage, and even some gently cruel nipple play. Naturally, Ardyn had planned to give him a lot more (a back massage, at least), but oh well. He could always save that for next time.

“O…K…” Noctis moaned, tears springing to his eyes.

He felt pretty overwhelmed right now. Ardyn’s hands were making him lose his mind and the lotion had already seeped into his muscles by now. His body was a loose puddle, yearning for touch. All the tension he carried around with him on a daily basis was pooled right underneath the surface of his skin. Dying to be let out. One good orgasm—the kind that only Ardyn could give him—would do it, would let his muscles shake off the lingering stress. 

“Here, get into position for me,” Ardyn suggested. 

Noctis tried to turn over but his body was very uncooperative. Like all his strength had been zapped by that massage. So, Ardyn did most of the work for him. He flipped the young man over onto his stomach and lifted up his hips. All Noctis needed to do was get onto all fours and hold the pose.

Ardyn went back to his tote bag. He dug around until he found the lubricant he was looking for. 

“Ah, at last,” he remarked, showing the label to Noctis. “This is the one I want to use tonight. You’re going to love it, trust me.”

Noctis squinted at the label. It was another Fox Envy brand, but he couldn’t read what it said. His eyes were too unfocused and all his brain could think about was getting more contact, on his unfairly hard cock and inside…the place that Ardyn knew how to manipulate so well…

“What…is it?” he asked, gripping the bed sheets with both hands.

“It’s similar to the massage oil,” Ardyn told him. “But this is meant for internal use. Should help your tight little hole relax a bit. Then we’ll both able to last longer, you see?”

Noctis squeezed his eyes closed. He could hear Ardyn squirting some of the lube on his hands and he already felt his asshole twitching in anticipation.

“Wait…” Noctis cried, pressing his forehead to the bed. “Ardyn, wait…I…I’m just…”

“What’s wrong?” Adyn cooed. He grabbed a handful of one of Noctis’s delicious ass cheeks. By the gods, he would never tire of this ass. So, so appealing. Just to his tastes.

“I’m…really sensitive right now…all over…” Noctis tried to explain. “Especially _there_. If you touch me there now, I’ll…I’m gonna come, I can’t help it.”

Ardyn hummed in understanding. “That’s alright, my love. Don’t worry too much about holding back. I’m sure you’ll get another round or two at least, so no need to worry over your first shot.”

Sighing in relief, Noctis let his chest flop onto the bed. Thank goodness, Ardyn wasn’t going to be mad at him if he came unexpectedly. Because really, Noctis was sure the second Ardyn’s finger touched his hole he would—

“Oh!” 

There it was. Ardyn’s confident thumb spread Noctis open, while his first two fingers stroked the gasping entrance that was just waiting for him…

Noctis’s balls clenched, ready to let go. As Ardyn promised, this lube teased the flesh of his ass. Making him shiver. A fluttering warmth pressed gently into him, probably the tip of Ardyn’s finger. But it felt like…

“Nnh!” Gritting his teeth against a spasm of pleasure so good it almost hurt, Noctis gripped his own cock and stroked himself fast. 

Not even three strokes and he was cumming. Hard. Twisting his head around to bite the sheets, because he just suddenly felt like he needed something in his mouth. His release went everywhere, spreading across the bed and his own chest. 

“There you go…” Ardyn whispered. He kissed Noctis’s ass cheeks again. That orgasm looked so ridiculously good…even Ardyn had to admit, he felt it a little bit too. Some kind of sympathetic release. 

High time to get himself ready! Ardyn’s dick was starting to hurt, confined in these trousers for so long. He pulled away from Noctis while the young man came down from his climax. Long enough to undo his pants and step out of them properly. 

Noctis turned around to watch Ardyn getting undressed. His hazy eyes still looked so needy. They stared at Ardyn unashamedly. Locked right on the older man’s groin, waiting for the treat they knew was hiding under there. 

Dear gods, Ardyn thought, closing his eyes for a moment. He was so fucking turned on right now. 

What was this boy doing to him? Ardyn needed to get his dick under control. Quickly. Even though, it was nearly impossible with that wanton, kittenish look Noctis was giving him…did the boy even know how unreasonably sexy he was? 

Good thing he prepared to be aroused like this. Ardyn had masturbated twice already that day, knowing he would need to keep his stamina up if he was going to face Noctis again. This young man was a good match for him, no doubt about that. 

Ardyn grinned. Noctis was quite the challenge.

“Oh, my dear…” the older man said with a deep sigh. His voice was darker now, strained with the effort of keeping his own lust in check. “…Make no mistake, I’m going to fuck you the rest of the night. Until your throat is sore from screaming my name, and you think you can’t possibly come even one more time.”

He reached into his tote bag and pulled out two more things. One, a condom. Which he put on while keeping up the conversation.

“Then I’m going to bend you backwards and show you that you _can_. And you will. Agreed?” 

Noctis straightened his body, thrusting his ass up into the air. “Yes! Ardyn, fuck, I want that so bad…please…”

“Of course I’ll give it to you, Noct,” Ardyn assured him. He pressed the tip of his cock against Noctis’s entrance. “Just one more thing.”

He held the blindfold up to his boy’s face. A silky length of fabric, with a small tie in the back. He rubbed the silk against Noctis’s cheek and said, “Let’s put this on you, shall we?”

“…What’s that?” Noctis asked, his voice high and uneven. He couldn’t tell what it was just by looking at it, but it felt nice against his skin. Could he take another weird thing, though…?

“It’s a blindfold,” Ardyn said slowly, as if explaining that sky was indeed blue. “I’m going to put it over your eyes. Tight enough so that you won’t be able to open them. Alright?” 

Noctis broke out into shivers. He had seen porn with this kind of thing. Blindfolds. But didn’t it usually come with ropes and whips and stuff? He was _not_ ready for all that.

“I don’t know…” the young man said hesitantly, shaking his head.

Ardyn nudged Noctis’s entrance with his cock-head again. Enough to make his boy moan. “Not to worry,” Ardyn coaxed. “It’s just this. Nothing else. I guarantee it will help you relax. Your body is already calm. This will help get your mind in the same place. Care to try it?”

Noctis glanced nervously at the black silk tie. His stomach hitched a little, not at all certain he was prepared. But if Ardyn said it would help…besides, Noctis had to admit he was curious about something that could slow his constantly racing mind down. Especially right now, when Noctis really wanted to let go. Entirely.

He imagined himself totally calm, Ardyn fucking him just right…oh, shit, yeah…

“And same as before: If you don’t like it, tell me. I’ll take it off right away.” Ardyn kissed his way down Noctis’s spine. Lavishing bits of love and attention on each vertebrae. 

Noctis trusted that. “…Okay…” he said quietly.

Ardyn leaned forward. He hadn’t quite heard. “Hmm? Yes?” 

“Yeah, alright. I’ll try it…” Noctis held his head up. Better close his eyes right away, before he lost his nerve and backed out.

Ardyn kissed the side of his boy’s head. “Lovely.” 

(Wasn’t he forgetting something? Hadn’t he meant to tell Noctis that he was going to charge him extra for the next few rounds? That’s right, he had. Eh. Oh well. Ardyn was sure they could settle the bill later. He didn’t want to wait another moment before sheathing himself in this boy and giving him the ride of his life, yet again.)

The silk felt nice on Noctis’s eyelids and the tops of his cheeks. Even though Ardyn pulled it tight across his head, it wasn’t uncomfortable. For sure, he would have a hard time opening his eyes against the silk (and it would probably itch the hell out of his eyes, so that wasn’t appealing either). Besides, he kind of wanted to do what Ardyn told him to do. If he was supposed to keep his eyes closed, then he would try his best to make it happen.

Ardyn doubled the knot. He could hardly fit one finger underneath the tie—definitely good enough. “There, it’s on. How does that feel, Noct?” 

Noctis turned his head from side to side. Yeah, he couldn’t see a damn thing. 

As soon as he accepted that, Noctis shuddered. He felt…exposed again. Like Ardyn could do something to him without Noctis knowing…but…it wasn’t bad. Not bad at all. 

He trusted Ardyn. He knew the man would tell him everything, would whisper to him the whole time. And fuck him good. Just like he promised.

With each breath, Noctis felt his mind go quiet. Peaceful, more and more by the moment. His body was loose, waiting to unfurl itself on Ardyn’s cock. His mind wasn’t holding up any stop signs. No billboards proclaiming how much Noctis must suck at this or anything like that.

He was actually calm. Amazing. 

“It feels good,” Noctis said, shaking his hips so that his hole brushed the tip of Ardyn’s cock enticingly. “I trust you, Ardyn.” 

…Oh. The escort blinked for a moment. He had to pause. This boy trusted him? Why? Because Ardyn was giving him what he wanted? Because he was Noctis’s first, the only man he’d ever had? …Why?

Needless to say, Noctis should _definitely_ not trust him. Warning bells went off in Ardyn’s head. His boy might be confusing fantasy with reality, putting the image of Ardyn in his mind ahead of the truth. Because, in truth, Ardyn was nothing more than an escort. Here for the night. As needed. 

Nothing more. 

And yet…a devilish pleasure reared its head inside Ardyn. Noctis believed in him.Liked him, even. Perhaps—well no, more than perhaps, it was practically a sure thing by now—Noctis’s crush had taken hold. So much that he saw Ardyn as more of a lover than a pay-by-night worker. 

Were they lovers?

Secret, sprawling delight flowed through Ardyn. A lover. He had been a good fuck for going on ten years now. But it had been quite some time since he’d been a lover. 

What a fantasy. He could roll with that. For now, at least. It made him so hot. It would be wrong to push this kind of arousal away—getting turned on this like with a client was good for business. As long as he didn’t cross the line.

“Yes, Noct, you can trust me…” Ardyn purred. He stuck his familiar, well-prepped dick halfway into his boy’s body. “…that’s a good boy. Trust your daddy…”

“Oh!” Noctis moaned. He felt himself opening for Ardyn. His body was seconds away from letting go, giving itself over completely. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

And he didn’t want to at this point. He felt like he was floating, suspended in space and time. Somewhere else, another place entirely. The only thing that mattered was him, and Ardyn, and this.

Oh, he wanted to believe that so badly. 

“Ardyn! More! I…want more…please…!” 

The older man growled, trying to keep his hips from pounding into Noctis. No, he wasn’t going to lose control like the first time. He was going to fuck this boy thoroughly this time. Focus on his angle, changing up his speed to hit Noctis’s sweet spot just right, in all different ways. 

“Is this how you want it?” Ardyn crooned. His hips snapped on the inward thrust, then slowly dragged out. Giving Noctis as much sensation as possible. “Just like this?”

“Y-y-yes!” 

That was it, the last of Noctis’s restraint. He could feel that beautiful cock he remembered so well lining up with his sweet spot—the place that Ardyn had claimed as his domain. Each thrust was amazing, and even the outward strokes were torturously good. Because he knew he was about to get more. More and _more_ …

Noctis never felt this greedy before. But he was gone. Totally gone. He just wanted more…

“A-Ardyn…! I’m…..I…it’s good, ’s so good…pl..please, I…” he rambled, passed the point of coherency. 

Now, the older man decided, it was time to make good on his promise. He wrapped his hand around Noctis’s still-hard cock and stroked him. Twisting around the head the way every man loved. 

“You can come, Noct,” he murmured, licking Noctis’s neck for no reason. “Come again. As many times as you want.”

Helpless to so much stimulation, Noctis came. Again. He felt like his limbs might fly apart, as if there was nothing holding him together anymore. He waited for the sloping part, the spiral downward when he could finally breathe…

…but it didn’t show. Instead, Noctis peaked again. He came all over Ardyn’s hand a second time. Right in a row. 

“…the hell..?” Noctis asked. He was rocking his body as hard as he could. But he had no idea what was happening.

Ardyn kept fucking him. At just such an angle, fast and then slow. _Piercing_ his sweet spot—mercilessly, almost.

After a few minutes, Noctis came again. He screamed as he peaked this time. Only a small trickle of release escaped him. Fuck, he couldn’t stop…even though there was almost nothing left.

“Ardyn….” Noctis cried, tears soaking the back of the blindfold. “I can’t…I can’t stop…I’m still…c-cumming…!” 

Ardyn tossed his head back. This is exactly what he had planned. So, so much pleasure. He felt, for a brief second, like the most powerful thing on the planet. The man who could make this beautiful creature come endlessly, until he lost himself. 

“Yes, I know…” he hummed. “You’re doing so well, Noct. So, so well. Keep coming, it’s fine…it’s all fine…”

“Ah…ah ah…mmm!” Noctis shook his head uncontrollably. 

Ardyn was cool with this? Satisfied, even?

“Oh, fuck…” Noctis moaned, feeling himself being dragged towards another climax. 

His next orgasm burst out of him with a deep gasp. He was completely dry, now, but. He barely even noticed. The feeling was just as intense as before, leaving him panting and frantic.

How many times was he going to come? He barely even remembered how many that was….

Well, for one thing, Ardyn had proven himself to be a man of his word.

“Ardyn, I can’t….” Noctis shook his head. “No more, now…it’s too much…”

“Hmm?” Ardyn turned Noctis onto his side, entering him from another angle. The boy moaned pitifully. Of course, Ardyn knew they were nearing the boy’s limit. He probably felt close to death at this point with so many brutal orgasms. But, why not drag it out some more? “What is it?” 

“Too much!” Noctis screamed. He twisted his body and gripped Ardyn’s shoulder with one hand. “It’s too much! I’m…gonna go crazy…please…!” 

“Should I stop?” Ardyn asked facetiously, punctuating his hips just as ruthlessly as before. 

“Y-yes, ah…!” Noctis felt the ghost of another orgasm wash through him. “N-no more…I’m scared…”

At that, Ardyn hips went still. “Shhh,” he whispered, kissing his boy’s face up and down. “Relax. It’s alright. Daddy’s got you.” 

“Mmm…!” Noctis bit his lip and gripped Ardyn tighter.

Surprisingly, even though he was so very near his own climax, Ardyn felt like he had enough strength to keep himself from moving. He _wanted_ to. Badly. But he wanted to make sure Noctis was alright, that his boy still held onto that feeling of being connected like lovers.

Ardyn wanted that feeling to stay.

“Let me take this off,” Ardyn said, untying the blindfold. He let the silk drop to the bed.

Blinking, Noctis regarded the older man with a look of pure awe. He turned around so that he was on his back, legs wrapped around Ardyn’s middle. Just like the first time.

Everything felt much better now that he could see Ardyn again. That face he knew pretty well by now. 

“Have you…?” Noctis asked, glancing downward. 

The older man shook his head. “No, not yet.”

“…Do you want to?” 

Ardyn huffed a laughed. “Of course I do.” He combed his fingers through Noctis’s soft black hair. “But this is, after all, entirely about you. Are you comfortable enough?”

Noctis kissed his escort on the mouth quickly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Go ahead. I want you to feel good too…” 

“Well, with an invitation like that…” Ardyn kissed Noctis again, slowly this time.

He moved his hips. Just a gentle, quick rocking motion. Not too intense for Noctis, but enough that Ardyn would be able to get off.

Almost there…

He felt soft hands on either side of his face. Seconds away from climax, he opened his eyes and saw Noctis. Two inimitable blue eyes staring at him, unflinchingly.

Such a lovely sight.

“Come on, Ardyn,” the younger man cooed. “Give it to me…”

Grunting deep in his throat, Ardyn let go. Very little choice with a face like that goading him on. Stars above, he could definitely use that as masturbation material (or on a gig, whenever he needed, from now on). That was a good cure for nights when he required a little extra.

Riding out the shivers of his own orgasm, Ardyn collapsed onto Noctis’s chest. His heart was racing. At his age, he needed to wait for it to calm down before he thought about moving again. 

They laid like that for a while. 

As the throbbing in his wrapped dick slowly faded, Ardyn slid out of his client. He pushed the stray hairs out of his face and looked at Noctis, who had been staring at him the entire time. Not that Ardyn minded. Noctis could look as much as he liked. 

An innocent boy like this. One who actually trusted him. 

…Maybe Noctis was more dangerous than Ardyn gave him credit for. After all, Ardyn was letting him get away with quite a lot tonight.

“Ummm…sorry.” 

Ardyn shook his head, unsure if he had heard correctly. “What?”

Noctis ran a hand over his face and said it again. More clearly this time. “I’m sorry.”

The escort tied off the condom and tossed it in the nightstand trash. He laid down next to Noctis. For once, Ardyn honestly had no idea what to say. “What are you sorry for?”

“Umm, for…” Noctis glanced away. “…blowing you off all those times. Making things difficult. I…felt really bad about it. So, sorry.” 

“Oh, Noct.” Ardyn cupped the boy’s face. He pecked him on the forehead. Honestly, he had not expected Noctis to apologize for that. Especially now, when all was said and done. “There’s no need to apologize. I understand.”

Noctis curled up against Ardyn, laying his head on the older man’s chest. Ardyn responded by stroking the younger man’s cheek, soothing him without needing to be asked.

“Really? So you’re…not mad?” 

“No, I’m not.” Ardyn swatted away the warning bells chiming distantly in the back of his head. Enough of that. Yes, he realized Noctis was probably way too dependent on him.

But for now that was alright. It was their new plot line. The new role Ardyn had to play. 

“I would never be angry about something like that,” Ardyn continued. “Disappointed maybe, but never angry with you.” 

Noctis sniffed hard, slotting himself closer to the older man. “Okay. …Good. Thanks.”

After a few moments of relaxed silence, Ardyn tapped Noctis on the shoulder and started to get out of bed.

“No, wait…” Noctis began. He held onto his escort’s shoulders. “…Stay? Please?”

Those blue eyes wavered with unspoken need. Ardyn thumbed the edge of Noctis’s mouth. How adorable could this kid get?

“I’ll um…” Noctis looked away awkwardly. “…pay extra, so. Can you stay over?” 

Extra? …Really? And to think, Ardyn was already planning on spending the night for free. He had just been getting up to find a towel and maybe brush his teeth. 

But yeah. Extra was good. Why hadn’t it occurred to him to ask for more money in the first place?

“Yes, that’s fine. We can work it out in the morning,” Ardyn asserted, settling himself back down on the bed. He let Noctis wrap his arms around him. Successfully trapping the older man where he lay.

“Thanks.” 

“…Of course.”

They fell asleep together just like that. A filthy mess. At least Ardyn remembered to set the alarm on his phone. 10:30 AM, this time. He had planned on setting it for 10:00, but that just seemed too cruel. His body needed a damn break.

___________________________________________

A blaring alarm somewhere in the distance.

Fuck that, Ardyn thought. He was way too comfortable here.

A slim hand shaking his shoulder. “Hey…come on, that’s your phone…”

“Mmmm…” Ardyn groaned. He turned over on his side, refusing to get up.

“Ardyn, come on. You pressed the snooze button like ten times already.” 

He had? Ardyn fought himself and opened one eye. He vaguely remembered something like that. “What time is it…?” he grumbled.

“It's passed 11:00. Do you need to be somewhere?” 

Ardyn sighed. This damn, stubborn body. Refusing to rise before eleven in the morning. Was that old age or habit at this point? 

He forced himself into a sitting position. Noctis laid next to him, wearing an over-sized t-shirt and playing some sort of mobile game on his phone. “Morning,” the boy said. “Want some coffee?” 

Ardyn passed a hand over his face a couple of times. “Coffee would be extraordinary.” He thought he could already smell some.

Noctis laughed lightly. “Here,” He reached for a full mug already set aside for Ardyn on the night stand. “Figured you’d want some. I’m not a morning person, either. Usually need like three cups to get me going in the morning.” 

“Indeed.” Ardyn sipped the lukewarm coffee. Actually, it was quite good. Deep flavor, good aroma. “Mmm. Blue mountain or Kenyan?”

“Huh?” 

It seemed Noctis didn’t know coffee. No matter. Ardyn was mostly certain it was Blue Mountain, possibly a Jamaican blend. “Forget it,” he replied, waving his hand.

The coffee successfully cleared his head. Bits and pieces from the night before rose to the surface. He remembered round after round of good sex. Noctis, blindfolded, clinging to him and begging. So, so sweet. A central conceit focused around becoming lovers…

…Hmmm. And now they had morning-after coffee to go with it. How perfect.

“Ah, so.” Ardyn gulped down the rest of his drink. Noctis’s eyes widened when he saw how fast the older man drained that cup. 

Grinning, he brushed Noctis's face and leaned in for a quick kiss. "We certainly tried a few new things last night, didn’t we?”

Noctis smiled back, but he was already breaking out into a blush. “Yeah, we did. It was…really great.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” He glanced towards Noctis’s adjoining bathroom. “Might I use your shower?”

The prince nodded. “Sure. Towels are on the rack.” 

As he washed himself clean, Ardyn could not fully absolve the smell of the massage oil from last night. That stuff tended to linger. Not terrible—at least it was a nice smell. And now he would be reminded of Noctis every time he brought his hands to his face.

Well, he could do worse. 

Now, the next area of business. He should try to nail Noctis down to another session this morning, so that they wouldn’t need to scramble later on. Then Ardyn could comfortably depend on some more income soon enough, and Noctis—with whatever busy schedule he had—could plan around it. 

Because they definitely needed to do this again. This interesting fantasy and Noctis’s delicious body…this was for sure the best thing Ardyn had going right now. He wouldn’t make believe it wasn’t. 

When he got out of the shower, Ardyn toweled his hair dry and began to get dressed. He asked Noctis what game he was playing and the prince replied, “Kings Knight.” Not a game Ardyn recognized—though he wouldn’t, really. But it was good to know a client’s interest. Just in case.

“By the way…” Noctis said, putting his phone down. He had thrown on some jean shorts while Ardyn was in the shower and he looked ready to laze around for a few more hours. (But Ardyn could not help staring, trying to pinpoint where exactly Noctis’s body was inside those baggy clothes…)

“I, umm, put another $1,000 in your account.”

Ardyn thought he must have heard wrong. “You what?”

“I paid you another $1,000,” Noctis said again. “For…everything. I remember you said it’s supposed to be $800 a round and…" He rubbed the back of his head. “That was a lot more than one round. Plus, you stayed over. So…yeah. Umm…do I owe you any more?”

For the first time in perhaps the entirety of his long life, Ardyn was utterly speechless. His jaw hung open, face gone slack. 

This boy had just… _voluntarily_ given him $2,000 for one night’s work? And now he was asking if Ardyn wanted any _more_?

What in god’s name…? Was this a trick? Was he on some sort of reality TV show, candid camera or something? 

“I guess just let me know how much I still owe and I can pay you now,” Noctis continued, picking up his phone again.

Shaking his head to clear it, Ardyn forced himself to focus. This boy was about to pay him again! Freely! How much should Ardyn ask for? $500? $600?

Oh, but that was highway _robbery_ …$2600 for a single night! Service Ardyn might have given for perhaps $400 in the past. 

And really, Noctis should _not_ be that comfortable giving away money like that! What, did he walk up to people in the street and give them whatever he had in his wallet? That wasn’t safe! People would take advantage!

Ah, damn it all to hell. Noctis really needed to learn how to navigate the world. He should never offer to pay more without being asked first. And even then, he needed lessons on how to haggle down so he didn’t waste away his fortune on this and that. (Like Ardyn had…)

Swallowing hard and fighting the grating in his brain that screamed for him to just name any amount (it was free money at this point!!), Ardyn shook his head. “No, I think you’ve covered everything.”

Noctis tilted his head to the side. “You sure? Because it’s no problem…”

Damn this boy! Tempting him and tempting him…biting the inside of his mouth, Ardyn cleared his throat and held up his hands. “No, no thank you. It’s fine. You…” he sighed. “…why don’t you let me worry about the payments from now on, alright?”

“Okay…” Noctis said with a shrug. “…if that's what you want.”

“Yes, it is.” Ardyn closed his eyes against the bitter voice inside telling him he had just wasted a good opportunity. It went against his nature to turn down money like that, but for god’s sake…he needed to sleep at night. What kind of man would he be, draining this boy of his fortune just because he could? No, better to have equal pay for equal work. That was for the best.

He made a mental note to give Noctis some friendly advice later about keeping his money safe.

“Also, umm, I was thinking…” Noctis crossed his legs on the bed. Folding in on himself. A typical subconscious form of self-protection. Ardyn was familiar with it. He narrowed his eyes, unsure where Noctis was going with this. 

“Next time, do you maybe…?” Noctis clicked his teeth in frustration. “I don’t know, want to like…go to dinner? Or something?”

For the second time that morning, words failed Ardyn. 

Seeing that he wasn’t getting a reaction, Noctis quickly backtracked. “I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to. I just thought maybe you would, if like, you’re someone who’s into that kind of stuff. I’m fine with just this. It’s not a big deal or anything. Just something to do. But yeah, I guess it’s dumb if—”

“My dear prince,” Ardyn began, cutting off Noctis’s ceaseless rambling. He walked towards the younger man and lifted his chin, forcing them to look at each other. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“No!” Noctis cried. His face was bright red and he shook his head hard. “No, not _that_ , I mean…just in case you were bored or something…like, I was mostly kidding…it’s not—”

Ardyn leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Noctis’s lips. He could feel every ounce of self-consciousness radiating off his prince. It occurred to him that perhaps Noctis was not exactly the savviest person when it came to asking people out. 

Big shock, there. Seriously, that fit perfectly. Ardyn could hardly say he was surprised. 

But still. He found it ridiculously cute.

“Oh, Noct.” He smiled down at the boy, kissing him again to will away all that stress. “I would love to go out to dinner with you.”

Noctis blinked. His nose was dark red, as if he were on the verge of…something. “…You would?”

“Of course. Did you have a place in mind?” Ardyn had a couple of restaurants around town he could depend on for…discreet billing, if need be.

“Umm…” Noctis scratched his face. “…No, I…like, usually order in and stuff, so…” (That was a lie. Ignis cooked for him almost all the time—and left frozen meals in the refrigerator when he wasn’t around.) “But, it’s my treat so…we can go anywhere you want.” 

Ardyn’s eyes sparkled at the idea of a free meal. That, he would gladly accept. “Perfect. I know just the place. Do you like Cuban food?” 

“I…probably? Don’t know if I’ve ever eaten that.” Noctis was not exactly adventurous when it came to new foods. That was partially why Ignis did all his cooking; he knew exactly what Noctis would eat (meat, stews) and would not (anything to do with vegetables). 

Ardyn nodded patiently. “That’s fine, I’m sure you’ll love it. When would you like to go? I’m free Tuesday night, if you’d like.”

Heart pounding, Noctis quickly went over his schedule. His dad would still be away the next two weeks, and Ignis only came over Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And sometimes Sunday. Tuesday and Thursday were his nights off. So, he wouldn’t need to come up with any excuses. 

“That works,” he replied, beaming up at the older man. “Should we…meet there, or…?”

“Yes.” Ardyn rose to his feet to finish getting dressed. “I’ll message you the address. It’s a small place downtown. Easy to get to. But if you need a ride, I have my car.” 

Noctis’s vision went a little starry for a moment as he thought about taking a ride in Ardyn’s car. He could get around the city pretty well, but he might ask Ardyn to drive him just for fun…

“Also, I have an idea for our next night together,” Ardyn announced. He had planned this all out in the shower. 

Except, how to break it to Noctis? 

Some artful language wouldn’t hurt. “My dear, we need to work on your…stamina.” 

“My…huh?” Noctis asked, immediately thinking of his running stamina. But he already had a personal trainer! He really didn’t need any more of that.

“Well, you know I love being with you,” Ardyn began. He patted Noctis’s shoulders delicately. “I always enjoy myself, as you’ve seen for yourself. But you’re a little bit…hmm, instant noodles? You understand?” 

“Instant…?” Noctis frowned. He was totally lost.

“Done in a minute?” Ardyn prompted. “Finished with very little prep time…?”

“I’m….? Oh.” Noctis averted his gaze as he realized what Ardyn was driving at. 

Shit, that was embarrassing.

“And of course, I understand completely,” Ardyn continued, urging Noctis to face him again. “I’m the first person you've ever been with, after all. Most men take a while to sort of…gain their footing. But I feel I’d be remiss if I didn’t help you with that. Besides…” He kissed Noctis on the cheek reassuringly. “…we would have so much more fun if you could handle just a bit more stimulation, my sweet prince.” 

Sucking on his bottom lip, a nice shade of cherry red, Noctis nodded quietly. 

“So don’t worry.” Ardyn picked up his tote bag and got ready to leave. “Let me handle everything. I have the perfect solution for something like this.” He dropped his chin a little. “Do you trust me?” 

Noctis glanced up at him. “…Yeah, I do.”

“Wonderful. It’ll be fun, I promise.” 

Seeing that his guest was ready to leave, Noctis saw him to the door. They kissed gently when Ardyn put on his hat. Noctis was starting to see that hat as a kind of goodbye type thing. …Maybe he didn’t like it so much after all.

“So. Tuesday, then?” Ardyn confirmed, opening the door.

“Yeah, Tuesday for sure,” Noctis replied. 

The older man flashed him a beautiful smile. “See you then, my prince.” 

“Definitely.” 

Fighting the clawing anxiety that cropped up when he said goodbye to this man, Noctis focused on the fact that they would be seeing each other again very soon. And he had to make sure this date—his first _actual_ date—happened. 

He really wanted to prove to Ardyn that he wasn’t a flake. 

…And that he could eventually be less…instant noodles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is their first actual "date." And of course Noctis's *first* first date lol. Good times ;)
> 
> Love you guys! <3


	4. More matter with less art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ardyn takes Noctis out. It's a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so I don't have an excuse for why this is so long. There's not even any smut...it just got out of hand! I adored writing their date scene way more than I thought I would. Eheheh....^__^''
> 
> Hamlet reference: Chapter title is the quote - "More matter with less art." Gertrude says this to Polonius in Act II, basically telling him to cut the shit and speak like a normal person. Good advice, dude.

**Chapter Four: More matter with less art**

Ardyn strolled up and down the aisles. He knew exactly what he was looking for, but it didn’t hurt to browse a bit.

After all, he didn’t come to this sex shop often anymore. Just on the rare occasion when he needed a specific toy for a client. As for his own use, Ardyn had a well-stocked supply of toys, lubricants, and oils in his apartment. Whenever he ran out, he could just order more online. 

But he never shared his personal toys with clients. Even they could be washed, Ardyn always believed it was better to err on the side of strictly sanitary. So if he wanted to try some new toy with a client, he always bought new. Fresh and factory sealed in plastic. You couldn’t get any cleaner than that. 

And well, he had promised Noctis he would help with the young man’s stamina problem. So here he was: Dragoon LanceX. His most frequented sex toy shop. A little-known, smallish place with good management and frequently replaced stock. Some of the more famous shops around town ran out of things regularly and had a hard time keeping up with incoming demand. Ardyn hated walking into a place with a certain purchase in mind, only to have to walk out empty-handed because they were sold out. 

LanceX never let him down. Ardyn already had a small shopping basket full of purchases. Without a doubt, he was just as comfortable browsing the shelves here as he was in any grocery store. Even more so, perhaps, because sometimes Ardyn found his local supermarkets egregiously overpriced. 

He perused his selection, keeping Noctis in mind. He chose Noctis’s new toy with careful intent—knowing that most likely his young client had no experience with this kind of toy before. ( _Delicious._ He could not _wait_ to watch his boy exploring this adult toy for the first time. The look on Noctis’s face. Probably hesitant—as he had been with the blindfold—but so turned on. Inevitably coaxed into it because Ardyn was there. To help him every step of the way.) So, instead of buying one of the cheaper models that had so-so output, Ardyn decided to go all out and buy an expensive one with wholly positive reviews (both on the back of the box, and from Ardyn’s own personal experience. He knew what worked best, especially for what he wanted).

In addition to the expensive toy, he also found a replacement bottle of warming lube, another roll of his most preferred brand of condoms, an Aneros prostate massager (for the future, perhaps—it would be so fun to see Noctis play with something like that, but if not then Ardyn was happy to replace his own, which was getting kind of old at this point), some AfterGlow cleansing wipes (since Noctis wouldn’t let Ardyn up after sex, at least he might be able to wipe their bodies down before they went to sleep, a modicum of cleanliness), and a stretchy silicone cock ring. Just in case. 

Deciding he was done, after checking out some automated enema products he had never seen before, Ardyn dropped all his purchases on the counter.

The proprietor—a tall, quick-witted, frequently weary woman named Aranea—was something like a friend of Ardyn’s. She knew about his “side business” and had often given him deals in the past when he bought in bulk. Sometimes she encouraged Ardyn to give workshops in the back of the store, to other patrons. He had agreed to do a couple over the years. Some beginner bondage tutorials, and one about maximizing strap-on use for women interested in pegging. All very fun. But Aranea unfortunately could not pay much. Ardyn ran the workshops due to friendship, amusement, and some small amount of store credit.

Aranea stared at all the stuff Ardyn intended to buy. “Damn,” she said to him, bouncing her eyebrows and twisting her lips into a tight smile. “You trying to get a discount again, charmer?” 

She always called Ardyn ‘charmer.’ She had nicknames for just about everyone. Somehow Ardyn had been dubbed as a charmer, because everyone who talked to him always ended up fascinated by him in some way. Whether they liked him or not. She sometimes called him the Chancellor of Charm. Apparently she had a thing for alliteration.

“Hmm, well…” Ardyn smiled at her. “…is that an offer? Because it does seem like I’m purchasing one of your most expensive toys.”

Aranea sighed. “Eh, fine. You’re right about that. I guess I can throw in the cock ring for free.” She started ringing him up. “Besides, don’t you have like a million of these already?” 

Ardyn chuckled. He felt the phone in his jacket pocket vibrating with a message, but he didn’t want to interrupt his conversation with the lovely proprietor to check it. “Well, you know me. No sharing. Everyone’s entitled to their own…resources, and such.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Always play it safe.” Aranea wrapped his toy in bubble paper (for discretion more than anything) and the rest in black plastic. 

She regarded him somewhat seriously for a moment. “It’s tough for a bitch out there. Got that?”

Of course, she said this to him a lot. Ardyn was offended the first few times, but now he just found it endearing. Aranea said things like that because she was honestly worried about him. She knew there was always an inherent amount of risk taking on new clients. And she tacitly respected Ardyn for what he did. But every time she got wind of a new person in Ardyn’s metaphorical rolodex, Aranea became naturally wary.

In some ways, Ardyn supposed, that made her his closest friend. 

Ah. He really should stop by the shop more often. It had been too long. Aranea looked more tired than ever. Maybe business hadn’t been doing well. Dragged under by the online shopping boom with the rest of the free market (and he was to blame as much as anyone else.)

“Yes, tough,” Ardyn agreed with a smile. “But getting better, I must say. Some clients are more…lucrative than others.” He winked as he passed her his credit card.

Aranea made a small, interested sound. “That’s good. Everyone likes lucrative. Just remember the deal, okay?”

“Naturally. How could I forget.” 

She was referring to their arrangement: If ever Ardyn was meeting with a client and felt suddenly unsafe, he could text Aranea his location and she would send the police right away. However in the ten years Ardyn had been doing this, he’d only used that lifeline once. One single time. 

…Not a time he particularly cared to remember. 

But still. Because of that, their arrangement remained on the table for as long as it did. Years. Ostensibly as long as Ardyn stayed in the business. Aranea reminded him about the safety net nearly every time they met. 

She gave him a grim smile as she handed him his card and the bag of purchases. He offered her his own knowing smirk in exchange. 

Ardyn truly did appreciate Aranea. He wished he had a better way to pay her back. Even just carrying her phone number around made him feel slightly better—if only on a subconscious level. 

At least she could always depend on him to buy products from her store. A client for life, and all that.

“Well, take care, darling,” Ardyn chimed as he headed outside. “Let me know if you have any workshops coming up. I just might be available.”

“Oh, okay,” Aranea called back. “Business must be really good, then! Maybe I will hit you up.”

“The pleasure would be all mine.” 

He strolled out of the store, shopping bag in hand. It was midday still. He stood underneath the awning, out of the sun, and decided to check his phone. Might as well look at his messages before getting into his car again. Or, on second thought…he might as well enjoy a brief smoke while checking over his messages.

Indeed, he hardly ever smoked anymore. Just the occasional cigarette when he found himself outside. Imposing a self-monitored rule about not smoking indoors had done him worlds of good, otherwise Ardyn just continuously chain-smoked at his computer desk for days on end. These days, Ardyn limited himself to outdoor smoking only, and never in the presence of a client. He smoked maybe half a pack of cigarettes a week. Not bad.

Touching his Bic lighter to the edge of his cigarette, Ardyn inhaled deeply and let himself enjoy it. He would never tire of a lungful of smoke. No matter how bad it tasted (like chemicals and a dirty chimney) and no matter how harmful it was to his health. Too in life, probably. Too many years toting around a bad habit might have that effect. 

Blowing smoke away from his phone screen, Ardyn checked the messages. A few emails from his various sites. Nice. And some direct messages. He noticed, sucking on the tip of the cigarette where it touched his lips, that none of them were from Noctis. 

Hmm. A watery feeling flooded his chest. Ardyn did not quite know what to call that—disappointment? Maybe. It felt…something like that. On that…spectrum of emotion, anyway.

Well. He had always been prepared for Noctis to cancel their tentative date. The boy had not messaged him since they said goodbye to each other on Friday night. Now it was already Sunday. Going a whole day without messages was definitely something of a rarity. 

He wondered if maybe Noctis was getting too anxious about the whole thing. That boy seemed to carry around a lot of internalized stress, didn’t he? Ardyn could tell that much just from the two times they had seen each other. Maybe Noctis was getting cold feet. 

Well, Ardyn could help him with that. After all, he wasn’t about to let such a client go after an insanely well-paid couple of nights. And especially now that he had bought this fancy new toy just for Noctis. 

So, the older man took the initiative: 

**fierydjinni:** Still on for Tuesday, prince? Here’s the address of the restaurant I was talking about - 

He sent him a pin on their navigation app. 

Once the message was out, Ardyn had no other choice but to wait. In the meantime, he might as well answer some of his other messages.

He smoked and read over a long text from one of his clients on BabyMate. A young woman named Lilliandra. (Or at least, that’s the name she gave him. He tended to just call her Lilly; it made her smile.) She was complaining about not seeing him lately, and wondering about a hook-up on Monday night. He saw no reason to turn her down. Lilly was an easily pleased customer—most of the time, she was satisfied enough just to have him go down on her. Sometimes, if she asked, he gave her a quick and easy ride on his cock, with her on top. Those sessions were simple enough to manage. Not strenuous work. His tongue was quite practiced by now, and he could literally spend the rest of the night laying on his back. 

She didn’t pay as well as Noctis. $500 a night. But still. Not at all a reason to turn up his nose. It was good money. 

So Ardyn typed back a nice response. He’d be happy to see her tomorrow night. She wrote back right away, asking if they could use her favorite pair of handcuffs (the red, fuzzy variety) and Ardyn of course acquiesced. Even easier. Now all he needed to do was lay down with his arms over his head, keeping almost totally still.

Just as long as he kept it up. Should be no problem.

As his phone went silent, Ardyn stomped out his cigarette. Time to head home. He had a mountain of manuscripts to pour through. It would probably take him the rest of the day and well into the night.

Why did the monotony in that suddenly seem so…unappealing? Ardyn felt a pebble of annoyance settling in his stomach. His life bore the weight of so much work, never a chance to rest. 

Maybe he should think about scheduling a vacation. He loved lounging on the beach in some foreign county. Sipping drinks with no one to bother him. 

But who was he kidding. He couldn’t afford shit like that. No, his payments from Noctis went straight into his apartment loan. He’d already deposited them (before he had a chance to even think about spending them on something else). So he needed to keep his nose (and other extremities) to the grindstone for now.

Even though ‘for now’ had been the last ten years at least. No end in sight.

Steering his car into the parking garage near his building, Ardyn heaved a weary sigh. Maybe he would fix himself a drink when he went in, before getting to work. But no, at his age alcohol just made him feel tired. There was no benefit in being sleepy while editing. 

So. No reprieve for him, then. Not yet, not yet.

He fought a look of indolence and dissatisfaction from his face. He didn’t want to get wrinkles because of all this ennui—a good amount of his income depended on that face after all. 

Suddenly his phone vibrated with another message. This one was from Noctis.

**PrinceCharmless:** hey! Sounds good to me! I’ll meet you there. 

**PrinceCharmless:** can’t wait 

A few seconds later—

**PrinceCharmless:** :-*

A grin spread across Ardyn’s face. His chest felt a little lighter now. Not quite so laden with…heavy water. He would get through today and tomorrow. Tuesday’s exciting little date night was something to look forward to. Noctis was always a small break in the monotony.

“Ah,” he said to himself, parking his car. Perhaps the night was looking up.

___________________________________________

Noctis sent the message and immediately jumped out of his seat to pace around a bit more. He had been caught up in kind of a…pacing thing, lately. Every time he thought about Tuesday ( _Tuesday,_ he was another day closer!) the panicky feeling in his stomach doubled. Noctis felt like he just needed to move. So, his living room became grounds for ceaseless walking up and down. Back and forth. Just walking.

Not a _crazy_ amount of walking, he told himself. Besides, didn’t his shrink say it was good to exercise when he was feeling stressed? Physical activity and endorphins and all that. …Sure, the shrink probably meant actually going outside for a walk, but. Noctis was doing the best he could. Besides, he was alone for the past few days so nobody needed to know he was seconds away from climbing the walls.

To him, going outside was a little much right now. He had been throwing himself into his school work, which was good. The assignments offered him a brief reprieve from the endless cycle of thoughts spinning nonstop through his head. He never really had appreciated work for the distraction it was before—good thing he had plenty of homework to contend with. 

But thoughts still rose to the surface in the interim. When he went to make himself a snack. When he was in the bathroom. When his mind suddenly spaced out for no reason and he found himself running through his list of concerns yet again.

…What if he fucked up?

He probably would.

This was his _first_ _date_. And granted, Ardyn was a sex worker who probably did this literally all the time, but still. Noctis had never been out to a restaurant with someone he liked before. Before this, restaurant outings were a thing he did with Regis. Painful and weird. His father always ordered too much food off the menu at some expensive place, then sighed dramatically whenever Noctis didn’t eat enough of it. 

But a real date…Noctis had no idea how to behave at a restaurant like a normal person. He had seen snippets on TV and through the windows in places around town and stuff; people just chatted and laughed together at the table. It looked fun, sure, and Noctis was really curious what it felt like to eat and enjoy yourself…but…

What if he couldn’t think of anything funny to say? What if he couldn’t think of anything to say, period? What if he just sat there with his head blank but pounding, unable to come up with anything normal to start a conversation (that happened to him all the time)……?

What if he said something weird, something that you absolutely weren’t supposed to say? And then Ardyn got offended or freaked out and just left.

Noctis didn’t know if he could handle being left at the table in the middle of a date. 

(Ardyn wouldn’t do that)—a voice in the back of his head whispered. But what if he did? What if Noctis somehow found the exact wrong thing to say to guy like him in a date setting?

Shit.

Noctis googled “first date tips” and flipped through some pages online. He read through a few different lists (“10 First date tips”) to find a few commonalities. He didn’t really know if he should be looking at “tips for men” or “tips for women,” though, because there seemed to be a difference? Technically yeah Noctis was a man, and he was paying…so should he look at the pages for men? But Ardyn was the one with more experience. The one actually “taking Noctis out” because Noctis never would have gone to place (somewhere downtown called Sabor de Havana) without Ardyn. So…should he look at the pages for women?

This was all so weird. He looked up tips for gay men, but the page was all about Facebook and Grindr and stuff that he didn’t understand or have anything to do with. So that was a waste.

He _really_ wished he could just ask Prompto. His best friend had been on plenty of dates (or at least, so he said) and would probably be able to talk him through a lot of it. Wave away a bunch of Noctis’s fears. Prompto was good at that.

Except he couldn’t talk to Prompto about any of this. The whole escort thing. Prompto, as great of a friend as he was, would definitely judge him. Or at least question Noctis’s judgement about the entire thing—he could hear it in his head, “Is that really a good idea, Noct? I mean who is this guy?” And of course, Prompto would be right. But Noctis really didn’t need that now. He needed to get through Tuesday before he started thinking about any of the longterm stuff.

So, redoubling his efforts, he went back to google. After a few different searches, he was able to put together a good composite list of generally sound advice:

1\. Relax. Don’t pressure yourself to be witty, smart, or alluring. Just be yourself!

“Tch, yeah,” Noctis scoffed at the computer. Relax. Easier said than done. Oh, right, relax! Why didn’t he think of that? For fuck’s sake. If only he could! 

Still. There was weight to the idea of not pressuring himself. Noctis knew that much. If he tried to be funny or clever or something, he just dug himself into a deeper pit of weirdness. So better to forget all that. Noted.

2\. Dress smart. Pick an outfit that is comfortable, looks great, makes you feel great, and is appropriate for the setting. 

Okay, fine. But did Noctis have clothes that fit all those categories? He had kind of been planning to wear a suit, but he didn’t know if Sabor de Havana was casual or not. Nothing worse than dressing fancy in a casual place! He would look like the sheltered rich boy he was. 

Maybe…Noctis flittered around his closet. Picking things up, putting them down a moment later. Well, he had an outfit that Prompto called “trendy.” A nice jacket that was in style now, almost like a track jacket but with flashy embroidering on the back. White t-shirt and black jeans. A nice watch to class it up. That was good. He felt comfortable enough in it, too. So, the trendy outfit would probably be his best bet.

“Alright…” Noctis whispered to himself, laying the outfit on his bed. “One thing down.” Not bad, he was making some progress. Now for the next tip.

3\. Show respect. Arrive on time, be polite to wait staff, and give your date your undivided attention. Turn off your phone!! 

Right. Noctis glanced at his cell phone and tried to remember how to turn it off (he really never did that anymore, usually just put it on airplane mode). While he was inspecting it, he saw that he had a text from Ignis from almost forty minutes ago.

**Ignis:** Noct, I must apologize. The store is quite busy tonight and we’ve had a lot of cancellations. I don’t think I’ll be able to come over later. 

Oh, that’s right. It was already Sunday. Ignis was supposed to cook him his weekly “good meal” tonight. Something nutritious, at least one thing to tide Noctis over, get some vitamins in his system.

But whatever. Noctis had plenty of ramen to tide him over for the rest of the night.

…Even if instant noodles weren’t quite so appealing at the moment.

**Noctis:** Okay, no problem. See you tomorrow then. Good luck with the store.

Now, onto tip number four.

4\. Be decisive and be present. Saying things like, “Oh, I don’t know, what do you think?” all night isn’t attractive. If you get an option, pick one! Remember to show interest and be an active listener. Don’t let it all be about you.

That seemed fair enough. Noctis went over a brief list of things he could ask Ardyn about himself. They guy probably didn’t want to talk about work (jeez, talk about a sensitive topic) and Noctis really didn’t want to spend the night chatting about Ardyn’s other clients. So, he could ask what Ardyn did for fun. What were his favorite movies. No family questions— _fuck_ no—but maybe questions about the city. How long had he lived here. Where were his favorite places to go. Things like that! 

As long as he remembered those low-key conversation starters, he should be fine. 

Noctis’s cell phone buzzed again. Another text from Ignis.

**Ignis:** …You remember that I need to take my uncle to the doctor tomorrow. I won’t be able to make Monday night either. 

Well, now, Noctis remembered. Ignis’s uncle was getting older and needed help traveling to and from the doctor. Ignis had explained the whole situation to Noctis a few times, but with everything going on, Noctis had forgotten about that little detail.

So. He was kind of a shitty friend. Okay, then. Great.

**Noctis:** Sorry, I forgot. But it’s fine. I’ll see you on Wednesday.

**Ignis:** Noctis, are you sure? You’ll be alright?

Clicking his tongue in irritation, Noctis wrote back his next text while trying to keep his temper in check. He loved Ignis, as the kind of friend/parent he was, but sometimes the guy still treated him like a little kid. 

**Noctis:** Yes, I’m sure Iggy. I’ll be fine. Seriously. Go take care of your uncle, he needs you more than I do right now.

After a few moments, watching the “…” icon bouncing, he got a response.

**Ignis:** Alright. If you say so, Noct. Please, call or text if anything. I’m just a message away.

**Noctis:** K thanks. Night Specs.

Setting his phone down on the desk, he locked his attention on the rest of the tips. Maybe he should write them down…but no, that was stupid. He couldn’t look at his phone in the middle of the meal. He should just try and memorize all these. There weren’t that many, anyway.

5\. Don’t drink too much. A glass of wine is fine, but try to get to know each other sober. You can always drink on the honeymoon.

That was pretty good advice, Noctis figured. He had made the mistake of starting their first encounter off with a drink, probably making Ardyn think he was some kind of casual alcoholic or something. Which he wasn’t. Taking a swig of vodka every now and then to calm his nerves didn’t make him an alcoholic (it did qualify as self-medicating though, but whatever).

And that last line…the honeymoon. Noctis’s toes squirmed when he read that. That was crazy exciting—to think of him and Ardyn…getting…and then they would…

A whole host of fantasies rushed into Noctis’s head. He slammed on the breaks, telling himself not to go there. He couldn’t. He really shouldn’t think about any of _that_ stuff…

…and if he was going to think about it (only because it was _funny_ , not for any other reason), then he would save it for late at night. When he was laying in his bed, just before falling asleep, when none of his thoughts mattered or even counted as real thoughts. 

No way he could start thinking about stuff like that in the daytime. Too far. 

Moving on… 

6\. Address the elephant in the room. If something feels awkward, if you wish you could take something back, or if your mind went blank and you can’t remember your mom’s name, speak up. By acknowledging that your brain just failed you, you’ll be breaking the ice and making your date more comfortable too.

That might actually be a good idea. Noctis had never tried that before, just admitting that his brain completely shut off in the middle of some kind of quip he was trying to make. But maybe it worked. If Ardyn wasn’t going to jump down his throat—which he probably wouldn’t, because he’d never done that before—then Noctis could just say he went off track for a second. They could laugh it off. Actually, they were pretty good at laughing things off in general. Ardyn never took anything too seriously.

Maybe—just maybe—he had a shot here. 

Yeah, Noctis had definitely been overthinking things lately. He hadn’t even messaged Ardyn yesterday because he was too nervous. Besides, what was he going to _sy_? What’s up, not much I’m just pacing around my apartment because I’m super nervous about going out with you. This was one of those times when the truth wasn’t going to cut it.

So, Noctis hadn't spoken to Ardyn recently. At least, the older man didn’t sound angry in the last text. And Noctis chose to put his best foot forward by showing how honestly excited he was about the date. 

That tied in with tip number seven:

7\. Be real and be positive. People don’t like a debby-downer on a first date. Remember your etiquette skills and stay upbeat! But try not to be too fake. People can detect that and it’s a real turn off.

Luckily for Noctis, he couldn’t be fake even if he tried. That kind of thing did not come naturally to him. Still, though, this sounded like something where he needed to strike a good balance. He was honestly very excited about all this (a real date, with someone that Noctis liked a lot, the person he had actually fantasized about doing this with for some time), but he couldn’t gush about it too much. That would be weird. A little was okay, but not everything.

Gods. How did that go, again? Noctis rubbed his forehead. …On the other hand, maybe he was in over his head.

Jumping to his feet yet again, Noctis allowed himself another round of pacing. Really, the motion helped him think a bit better than normal. Or…something.

In the end, there was not much else Noctis could do to prepare. He would just have to wait until Tuesday and ride it through to the end.

Because he was _going_ to do this. Even if there was a nagging feeling in his chest telling him to just chicken out and cancel. He could tell Ardyn he didn’t feel like it, ask him to just come up to the apartment so they could fuck…no. Noctis wasn’t going to let himself get away with that. Yeah, this sucked. It made him so nervous he wanted to jump out of his skin. It made his heart race and his stomach feel kind of sick almost all the time. But that didn’t matter. He was going to do it. 

He was going to have his first date. With a guy he was _really_ into. 

________________________________________________

They had agreed on 8:00. Noctis showed up at 7:30 because he was really tired of prolonging the torture—and because the dating tips said to show up on time. So in his mind, if he was even a minute late he would already have failed at this. 

It was fine, though. Sabor de Havana had a nice bench outside, probably for customers, that Noctis claimed right away. He sat down—decked out in his trendy outfit—and tried to look casual.

He stared at the hands on his classy watch. His father had it bought for him on his birthday one year, (marked as misguided gift attempt number 974, or something close to it). Which meant that Noctis knew it was probably ridiculously expensive. The restaurant did look pretty casual…maybe he shouldn’t have worn this thing after all. Should he take it off? Put it in his jacket or something? No that was weird…

Noctis eyed each person that walked by. Trying to get a sense of the kind of people that would be inside. Wondering if he would look at all normal in a crowd like that.

Women in flowery patterned dresses. Guys in dress shirts. They all looked…pretty typical. Nothing…special? In fact, Noctis might be staring a bit too hard, because people were starting to notice. They gave him curious looks in return, which Noctis scurried away from as if they were poisonous. 

At 7:54 (Noctis noted it on his watch, which he got frustrated with and decided to just leave on his wrist, even though it felt stupid), Noctis saw a mauve racing car with white stripes pull up into a parking space across the street. He could see Ardyn in the driver’s seat. Right away, his heart sped up to a gallop. His stomach dropped into his feet and he felt cold all of a sudden. 

Super anxious. Without thinking he got to his feet, suddenly hoping that he would get through the night without a panic attack.

But part of him could not help being totally surprised. Impressed. Ardyn had actually showed up. For Noctis. That felt pretty nice. Like getting some kind of silent stamp of approval—Noctis was at least good enough not to get stood up on his first date.

He broke into a smile, swallowing hard around all the other feelings. This was going to be okay. It was going to be _fine_. He was prepared. Ardyn was here, on time even.

Wow. 

Nice car, too. Noctis had talked himself out of asking for a ride to the restaurant because he thought that would be too awkward. But as long as Ardyn already had the car, maybe they could drive back to Noctis’s apartment…his insides rumbled in excitement as he thought about sitting next to Ardyn, watching the older man drive. Alright, yeah, he had a thing for guys in cars. Nothing weird about that. Didn’t everyone?

And oh shit. Ardyn looked _great_ tonight.

He was wearing form-fitting black jeans (with a golden button sitting boldly atop the fly, drawing Noctis’s eyes to the inseam…and of course, the slightly noticeable bulge underneath…why was his mouth dry all of a sudden) and an attractive, dark red sweater. He would have thought red was an unflattering color for Ardyn, that it might clash with his hair or something, but nope. The deep maroon color fit him perfectly. Not only that, the sweater had a low v-neck which Ardyn took perfect advantage of by wearing a buttoned-down grey shirt underneath. The collar poked through the top, showing how the buttons of his undershirt were open to a point. As well as the long, sensual expanse of his neck.

The look could have passed for business-casual. Or maybe some kind of college-type attire. But to Noctis, it just looked sexy. He wanted to bury his nose in the open space near Ardyn’s neck, peek down the sweater to see if he could spot any of the man’s signature chest hair…

Okay, okay. Noctis blinked hard and told himself to calm down. If he let himself look any closer, he would pop a boner right there in front of the restaurant. Not the time for that! They weren’t alone yet. And besides…

…Did it make him ‘instant noodles’ if he had to go through this whole dinner with a hard-on under the table? 

Probably, yes.

Ardyn spotted Noctis right away. He met the boy’s eyes and crossed the street carefully, waiting for cars to pass. Noctis tried to peer around the cars—weirdly worried that Ardyn might disappear behind each speeding car, like in the movies. 

No. Ardyn was real as anything. He walked straight up to Noctis, staring him up and down and nodding surreptitiously as if in silent approval. Noctis wished the older man would tell him if he liked what he saw..then it might make Noctis feel slightly more comfortable with all this. A little less like he wanted to slink down to the ground and crawl his way back to his apartment.

“Good evening, Noct.” Ardyn leaned in and gave Noctis a gentle hug with both arms, pressing the side of their faces together. 

It could have been a hug among relatives, or close friends. Business partners even. Or….boyfriends. But it didn’t have to be. It could have been a hug that meant anything.

Regardless, Noctis took the opportunity to inhale a big whiff of Ardyn. Here he was, yes, definitely. _Him_. The man that could take Noctis apart piece by piece, who could make Noctis lose himself in pleasure until he practically became someone else…someone that Noctis actually liked. 

Ah, fuck. He loved this smell.

Ardyn pulled away, all too soon for Noctis’s tastes. He stared up into the older man’s comfortable face. Unhurried golden eyes with his typical gentle smile. Wrinkles around the corners of his eyes—ready. 

Noctis forgot to say hello back.

“Have you been waiting long?” Ardyn asked. He placed his hand on the small of Noctis’s back and steered him towards the restaurant.

“Uh, no. I just got here.” Wait why was he lying? “I’ve…been waiting on the bench.”

“Ah, nice. Well I made a reservation so let’s go check in.” 

They strolled into the restaurant so Ardyn could chat with the host. Noctis was immediately assaulted with a variety of smells and sounds. Soft music with some light guitar, drums, maracas, and cowbell. He thought it was playing on a tape, but was shocked to find that there was a small live band playing near the back of the place. Some people were even dancing—impromptu, not as a thing for everyone because there was hardly any space—while others tapped their feet where they were sitting. Noctis could smell spices and meats cooking, things that he did not know the names of, probably. The lights were fairly dim and there was a constant low buzz of conversation all around.

Noctis took everything in. This was nice. Very different from the places he was used to. But he liked it. Kind of…a lot actually. 

No one was looking at him. They seemed perfectly content focusing on their own lives. Each table was like a small party, people laughing and drinking, clapping their hands in excitement. Rapid speech in a couple of different languages—some Noctis could recognize and some he could not. 

Ardyn explained to the host that he had a reservation for two at 8. They seemed like they knew each other—the host called Ardyn ‘ _acere_ ,’ which Noctis tried to remember so he could look up what it meant later. 

Glancing at Noctis and nodding, a half smile lighting up one side of his face, the host gestured for them to follow him to a table towards the back. It was a good spot, far enough away from the music that they could talk to each other, but still close enough to hear. When they were seated, the host said something to Ardyn in quick, fluent Spanish. Noctis could only catch the word ‘ _cervezas_.’ That meant beer, or something? Right?

But Ardyn just replied, “Yes please, thank you.” 

When the host left, a new dose of pressure fell onto Noctis’s shoulders. Now they were alone. They had made it to a table, both of them, with menus and the whole thing. So it was time for conversation and food—the two things Noctis had been dreading this whole time.

What if he didn’t like the food here? What if it was too spicy or had too much…green in it? Would Ardyn be offended if Noctis just pushed the food around on his plate? 

He glanced at the menu nervously. Fuck, what if he couldn’t even pronounce anything in there? 

“I ordered us two beers and a round of water,” Ardyn announced. “If you want anything else to drink, here’s the cocktail menu. I recommend everything, it’s all delicious.” 

“Oh…thanks,” Noctis replied, immediately staring at the cocktails. He was tempted, but he remembered the internet’s advice. Don’t drink too much. “I’m good with just the beer, though.” 

“Mmm.” 

Ardyn nodded and picked up his dinner menu. He glanced through the front page, moved the menu a bit closer to his face. Then he moved it back again, squinting and tilting his face in a few different angles. After a moment, Ardyn sighed in defeat. He dropped his menu and reached into the pocket on the front of his sweater.

To Noctis’s utter shock, Ardyn pulled out a pair of glasses. He slid them on his face with a practiced hand, then reviewed the menu once more. This time without making any faces. 

Noctis mouth fell open. For a full minute, all he could do was stare. Ardyn…wore glasses? He had no idea!

And fuck, he looked hot in them!

Ardyn perused the appetizers. He might as well order something to start, since this was going to be a free meal on his end. That was a relief. Not to have to count the prices of each item. Ardyn made sure to take full advantage each time he was taken out to dinner. Which was not at all very often. 

“Well, to start we could order _tostones,_ or _plátanos maduros_ …” He glanced at the menu and tried to find other generally appealing dishes. “Maybe some _vaca frita_ , if you like…” 

He felt dead silence on Noctis’s end. Along with the distinct sense of being stared at. Sure enough, when he looked up, there was Noctis. Gaping at him like a fish.

The older man smiled, tilting his head to the side. “Is it the glasses?” he asked point blank.

Coming back into himself, Noctis closed his jaw with a snap. “Uh, yeah. I mean…wow. I’ve just never…seen you in them before.” 

“Do you like it?” Ardyn asked teasingly. He pushed up the frames so Noctis could enjoy the full look.

A blush spread across Noctis’s face. “Umm…yes. Obviously.”

Ardyn laughed. That cocky little assurance at the end. One of the things he liked about Noctis was that the boy defaulted to headstrong when he was truly caught off guard. A charming trait by Ardyn’s account.

“Well, I only wear them for reading. And, increasingly lately, I’m afraid.” He glanced up at Noctis. “Old age. Too much time in front of a computer screen. You know.” 

Noctis rubbed his cheek with the back of one hand, trying to will away his blush. “Sure. But I mean…it’s fine. They look really good in you…”

“Why thank you, my prince. Very kind of you to say.” 

Ardyn took in his boy’s shy face, the wide blue eyes. A young man so taken with every little thing. How magnificent was that. Ardyn closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet, good air around them both. Basic hunger (for food) settled in his belly. Along with crisp desire—something specific, native to Noctis alone. He recognized it. And he thought of the bag of sex toys sitting innocuously in his car right now, which Ardyn would be using on Noctis this very night in only a few hours. He imagined his prince’s face when he looked at the spread, or when he was already hard at work, following Ardyn’s directions and using the toys just as he said…making those small, lewd sounds that got Ardyn so very excited…

….Mmm. This was going to be a lovely night. He could feel the anticipation gliding up his skin, over his face, and into his chest. 

Hopefully a night good enough to make up for his previous night spent with Lilly. That was…bad form, on his part. Ardyn worked so fervently Sunday into Monday that he actually pulled an all-nighter. He finally fell asleep mid-morning on Monday and woke up just in time for his hook-up with Lilly. When he got there, she was not interested in cunnilingus at all. She wanted to ride him right away. So, Ardyn crawled onto his back and thought of a variety of appealing things that might get him in the mood for this. If he closed his eyes, he could just about picture Noctis’s debauched face, in the throes of ceaseless pleasure. Or better yet, Noctis’s adorable little asshole, winking at him, so hungry and ready. 

Unfortunately, closing his eyes while he was underneath Lilly meant that he had almost…embarrassingly…fallen asleep. Not totally, mind. And just for the briefest moment. Lilly was none the wiser about any of it, thankfully. But, in order to get through, Ardyn had needed to talk Lilly into some rough play. Goading her into slapping him in the face periodically—part of their role play, as far as she was concerned. But for Ardyn, he just wanted something to keep him awake. 

These were clear signs that he was working too hard. Burning the candle at both ends. He should really think about taking less clients, at least while his load from the publishing company was so high.

Maybe for now it was more prudent to just work on seeing Noctis. Until the boy tired of him, or something.

Even without thinking too hard, that felt like an enormous relief. Also, Ardyn considered his time with Noctis to be partly fun in addition to work. So he would get to enjoy himself a little too.

“And anyway, this is all my treat so…you can get whatever you want,” Noctis reminded him, picking up his menu and staring at it blankly. 

Ardyn smiled again at his prince. Did this kid know how wonderful he was? Not at all taxing to be around, like some clients. Just eager to please. And naturally fond of Ardyn himself. That, even more than the dinner, was a rare treat indeed. In fact, Ardyn could not remember the last time he’d been with a client who truly enjoyed his company to this extent. 

Feeling a surge of affection in his chest, Ardyn laid his hand down on the table. Palm up. Inviting Noctis to take.

When he saw that hand, Noctis visibly flinched. Should he…? But they were in public…? But, that was Ardyn’s hand and Noctis already knew how much he loved holding it.

He glanced around at the other tables nearby. No one was looking at them. In fact, they were sort of in the corner, so there was only one table anywhere near that would be able to see…and they were buried in their menus, chatting away in some language Noctis didn’t understand. 

Looking back at that upturned palm, Noctis’s body melted. He wanted to hold it so bad….

He reached out hesitantly. Then, he dropped his hand over Ardyn’s with a sigh. 

So warm. So big. Loose and comfortable. Exactly as Noctis remembered. Fingers that had been inside him, that had made him…

He gripped Ardyn’s hand a little tighter. The older man responded by brushing his thumb over Noctis’s knuckles. A soft, intimate gesture. Noctis fought back a shiver.

Here they were. Holding hands together at a restaurant. Like a real couple. And the look Ardyn was giving him right now…Noctis felt like his own face might actually be glowing. Ardyn was staring at him with such fondness. No hint of anything but enjoyment. And it looked genuine.

Fuck, that look. Noctis had to glance away it was so intense. 

Unhindered, Ardyn picked up his prince’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on the backs of his fingers. Just a small touch. More like a caress of lips than a real kiss.

But Noctis thought he might cry. His chest hurt. There was so much happiness inside of him he was probably about to explode. 

Ardyn was here. Not embarrassed to be with him, not even caring if people saw him give Noctis a little bit of public affection…

Suddenly, the host was back. Bringing them waters and two black cans of beer with the words “Bucanero” on the front. Immediately, Noctis moved to pull away. But Ardyn held onto him, keeping his hand locked inside his own. The host saw it—of course—but he just moved on and asked if they would like to order an appetizers.

Noctis was breathing heavily. For a second it felt like everyone in the restaurant had their eyes glued to him. This was the first time Noctis let himself be read as gay in a public space. It was humiliating and he knew that people were going to whisper behind their hands, maybe even say something to his face…

…But the host acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. He saw, sure. And he really, in every way, did not care. Almost like he had been expecting it. He did not even spare their affection a second glance.

Ardyn smoothly ordered some _plátanos_ and _vaca frita._ The host (which, why was the host taking their order, not a waiter?) nodded politely and walked away. 

“I’ve known the man for a few years,” Ardyn explained, once the host was out of earshot. “He’s something like a friend. If you’d like, he can settle your bill through credit without receipts. No record, no questions asked.” 

“Oh….okay…” Noctis said. His hand was sweating horribly.

That had to mean the guy knew all about their…arrangement. Shit. Noctis felt like he was about to by crucified—if not by that man then certainly by someone else. If there were other people who knew…

Ardyn leaned forward. He stroked Noctis’s knuckles again and whispered softly, “It’s alright, my love.”

Was it though? Was it really…alright? He glanced at Ardyn, feeling torn in so many directions. 

But Ardyn just smiled. He nodded. “Everything’s fine. You’re with me.” 

Noctis closed his eyes, trying to think around all the other glaring alarms in his head. It was true. Everyone else aside, he was sitting with Ardyn and it was ostensibly alright if they…touched each other. Just a little. 

So. If that man knew—everything, Noctis’s ultimate secret—he really looked like he did not care. Noctis could see him now, standing over by the door, greeting other customers. Literally not even thinking about Noctis or any of it. Just doing his job.

Did people really…not care about things like this? Arrangements and male escorts and…who Noctis went out with?

The younger man sighed. Maybe his shrink was right. Maybe he just needed to look at things objectively once in a while to find out that people really didn’t hate him on sight the way he thought.

Ardyn quickly kissed Noctis’s hand again. This time, Noctis felt nothing but relief. That was two kisses and one person who knew. Without anyone dying or anything terrible happening. Maybe…it really was alright.

Now Noctis wished that instead of sitting opposite each other, they were on one long bench. He wanted to lay his head on Ardyn’s shoulder, maybe even sit in the older man’s lap. He wanted to enjoy this meal right next to Ardyn the whole time. Openly together. As an actual couple.

But, no. No. That was ridiculous. Adults didn’t behave like that. Noctis could have Ardyn all to himself later on (and oh, he liked the sound of that). For now, they could sit and casually hold hands. Like normal people.

It felt pretty relaxing to know that he could be himself—this secretive part of who he was, the part that liked older men and wanted to be with Ardyn so badly—and still be considered normal. 

Now to fill up the silence.

“So, um…” Noctis began. He automatically defaulted to some of his stock conversation starters. And he was about to ask…what? What are your favorite movies? Or maybe he should use another one…?

Meanwhile, Ardyn poured half of his beer into a tall glass. He managed it all one-handed, keeping his hand latched firmly in Noctis’s. The yellow liquid sloshed noisily, with a good amount of head, but Ardyn did not seem to mind. He took a long sip and looked back at Noctis curiously, waiting for him to finish. 

“Just that….” Noctis began, fiddling with the top on his own beer. “I feel like I don’t…know you that well? I mean I know you, but. I don’t know the…little things, you know?”

Ardyn sighed in pleasure around the taste of cold Cuban beer. “The little things?” he asked interestedly. 

“Yeah, like…” Noctis shrugged one shoulder. “What do you do for fun?”

Ardyn’s eyes widened a little. He squeezed Noctis’s hand reflexively, which made the younger man feel like maybe he had asked a good question. For once. He waited eagerly for his date’s answer.

“Hmmm, fun…” Ardyn carefully considered his response. He could be coy. Or he could be evasive and come up with something fake. But, no. He thought that maybe the best thing to do was just be honest. 

So he was. “…Well, I’m afraid I don’t have much spare time these days. I work long hours every day of the week. No weekends to speak of.”

No weekends? That sounded awful. But then…for sex workers…Noctis deflated as he imagined the sheer wealth of people that must command Ardyn’s attention at all hours. He felt a tiny stab of jealousy in his heart. (Yes, he knew, the jealousy was always there. But he was getting to the point where he couldn’t deny it anymore. It kind of hurt to think of Ardyn, sitting down to dinner with another person. Whispering sexy things into someone else’s ear…)

“I have a few different jobs, you see,” Ardyn continued. He took another sip of beer. “Well, two, really. This, my work with Fox Toy along with all my other profiles, the likes of which you’ve seen. And I’m also a copy editor. As a day job…so to speak.” 

Noctis redoubled his attention when he heard the last part. Yet another job? A…what? “A copy editor? …What’s that?” 

So, Ardyn explained to Noctis what he did for the publishing company. It was a surprise for both of them—for Noctis because he had no idea Ardyn possessed this wealth of knowledge about history, that he worked as a functional encyclopedia of sorts in order to do his job well. And for Ardyn because Noctis was absolutely intrigued by his work. He wanted to hear all about it.

Naturally, Ardyn was very willing to disclose a bunch of tidbits about his past works. Texts on Roman religion and French catholicism (his most recent projects). Noctis listened attentively the whole time, interrupting only to ask questions about the material or about the editing process. 

They talked animatedly until their appetizers arrived. Then, they dropped hands for the first time to tuck into their food.

Noctis tried the fried beef ( _vaca frita_ ) first. It looked the safest. And yeah, it was delicious. Sizzling hot and well spiced. A fresh, thorough kind of taste. Noctis ate half the dish before he even realized.

Eventually Ardyn prompted Noctis to try the plantains. Noctis was a little wary—those looked like they might be a vegetable. But Ardyn explained that they were more similar to bananas, which Noctis sort of liked. They were the most enjoyable fruit, in his opinion. So he gave them a try.

The _plátanos_ were…interesting. More on the sweet side, but the sweetness of the banana was kind of covered up by the savory flavors of the oil it was fried in. A strange mix of both sweet and savory. Noctis could not remember tasting something like it before, but he couldn’t say he hated it. It was alright. He ate a few bites and was proud of himself. 

When the host came back, Noctis realized he hadn’t even looked at his menu. Ardyn ordered some _ropa vieja_ , which from the picture seemed like beef in some kind of tomato sauce. Noctis floundered when it was his turn to order, stuttering and desperately hoping that he didn’t accidentally pick something he would hate…

“Do you like stewed beef?” Ardyn asked gently, cutting in on Noctis’s hesitant pointing.

“Yeah, I do,” Noctis answered immediately. Actually he loved the stuff. Ignis made something he called ‘king’s stew’ that was one of Noctis’s favorite dishes.

“Try the _boliche_ , then,” Ardyn offered. He pointed towards the picture on the bottom. “It’s very similar.” 

“Alright.” Noctis fought his fears and made eye contact with the host. 

The guy did not even bat an eyelash. Maybe he really was used to this. 

The tight fist squeezing mercilessly at Noctis’s insides unclenched, just a little bit. He didn’t have to hide here. He could be in this space without needing to put on a face for the papers, like he always needed to do with his family. To pretend that he had some whole other life that wasn’t even a real thing anymore.

Here, with Ardyn, his actual life was good enough.

Beaming, Noctis turned to Ardyn and said, “Thanks for the recommendation. I hope it’s good. Cuz it if it’s not I’m gonna blame you.” 

Ardyn nodded with a friendly smile, chuckling under his breath. “Yes, yes. I’ll take the blame for this one, alright? And then I’ll buy you ice cream for dessert. Something every good little boy loves.” 

Noctis actually laughed in return. He deserved that jab. They were…teasing each other. It felt natural and easy. 

“So, what other publishing projects have you been working on?” Noctis drank his beer and let himself chill. The Bucanero was a bit stronger than he usually liked, but for some reason that was alright for now. 

“Well, right now I’m working on a manuscript that discusses Greco-Roman influence on Buddhist art,” Ardyn explained, polishing off the plantains. “It outlines the transfer of idealistic realism and Hellenistic notions about sensuality. Mostly due to Alexander the Great in the fourth century. A kind of cultural syncretism that’s actually very fascinating.”

“Wow…” Noctis began. He only understood about every other word of that, but still. Even more impressive. “I can’t believe you know all this stuff, man.” 

“More educated than you took me for, hmm?” 

“Well, yeah!” 

Oh wait. Shit. That was probably really rude…Noctis blushed and wished he could take that back right away.

But Ardyn laughed again. After all, he had set up the joke on himself. He wasn’t the kind of guy that would get offended at someone for simply agreeing. “Yes, I get that a lot. Even my managers had a hard time believing me when I told them my credentials.” He shrugged. “So it is.”

Noctis loved this new side of Ardyn. He wanted to know even more. Keeping up with their teasing vibe, he said, “Come on, you’re not lying to me about all this, are you?” 

The older man sat back with his hand on his heart. “Such little faith!” he remarked. “A cutting blow. But yes, I assure you. It’s all real. You can look it up on your phone if you like. Search for this title…” He gave Noctis the title of one of his publications. A piece on ancient Israeli culture. 

That was exactly what Noctis wanted to do. He wanted to look at a book and see Ardyn’s name on the cover. Even on the inside title page where it said ‘edited by…’ That was the coolest shit ever. He’d never known anybody who wrote a textbook before, other than his college professors but they didn’t count. Never anyone he was friends with. Part of him even wanted to read all of the books, even though he knew they would be way over his head. Just so he could get a little closer to Ardyn’s world.

“Hell yeah I will,” Noctis retorted. He reached into his jacket for his phone.

The first thing he saw when he turned on his phone screen was that he had about seven unread text messages and two missed calls. Noctis frowned, not used to seeing so many messages. Especially because this was one of the only times he put his phone on silent. Normally he checked his texts as soon as they he got them. This time, for once, the vibrations were off.

They were all from Ignis.

The first one came in about an hour ago. Close to 7:30 when Noctis arrived at the restaurant. 

**Ignis:** Noct, I have some free time tonight. I know it’s not my regular day but I’m coming over. It’s been quite a few days since I’ve seen you and I’m a little worried. You looked to be in poor spirits when I left on Friday. So I’ll see you in a few minutes.

Oh, fuck. Noctis felt the color drain out of face. His hands immediately went back to shaking, the sinking, overwhelming pressure from before was back.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck….

He read the next message even though he knew it was going to be hell.

**Ignis:** So. I’m at your apartment Noct and you’re…not here. No note on the fridge, as per our usual agreement. Well then. Where are you?

Right around then he received his first missed call from Ignis. Then some more texts.

**Ignis:** And you’re not answering your phone. So I suppose I’ll call Prompto since most likely you’re with him and simply forgot to tell me.

**Ignis:** Just phoned Prompto. He says you’re not with him and that you haven’t spoken to him in a few days. That’s worrying, Noct. Suppose I’ll call Gladio next.

**Ignis:** Well. You’re not with Gladio either. So I’ll ask again. Where. Are. You. Noct? Please text back as soon as you get this.

There was the other missed call. 

**Ignis:** Alright. I’ve waited over twenty minutes now with no answer from you. I’ll wait another ten minutes and then I’m calling the police. This is highly irregular, Noct, and I’m thinking about driving up to your school to find out who was the last person to see you. 

**Ignis:** Five minutes left. I’ve called the student center at your school and they’ve put me on hold.

“Everything alright?” 

Noctis whipped around to face his date. Ardyn was staring at him with mild amusement, a frown creasing the middle of his brow when he saw the look of pure panic on Noctis’s face. 

The younger man swallowed around his painfully dry throat. “Yeah, sorry.” He could hear the internet advice pounding in his head: Turn your phone off and give them your full attention. 

Shit, now he was going to look like he didn’t even care—when that was the exact opposite of how he was feeling in this moment—

His phone lit up with another text.

**Ignis:** Two minutes.

“Sorry, I just got a text and I have to answer it!” Noctis’s shouting drew a few eyes over to the two of them.

He didn’t waste another second before typing a reply—right there at the table. The exact thing he wasn’t supposed to do.

Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it.

**Noctis:** Iggy!! Fuck, it’s me!!

**Noctis:** I’m alright! Don’t call the police!! 

He saw that Ignis was typing back to him now.

**Ignis:** Noct. You caught me just in time. I had literally picked up the house phone to dial the emergency line. So. Where are you?

**Noctis:** I’m out right now! Everything’s okay. I just went out for the night.

**Ignis:** Oh? By yourself? Or with whom?

Noctis bit his lip and thought about his options. He glanced up at Ardyn who was staring at him this whole time. Shit, Noctis just wanted to throw his phone against a wall right now. Get it away from him. But he couldn’t. He needed to come up with an excuse to tell Ignis before his older friend had some kind of conniption fit.

“I’m really sorry about this,” he said to Ardyn, too ashamed to look the other man in the eye. “I just…need to send a few more messages.”

Ardyn held up one hand, indicating that Noctis should relax. “It’s fine,” he said quietly. “Take care of what you need to. Not a problem.”

Noctis gripped the edge of the table, fitting the urge to lean over and kiss Ardyn on the lips right there. He really, really wanted the other man to understand that he wasn’t doing this on purpose…! And Ardyn was just sitting there. Telling him it was fine. As usual.

**Noctis:** I’m with some friends from school. We all went out together.

**Ignis:** What friends? What are their names?

Ugh, Noctis hated lying to Ignis. He was no damn good at it and Ignis could always pinpoint the exact holes in his argument with laser focus.

**Noctis:** Just a bunch of people. From a class. I haven’t talked about them before.

**Ignis:** Well where are you?

**Noctis:** We’re having some drinks in a bar downtown. 

**Ignis:** What bar?

Just then, the host reappeared with their main course in both arms. Steaming meats and rice—which would have smelled delicious if Noctis’s stomach was turning itself upside down and inside out right now.

“Thank you,” Ardyn said to the waiter, glancing back over at Noctis to gauge the situation.

**Noctis:** Iggy, please! I’m out! I’m trying to make friends with people and you keep texting!

A long wait while Ignis typed his next response. Noctis looked pleadingly over at Ardyn, unsure what to say. He didn’t know if he was going to be in deep shit and have to run out, right here in the middle of dinner when he was having a great time, or if this was all going to be nothing. 

Ardyn saw the look of sheer torment on his prince’s face and it made him frown. He had no idea what the texts were about, but he hoped it was nothing serious. 

As far as he was concerned, he just wanted Noctis to relax. Take a breath and a step back. He worried about the boy when his chest started going up and down like that with each rapid breath. Ardyn squinted as he stared at his unraveling client. 

Was Noctis prone to panic attacks? He wondered. Probably, if his shaking hands and heavy breathing were any indication. And it fit with Noctis’s general disposition. Ardyn knew a few people in his life who endured high anxiety like that. It could be a bitch to deal with.

Unsure what else to do, Ardyn offered Noctis his hand again. He figured that the prince would not be ready to talk about this just yet. Not until he got a handle on himself. So, Ardyn would be there as he could. 

Noctis desperately grasped the older man’s hand. He was so close to losing it right now. This was the one thing he hadn’t prepared for, and yet somehow the worst thing that could have happened. He couldn’t imagine his embarrassment, coming home to Ignis and the police. With Ardyn in tow. Having to explain that he was out on a date (with an escort, no less) not only to Ignis but to the authorities and the rest of his building as well…

…He gripped Ardyn’s hand and put the thought from his mind. That wasn’t going to happen at least. He had stopped that much, just by chance. Now he needed to try and walk Ignis back from the brink.

Finally, a response.

**Ignis:** Noct, I respect the fact that you’re a young man who wants to go out with his friends. But you must understand that this all sounds very suspicious. You didn’t leave a message on the fridge or send me a text to let me know you’d be out—that’s the first time ever. And you won’t give me any names. I’m sorry if this is a bother to you, but I need to be on the safe side.

**Ignis;** You need to call me. Right now. I need to hear your voice to know that everything’s alright.

No way around that one. Closing his eyes, Noctis rose from the table.

“I’m so, so sorry…” Noctis began. “I really need to make a call. I’ll be right back, I promise.”

“Of course,” Ardyn replied. “Just so you know, I have my car here in case you need a ride somewhere.”

Fuck, why was Ardyn being so amazing about all this? Noctis squeezed the older man’s hand as hard as he could, unable to say anything other than, “Thanks,” before he excused himself outside where he could hear. Away from the music.

He dialed Ignis’s number and his lifelong friend answered on the second ring.

“Noct.”

“Iggy, it’s me. I’m here okay? I’m alive. Just out with friends.” 

He heard Ignis breathe a heavy sigh. “Noctis, please. Give me the name of a place so that I have some idea where you are right now.” 

Noctis glanced around quickly. There happened to be a bar across the street called the Two Step. He quickly muttered the name and address into the receiver, hating himself for lying yet again.

But if the truth was ever going to come out, now was not the time.

“What? The Two Step?” Ignis repeated.

“Yeah, it’s downtown like I said.” He waited while Ignis verified the address on his phone.

“Hmm, I see it. So that’s where you are?” Ignis asked, his voice edging on relief. Closer now to regular anger than the cold rage it had been before. “And if I went there, I’d find you?”

“You would,” Noctis answered. He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “But please don’t come here, okay? I mean…come on, I’m with some people. And like, you know…I’m twenty-four, Iggy. No one else has their nanny checking up on them right now.” 

“I’m not--"

“I know. I know you’re not my nanny. I’m just…giving an example.” Noctis sighed. He might be fucking this up even more, honestly. 

“No, not that. I was going to say, I’m not doubting the fact that you can go out on your own.” Ignis calmly corrected him, like always. He sounded weary rather than angry now. “I’m just worried because you didn’t follow any of the regular procedures that we have in place. If you wanted to go out, why didn’t you leave a note? Or text me?”

Noctis bit his lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I needed to because Tuesday’s not your day. My phone was on silent before so I didn’t get your messages until now.”

“On silent?” Ignis balked at the very idea.

“Yeah, okay? I just didn’t want to get interrupted or anything. For like two seconds.” Now Noctis was starting to get angry. 

Why did Ignis have to police his life like this? Sure, he owed Ignis a lot. But right now, Noctis was doing something that he actually enjoyed. Even if it wasn’t the best or safest thing he’d ever done, he was having a good time. For _once_. And now Ignis was making that hard for him… 

“Noct, please don’t put your phone on silent,” Ignis reprimanded. “It’s not safe. I thought we talked about this.”

“Yeah, back when I was in high school!” Noctis was shouting now. “Kind of a while ago, you know?”

“Yes, but the realities are still the same.” Ignis sighed, backing up once he heard the outrage in Noctis’s voice. “Just…please, let me know when you’re going out from now on, alright? You gave me the fright of my life…”

Noctis withered when he heard that. Guilt automatically rose to the surface. He hadn’t meant to scare Ignis. It had been the furthest thing from his mind. And come on, he never wanted to make his friend feel shitty like that. Ever, really. 

“…I know. I’m sorry, Specs…” Noctis answered. They were both walking back from the edge of a fight now. “I…didn’t mean to.”

This was always the way they argued. Their tempers flared for a few minutes, they exchanged a few biting comments, and then everything deflated just like that. They were really too close to have the kind of knock-down-drag-out fights most people had with their caregivers. Ignis had been with Noctis through too much. They were passed honest bickering in a lot of ways, but their emotions still ran hot sometimes.

That was as close to arguing as they ever got. Whether that was normal or not.

“That’s alright, Noct. You’re right…you’re a young man now, and…you should be going out.” Ignis sounded amenable, his regular self. “In fact I’m happy you are. That’s…good.”

“Yeah…”

“So, yes.” Ignis cleared his throat. “Go have fun with your friends. I’ll be headed back to my place for the night. I only ask that you text me when you get home. Just to let me know that you’re safe, alright?”

“Okay. I will. I promise.” Noctis felt thoroughly exhausted, even though it sounded like he won the so-called argument. The contest of wills, more like.

“Thank you. Good night, Noct.”

“Night. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Yes, thank you.” 

They hung up at the same time, but they both stayed close to the phone for a few minutes longer. An old habit from when Noctis was young. If he called Ignis for…whatever (for help, or for comfort, especially around the time Noctis’s mom died), he might call again as soon as they hung up. Suddenly remembering something more he wanted to tell Ignis or else not ready to say goodbye just yet. The ritual kept, through all these years.

Noctis sat down on the bench for a second. He desperately wanted to get back to Ardyn, but he needed to collect himself first. That had been a…really emotional call. He didn’t want to go back in there just to cry all over the food or something.

Breathe in for a count of eight. Breathe out for eight. There. Might as well do a couple more of those.

When Noctis returned to their table, Ardyn was calmly searching through his own phone. Unperturbed. Noctis slunk into the seat across like a criminal.

“All good?” the older man asked, putting away his phone and regarding his client quizzically. “Need anything?” 

“No, I’m okay. It was just a misunderstanding.”

Noctis looked down at his plate, picking up his fork automatically. He realized that Ardyn hadn’t even touched his food. Another pang of guilt assaulted him. “Oh, shit. You could have started eating without me. I should have said…ah, sorry Ardyn. Now it’s probably all cold…”

He dug his fingernails into his palms, feeling like a piece of shit. 

Ardyn picked up his fork as well, waving his hand at the matter. “It’s fine. I’m lucky enough to have eaten this meal hot and cold before. Actually it’s delicious both ways. Like a few notable gifts in life…” He smirked at his own little joke.

Noctis tried to smile back. He really could not shake the feeling that he had somehow ruined all of this. 

“Would you…like to talk about any of that?” Ardyn asked, cutting himself a bit of beef.

Address the elephant in the room. That’s what the internet said. It was good advice. Besides, Noctis really needed to come clean about his whole family situation. No doubt it would come up again in the future. The near future, probably. 

“Umm, yeah. It’s…family stuff. I should really…tell you…” Noctis began shakily.

“Well, take a few bits of your meal first,” Ardyn encouraged. “We can discuss it once you’ve eaten something.” 

…Why did Noctis unearth all these caregiver instincts inside Ardyn? Was it because they started all this from the daddy angle? Or because Noctis clearly needed a bit of care in his life? 

…Because Ardyn himself never had children and now as a middle-aged man he was starting to feel the effects of an offspring-less life—

Well. Freudian philosophy aside, Ardyn just wanted to see Noctis relax. He felt that was an important part of his job at this point. And also as person. 

“Okay.” Noctis put a bite of _boliche_ in his mouth. He expected it to taste like dirt, as most food did when he was riding out an anxiety attack, but actually…it tasted great.

The meat was stewed just right. To the point of flaky-ness, but not without a certain satisfying sense of chewiness. Flavor from the beef mixed with the ham stuffed inside, as well as the spiced oil. It had gone a bit cold, but even then, the flavors stayed vibrant. There were onions chopped up in the broth—but Noctis couldn’t even taste them because of how nicely salted they were. A miracle!

“This is delicious…!” Noctis exclaimed, shoveling in a few more bites right away. 

“I know, right?” Ardyn replied. He nodded happily to see Noctis enjoy the food. “I’ve been known to give good recommendations in the past. Anyway, I’ll still take you out for ice cream if you want.”

Suddenly remembering their conversation from earlier, Noctis broke out into a small laugh. “Ice cream would be great.” He glanced up curiously at Ardyn as well. “But yeah, I’m…down for all types of desserts, really.”

Ardyn was besides himself with glee when he realized Noctis actually made a sex joke. “Well done!” Congratulations were in order. His shy boy was coming out of his shell enough to request special desserts now. “And I’m happy to oblige, as you know.”

After a few minutes, Noctis put his fork down and took another drink. He thought he was ready to talk about this. 

“So I have this…friend. But he’s like, more than a friend? He was my babysitter when we were kids and now he kind of…takes care of me still. Like, all the time. His name is Ignis.”

“Mmm…Ignis…” Ardyn hummed thoughtfully. “The name rings a bell.”

Noctis blinked slowly to forget the shame of the name mix-up. “Yeah. That’s him. So my dad hired him when we were young…”

He told Ardyn the whole story. Of Ignis; the fact that the man came over most weeknights to cook Noctis dinner and make sure he was well taken care of. He even slipped in facts about his dad; how Regis had never really lived up to typical fatherly expectations, letting the burden fall to Ignis instead. Noctis even explained how his mom died when he was eight, changing him forever. Making him more dependent and more distant at the same time.

Was this oversharing? 

Uh yeah, probably.

“Sorry if that’s more than you wanted to know…” Noctis began. They were done with dinner already and the plates had been cleared. Ardyn ordered an extra beerfor himself, just to keep the conversation going.

The escort listened the whole time. Hardly interjecting at all.

“No, not at all,” Ardyn replied. He emptied the rest of his beer in the glass and drank it. “I want to know about your history, Noct. In fact, I must say, thank you for trusting me with all that. I have a better idea where you’re coming from—especially when it comes to our messages. That must be difficult with Ignis around.”

“Yeah, it really is.” Noctis rubbed his forehead tiredly. “Like, so much. But I should have told you before. It’s the reason why I sometimes…ghost, I guess.”

Ardyn shook his head. Fighting down a beer burp that threatened to come up (always at the most inopportune times). “No, it’s fine. We’re here now.”

He smiled, holding out his hand for Noctis to take. “And in very a good place, I think.”

Once again, Noctis took it. This time he felt happy and confident. A reaffirmation of the fact that this was a date and that Ardyn liked being here with him. Despite all the weird hiccups.

Giddy and way too into the oversharing now, Noctis finally said, “Actually, this my first date. Ever. I’ve never been out with someone I liked before.” 

Ardyn eyebrows shot up. He went still for a minute, trying to decided if that could be true. But, well, if Noctis could be a virgin at twenty-four, then…perhaps this made more sense than anything else.

“Oh, my dear!” Ardyn cried, cupping Noctis’s hand in both of his own. Patting him and kissing his knuckles several times in jubilation. “This is quite the occasion then! I’m sorry I didn’t know earlier. I might have brought a bouquet of roses or something…”

Ncotis pictured Ardyn showing up at the restaurant with an armful of flowers. It would have been so flashy, but Noctis could imagine it really well. Ardyn lived flashy, didn’t he?

Laughing, Noctis pulled Ardyn’s hand close to his chest. He placed a kiss on the older man’s knuckles this time, resting his cheek against Ardyn’s fingers as he said, “No. No, this was great. Kind of perfect, maybe. I don’t know. Even with the Ignis thing…it feels good to get all that off my chest.” 

His blue eyes pierced Ardyn with a vibrant, satisfied gaze. “So, thanks Ardyn. I had a really nice time.”

Ardyn stroked his fingers across Noctis’s face. It was indeed quite a relief to see his prince content again.

“Well, the night’s not done yet,” Ardyn reminded him. “Would you like some dessert? They have an excellent flan here…”

“Nah,” Noctis shook his head. “I’m not a fan of mushy desserts.”

Ardyn nodded slowly. A grin crept across his face. “I see. Well then. What shall we do now?”

Noctis kissed the tips of Ardyn’s fingers. Not even caring if someone saw them anymore. “Hmm…so, I guess my apartment’s free right now. Ignis said he left before.”

“Ah.” Ardyn’s eyes sparkled. “What a marvelous idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I literally pulled an all-nighter on this. ...What's that I was saying about good decisions? Nope, none of that here.


	5. Brevity is the soul of wit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing their feelings may not make things easier for these guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess I'm just going to average 10k for these chapters. That's apparently what I'm doing with my life now. 
> 
> Who said anything about pacing yourself? I'm more of the...binge writing style. Lol. It's true though.
> 
>  
> 
> Note on Hamlet reference: Polonius says "brevity is the soul of wit" in Act II. The meaning and proper usage are often debated, though it’s a fairly well-known quote in the English-speaking world.

**Chapter Five: Brevity is the soul of wit**

It didn’t take long to settle the bill. Noctis got a little worried at first—the host took him into the back near the kitchens to run his credit card. He glanced back at Ardyn, who nodded calmly as if this were all part of the drill. So, pushing away irrational (well, somewhat rational) fears about following people into the backs of restaurants, Noctis handed the host his credit card and stood there awkwardly while it processed.

As Ardyn promised, he did not need to sign for it. The host just smiled at him and said thanks. Apparently, Ardyn explained afterward, the man received a bit of an extra tip for handling the billing that way. Something to the tune of $100. Noctis hardly minded—that sounded like a reasonable tip, right? But it felt strange. Like, shady deals. 

Whatever. He only needed to do this because Ignis checked his credit card bills sometimes (when Noctis forgot to pay, which wasn’t often, but it…had happened before). So, better not to have spent money that he couldn’t explain.

They got out of there immediately afterward. Straight to Ardyn’s gaudy (sexy) looking car. 

“Your majesty…” Ardyn intoned with a smirk and a facetious bow as he opened the passenger door for Noctis. 

Way over the top. Of course. Good thing no one happened to walk by right at that moment, or else Noctis would have been embarrassed.

Not that the younger man minded the gesture…opening the door and everything like…an old-fashioned gentleman or something…it made his stomach tingle in a weird way. Kind of excitement and kind of something else.

“Tch…” Noctis replied, not sure what else to say. He scrambled into the soft leather seat and tried to (low-key) memorize every inch of his surroundings.

The inside of Ardyn’s car smelled strongly like the older man’s cheap cologne. And a bit like cigarette smoke. It never occurred to Noctis that Ardyn might smoke—he’d never seen him do it, obviously, but…the smell was pretty easy to recognize. 

Not even caring, Noctis inhaled deeply while Ardyn walked around to the driver’s side. This smell was synonymous with Ardyn too—he wanted to remember it. Smoke and leather and sweet spice. It fit Ardyn so fucking perfectly.

“Now, I think I know the way to your place from here,” Ardyn began, settling into the driver’s seat. “But if you would be so kind as to put on the navigation app, I would be grateful.” 

“Sure.” Noctis typed in his address and put his phone on the dashboard. He could probably direct Ardyn, but it was easier to have the app on because of all the random one-way streets that Noctis had no hope of remembering.

Ignis tried to teach him to drive. They got pretty far—enough that Noctis had his own license. But, he rarely ever got the chance to use it. Ignis still chauffeured Noctis around almost everywhere, regardless.

Except now it was Ardyn in the driver’s seat. Noctis openly stared at him. Watched him take off his reading glasses and put them in his front pocket. Quickly start the car, let it roar to life (pretty noisy, definitely an older model), and comfortably turn out of their parking space.

Noctis’s heart was beating so wildly. He had a strange desire to reach into Ardyn’s pocket and take out his glasses—just to inspect them. See how bad Ardyn’s eyes really were. But the pocket was on the far side of Ardyn’s chest, and Noctis didn’t want to reach across while the older man was driving. 

He completely ignored the city landscape scrolling by the windows. His attention was entirely fixated on Ardyn.

Which the escort could feel. He knew his boy was staring at him like Ardyn was some kind of exciting news program. And he didn’t mind the attention one bit. It felt refreshingly nice to have Noctis’s eyes glued to his person. 

It did something to Ardyn. Made him want to put on a show. Perform in some way. Or else, _give_ something to Noctis. A gift, an answer to one of Noctis’s dire needs. This prince needed so much after all…

Hmm. The pauper prince. Indeed. 

Ardyn licked his lips in excitement. “You know…I have a present for you in that plastic bag in the backseat.” 

Noctis immediately turned to look at it. A black bag sat there innocently. Curious beyond belief, Noctis reached for it. 

“Don’t spoil yourself!” Ardyn quickly chimed. “You’ll see soon enough. The moment we get into your apartment. I promise.”

“Okay…” Noctis turned back around, fixing himself so he could stare at Ardyn head-on. 

Needless to say, he hadn’t been expecting gifts. At all. He instantly felt bad (was this like a date thing? Were you supposed to give a gift on the first date? Why hadn’t the internet told him about that?!) because he had nothing for Ardyn in return. But…thinking back to the mysterious tote bag his escort brought over last time, Noctis quickly put together that this was some kind of…sex thing.

A sex thing. They were _literally_ going back to Noctis’s apartment just to have sex right now. 

Noctis tapped his fingers anxiously on the top of his knee, unable to hold back a shiver of anticipation. They were doing this. Like it was a regular thing.

And it kind of was a regular thing now. They were…well, Noctis didn’t know exactly what he and Ardyn were. Lovers? A couple? Escort and client? Friends, maybe? Did it count as friendship when you had to pay someone to hang out with you? 

Noctis shook his head at the thought. No, that couldn’t be the only thing they had going. If it was just the money, Ardyn would have sat through their dinner date bored as hell. Sighing and glancing at the clock every other minute. Ordering meal upon meal just to take advantage of the fact that Noctis was paying.

Ardyn hadn’t done any of that. He’d sat there, chatted with him. Told him personal things. Listened to Noctis’s life story. Supported him through the…bumpy parts.

And that _look_. 

Noctis bit his lip and squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as he remembered the way Ardyn looked at him during dinner. Relaxed and happy. Like being there with Noctis was a pleasant surprise, like he was excited to spend time with him. Even when he heard all the bullshit about Noctis’s family—even when he saw a glimpse of Noctis’s deep-rooted strain of anxiety—Ardyn’s face didn’t change. He still wanted to stay, still wanted to be with him. 

Damn. Noctis dug his fingernails into his jeans. He really shouldn’t think about things like that right now. He’d better save those thoughts for late at night, when he could turn them over again and again, alone, trying to decide if any of it was real or if Ardyn was just acting. 

Because the thought that it could be real… 

That made Noctis want to climb into Ardyn’s lap right this very second. He wanted to wrap his legs around Ardyn’s waist and press his ear to Ardyn’s lips. He wanted Ardyn to whisper things to him like he did when they were in bed. Things about how he loved being with Noctis, how excited he got when they were together. He wanted to latch onto Ardyn’s shoulders and rub himself against the older man’s stomach. He wanted Ardyn to touch him, all over…to finger him, _just right_ , like he always did…

Noctis became hyperaware of how close they were in the car. The windows and doors boxing them in together. The smell, covering everything, seeping into Noctis’s clothes (hopefully). He was breaking out into actual goosebumps right now, he was already so turned on (he’d been waiting, though. Ever since he first saw Ardyn that night, walking over to him so calm and sexy). His nipples were hard as fuck, chafing irritatingly against his t-shirt. And he was…really hard. Noctis could see the outline of his own dick underneath his black jeans. Throbbing. Defiant—Noctis had no hope of getting himself to calm down this time. Not here, when they were done with a successful, pleasant date and Ardyn wanted to fuck him.

“Mmm…” 

Against his better judgement, Noctis pressed his nose into Ardyn’s shoulder. He needed to touch him. A little was enough, but he needed some contact…or else he might be tempted to palm himself through his jeans just to keep some level of sanity. 

Ardyn smiled and kissed the top of Noctis’s head. He knew his boy was already struggling to keep it in his pants. A quick glance in Noctis’s direction showed a young man whose knees wouldn’t stop clacking together. A pitiful attempt to alleviate some of the pressure in between. 

Well. Good food and good conversation did tend to make people horny, Ardyn reasoned. Besides, Noctis had waited long enough. He was probably more than ready for a little attention.

Ardyn held out one hand to Noctis, across the automatic shift. This would have to tide Noctis over until they got home. Because as much as Ardyn loved good old fashioned road head, he did not trust Noctis to give it to him…safely. Besides. He had his own plans for how the night would go.

Noctis snatched Ardyn’s hand greedily and pressed it to his face. He remembered holding hands in the restaurant. That only riled him up more.

“Ah, man…” he moaned, clicking his teeth. This was a lot right now. He kissed Ardyn’s knuckles and fought the urge to lick the older man’s fingertips. 

He was getting weird. Really weird. But he couldn’t help it. Being with Ardyn unleashed all kinds of crazy impulses inside Noctis. Things he had been stuffing down for years, telling himself it was never going to happen. But now, little by little, Noctis was starting to feel the full force of his sexuality. Cravings and tiny flare-ups of desire he had never experienced before. 

Having sex for the first time did that to him. Getting a taste of something good just made him hungry for more. 

“Almost there, love,” Ardyn rumbled. Eyes twinkling. “Just a bit longer.”

Noctis nodded. This is not at all how he expected this car ride to go. He thought they would have had some kind of witty exchange, maybe continue their talk from the restaurant. Noctis still had all those conversation starters floating around his brain.

Should he ask them now? What’s your favorite movie? How long have you lived in the city? …what were the other ones…?

Would it be awkward to bring up normal things like that when they both knew Noctis was itching to get home? 

Also, why did Ardyn seem so comfortable with silences? Didn’t most people get anxious when the conversation died? But not this guy…Ardyn kept smiling. Driving one-handed. Not a care in the world.

Noctis laced and unlaced their fingers curiously. Maybe the movement of their hands was enough conversation. Touching felt like talking sometimes. Especially during sex. Maybe Ardyn could be satisfied with that.

Taken with the idea, Noctis considered all the different ways he could make himself understood. If his brain wasn’t going to give him words that made any sense, then he could make do with touching. That worked better. It was easier, actually.

Amazed at how normal silence felt, Noctis peppered kisses on the inside of Ardyn’s palms. He traced the creases in the skin curiously. He could learn about Ardyn this way, too. By touching—Noctis’s new favorite thing.

When they pulled into the parking garage underneath Noctis’s building, a smile lit up the prince’s face. Here, finally. As soon as Ardyn pulled the key out of the ignition, Noctis tugged the front of the older man’s sweater towards him, forcing their lips into a kiss. 

Ardyn let it happen. He kissed Noctis back gently. Their lips were operating at two different speeds—Ardyn’s slow and easy-going, Noctis’s impatient and fast. After a moment together, they met somewhere in the middle. Ardyn brought his hand to the side of Noctis’s face to kiss him more thoroughly.

They tasted like each other—a recognizable thing by now. Lips, tongue, teeth. And a little bit like Bucanero beer, mixed with salt and bay leaf. The spices from their food. 

Noctis wrapped his arms around Ardyn’s neck until the older man’s head rested in the crook of his elbows. Deepening the angle of their kiss. Ardyn’s body twisted uncomfortably against the steering wheel, but he could live with that for the moment. Noctis was hot in his hands. Smooth and hungry. So perfect. 

When they broke for air, Noctis was already dizzy with want. He almost didn’t feel like himself. 

How could this be his life? Fun dates and passionate kisses? 

Weirder than that, Noctis thought he was starting to get used to the feeling. Of letting go and losing himself in Ardyn. 

Oh gods. If this wasn’t real…if this was all just part of Ardyn’s job…Noctis didn’t know if he could take it. 

Shit.

“Come on,” Ardyn said softly. He reached into the back to grab the bag, pulling it to his chest playfully so Noctis didn’t have a chance to see inside. “Let’s head inside. Before I push the seat down and fuck you up against the leather.”

Noctis’s whole body quivered. Then, miraculously, he found his voice and said, “I’m fine with that. Just saying.”

“Hmmm…don’t tempt me.” Ardyn chuckled and winked. He got out of the car, prompting Noctis to follow him.

Walking in together was a first. Noctis had the keys, he knew the doorman in front lobby. He waved at the man, somehow emboldened by their date night not to feel embarrassed. Ardyn, of course, nodded politely. To him, this really was like walking next to royalty. Strolling through such a nice place. Even if the decor was a little gauche.

In the elevator, Noctis threw himself at Ardyn again. This time he pushed the older man up against the mirror behind them, not caring at all (for once) if he left smudges on the glass. He had a sexy stud to kiss. That was the important thing! 

Ardyn grunted when his back hit the mirror. He rested his hands on Noctis’s waist and purred into their kiss, thrilled with this new assertive side of his prince. It seemed going out in public lessened Noctis’s shyness a bit. What a nice side effect. To think. Noctis had been sweating and stammering just to hold hands at the table. Now, anyone could walk in on them in the elevator like this and Noctis didn’t seem to care. 

“Mmmm…” Noctis whined, pressing their foreheads together while they panted in each other’s faces. He glanced at the opaque plastic bag. “…What are you gonna do to me tonight, Ardyn?” 

Ardyn felt his own cock twitch. Those words were soft and a little coquettish, but sincere. Noctis was genuinely asking. 

“Ah….so, so many things, my love…” 

He pulled Noctis’s hips closer, letting the younger man’s obvious arousal dip into the yielding flesh on Ardyn’s stomach. Noctis moaned at the contact. He twisted his fingers in the cashmere of Ardyn’s sweater.

When the door opened, Ardyn pushed Noctis into the hallway. He was at a point where he didn’t want to wait any more either. This kid had been teasing him in the car the whole way here! Ardyn was moments away from undressing Noctis in the hallway if he didn’t hurry up. 

Fumbling with the keys, Noctis had a minor flurry of panic thinking that Ignis might still be in his apartment. If so—if his older friend’s promise had been something of a “white lie”—then Noctis was in deep shit. 

Luckily, the lights were off when they stumbled in. It was quiet. No whiff of dinner on the stove or cleaning products, Ignis’s hallmarks. A quick glance around the living room and kitchen allayed his fears. Ignis really had gone home for the night.

Thank fuck. Noctis sent off a quick text to his friend saying that he got home safe. As promised.

Ardyn hooked his fingers underneath the hem of Noctis’s trendy jacket and led them into the bedroom. Noctis giggled and slipped out of the coat as soon as their knees hit the bed. It felt incredibly good not to have to pretend anymore. He could be totally honest about how fucking much he wanted Ardyn. Right now.

They laughed as they pulled each other’s clothes off. Everything flew onto the bed or the floor. When Noctis stepped out of his pants and boxers, he happened to look down and see that his phone had fallen out of his jacket pocket. 

Phone…why did that…? 

“Oh, right,” Noctis bent forward, naked, and picked up his phone. “Let me pay you now before I forget again. How much?” 

Ardyn was shirtless, opening his jeans and eyeing Noctis so hard he barely heard a word the kid said. Why did this young man’s body move like that, so graceful and easy? Like a cat or something. So skinny and lithe…Ardyn wanted to kneel down and take a big bite out of that pert ass he loved so much.

“Hmm?” he asked, dropping his pants and latching onto Noctis’s hips. He kissed up and down the boy’s shoulders. The skin there was so fresh and delicious. Practically a curse, considering what it did to Ardyn.

“I said, hey…” Noctis huffed. He fell into the bed and rolled onto his back, batting away kisses and ill-timed licks from Ardyn. He reveled in all the attention, naturally, but they had to take care of this first…didn’t they?

“Come on, how much?” Noctis squirmed underneath Ardyn, automatically spreading his legs for the older man. 

Without question, Ardyn slotted himself in between Noctis’s thighs. This was where he belonged. Yes, here. Possibly one of the most lovely places in the world…oh, Noctis was getting so flexible. He could spread-eagle for Ardyn now, it seemed.

He glanced at the phone in Noctis’s hand. How much? How much what…? 

…The reality of what he was supposed to be doing slapped Ardyn in the face. 

Sure. He had never been the type to interrupt a scene as free-flowing as this. But still. He had a rule about getting paid up front. Losing himself to the heat of the moment felt an awful lot like crossing the line. 

He regurgitated the number in his head. One he had decided upon earlier. “…1,400 should do it.”

“K.” Noctis quickly transferred the money to his account, shaking away his doubt from earlier. (Of course he had to pay, what was he thinking? Ardyn had to make a living, after all.)

Ardyn heard an email notification on his phone chirp from somewhere on the floor. Paying it no mind, he reached down for the plastic bag and dumped all of its contents onto the bed. 

“Ummm…don’t you want to see if it went through…?” Noctis asked curiously. That’s how they usually did this, anyway. He glanced at the sex toys, and immediately felt awkward. He had no idea what any of those things were used for, but he was about to learn.

Actually that was pretty hot…

“Oh, I’m sure it’s all there, Noct,” Ardyn replied. He pawed through the pile to find what he was looking for. 

Yes, this was somewhat out of the ordinary for him, ignoring an email about payment. And there was the line to consider…that one point he needed to stay vigilant not to cross…

Hell. Who was he kidding? Ardyn knew he already crossed the line miles ago. 

Really, so what. 

He stared at his naked prince, laid out before him like a meal on a plate. If he was going to throw all his principles away, all the careful distance he had cultivated for a job he’d been doing for years, Noctis was the guy to do it for.

Seriously. This boy was like a breath of fresh air. A glimpse into honesty after years of playacting and hustling. Ardyn could gulp Noctis down in heaving breaths, like he was suffocating. He wanted to do everything to this boy. That, and so much more. 

_Everything_.

And that’s what he was going to do. If this was where life had decided to take him, into the open arms and spread legs of some vixen trust fund baby, then so be it. Becoming the love in Noctis’s life wasn’t exactly going to bankrupt him, anyway.

And, oh…he could give this boy so much love. A ridiculous amount of love, truly.

Waving away all his hesitations and confusions, Ardyn bent down and kissed Noctis on the lips. He cupped one hand around the prince’s hard, dripping manhood—more of a possessive move than anything else. He grinned at the way Noctis’s erect cock throbbed in his hand. Leaking, already.

One hard tug and Ardyn knew Noctis might go off in his hand. From nothing but foreplay.

Ah, yes. Tonight’s schedule. As much as Ardyn wanted to wring embarrassing, unbidden orgasms from Noctis without end, he had a responsibility here. He’d promised to help his prince with his stamina.

“Mmmm…” Ardyn traced the tip of one finger over Noctis’s shaft, swallowing his boy’s gasps. Then he sat back on his knees, regarding the younger man with a wolfish smile.

“Remember what I said I would do for you last time, my dear?” 

Noctis’s teeth clattered against each other. He could feel himself getting so close…

And yeah, that was part of the problem. 

Blushing, Noctis closed his eyes and said, “Yeah. I remember. Instant noodles, right?”

Ardyn kissed a trail down Noctis’s heaving chest. “That’s right. Care to hear my plan?”  


Groaning in lingering shame, Noctis threw an arm over his face. He knew Ardyn was going to suggest this, and honestly, the older man had a point Coming all the time like this was pretty bad. Could have been better. But it still felt…crappy. 

“Jeez, Ardyn…” Noctis lifted his arm for a second. “Now I just feel like…I don’t know, like you’re imagining me with a giant cup of ramen on my head or something.” 

Ardyn shoved Noctis’s arm out of the way. He gripped the younger man’s chin and rotated his head from side to side. “Well, now I am…” he admitted.

Noctis sighed and rolled his eyes. Actually, if he wasn’t so cripplingly humiliated, he might have actually laughed at this whole thing. It was kind of funny.

“Anyway,” Ardyn held up the brand new, expensive toy he bought from LanceX. “Look what a nice gift Daddy got for you.”

Reading the title across the clear plastic box, Noctis frowned. _Luxe Vibrating Dildo_. There were drawn lines spread around the long body of the toy, imitating the way it was supposed to vibrate, probably. On the bottom it said, _Silicone and touch-sensitive!_

Not to mention, it was a glaring shade of hot pink. Somewhere in between ‘flamingo’ and ‘bachelorette party.’

Wasn’t this a toy for girls…? They were the ones who appreciated things like vibrators and…dildos…right?

A line formed between Noctis’s eyebrows. He looked confused and far from pleased. “Okay…” he began slowly. “…but why is it pink?”

“Hush.” Ardyn pushed Noctis back down on the bed. “I’m going to assume you didn’t mean to offend my tastes just now.” 

This spoiled brat, Ardyn thought, ripping open the box and extracting the vibrator. It had a circular flat base, equipped with suction cups for solo use. But Ardyn was going to be in complete control of this tonight. He fiddled with the vibrations (there were supposed to be ten settings), checking to see that it came with a full charge, as advertised. It did. Plus, unlike rubber strap-ons that had a small hole where you could insert a bullet vibrator, this toy offered smooth, gradual vibes. Much more effective. Evidently, if you squeezed on it, the vibrations increased. Ardyn tried it with one hand (keenly aware that Noctis was staring at him) and was quite pleased with the results.

Definitely a top-notch vibrating dildo! Not fancy, but reliable. The kind of quality you didn’t mind paying for. Faintly realistic looking too, with a slightly flared tip that imitated a man’s cock head. Soft and pleasing to the touch. 

“You know,” Ardyn began, when he saw Noctis’s frown deepen. He uncapped the lube and spread some on his fingers. “In some cultures, people say ‘thank you’ when they get something nice.” 

“Ummm….thank you…?” Noctis eyed the pink thing warily. He didn’t see how this was supposed to help him.

Ardyn shook his head. For gods’ sake. The words ‘thank you’ sounded like a foreign language in Noctis’s mouth. Hadn’t his father (or Ignis, ostensibly) raised him to be gracious? Or even the least bit appreciative?

Typical. “Well, no matter,” he said, placing the toy down on the bed for a moment. “I’m sure you’ll understand its benefits soon enough. For now, I’m going to open you up on my fingers, love. Just like always. So relax…and try not to come, hmm?”

Ignoring the pained whine from Noctis, Ardyn pushed his prince’s thighs open as far as they would go. He laid down on his stomach so he could be eye-level with Noctis’s unflagging cock and ever-eager hole. He laid the backs of Noctis’s knees on his shoulders. They would probably stay like this for most of the night. Might as well be comfortable.

Noctis felt a stream of Ardyn’s breath graze the wet tip of his hard-on. He shivered, gripping the sheets in his fists. By accident, his hand touched the pink thing. He flinched, honestly startled at how soft it was. He had expected…well, really, he’d never felt silicone before so he didn’t know what to expect. But it was…kind of pliant and mushy. Almost like real skin? Not exactly, though.

He remembered the ominous way it buzzed against Ardyn’s hand. Weird. What kind of tricks did this thing have…? 

Why didn’t Ardyn just fuck him on his cock? The thing Noctis really wanted, that he knew he liked already.

When he felt wet fingers brush his untouched entrance, he gasped loudly. 

“Easy…” Ardyn cooed. He kissed up and down Noctis’s shaft lovingly. “Just me.” 

Alright, Noctis would admit to being a little jumpy. He felt out of sorts; self-conscious about how much he wanted to come already, and not really into the idea of the dildo. 

But, Ardyn’s fingers knew every inch of Noctis’s hole. Exactly how to please him. With a few gentle tugs, Noctis felt himself relaxing. Melting into the bed beneath him. 

“Ooohh…” He really liked Ardyn’s mouth on his dick. Prodding him with kisses. Gentle licks, light strokes of his tongue. He’d never had a blowjob before…was Ardyn going to give him one tonight?

“Mmm!” 

Naturally, Ardyn curled his fingers against Noctis’s sweet spot. It made the younger man spasm involuntarily, like always, but he tried his best to hold back from falling into the pleasure. Normally, he could let himself ride the waves of the aftershocks on his G-spot until it felt like he was actually cumming…but Ardyn had told him to try not to…even though those fingers were stretching him open in circles, feeling along his insides so carefully…

“Ah, that’s…” Noctis forced himself not to think about how good it felt. 

He wished he could go back to his first time, when he tried playing with his ass alone in his room. That hadn’t felt like anything. Just weird and uncomfortable. But ever since Ardyn touched him there, unlocking some secret inside him, Noctis couldn't help wanting it. He hadn’t known it was so good and now…he just wanted Ardyn to finger him all the time.

“Alright. I think you’re ready, Noct.”

Ardyn lapped the corners of his mouth to keep from drooling. He could stare at this boy’s entrance until the day he died. So beautiful. And starting to loosen a little more easily…

Burying his smile against the inside of Noctis’s thigh, Ardyn breathed a contented sigh. “You’re getting used to this, aren’t you?”

Noctis bit his lip and nodded. He couldn’t deny it, after all. The truth was written on his body. 

“So.” Ardyn held out the vibrator. “Touch it, prince. See what it feels like. Because this is going inside you.” 

Swallowing hard, Noctis let his fingertips fall along the silicone length. Just like before, it felt so close to human skin. But colder. Not…bad, though.

“Here’s what we’ll do.” Ardyn poured some lube on the dildo and used Noctis’s hand to spread it around. “I’m going to fuck you on your brand new toy. Nice and easy, at first. When I turn on the vibes, you’re going to want to come right away. I know you will.” He kissed Noctis’s shaft again comfortingly. “But I want you to try your best to hold back. Don’t let yourself come yet. I’ll show you how. Then, when you think you can handle it, I’ll turn it up. Just a little bit. Until you get used to this, too.”

Ardyn circled Noctis’s entrance with the tip of the vibrator. The young man’s eyes flew open and his whole body clenched.

“Don’t get tight, either,” Ardyn warned. “It’s touch sensitive, so the vibes will get stronger if you do.”

Noctis groaned when he heard that. So unfair! How was he supposed to hold back…especially since he’d never had a vibrator _there_ before. Or anywhere. The thought had never even occurred to him.

“I don’t know…” Noctis said. His cock was still full of heavy blood. As if unsure what else to do with itself. “…I don’t think I can do this.”

“Give it a try,” Ardyn encouraged. “If you really struggle, I can put this on you.” He held up a black silicon cock ring, still in the plastic. 

“What’s that?” Noctis asked, eyebrows wrinkling.

“It’s a cock ring. It goes right…here.” Ardyn drew a light circle around the base of his prince’s cock and balls. “It’ll hold you in. Keep you from losing it. But let’s try to do without for now, shall we? I want to see if you can train yourself to hold back. Even a little longer than usual would be good. Progress is progress, right?” 

He placed a sloppy kiss against Noctis’s weeping slit. “I know you can do it.” 

Noctis’s hips twitched upwards. He wanted…oh shit. His body was so needy right now. He wanted Ardyn to lick him on his slit, right there, it felt really good. He wanted the older man to rub his nipples, too. They liked to be touched now. All the time, practically.

“…Okay…” Noctis relented finally. If this was the way to get Ardyn to touch him—and if he wasn’t touched in the next few seconds he was going to start crying—then he had to. Besides, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. 

Ardyn seemed to believe in him.

“It shouldn’t be that different,” the older man coaxed. “It’s not as thick as I am, you know…”

He slipped the lubed dildo into Noctis, encouraging the young man to breathe steadily. Halfway was good for now. Ardyn held onto the base and rolled the tip of the dildo around inside him, exactly where his fingers had been.

“Ah…! What are you…?” What was Ardyn trying to do? Wasn’t he supposed to hold back? The vibes hadn't even started yet and that was already hard…

“First setting,” Ardyn sang.

Noctis felt the vibrations crawl straight up his spine. The tiny (slightly muffled) buzzing massaged his inner walls. A new kind of pleasure spread out across his body. Warm and sharp and instant. Itchy and— _oh._ Noctis could feel the vibrations on his sweet spot. The dildo curved up at just such an angle that it hit him dead-on. 

“F-fuck…” Noctis moaned, shaking head to toe. His feet were twitching uncontrollably. This felt way too good. How was he supposed to hold back…?

What could he do? This pink, girly thing was designed to make him come. How could he win against that?

“Don’t give in,” Ardyn cooed. He kissed the soft skin around Noctis’s tight ballsack, reveling in the way those little handfuls flinched away from him. Soft and slightly fuzzy. 

“…Nnnh…trying…” Gods, this thing massaged his prostate until Noctis felt his veins run with a kind of fiery pleasure. He couldn’t feel his fingertips anymore. 

Trying to fight the orgasm was like trying to fight a sneeze. Possible, to a point, but…not really.

“Do you feel this, Noct? Right here?” He traced the base of Noctis’s dick again. “Focus on that spot and hold it in. I’ll help you.”

Ardyn wrapped his finger and thumb in a tight circle around the base. Just enough to keep Noctis together, but not as tight as a cock ring would be. “There. You see?”

Noctis nodded. It was easier when Ardyn held him like that.

“I’m going to fuck you now, prince.” 

With just that bit of warning, Ardyn starting rocking the dildo in and out of him. Just so. Enough to send warm vibes over the younger man in steady waves.

Slowly, Ardyn let go of Noctis’s dick. He licked a long stripe up the shaft eagerly. A reward for lasting even this long.

“You are doing so wonderfully, my dear,” Ardyn said. “Do you think you can take a little more?”

“Mmm…uh!” Noctis didn’t know, but…maybe?

Taking that as consent, Ardyn raised the setting one notch. Noctis writhed on the bed, doubling over on his side. 

That small motor was so powerful! The heat in Noctis’s body rose exponentially, driving him to a different peak. Normally, he rose steadily and then fell over the edge with a good hard push. But with the vibrator, Noctis’s edge became a bucking bronco that he had to ride, trying to hold on for dear life. 

But he was right there! So close…maybe seconds away from involuntary orgasm, maybe he was already in it…how could he tell?

“Focus,” Ardyn said. “You can keep going a little more. Just a bit more, love…” 

Really, Ardyn was quite impressed. He had suspected Noctis to come apart as soon as he turned the vibrator on. Many virgins did, after all. Especially a man with such a sensitive G-spot as Noctis had! But no. This kid was really trying his best.

“I’m so proud of you, Noct.” Ardyn kissed his prince’s thigh over and over again. Radiant with happiness. “You’re doing such a good job…”

Noctis pulled at the sheets, ripping them from their hold on the mattress. He kept his eyes squeezed closed as hard as he could, because if he tightened at all the vibrations got so much worse (so much _better_ ). 

“Here’s some more,” Ardyn hummed, raising the setting again.

“Oh, shit!” Noctis screamed. He sat up on his elbows reflexively, knowing that he couldn’t control himself anymore. “I…I can’t..! That’s….! Ah, gods…Ardyn…it’s…ah!”

His head fell back, dangling in midair between his shoulders. If he thought he was riding the edge before, he was sorely mistaken. This felt like clawing at the brink with this fingertips. His hips gyrating against the dildo uncontrollably.

“It’s alright, Noct,” Ardyn whispered. “You can come, now. You lasted long enough. Daddy’s very happy with you…” 

To demonstrate, he wrapped his lips around the tip of Noctis’s cock. He licked the slit, like every man loved. 

Noctis lost his grip. He fell. _Hard_. The vibrator ripped a breath-taking orgasm from him, along with a harsh scream, as the prince emptied himself into Ardyn’s mouth. He twisted his body, almost bending into a hand-stand as he shoved his hips closer to Ardyn’s face and harder onto the dildo. 

Ardyn fucked him with the silicone cock all the way through. He loved that he got to take Noctis’s first vibrator-orgasm as well. Realistically, he wanted to take all his firsts. Every single one. He _deserved_ to have them. Technically they already belonged to him since Ardyn was the only person Noctis had ever been with. So far, anyway.

He sucked Noctis down to the root, wanting his boy to remember this feeling. Ethics aside, he wanted him to get addicted. He wanted to make it so that Noctis didn’t look for anyone but Ardyn. So that Noctis knew where to get his pleasure, satisfied enough not to even think about going somewhere else.

Ah, yes. Ardyn wanted that kind of loyalty. So bad it was a little frightening, actually.

But he was passed the point of questioning things. For now, he didn’t need to think too hard. He could just ride through the rest of this marvelous feeling, milking Noctis’s body for all it was worth. 

Why not.

When Noctis collapsed down on the bed, Ardyn pulled the toy out of him and clicked it off. He wiped his mouth with the back of hand, mostly for show, since he had made sure to catch all of his prince’s release. 

“Nicely done, Noct,” Ardyn purred, wiping the sweaty bangs from across his boy’s forehead. “You got all the way to the third setting! Wonderful.” 

Noctis looked up at him with hazy eyes. Was Ardyn being sarcastic? Or had he actually done kind of okay for his time with this…training?

The look on the older man’s face told Noctis the truth. Ardyn was beaming at him—just like he had in the restaurant. No hint of dishonesty. 

And yeah, Noctis melted all over again.

Moaning, he folded himself closer to Ardyn, resting his head on the man’s chest. “…Thought you said there were ten settings?”

“There are.” Ardyn combed his fingers through Noctis’s damp black hair. “But we’ll need to work up to them. Gradually. This kind of thing takes more than a day, after all. Maybe next time you can get up to the fifth one? What do you think?”

Noctis buried his face in Ardyn’s chest hair, loving the way each reddish strand tickled his skin. “Next time…?” he asked, petting the hair affectionately.

Jeez. He thought Gladiolus put him through the wringer during their workout sessions! But no, this was way harder than that. Noctis had to learn how to keep his body under control when he had the guy he liked more than anything fucking him on a vibrator…talk about Spartan training. Gladiolus definitely couldn't top that. 

“But, Ardyn…” Noctis mumbled, wrapping a leg around the older man’s waist again. “I’m done with that thing for now. Can’t I just…have you tonight?”

The older man made a rumbling noise deep in his chest. “Mmmmmmm….” His eyes shone gold, the way they did when he was supremely excited. 

“Of course you can.”

Tossing the vibrator to the side, Ardyn got Noctis into position on his hands and knees. He barely had time to throw on a condom before fucking his prince from behind. Rough and steady. Deep. Just the way Noctis wanted.

“Y-yes…Ardyn more, please…so good…” 

Ardyn’s cock was better than any toy. It was warm and hard. Noctis’s insides were molded to his shape. His body knew to crave this dick; it yielded where he wanted, and thickened where he needed. This—being fucked inside out on his daddy’s cock—was the real treat. The thing he had been aching for all night long. 

Ardyn gave it to him. A few times over. Until they were both spent and thoroughly pleased.

At the end of the night, Ardyn got the chance to use his AfterGlow wipes. Noctis became so clingy in the post-orgasm haze. Ardyn could barely escape long enough to grab the package of wipes, explaining to Noctis the whole time that he was coming right back. 

“Cleanliness next to godliness, Noct,” Ardyn recited as he wiped a few choice cum stains off his prince.

“Hmm…” Noctis let himself be cleaned. But he didn’t have to like it. “More like your sexy body next to my ass…”

“Yes. As fast as humanly possible, prince.” 

Finished, they threw away the wipes and laid down together. Ardyn really liked the way this mattress supported his back. He normally liked something a little firmer. This full-size foam-top was a little soft, but not bad. 

He smirked; perhaps the memory foam molded to him just like Noctis’s body. Well, he certainly had carved a place for himself here!

“…You’ll stay the night again, right?” Noctis asked in a soft voice, spooned tightly against his escort. 

“Why, yes.”

Ardyn kissed the back of Noctis’s neck and inhaled the younger man’s lovely scent. Fresh soap and body wash imbued with the smell of spring. 

In fact, there was talk about him staying forever. Perhaps they should revisit that.

_______________________________________

The next day, Noctis didn’t have anywhere to be until the evening. He let Ardyn sleep all the way until noon. That way, he got to watch the older man wake up naturally. 

It sort of happened in stages. First, Ardyn began rolling around in his sleep. A few times he even rolled on top of Noctis, tucking the younger man under his arms protectively as if he was semi-aware of his actions. Then, he rolled onto his back and opened his eyes for a few seconds. Deciding against such a thing, he rolled onto his stomach again. 

Finally, almost out of the blue when all that was done, Ardyn sat up sleepily. Eyes still closed. 

“…time is it?” he mumbled, squinting blearily. 

“Uh, just turned 12:00,” Noctis answered. He sat up next to Ardyn and laid his head on the older man’s shoulder. “I’m free until later so we can sleep some more if you want.” Noctis loved sleeping in, too. Truthfully, he had only woken up about thirty minutes before. 

Ardyn rubbed a hand over his face and replied, “Mmmm…glasses.” 

“Oh.” Noctis dug through their clothes from the night before and handed Ardyn his glasses. 

Sometimes, when Ardyn’s body truly refused to rise (even in the afternoon times), Ardyn put on his glasses to help the process along. Seeing a little better, wearing something that was normally meant for work, seemed to jumpstart his weary flesh somewhat. 

Ardyn heaved a great yawn while Noctis gawked. “…coffee?” he asked.

“Not yet. But I can make some…” Noctis ambled to the edge of the bed, gearing himself up for actual movement.

To his surprise, Ardyn reached out and grabbed him around the waist, yanking him back to bed and rolling on top of him again. Not at all expecting to be manhandled, Noctis giggled. 

“More sleep…” Ardyn grumbled, tucking Noctis underneath him. 

“…K.” Who was Noctis to argue something like that? 

Besides, he loved this. He could stay in bed for the rest of the day if Ardyn wanted. Skip class. What was the big deal, anyway?

Their lazy morning bled into a lazy afternoon. In the end, they woke up around 1:30.

This time, they showered together. Ardyn took advantage of the opportunity to thoroughly clean his lover’s used hole. He wanted to show Noctis how to do it properly so he could be more comfortable later. Even if he was still a little sore… some pain could be sweet. A nice little reminder of the previous night.

Ardyn certainly felt it in his knees and thighs. The muscles he used for all his thrusting.

They sat down for coffee and muffins in front of the television. Watching the news and some random programs. Passing time together, relaxing. Noctis liked to hear Ardyn’s opinions of everything happening in the world—but he was infinitely glad there were no news stories about him or his dad today. Just the typical stuff going on.

Besides, resting his head in Ardyn’s lap felt pretty good. He lost track of time.

The alarm on Noctis’s phone went off around 3:00. He glanced at it confusedly, wondering why it came on now, when he didn’t have class for another few hours. 

Then he read the top of his phone where it showed the date. Today was Wednesday.

Ignis’s day.

Noctis shot out of his seat. Jostling both of them irreparably. He jumped to his feet and tried to think of what to do—3:00 meant Ignis would be here any minute! How could he forget?! 

“Something the matter?” Ardyn asked, looking at Noctis hesitantly. There was that look in his boy’s eyes again. Chest going up and down. 

Panic. Ardyn was getting used to seeing it now.

“Uh…just, um…I think…” 

Without finishing his sentence, Noctis ran into his bedroom to fix his clothes. Luckily, Ardyn was already wearing his jeans and buttoned down shirt from the night before. He looked…presentable enough?

But should he be shoving Ardyn out the door? No time!

Ardyn watched his young lover flee into the bedroom with the door closed. He stood up, uncertain if this was some signal for him to leave. 

But he had been having such a nice time. The kind of rest his mind needed. No work for five minutes. Sitting calmly with Noctis, watching some droll television program. Just what the doctor ordered. He thought.

Suddenly Ardyn heard keys jingling in the front door. He whipped around to face it—admittedly, not expecting someone else to come in.

It had happened to him a few times before. Spending time with a client and getting interrupted by a roommate or a family member. Ardyn know how to weather the strange awkwardness. But for some reason, he had a different feeling about this. Noctis was worked up into a panic; he’d tried so hard to keep this affair a secret. 

Oh well. Best laid plans, and all that.

Ignis let himself in and took off his shoes. His usual habit. He had two bags of groceries with him, things he’d noticed Noctis was missing the night before. As well as a box of leftover cookies from the bakery. Noctis’s favorites. A kind of peace offering. 

“Noct, I went to the supermarket to get you a few things,” Ignis called out, walking across the apartment to the kitchen. “And I brought you a tin of—oh.”

The moment he laid eyes on Ardyn, Ignis came to a dead stop. He regarded the stranger in front of him with a blank stare. His green eyes ran over Ardyn’s features in shock. 

Red hair. Untrustworthy face. Slightly rumpled clothes. Disarming smile.

Ignis definitely did not know him. He would never forget a face like that (nor indeed, any face). So…just who the hell was this man?

“Good afternoon,” Ardyn said in his most polite voice. “You must be Ignis. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Ah…yes.” Ignis slowly put down his groceries and reached for his phone, planning on calling the police. There was no sign of a break-in though, so how…? “And you are…?”

“Ardyn Izunia.” He bowed respectfully. His professional name rolled off the tongue so easily. No reason to give his real one. “I’m…one of Noct’s acquaintances.” 

“…Acquaintance?” Ignis repeated in disbelief.

Impossible. This man looked easily twice Noctis’s age. So, not a school friend. And why the strange choice of word, ‘acquaintance’? Especially since he apparently knew Noctis well enough to use his nickname…? 

Nothing about this felt right. He had never, in over twenty years working for the Caelums, stumbled upon a stranger in Noctis’s apartment before. There was something very, very wrong here. 

He reached for his phone again. Wondering if perhaps he should be reaching for his kitchen knives instead…

“Hey, Specs!” Noctis’s too-bright voice burst forth from the bedroom. Ignis and Ardyn both jumped in response.

Noctis emerged from his room looking like he had downed six shots of espresso. His was trying to look casual, in his usual black-shirt and pants outfit, but for Noctis “trying” to appear a certain way always meant “failing.” 

“Right on time, huh?” Noctis barked. A poor attempt at humor. He stood awkwardly in between Ardyn and Ignis, hands clearly shaking. 

Ardyn’s eyes swept over the room, taking in all the little details of this bizarre interaction. He knew that Ignis was Noctis’s caretaker, so he wasn’t that surprised to see him. But, those intelligent, piercing green eyes were nothing to mess with. Ardyn knew that right away. Ignis’s stared at him so brutally—and even glanced over at the kitchen counter where a nice collection of paring knives sat unattended.

Okay then. This guy did not fuck around. 

Ardyn believed he’d better make this interaction as brief as possible. What was that about brevity and wit? 

“Noct.” Ignis stood ramrod straight. Face gone cold with rage. “An explanation, if you please.” 

“Uh, yeah…” Noctis scratched the back of his head and gestured vaguely in Ardyn’s direction. The older man noticed how Noctis was keeping a good distance from him, not even daring to look him in the eye.

Ah, so. That’s how they were going to play this.

“This is Ardyn. He’s, uh…you know, a friend.” Noctis wished he had more control of his blushing. He also wished the word ‘friend’ did not make him want to dig his fingernails into his skin and scream.

Ignis's face went a shade darker. “I’ll have the truth, Noctis.”

“I am telling the truth!” Noctis cried, immediately losing his cool. “He’s…I mean, I told you I went out with some friends last night, right? Well, Ardyn was there.” 

Clearly not buying it, Ignis tilted his head back slightly. “So he’s a friend of yours from school.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I said…” Noctis just wanted to look at the ground and never look at anything else ever again.

Least of all Ardyn. Fuck, how could he ever face his lover again? Lying through his teeth. Not brave enough to tell the truth, or even to call Ardyn something more than a friend.

But is that what they were, really? Something more…?

Shit, this was the wrong time to bring all that up! 

“I see. Assuming I believe that, you’re telling me that a friend of yours came over last night and…stayed over?” Ignis felt himself growing red at the implication. 

Noctis swallowed hard. “Umm…yeah.” 

In that instant, Ignis felt his reality alter slightly. To know that—Noctis had invited an _older man_ to his apartment and…presumably…

He was torn between the desire to kick Ardyn out of the apartment with his own feet, appalled at the man’s obviously smarmy intentions, and the natural instinct to bash Noctis over the head for his own carelessness.

How could Noctis—? Never mind the fact that there were so many obvious lies in this story. 

Just what in hell was going on.

“Well, it’s been very nice meeting you finally, Ignis,” Ardyn began. “Noct’s told me a bit about you, after all. But I’m afraid I have to be going. Maybe next time we’ll have a nice talk over coffee, hmm?”

Ardyn touched Noctis’s shoulder as he passed. Of course, Noctis knew this meant the older man was leaving. The usual panic settled in, mixed with the crazy feeling that maybe Ardyn would never come back. Not after this—not after that insane death glare Ignis was giving him! Barely even treating him like a human! 

Inching around Ignis, Ardyn gathered his things at the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out,” he said when it was clear no one else planned on moving a muscle. “Take care now!”

One casual salute and Ardyn was out the door. 

Silence and raw anger settled over Noctis and Ignis when they were alone. They both felt irrationally angry at the other: Ignis because he knew Noctis was lying to him, and Noctis because Ignis may have ruined his whole thing with Ardyn.

“Enough of this,” Ignis stomped over to Noctis. Leaving his groceries on the floor in his outrage. “There’s no way a man that old goes to your school. Where is he from, really?”

“Oh, so you know everyone at my school now?” Noctis demanded. Throwing his hands in the air. “What, have you been going over there and stalking me the whole time, keeping tabs on everyone I talk to or something?”

“Stalking…?” Ignis face fell into shock. Noctis had never insulted him like that before. 

It was apparently a day of firsts (after a rather upsetting night of firsts, too).

Shaking his head against the hurt he felt, Ignis continued, “Noctis. You need to tell me how you know this man. Especially if you’re planning on…bringing him over…I mean—”

“Why?!” Noctis could clearly see he had hurt Ignis. This time, the old guilt rising inside him only stirred up his anger even more. “Why should I tell you anything? Why can’t you just trust me? Ardyn’s fine, okay? Just…leave it alone!” 

Ignis took a short breath to calm himself. “I can’t do that. You know I can’t. It’s your father’s decision—people getting close to the family needed to be vetted and screened, to make sure they’re not trying to cause you undue harm. Just like with Prompto—”

Noctis gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes his anxiety spiraled out of control into pure fury. He could hardly stop the words tumbling from his mouth at this point. 

“So you’re going to put everyone I date through that same bullshit committee? I almost lost Prompto because of that, remember?” 

Ignis held up both his hands, realizing that Noctis had worked himself into a frenzy. “Not a committee, then. Just me. Tell me the truth and let me interview him so that I have some idea who you’re inviting into your life—”

“How about no? What if I just said no, huh? You don’t have to _know_ everything, Ignis! Sometimes you should just…back off so I can—”

“ _Noctis_.” 

Another first. Ignis raising his voice to his charge in what had easily been fifteen years. Immediately, Noctis fell silent. Mostly out of shock. 

“You have to understand.” Ignis straightened his glasses, very unhappy with how all of this turned out. “This is the first I’m hearing of a man named Ardyn. And not only have you invited him in here without my knowing, you’ve…I don’t know, I suppose begun some type of _relationship_ with him?”

He paused. Noctis said nothing, just glared at the ground.

Dissolving into a sigh, still processing that, Ignis went on. “Well. I think you need to take some time to think this through. Rationally, I mean. What would Regis say if he knew…?”

Noctis flinched but remained quiet.

Suddenly feeling his friend’s pain, Ignis brought his voice down a bit. He obviously knew how lonely Noctis was. He also knew that it was high time for the young man to start dating. But this—surprise visits from random older men, before Regis had any idea of his son’s sexual orientation—was _not_ the way to go about it.

“Noct, you need to be more careful.” Ignis approached him slowly. “You’ve never had a boyfriend before, and—”

“Tch, yeah. Wonder why.” 

With that, Noctis brushed passed Ignis and slammed the door to his bedroom. Effectively shutting out his caregiver. 

“Holy hell…” Ignis muttered under his breath, sliding onto the stool near the kitchen counter. What had he just stumbled in on, and where in the name of the gods would this end?

This…this issue might be a little out of Ignis’s depths. Perhaps he should enlist Gladiolus’s help. Explain the situation, get another perspective. But then again, no. It wasn’t a good idea to let too many people in on such a delicate secret. Gladiolus knew Noctis liked men, but an actual _boyfriend_. That was a whole different matter. This needed to stay under wraps for as long as possible.

Of course, Ignis felt his own brand of guilt scraping over his nerves and heart. He really wanted Noctis to grow into a well-formed man. He wished he could trust his charge to handle real life on his own, to make good decisions about whomever he chose to date (man, woman, or whatever—it didn’t matter, as long as they were reputable and well-intentioned). To be honest with his family about everything important to him. To exercise good judgement…

…But how could Ignis trust him when everything Noctis said was a lie?

___________________________________________________________

 

**PrinceCharmless:** holy shit, I am so sorry about that.

Ardyn was walking in the door to his own apartment when he got the message. He noted it happily. It was rather thoughtful of Noctis to apologize…even though, honestly, Ardyn didn’t need an apology.

He knew who he was. Regardless of how he felt about Noctis, he knew that they would always operate under a level of secrecy. No getting around that. Sex workers did not climb the social ladder so easily. Or at least, men like Ardyn did not.

Sitting down at his computer desk, Ardyn typed back a response. 

**fierydjinni:** That’s quite alright. It happens. Have you calmed down at all? You looked like you were about to pass out when I left.

**PrinceCharmless:** Yeah, I’m okay. Ignis and I had a fight but…it’s fine. I think.

**PrinceCharmless:** um so…not sure what to say but…I feel really bad about the way he treated you.

(And by ‘he,’ Noctis actually meant himself, not Ignis. He hated how, when it came down to it, Noctis couldn’t even look his lover in the eye. But Ardyn had no way of knowing that.)

**fierydjinni:** It’s to be expected. Don’t worry yourself over that.

The older man pulled up his manuscripts and tried to remember where exactly he had left off. Better get straight to work. He had wasted enough of his day lounging around his client’s apartment. Now he needed to work twice as hard to compensate for lost time. 

**PrinceCharmless:** Umm…should I put some more money in your account…just to make it up to you?  


Ardyn narrowed his eyes distastefully at that comment. He could not put his finger on why. After all, he should be elated to get extra money for absolutely no reason. Like extra pay for hurt feelings, how silly. There were no hurt feelings in this business, after all. It was all about the money. 

But for some reason, seeing Noctis fall back on his cash made Ardyn roll his eyes. Predictable. How childish. Just like a rich boy, to use his money as a crutch to make everything bad go away. 

What could you expect. 

Might as well get whatever he could.

**fierydjinni:** Sure, go ahead. Put in as much as you want. But don’t spoil me now ;) I still like to work for my wages. 

**PrinceCharmless:** haha okay. So, $500? $600? $800 maybe, an extra night’s worth?

Ardyn focused harder on his manuscript. He really didn’t want to look at his Fox Toy messages right now. No time. He needed to work. Whatever number Noctis eventually settled on, what difference did it make? Unimportant.

Barely sparing the messages a glance, Ardyn typed back—

**fierydjinni:** Sounds wonderful. Thank you :-* 

**PrinceCharmless:** no problem 

Another email notification rang out from his inbox. Ardyn had no doubt Noctis sent over the $800. He could check it later.

**PrinceCharmless:** umm

**PrinceCharmless:** so, we’re good, right? You’re not

**PrinceCharmless:** mad or anything?

Dear gods, this boy was clingy even over messages. But of course, Ardyn already knew that. So much time and effort needed to go into this boy….no wonder he was having trouble keeping up with his other clients. 

**fierydjinni:** Of course not, prince.

**PrinceCharmless:** so when can I see you again

**fierydjinni:** Whenever you have some free time, naturally. I’m always available.

**PrinceCharmless:** how about Saturday? You can come over my place late. Like 11 maybe? 

**fierydjinni:** Alright ;) I’d be happy to. 

**PrinceCharmless:** thanks <3 

**PrinceCharmless:** you’re the best :-* 

(Noctis fingers hovered over the ‘L’ button on his keyboard. But in the end, he couldn’t do it.)

Well, Saturday didn’t leave Ardyn much time to take on new clients anyway. Not with the pile of editing work he needed to catch up on. So, he was probably better off putting the rest of his clientele on ice, as planned. It seemed like Noctis would still be requesting him on the regular. 

So. Back to the phone sex calls, then. Hands-free and convenient. Nickels and dimes trickling in were better than nothing at all.

Ardyn hated wasting time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That money conversation at the end really hurt me. T__T But there's still a lot in the way for these two chuckle heads. (Make that, two chuckle heads I love and adore.) 
> 
> Thanks so much for the comments, guys! It's really inspiring, I'll be honest <3


	6. Take arms against a sea of troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer means revealing more of yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people were saying this story is kind of like a rollercoaster of feelings--and it totally is! Haha. That's actually a pretty good description. So here's the next ride! :D :D
> 
> *Hamlet Reference- From Hamlet’s famous ‘to be or not to be’ monologue: “Whether tis nobler in mind to suffer, or take arms against a sea of troubles.”

**Chapter Six: Take arms against a sea of troubles**

The next time they met, the upcoming Saturday, Noctis had a surprise for Ardyn.

Walking into the prince’s now familiar apartment, Ardyn straightened his lapels and reminded himself what he had decided before coming over: Yes. Noctis would still hire him, as before. And yes, Ardyn would still take Noctis on as a regular client. What reason did he have not to? The money was good!

However. Ardyn needed to stop playing games with his own head. Noctis, as cute as he was, had a variety of his own issues to sort out. Things Ardyn could not help him with—boundary problems with the rest of his family, self-respect and confidence issues. Anxiety enough for fifty people combined. Ardyn could not solve any of those problems for Noctis. The young man needed to figure them out on his own.

So, no matter how it felt being with Noctis (and, when Ardyn was entirely honest with himself, it felt damn good. Better than anything he’d had in years, no question), Ardyn needed to keep his distance. He needed to remember that Noctis was not a real lover. He was a client. Sure, he might try to get him to stay, to go out on dates, to pretend to be more than they were, but it didn’t mean anything.

It meant nothing as long as Noctis gave him that paycheck at the end. That’s all Ardyn was working for here. Nothing more, nothing less.

He steeled himself. 

…He had done this before. Early on. With a few choice men and women whose affections made Ardyn…feel something. 

There had been an older woman intent on calling Ardyn ‘pet’ and treating him like some kind of well-bred show animal. She bought him nice clothes, fancy accessories, took him to shows and on expensive vacations. She was constantly taking pictures of them together and showing them to her friends. In the hope of making her social circle jealous. Ardyn liked it. Realistically, he could have been her pet for much longer, possibly permanently…but of course, she tired of him after a few months. She moved on to a younger, fresher faced sex worker—a guy she met on a street corner actually. Someone she could transform into a true “rags to riches” story. 

So it ended.

Then there had been a man named….what was his name again? Ardyn couldn’t be bothered to remember. But he was the owner of a very famous restaurant chain. He knew how to cook. He romanced his way into Ardyn’s heart by offering him a sumptuous meal every time they were together. As part of his payment. To be fair, this came at a time in Ardyn’s life when he had literally been hungry a lot of the time. Before landing a consistent publishing company to work with, most of Ardyn’s income came from sex work. Those gigs could be fickle or hard to come by, leaving him out of luck in terms of basic things like groceries, water for his apartment, heat, and electricity. Thank goodness some gym memberships were cheaper than electricity and oil bills. Ardyn could utilize the showers there and buy a bag of chips out of the vending machines when he got really desperate.

Tough times. A few rough patches. Didn’t everyone have those? Eventually the waters evened out, anyway.

He and this man enjoyed about a month of good food and good sex. Ardyn was emotionally ready to move in with him by the end of it. He thought they had some kind of unspoken connection. But, they were not at all on the same page. Once the month was over, the man casually explained that he was moving back in with his wife. A woman Ardyn had never heard of before.

Unspoken connections weren’t a thing. If you wanted someone, you told them. It was quite simple. So, the end should have come as no surprise.

At least the man gave Ardyn a sizable check as a goodbye present. Something to the tune of $5000, actually. Enough to keep Ardyn’s younger self going for a little while.

In summation, softness of heart was not a crime. Ardyn knew that. It felt good to be ‘in love,’ to be crazy about a person. It helped with the sex, too. But it was all a dream. An illusion. Nothing to be taken seriously or considered a reliable path in life…Ardyn would never _move in_ with Noctis or anything like that. They would never be more than client and service provider. Their ‘relationship’ probably had a life expectancy of another month or so. 

And that was fine. 

This was the reason Ardyn had adopted the mindset of the ‘line’ at all. Never letting himself develop real feelings for his clients. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Survival in this world did not hinge on feelings. Thankfully.

Really, Ardyn should have been well passed even the idea. He’d learned that in his college days—as an undergraduate student, even! There had been a…professor. Well, a man. Nothing more than a man once he took all his clothes off, Ardyn quickly found out. But still, a man Ardyn could not help idolizing. A classics professor with a background in ancient calligraphy and dead languages. Ardyn was fascinated by the man’s work. He took all of his classes. Possibly, Ardyn had been the one who initiated the start of their relationship, although he really couldn’t remember anymore.

What he did remember were numerous afternoons and evenings in between classes spent on his knees in the man’s private office. The fibers of the shaggy brown carpet digging into his palms. Squishy but coarse. For that, perhaps Ardyn owed the man some debt of gratitude. That’s where he learned how to give a decent blowjob. Information he would definitely put to good use later—easily as much as his actual education. 

But the man had no taste for Ardyn’s graduate thesis. He called Ardyn’s writing “fatuous and derivative” in some places, or else “militant and contentious” in others. They fought. Badly. Eventually prompting the man to sever all ties with Ardyn, long before the rest of the academic community. 

Feelings did not even surpass regular ego when put to the test. Lesson learned. Good thing Ardyn had enough ego to spare.

By the time Saturday came around, Ardyn believed he had successfully put himself in a frame of mind where he could deal with Noctis. Whatever faces that kid pulled during sex, however much he cried and begged for Ardyn’s cock. That was all part of his job. 

Get in and get out. He was ready.

…And yet. When he opened the door, there was Noctis—actually smiling for once. Tugging on Ardyn’s sleeve and dragging him to the kitchen (not the bedroom, for once). 

“Here,” Noctis said. He showed Ardyn a white plastic bag and started pulling out items. Six black cans of beer—Bucanero. The very same Cuban beer they enjoyed on their date. “This is the kind you like, right?” 

Tossing the bangs out of his eyes, Noctis passed him a beer. His smile looked natural, and his eyes looked vaguely relieved, but his hands. His hands were shaking slightly.

“My, my…” Ardyn popped open the beer and took a tentative swig. Just as cold and smooth as he preferred. The carbonation settled in his chest while the hops washed through him. A taste that never failed to lift his spirits. “How lovely. What brought this on?”

Noctis shrugged. “No reason. Also, I got you this.” He handed over a styrofoam take out carton. 

A heavenly smell wafted from the box. It felt pleasantly warm and a little heavy in Ardyn’s hands. Of course, he recognized the recipe as soon as he opened it: _Ropa vieja._ The same meal he ordered at Sabor de Havana.

In fact…it looked and smelled _rather_ similar.

Ardyn glanced from the tempting food in his hands to his client. “You…ordered me the same dish?”

A smirk passed over Noctis’s lips. “It’s the same one, right? Was hoping I got the name right. And uh…yeah. I went back to the restaurant from the other night and got you some take-out.”

Saliva pooled to the front of Ardyn’s mouth. Actually, he had not eaten much that day. Just a light breakfast, some time ago. It was difficult to make time for food when he was editing.

“Oh, well, thank you.” He glanced around the kitchen and put the food back on the counter. “But, may I ask…why?” 

Ardyn narrowed his eyes as he stared over at his client. They had talked only about meeting for a quick hook-up tonight. This kind of gesture was very unexpected. And…a little unwarranted, considering that Ardyn had been of a mind to make this as fast as possible.

Noctis sat on the stool by the counter. He rubbed his cheek with the back of one hand awkwardly. “Just that…I, you know. Wanted to get you something nice. Something that you’d…actually like.”

Smiling wistfully, Ardyn sat on a stool next to Noctis. His gut was telling him to tuck into the meal right away—conversation be damned, he was always ready for a good dinner—but he had a weird feeling about this gesture. Like Noctis might have some kind of ulterior motive.

The only thing worse than no food was free food with strings attached. Ardyn hated getting a bill after the fact that he couldn’t pay. He liked to know the cost of things right up front. So he knew what he was in for.

Exactly what was Noctis expecting from all this?

“Noct, you don’t have to get me food. I’m perfectly capable of buying my own dinners, you know.” 

“I know.” Noctis glanced up at him and then quickly looked away. “But I mean…” He took a deep breath, folding his fingers against his palms. “I still feel like I should apologize for the other day. When…Ignis came over.”

Oh. So they were actually going to talk about that. Ardyn tilted his head back in surprise. Another thing he didn’t see coming.

“I’m sorry for what he said to you and everything, but I’m also…” Noctis turned to Ardyn with his head down. Too ashamed to look him in the eye. “…sorry for what I did, too."

These words had taken Noctis ages to prepare. He worked on them every night since Wednesday. He wanted to say the exact right thing to Ardyn now that they were alone. He needed to somehow make up for his own cowardice. 

Because that’s what it had been, Noctis knew. He’d been a coward when Ignis caught them together. Lying to his friend, making up excuses. Too ashamed to tell the truth. Afraid of what Ignis would tell his father, what everyone would think. Afraid of how it looked.

It was pitiful. Noctis knew that. He had to keep this whole thing a secret (for both their sakes) but that didn’t mean he was proud of it. Not one bit. Now he and Ignis were barely speaking, walking around the apartment in awkward pauses and forced bits of stilted conversation. And Noctis had no idea where he stood with Ardyn.

He fucked it up. Just as he knew he would.

But, he was determined to at least try to make it up to Ardyn. He gave him the extra money because he had no idea what else to do—and yet, it sort of felt like that wasn’t enough. Ardyn had been distant in all their messages lately. Even when he came to the door he looked…sort of closed off. Like he was wearing some kind of smiling Ardyn-face mask that Noctis recognized as false. 

At least Noctis had a plan. His determination forced him to accept the fact that he needed take action to fix this. Of course he felt defeated before he began (seriously, if you could fuck up dating a prostitute you could probably fuck up just about anything—no wonder he needed Ignis around all the time to make sure he didn’t accidentally starve to death or something). But…Noctis really wanted things to be the way they were before Ignis found out. They were having so much fun…

He _needed_ to try.

So, if money wasn’t enough, Noctis decided he would shower Ardyn with gifts. People liked thoughtful things, didn’t they? Not just a fancy watch or a nice car or something (the gods only knew how many of those Noctis had received from his dad over the years, and all of them meant nothing). But a gift that showed you knew a person. 

The kind of things he and Ignis got for each other around the holidays. Small tokens, nothing elaborate. Inside joke kind of stuff, or else something casual they knew the other person wanted. A set of baking mitts one year. A case for Noctis’s phone with a King’s Knight photoset on the back. An apron that read “world’s best mom” which Ignis actually wore a few times. Hilarious. Little nods of appreciation for each other.

Because of that, Noctis basically knew how to be thoughtful. He could get Ardyn something personal. 

Only, he didn’t really know much about Ardyn yet. Except for the copy editing thing, but Noctis had no idea what kind of book to get. He wandered the philosophy and religion section of Barnes & Noble for hours one afternoon—until a sales clerk asked him if he needed help and Noctis fled the scene immediately out of intimidation.

That left their date night. To Noctis, it had been fucking magical. Everything he wanted in a first date. And no matter how badly it went to shit afterwards (which was a lot), Noctis would always remember it as one of the best times he’d ever had.

“You don’t need to keep apologizing, Noct.” Ardyn’s eyes turned cold. Tired of this conversation. He hadn’t touched the food yet. 

“No, I do. I know that, it’s okay.” Forcing down the rest of his nerves—he was going to fucking _say this_ , or else he could forget about what they had—Noctis faced Ardyn head on and said, “So, I’m really sorry. For how…I couldn’t tell him the truth. And probably just made it even worse. Because yeah, I was….like, scared.” 

At that, Ardyn’s golden eyes flashed hot for a second. 

This was a moment of genuine honesty from his prince. Not pretending to be cool or acting like he had it together (which he wasn’t very good at). Noctis was being sincere. 

He knew he had done wrong.

Alright. That was the third thing Ardyn had not anticipated this evening. A contrite and truthful prince. 

A tiny needle pricked the older man’s heart. This kid…thinking of Ardyn’s feelings again. And what, giving him some thoughtful gift in return? 

How sweet. _Painfully_ sweet. 

Shaking his head, Ardyn replied, “It’s understandable, Noct. I know you don’t want it to get out that we’ve been seeing each other. And that was part of the arrangement, after all. Remember? No one has to know? So, I’m not offended, my dear.” 

Noctis blinked. He stared at his escort with harsh scrutiny. “…Really? Cuz anyone would be…after getting ignored like that—”

“Not me.” 

Noctis stopped mid-sentence when he heard the tone in Ardyn’s voice. Dark and…what was that, actually? Not…himself. Not the soothing man Noctis knew in the bedroom. The same smile was painted all over his face, but those two words did not sound anything like man Noctis knew. There was real anger resonating in them. Hidden somewhere far from sight. But Noctis could feel it. He knew it was there. 

He should have been scared. His instincts were telling him to be. It was a scary voice, honestly. And Noctis really did not know this guy. Ardyn was just someone he met online and paid for sex…who knew where he came from, what he was like deep down? He might be a bad person—and yes, all that occurred to Noctis for the very first time.

But he wasn’t afraid. After all, he knew what it felt like to have something you wanted to hide. He couldn’t hold that against his lover. 

Instead, Noctis put his hand on Ardyn’s shoulder and said, “Well, either way. I was thinking about you and I want you to have this.”

Ardyn sucked in a deep breath. The food looked delicious, but Noctis’s reasons were grating on his nerves. There was no need for all this show. They were not really together. People outside of a relationship did not need to do nice things for each other. Ardyn would be gone once he got his money and Noctis would be gone even sooner—

“And…” Noctis wrapped his other hand around Ardyn’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. “…if you don’t want it to be like an apology thing, then just enjoy it as a regular present. Because I had a really nice time the other day and wanted to thank you. That’s all. Okay?” 

He pecked Ardyn on the cheek and moved away. “Let me get you a fork for that.” 

The needle in Ardyn’s heart dug a little deeper. Gouging a hole into him. 

Fuck. Arydn wiped a hand over his face. He should stand up right now and tell Noctis to keep the food for himself, even the loose six pack of delicious beer. He could say it in a nice way—or a sexy way. Like, ‘let’s go to the bedroom instead. I’m not hungry for dinner right now, not as soon as I saw you tonight.’ If he wrapped his hands around Noctis’s waist and spoke in the boy’s ear, he was sure he could entice the young man to forget about all of this…stick to the plan and make this a fast night. 

…Ardyn’s eyes slid over to the spread in front of him. It really did look tasty. Not too hot and not too cold, just the way he liked it.

And…Noctis had gotten it for him. Not for anyone else. He was thinking of Ardyn when he bought it—plus, consider the courage it must have taken for Noctis to go all the way back to the restaurant and place an order. When he had been so very nervous the other night!

“You went to Sabor de Havana, correct?” Ardyn inquired, pushing the take-out carton a little closer.

“Yup.” Noctis returned and handed Ardyn a clean silver fork. “Took me forever to find the thing on the menu again. Because I sort of remembered the name, but I was mostly going by the picture.” 

That’s exactly what happened. After finally gearing himself up enough to go back to the restaurant (and yes, taking a small swig of vodka beforehand—just a sip), Noctis walked in sweating profusely. Lo and behold, there was a different host than the one who served them. Which was a huge relief (no one knew Noctis or remembered him, nor any of the sordid details about him and Ardyyn holding hands or paying under the table). But also kind of a problem. Noctis could not just ask for the same thing they had last time. He needed to sit with the menu for a long time, struggling through Cuban pronunciations and pointing, the poor woman at the counter fruitlessly trying to help him, before he found _ropa vieja_. 

But he did it. By the end, he walked out with a bag of take-out he really hoped Ardyn would enjoy.

Truthfully Noctis was proud of himself for doing that. Braving the anxiety of walking into a restaurant where people might know the real him. Going out of his comfort zone and ordering in a foreign language. He might not have been able to do any of that without a good reason.

In his mind, Ardyn was the best reason to put himself out there.

The older man huffed a quiet laugh as he imagined the scene for himself. He took the fork and just held it for a moment. Caught between options.

“Well, it’s very…considerate. Thank you.” Ardyn’s eyes softened when he looked back at Noctis. 

The prince was cute on a regular day. Wide eyes, thirsty for sex. But giving Ardyn delicious complimentary food, more eager to please than ever?

Ardyn cracked into a smile and leaned in for a kiss. Just one kiss to show he really appreciated the gesture. 

Gestures could be accepted as payment, after all. And one meal wouldn't kill him. Especially not a meal as heavenly as this! 

Nor a boy so maddeningly wonderful as Noctis.

Their kiss was soft. A touch of lips. Not hungry or anxious. More of a silent acknowledgement that they were there, again. Really there in each other’s company. For the first time that evening. 

It felt normal. And it lasted much longer than either of them planned. Ardyn massaged his lips against Noctis, taken aback at how sweet and gentle the boy tasted. Perhaps he had forgotten, over the past few days, just how good it felt to kiss this creature. Noctis smelled as refreshing as always. When Ardyn moved his mouth, ever so slightly, he heard Noctis moan faintly. Sensitive and wanting. Would Noctis ever be anything else?

Ardyn hoped not. He liked his boy just like this. 

When they pulled away, Noctis squirmed back to his own seat and cleared his throat. “Don’t mention it,” he said rapidly. “Oh, I also got you these.” 

While Ardyn took his first few bites—oh gods and demons in the night, this food was just what he had been craving, the meat had stewed so well it practically melted in his mouth—Noctis reached back into the take-out bag. Apparently there were still more dishes left. He took out a container of flan and three more cartons.

“Flan, since you said it was delicious,” Noctis explained. He opened the next three. “ _Plátanos maduros,_ like we had. And _tostones._ And something called _picadillo_ which the hostess recommended. Looked good.” 

Stuffing his face, Ardyn stared in bewilderment at the huge spread. “Noct, this is a feast! Absolutely delectable, but I doubt I can eat all of it.”

The young man laughed lightly. He was pleased with himself for making good choices. “You can take some home then. It’s all yours, so.” 

With the food settling in his stomach, a sense of warmth floated calmly down over Ardyn. He smiled at Noctis in genuine appreciation, locking eyes with the younger man. 

Noctis met his gaze and smiled back.

Well. If there was any path into Ardyn’s good graces, food probably paved the way. 

So, they ate another meal together. Noctis heated up some food Ignis made the other night, lasagna and toast. He had to explain to Ardyn that his caretaker usually cooked him dinner, and that Noctis himself was absolutely shit in the kitchen. But Ardyn didn’t seem to care.

“Hmm. Maybe I should prepare you dinner sometime, give you a few tips,” Ardyn commented, scraping the styrofoam for the lasts bit of beef. “You’ve been an apt pupil so far. Could be fun.”

Noctis blushed, but he nodded. “Sure. If you think you can do better than Ignis. He tried to teach me for a long time. No luck.” He pointed at himself. “Still shit.” 

“Ah.” Ardyn’s playful eyes pierced Noctis to the core. “Let’s see. I might be better than Ignis. Who knows?"

It took a few minutes for Noctis to recover from that. He choked on the beer and needed to get up for a glass of water for his breath to come back.

By the time they finished, Ardyn had polished off all the _rope vieja,_ the flan, the plantains, and most of the _tostones._ He would save the _picadillo_ for later because that could be a meal by itself. Oh yes, he would very much enjoy having some leftovers the night after. Quite a treat.

“So," Ardyn began, standing up with a stretch. Noctis was kind enough to clean up their dishes and used trays (it seemed the boy was not entirely spoiled, he could clear a table at least). “What ever shall we do now?”

"Up to you,” Noctis replied with a coy shrug and a barely hidden smirk.

“Oh, is it?” Wrapping his arms around Noctis’s waist from the side, Ardyn inhaled deeply. Loving the feeling of being satiated from good food and now so ready to have good sex to follow it up. “Let’s see. We could…watch some television? Play a round of cards? You could teach me what games kids are spending time on these days.”

Noctis chortled and leaned into his escort’s embrace. Being able to touch again felt so good. The weirdness from before had dropped like a curtain. Now they could see each other again. Feel each other. Excitement and longing—the usual feelings—cropped up inside Noctis and he wanted to jump on Ardyn’s back without asking. Like a crazy kid or something (would Ardyn give him a piggyback ride if he asked? Why did that sound so fucking fun?).

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Cards, sure.” The young man laid his head on Ardyn’s shoulder. “And how much is that gonna cost me?” 

“Mmm…cheeky tonight, are we?” Ardyn asked. He rumbled a short laugh. “Alright, if that’s how it is. We don’t we play one of my games?”

Even though that was such a lame line, a shiver of arousal snaked down Noctis’s spine. He liked Ardyn’s…games. The kinky stuff and the…toys. It was so embarrassing to admit, but yeah. He liked it. And Ardyn knew that. He'd seen Noctis cum a million times already.

“Um, okay.” Noctis shrugged one shoulder, pretending to be indifferent. 

“Excellent.” 

At last. 

That night, Ardyn finally got a chance to use his satin rope. He’d left the tote bag of toys at Noctis’s apartment (calmly explaining that these toys now belonged to him, including the vibrator, which Ardyn instructed Noctis to use on his own time to help with his…little problem). Perfect opportunity to try out something new. 

Couldn’t let things go stale after all. Besides, Ardyn was in the mood for a nice, enjoyable fuck after partaking in such a meal. He rather thought Noctis deserved his own treat as a reward.

Ardyn loved rewarding his boy. He probably always would, regardless of whatever boundaries he tried to keep. And that was alright. Enjoying his customers’ sessions was a luxury he allowed himself. 

Indeed, Noctis’s sweet body was an enviable luxury.

Anyway, it felt like a perfect night for bondage.

“$1400, like last time?”

“Yes, that sounds fine, my love. Arms up.”

He tied Noctis’s wrists, one over the other, to the headboard. Face down, ass up—just enough space for Noctis to get knocked around a bit without hitting his head against the wrought iron whenever Ardyn thrust into him. Naturally, he wanted _terribly_ to blindfold Noctis as well—to leave him a helpless, confused mess on the bed while Ardyn took his time unmaking the boy layer by layer.

But that was too fast. Noctis was still quite new to all this. No reason to force the issue. 

He still looked like a tasty little snack, tied down and naked. The curve of Noctis’s spine was more pronounced from this angle. As were his hips and the pleasant dollop of flesh jiggling around his ass. Ardyn could suck on that ass like candy—consider it a second dessert after that delicious flan. 

“Alright, my love?” Ardyn asked, licking his lips and humming while he lubed up his fingers.

“…Yeah.” Sure, Noctis was fine. He felt seconds away from a heart attack because he was so damn excited, but yeah. Fine. 

He knew the way Ardyn was looking at him. He could feel those capricious golden eyes roaming over his body. The look of appraisal. Noctis wanted that. He had been so frantic and sick, thinking Ardyn might hate him. Now, feeling the silent praise, the energy in the air that screamed how badly Ardyn wanted to fuck him—and how badly Noctis wanted to _be_ fucked, until his body sunk into some weird orgasmic space, like always…it was such a relief it felt almost like being high (on some of the stuff he and Prompt low-key smoked sometimes). 

Holy shit, Noctis thought. He’d done it. He had actually fixed something!

For now at least. Until he fucked up again. But still! This was one of his first times successfully apologizing and making that happen—

Damn, why did he suddenly want to cry right now? Not because he was sad. Just because he was so incredibly relieved. 

Especially with Ardyn’s fingers confidently stroking his rim. The gruff, recognizable hand running up and down his cock. Teasing him. It felt so good. Answering some gaping need inside Noctis that wanted attention from this man.

Specifically Ardyn. His _daddy_. He wanted this man’s attention the most—more than anyone else!

“Very good, Noct,” Ardyn purred. He fingered his prince slowly, stretching and tugging at muscles that seemed to open so readily for him now. “You’re learning to hold back. I can see you’re trying…”

“I am…!” Noctis threw his head on the pillow and nodded wildly. “I’m trying so hard…!”

And that was true in more ways than one. Really, Noctis was trying ridiculously hard to make this bizarre, unnatural thing he had with Ardyn last. Maybe harder than he’d ever tried at anything before. 

He didn’t even know why. This was just supposed to be a short couple of quickies, but now….Noctis craved Ardyn’s approval so badly. He wanted Ardyn to enjoy their time together, to look forward to seeing him. He wanted them to go on more dates. Like other couples did. He wanted to go to the movies, to go for long walks in the park, all that shit! Every fucking thing, whatever, he didn’t even know what else. He just wanted to do it all! 

“Mmm…Ardyn…!” Noctis screamed when Ardyn twisted his fingers against the younger man’s G-spot. He tugged against the satin on his wrists, feeling pinned down by the weight of Ardyn’s scrutiny and loving every second. “…I want…!”

Oh, yes. This was it. The reason why Ardyn had such a difficult time separating himself from this client. Because Noctis was absolutely gorgeous when he wanted something.

How could Ardyn ever deny him anything? Impossible. He just wanted to give Noctis the world…whatever he could…all of it…

“I know, I know, sweet prince,” Ardyn cooed. He slapped on a condom and put himself into position, already feeling his own pleasure slithering up his legs. Getting him ready. “I know what you want…” 

He slammed his cock into Noctis’s ass. For once, he was not going to go slowly. He would go as fast as he liked and Noctis would enjoy it, because that’s what the young man needed. He needed a good fucking this time.

Wailing, Noctis shook his head ‘no’ several times. He was about to say something else, but Ardyn thought he meant sex, obviously. And now they were already doing it and Noctis’s brains were turning to mush…oh gods, he could feel Ardyn’s thick manhood so deep inside, totally ruining his ass right now.

“Y-yes! Ah, please…!” he cried, lost between the incoherent babbling and what he wanted to say. 

“Is this it, my dear?” Ardyn growled. His hips plowing the back of Noctis’s thighs. “Is this what you wanted?”

Fuck, Ardyn was sawing his sweet spot right now! Piledriving him within an inch of his life…

“Uhnnn, yeah! I want this….!” Noctis’s voice warbled with the staccato of Ardyn’s thrusts. “…I want this so bad and…I just…I want you to be happy Ardyn!” 

Yeah, it was coming out now. No way to stop it.

“I want you to be happy and…I want you to like me…please I…I like you so much Ardyn can you…do you…? I need…” 

Also, a lot of blood was rushing to Noctis’s head in this position.

Ardyn closed his eyes when he heard the words. He knew they were true. It seemed like Noctis was not at all capable of lying. And no one would go to the lengths of actually trying to wine and dine a sex worker unless they actually liked them. 

Noctis needed to say it. He needed to get this out of his system.

“What do you need, Noct? Tell me.”

“I need…ah, fuck, shit, I’m gonna die right now, it feels so good…” 

Ardyn chuckled and buried one hand in Noctis’s hair. He gently lifted the younger man’s head, trying to re-distribute the blood flow so Noctis didn’t actually pass out. That would be unfortunate.

“You’re not going to die, my love,” the older man reassured him. “Just take it. Take it like a good boy and tell me what you need.”

Noctis wanted to cry but he was beyond tears. Ardyn was totally dominating him right now and he wanted to tell him everything. He might explode if he didn’t.

“I…need to know…if you like this, Ardyn….do you like it? Do you…like me, please…tell me, I have to know…” 

If he hadn’t been completely over-stimulated and close to passing out, Noctis might have realized how pathetic he sounded. But that didn’t even matter anymore.

Ardyn clicked his teeth in irritation. He slowed his hips for a moment as a wave of unlooked for feelings welled up inside him. 

The kid just wanted to know if…? That’s it? That was his biggest desire in life, to know whether Ardyn cared about him or not? 

It should have been sad. It _was_ sad. Even so, the needling hole in his heart burst and Ardyn wanted to wrap Noctis in his arms forever. 

Sure, the boy made mistakes. There were probably many more down the road for them. But mistakes could be fixed. Offending someone by offering money when money was not asked for was not a prosecutable matter. Not in the face of this…this boy who needed him. As long as Noctis wanted this from him…

…Ardyn could give it to him.

He curled his body over Noctis’s back, leaning in close to speak directly into the young man’s ear. “Of course I like you, Noctis. Very much so. Trust me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” 

Yanking at his bonds again, dying to pull Ardyn’s head into his hands, Noctis said, “So you…?”

“I care about you, Noct.”

It was the truth. Sure, Ardyn could keep personal boundaries in mind. He had to for the job. But if they were going to continue at all, it would be pointless not to admit the fact that he cared about Noctis.

He probably always would. Even after this was over.

(Just like he did with all the others, too.)

Those words, even more than the brutal sex, made Noctis come. Ardyn cared—he knew everything, all the bad stuff and he cared—

He gasped a half-choked sound and spilled himself into Ardyn’s hand. His body contorted itself, legs trying to wrap around Ardyn’s waist somehow. They became a mess of limbs and cut-off screams as the older man followed him over the edge. 

It took many moments, laying together, still connected, before either of them were ready to speak again.

“Whoa…” Noctis grumbled. “…intense.”

“Agreed.” 

Ardyn forced himself to sit up and untie his prince. He wiped them down with AfterGlow and rubbed some regular hand creme on the young man’s wrists. Satin did not easily leave marks, but just in case. It seemed like Noctis had been pulling against his bonds rather hard. 

A feeling of dread filled Noctis as he watched Ardyn clean his body. He loved the attention, the small gestures. But now they were done, he knew Ardyn would try to leave.

Not now. Not tonight. Not after he just told him…and they both said…

Suddenly Noctis latched onto Ardyn like some kind of tentacled creature. Arms and legs finding places to wrap around. (This man _cared_ about him!) He buried his face in Ardyn’s neck and whined.

“Unh…what?” The force of being squeezed so tightly made Ardyn fall back to bed.

“So just…how much is it going to take to get you stay over tonight?” 

Any number Noctis could think of sounded way too cheap in his head. But he would do anything. Even if Ardyn wanted him to go out and get more food. If he wanted to sleep all day tomorrow. Whatever. As long as they didn’t have to say goodbye right now. 

He couldn’t say goodbye yet. He might just have to hold Ardyn hostage like some sort of tragic, vengeful ghost. 

_Please don’t leave me…_

(How many times had those words threatened to come out over the years. For his dead mother, his unavailable father, every friend he’d ever had. And now, with his first lover…)

“Hang on.” Ardyn tried to untangle their limbs just so he could get into a more comfortable position. Instead of lying on his face, wearing Noctis like a sweater.

They settled with Ardyn spooned in Noctis’s arms. Small spoon, but at least he could breathe. Because it didn’t seem like the prince was going to let him go any time soon.

“I’ll stay, Noct,” Ardyn said, cupping the younger man’s face and smiling softly. No way he could leave (former plans be damned, farewell and god bless, apparently) after _that_. “Calm yourself. No one’s leaving, alright?”

Saying nothing, Noctis stuck his face in Ardyn’s armpit. Somehow content in such a place. Dear lord. This boy wanted every part of Ardyn, didn’t he?

Did he even know what he was in for?

…That said, Ardyn decided it was a good time to finally have the ‘money conversation’ with Noctis. Men were supposedly more focused after an orgasm anyway. So Ardyn could hopefully explain it better. 

He tried to lay out each point in good detail so the prince would understand. 

“You mean like…watch out for scammers?” Noctis asked sleepily, still somehow huddled in Ardyn’s armpit. 

“Well, that. But also in general. Don’t ever pay more than you need to. For anything. Not everyone is as trustworthy as I am, I’m afraid—some people might ask for more than something’s worth. Especially once they know you can pay it. So wait until you hear a price before you start offering money.”

Noctis listened to everything the older man said. Some of it made a lot of sense. Especially this part:

“And, just so you’re aware. People do get offended if you offer to pay them when they haven’t done anything that deserves payment. It makes them feel…like you pity them. Like you’re superior in some way, and they need your help. It’s not a good feeling.”

Oh. So. 

“Gotcha.” 

Noctis knew he had a lot to learn. But he could be happy knowing he was trying his best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote the next chapter immediately after this one because at first I thought it was all going to be one chapter. And then it was 15k+ and I was like...no. Little too much lol. So it's split up now for all our sakes. Good news is the next chapter should be up soon! Either tomorrow or the next day. Something like that. (that's what the /? is for lol)
> 
> Hooray! Much love, as always! I think I have the kindest and best readers/commenters for this story that I've ever had in my life (been writing fanfic for years), and that's not an exaggeration at all. So <3


	7. Perchance to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis gets to see a new side to Ardyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the next one! And phew. This chapter was fun as hell
> 
> *Hamlet reference - From Hamlet’s famous ‘to be or not to be’ monologue: “To die, to sleep—to sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub.”

**Chapter Seven: Perchance to Dream**

After that, the two of them shared a new sense of closeness. They had both seen some unfortunate sides to the other person—Noctis’s weaknesses, his fears, and Ardyn’s hidden streak of resentment. With that in mind, it became easier to spend time together. There was a level of mutual understanding.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Noctis and Ignis. Basically Noctis never again brought up the subject of what happened that day. He knew Ignis could tell he was still seeing Ardyn, but Noctis didn’t care. If Ignis wanted to have that conversation, then they could have it. But for now, Noctis just wanted to leave it alone. Yes it was painfully awkward. He fielded strange looks from his long-time friend, where both of them could only imagine what the other was thinking. 

A level of distance they’d never had before. Noctis really hated it. Why did it feel like the closer he got to Ardyn the farther he got from Ignis? Why did he have to choose?

Whatever. Maybe he didn’t have to choose. Maybe they could just stay in this weird limbo space forever. Not talking. And things would work out great.

Or something.

Forcing himself to ignore the awkwardness, Noctis’s life became a balance between school and Ardyn. Knowing that Ardyn enjoyed spending time with him was like a drug to Noctis—almost too good to be true. Over the next two weeks, they saw each other almost every day. Certainly every other day, at least when Ignis wasn’t around.

Noctis was unbelievably happy that sex had become a regular part of his life. Ardyn too. Somehow! 

Maybe he should be waiting for the next hammer to fall, but he just didn’t want to think about that right now. He couldn’t spoil days and nights spent hanging out with Ardyn. Relaxed, comfortable, and cared for.

As weeks passed, they learned more about each other.

One night, Ardyn’s publisher called him. Physically called him on the phone—almost unheard of. He asked Ardyn (practically begged him) to take on another manuscript because they were getting seriously overloaded. He promised to pay Ardyn double his rate to compensate for the fact that it was so last minute.

Double pay? Ardyn couldn’t say no to that! So he agreed without thinking too hard. 

A few moments after beginning to work on the thing, Ardyn cursed his own inherent greed. Noctis was messaging him, asking if he wanted to go out tonight instead of meeting at the apartment.

Right. Tonight he had promised to devoted himself o Noctis. And now he had forgotten. Partly because he was legitimately over-worked with the copy editing lately, even before he took on the extra one. And also because…well, it had been quite a while since he had a consistently regular gig. 

It was…nice, of course. Being paid and requested so frequently. Having something he could depend on. Noctis, namely. But it was still a new thing. Sometimes he forgot. 

He explained the situation to the prince over text message (he understood now why they couldn’t use actual phones, but it was something of a bother. Ardyn considered buying Noctis another phone and paying for it himself…but that would be counter-intuitive, wouldn’t it?).

**PrinceCharmless:** oh, so you need to work?

**fierydjinni:** I’m afraid so, my love. Duty calls, even for a man of no consequence like me. But perhaps tomorrow?

**PrinceCharmless:** can’t tomorrow. Iggy’ll be here. 

Damn. Ardyn felt cheated. He would not have taken this manuscript on if he knew that he would be sacrificing a night with Noctis! The pay was not exactly equal. 

Besides, he hated to think of what his boy’s face must look like right now. He knew Noctis would be disappointed. Especially since the kid got so needy and possessive every time Ardyn tried to leave (not that Ardyn really minded, of course). 

**PrinceCharmless:** umm, but…all you’re doing is editing, right? Like working at your computer?

**fierydjinni:** That’s right. 

**PrinceCharmless:** so…how about

**PrinceCharmless:** just that I have a lot of homework I could do, too. Right now I mean. 

**PrinceCharmless:** maybe we could 

**PrinceCharmless:** do work together? At your place or something? 

**PrinceCharmless:** totally cool if not. im just like offering or whatever. 

Unexpected. But intriguing, and very doable. 

Realistically, not many clients ever went to Ardyn’s personal home. As a matter of professional distance (safety and all that). Some did, though. 

After all, when everything boiled down to the absolute truth, Ardyn loved showing off his apartment. It was the nicest thing he owned and he took quite a lot of pride in it. Also, he did not have to worry about being safe where Noctis was concerned. They were at the point of mutual extortion—meaning that neither of them could reasonably do any harm to the other without some consequences. A curious part of any relationship. But not a bad position.

**fierydjinni:** Interesting idea, Noct. So you want to see where Daddy lives, do you?

**PrinceCharmless:** um yeah. kind of a lot.

**fierydjinni:** Hmm ;) Well I’d love for you to come over. But you have to promise me one thing, alright?

**PrinceCharmless:** ok. what?

**fierydjinni:** You’ll be on your absolute best behavior. No vying for attention, no bothering Daddy while he’s working. Just keep your nose in your books like a good, studious boy. Can you do that?

The bit was cute, but in all seriousness, Ardyn did have to get work done. He wanted to make it at least a little clear that Noctis could not hang on him the whole time. Even if they made it a game, that was fine. As long as work got done. 

**PrinceCharmless:** I can try :P 

**fierydjinni:** That’s all I ask. :-* Here’s the address (keep this under your hat, will you?) - 

He sent him a pin on the navigator.

**PrinceCharmless:** got it. I’ll be over in like twenty minutes. 

Ardyn took quick stock of his living quarters after Noctis signed off. Fortunately, he hired maid service when he could afford it—which, thanks to the prince, he was able to indulge in these past few weeks. So, by chance, the apartment looked fairly presentable. Not that it was spick and span, there were still…personal mementos throughout the place, things he told every cleaning service to leave untouched at all costs. 

He lived in a prewar historic building. There was not much natural light in the place due to the odd alignment of the walls. As a result, it could get rather drab and dusty from time to time. Beyond that, Ardyn was not the best at picking up after himself. Some of his cleaners told him they found upwards of fifteen used coffee cups laying around the place at a time. As well as…dirty clothes on the floor and things like that. 

However! This was one of the rare times when Ardyn’s home looked less like a dank, scattered cave and more like a human living space. Something to be celebrated! 

In truth, this apartment meant everything to Ardyn. It was the rock in his life. No matter how bad things got, all the sacrifices he had to make, the losses…Ardyn would never relinquish this apartment. Not in a thousand years. He would remain entrenched in this landmark literally until they tore the place down.

Mostly out of spite.

Once he found himself on hard times, missing exorbitant mortgage payments and such, the bank and the management company tried to drive Ardyn out. First, they denied him access to the Residency Board (participation in which was technically a contractual right for everyone who lived on the premises, except for Ardyn of course). Then, once Ardyn missed electricity, oil, and hot water payments…it was all downhill.

There were days in the last ten years when Ardyn came home to an eviction notice stuck to his front door. Each one he casually crumbled and tossed in the garbage. If they really wanted him gone, let them take legal action against him. He knew his rights. They would have to drag him out by law to get him to leave. 

So, until then, Ardyn weathered the bad times as he needed to. In winter, when the heat was off, he sat around wearing a thick winter coat and scarf at all times. Fingerless gloves to keep his hands warm. Went to sleep just like that, wrapped under piles of blankets. In summer he left all the windows open—insects be damned. At night he lit candles (technically a violation) so he could work. He charged his laptop in the local coffee shop during the day and worked cordless by candlelight in the dark to get his editing done, and to proposition clients online.

He made it work. He didn’t care about the Residency Board. They could all go fuck themselves. Merrily.

And look at him now! Stable and well-groomed. In good enough straits to hire a cleaning service! Hadn’t missed a payment on any of his bills in months. 

Ardyn planned on living there until the day he died. This place, this windy Victorian-era knock-off, was the only thing he had left from his old life (his first trial run, as he called it). The apartment was a shell of how he once lived—when he was a man who could actually afford things. Ardyn would be fine without everything else; nice clothes, creature comforts, even basic necessities and respect from society at large. He could give all that up without much of a problem. 

But not the apartment. Not the place where he kept his books and his trinkets. Every artifact in here had some kind of personal meaning to him. Gifts, rare finds, knickknacks from history. Each thing had a story of its own. Sure, they would probably be valuable if he tried to sell them. And he had sold some (the Gregorian suit of armor was the first thing to go, along with its sword and sheath. Pity). But there were special things left he certainly never would. Even when starving.

He’d sooner sell his own body. Which he did. 

Without a doubt, Ardyn was proud to show the place to Noctis. Now, to put on some clothes…

Seeing Ardyn’s neighborhood honestly surprised Noctis. What was this, the historical section? Well, the street signs were brown. Shit, yeah. This actually was the historical section.

_That_ was Ardyn’s building? Just how old was it, exactly? (Didn’t they call this prewar or something? Not that Noctis actually knew what that meant…)

Also, it looked _nice._ Expensive and kind of fancy. Super old, but well-kept. People spent money on the place, he could tell. Still, Noctis decided to walk up the four flights of stairs…because that elevator looked a little too rickety. Maybe it was just for show or something. 

“Hello, Noct. Glad you could make it.” Ardyn greeted him at the door in a pair of jeans and an old college sweater with a logo Noctis didn’t recognize. Also, impossible to miss, Ardyn was wearing his glasses.

Noctis automatically gulped. Sexy. The older man looked…casual. Noctis had seen Ardyn in many ways. Fancy, dapper. Provocative. Even naked plenty of times. But he had never seen _casual_ before…

…was it weird to ask for a picture of him? Hair tousled, ratty house clothes. Well-worn glasses. Smelling strongly of himself. It would be such a good picture to take home with him…

Probably weird, yeah.

“Me too. Thanks for having me,” Noctis answered politely. Remembering his manners finally.

“Come in.”

Inside Ardyn’s apartment for the first time, Noctis had to visibly fight back his awe. High ceilings, actual artwork on the wall (big paintings too, dark, heavy paint). Sculptures and random things in glass cases here and there. Some displayed, others just kind of…there. 

And books. So. Many. Books. Floor to ceiling bookcases with not a single empty space, along with piles of textbooks in random corners of each room. Tiny columns everywhere you looked. 

“Um…wow…” Noctis said awkwardly, not sure where to put his backpack once he got inside. He felt like he couldn’t touch anything. Was this a place where he needed to take his shoes off first or something?

“My humble abode,” Ardyn replied with a twinkle in his eye. He gestured dismissively to the place, but Noctis could tell by the exaggerated sweep of the older man’s arm. Ardyn loved it. 

Which was…amazing on a lot of levels. For one, because this place was not at all what Noctis had been expecting. He’d thought Ardyn would live in a tiny studio with a sexy bedroom that had a big closet full of all his outfits. Black satin sheets on the bed. A stainless steel kitchen. The usual…cool person stuff, right?

But nope. What Ardyn had was _this_. Basically the exact opposite. And even weirder because it was hard to think of someone actually living around all this old stuff.

“It…kind of feels like a museum in here,” Noctis noted. He walked over to some clay pottery on display. Was that supposed to be a horse or something…maybe a woman? (Why was it hard to tell?)

Ardyn huffed. “I’ll go ahead and take that as a compliment. Careful—that’s a genuine Etruscan sculpture. Don’t touch.” The older man paused for a moment, bringing a finger to his lips. “In fact, don’t touch anything in here, my dear. Unless I say so.”

Okay. Noctis saw what was going on. Ardyn liked his stuff _just so_ apparently. That was amazing too. Because Noctis had never seen Ardyn actually attached to something before. The older man was not invested in much of anything that Noctis knew. He didn’t wear anything special and his car was pretty old. Although, it made sense. Ardyn’s attachments came from history. Things he could ascribe meaning to and find hidden details. 

That was his lover’s thing.

Noctis smiled broadly. He padded over to Ardyn and gave the older man a lingering kiss on the cheek, making his lover hum in approval. Noctis really did think passions were a cool thing to have. Like Ignis with his baking. Hobbies said a lot about a person and they were interesting—especially something as…specific as this. 

Very _Ardyn_.

The older man gently swatted Noctis’s butt (a sign of affection) and moved into the kitchen. “Can I get you a coffee? Water, anything?” 

“No thanks, I’m good.” Instead, Noctis glanced around the adjacent living room. Aside from the overwhelming amount of books, a lot of the stuff in there really seemed worth looking at. Silverware with ornate engraving on the tips. A kimono with colorful, intricate designs, pinned up with the sleeves pointing out. A tiny gold statue of a dog, bronze maybe? All super old and rare for sure. Either under glass or sitting grandiosely in random areas. But each placement looked…intentional? Like everything was meant to be exactly where it was.

Noctis strolled through the living room like he was walking through an exhibit. Peering at the glass, keeping his hands in his pockets. Unfortunately there were no plaques on anything so Noctis had no way of knowing what they actually were. Apparently all the facts stayed secure in Ardyn’s head.

“Heh…” Noctis turned to his lover, who had come into the room with a steaming cup of coffee and a curious look. “…maybe someday you can explain to me what all this stuff is. Where it comes from and everything.” 

Ardyn took a long sip of coffee. “Mm. I’d like that.” 

He kissed Noctis with breath that smelled of dark roast. A smell Noctis was starting to like. A lot, actually.

“But for now, didn’t you say you had work to do?” 

“Uh yeah, just have to read and then answer some questions. For school.” Sliding the backpack off his shoulder, Noctis pointedly looked around for a place to work. 

So, one problem. There was so much stuff on display, all the cushions on the living room sofa were filled. No room to sit.

“Let’s head to my office.” Ardyn lead them into another room. This one was a little more modern looking—a desk, a computer with two monitors. A leather couch with unoccupied seats. 

And… “Is that a stereo system?” Noctis asked in disbelief. Had to be! A bulky rectangle with two speakers, not embedded into the wall or anything! Just sitting there!

Ardyn shrugged. “Call me old fashioned, but I like the sound quality on these dear old things. So, can you work on the couch?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Oh man, he wished he could tell Prompto about the stereo! His best friend was a total technophile and would flip out to see something retro like that in good condition.

Fighting the itch to go around and explore this place some more, Noctis plopped down on the leather couch and fished out his anatomy textbook. He had promised to work, after all. Or at least try to.

Against his better judgement, Ardyn glanced at Noctis’s textbook. His mind instantly started working, wondering for the first time what classes Noctis was taking. Anything on the classics and Ardyn probably knew the person who wrote the textbook. 

Or at least, ten years ago he would have known them. Now…? 

Ah. There it was. The long lost sting of regret and exclusion. He really should have been passed that…this is why he never went near colleges, nor even considered them these days. Why he had never brought the subject up with Noctis before now. He’d do well to stay out of it.

But seeing a newly published work right there…the curiosity just killed him.

Ardyn stomped over to Noctis and half-closed the book so he could see the cover. “What course literature are they assigning these days? An anthology or some kind of comprehensive peer review?” (Don’t get him started on comprehensive literature…)

To Ardyn’s surprise, Noctis’s textbook read: _Essential Clinical Anatomy - For students._

He tilted his head, taking in the picture of a skeleton and muscle structure. Along with several medical symbols Ardyn had never seen before—nor ever cared to.

“It’s…graduate school, so we don’t have to take a lot of pre-req lit classes,” Noctis explained. Ardyn had a weird look on his face and the younger man really did not know why. 

“I see.” 

Realizing this was out of his field, Ardyn immediately dropped the subject and went to his desk to begin editing. He pulled up the manuscripts on Quark, not sparing Noctis or his collegiate studies another glance. 

Okay…Noctis thought. And what was that about? All at once, his lover seemed to be in a mood. Not sulky, but. Standoffish. Ardyn only ever got like that when he was secretly offended. Usually because of something Noctis did or said without even realizing (thankfully it didn’t happen a lot).

So, what had Noctis done this time? 

He thought about asking, but Ardyn already seemed absorbed in what he was doing. The man stared intently at his computer from behind his glasses, a slight frown on his face from concentration. There were several giant reference books open in front of him that he kept checking and rechecking. 

Well, whatever then. Noctis didn’t want to bother him now. Sighing, he took out his highlighter and began reading. 

The atmosphere between the two of them relaxed quickly, despite that brief strangeness. Maybe it had something to do with the environment of the apartment itself. The place had a very ‘lived-in’ feeling, and a lot of warmth. The sheer clutter—not random, but meaningful—filled up all the empty space and gave the rooms a special kind of presence. The same feeling as being in good company. Noctis couldn’t describe it well, but he knew he liked being there. The subdued lighting calmed him down. 

Eventually he curled up on the couch with his textbook, cradled by the soft leather. Safe. 

They worked for several hours straight before Noctis was disturbed by a rough pattering sound on the window. When he looked up, he noticed that it had started to rain outside. 

“Shit,” he said right away, slumping back on the couch. Mm, it smelled nice too. Very, very faintly of cigarette smoke and then some kind of rose-tinted air freshener. Heavy but sweet. Noctis just wanted to bury his face in the cushions and go to sleep. 

Ardyn glanced up from his work. “Hmm? What’s wrong?”

“Looks like it’s raining pretty hard. And I left my umbrella at home because I didn’t check the weather report. Like usual, you know.” Yup. Ignis was always scolding him for that, coming home needlessly soaked.

As his mind slowly came back to reality (after being thoroughly lodged in the Middle Ages for the past few hours), Ardyn blinked and looked around his office. Oh, yes. It was getting a bit late, wasn’t it? High time for a break most likely. 

He took his glasses off and rubbed his strained, tired eyes. “It’s fine, I’m sure I have an extra umbrella somewhere. Go check the closet in the study. You can take whatever you find.”

The study? Noctis guessed that meant the living room? “…Okay. Uh, thanks.” (Actually he was hoping Ardyn would have just invited him to stay over, but…)

Ardyn closed his eyes and massaged his cheekbones to relieve some of the pressure. Intense concentration always did this to him. He heard Noctis rummaging through the closet. At least there was definitely nothing of value in there. Maybe he should go make another cup of coffee to wake himself up…

“Found one,” Noctis called, voice muffled. “Actually you have a few in here…huh? What’s this?”

The older man waited for his guest to elaborate. He put his head in his hands and rested his eyes. “…What’s what?” he asked eventually.

“There’s…a lot of papers in here. In a box in the back, but they kind of spilled out? Sorry…I’ll pick them up.” 

Oh. Those.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ardyn called back. “Just leave them where they are, it’s fine.” 

Clearly Noctis was not listening. Ardyn could hear the young man rustling through the box. Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone? (Well. This was Noctis, after all. The prince of curiosity. Among other things…)

Noctis came back into the office with an armful of paper. He felt like he had just unearthed some kind of deep mystery. Wrinkled papers turning yellow and brown. Possibly stains from an old spill. They were all carelessly thrown in the back of the closet, but certain pages were still clipped together to form clear sections. Was this supposed to be a book? Or a dissertation maybe? The sections weren’t in order and the text itself was pretty dense. Sentences like “The _prisca theologia_ doctrine affirms the existence of a single, true theology that is present in all religions and that was given by God to man in antiquity…” It definitely read like a textbook, with annotations on the bottom.

For some reason, the possibility of a genuine secret in this apartment of ancient artifacts made Noctis feel adventurous. All the secrets in here were _Ardyn’s_ secrets. That was exciting. Plus, he could finally touch something.

“Hey, so, what is all this stuff? Looks pretty old…how do you say this? Es..eso…ter..i..c..?” 

“Esotericism,” Ardyn said quickly, putting his glasses back on. “Those are manuscripts from before you were born.” 

Wow! “But whose are they? I mean they were in the closet…”

“They’re mine.”

Noctis’s blue eyes cut to Ardyn curiously. “Yours? You mean…you wrote all this?” 

“Yes. Ages ago.” Definitely time for that second cup of coffee.

A million questions popped into Noctis’s mind. This was Ardyn’s work? He had written his own textbook once upon a time? That was…awesome! Feeling a surge of genuine thirst, Noctis wanted to paw through the secret box and read all of it. Yes, the material would definitely be way over his head. But he could learn! He wanted to know what fascinated Ardyn enough to write about. He wanted to hear Ardyn’s writing voice and his…conclusions and everything. 

He followed Ardyn into the kitchen, papers in hand. “That is so fucking cool. Why didn’t you ever tell me you wrote a book?”

Ardyn smiled to himself. Of course there was nothing special about that decrepit pile of papers, but. It still pleased him that Noctis would be impressed. So easily captivated.

“Well, it was never published,” he admitted.

Noctis frowned. “Why?” The writing looked smart enough, if that was the criteria. 

“Hmmm…” Ardyn closed his eyes and breathed in the calming coffee smell. He supposed he could tell Noctis the story…some of it, anyway. The whole thing was just far too long right now. “I had a falling out with some colleagues. Very publicly, I’m afraid.” 

“What colleagues?”

And so, Ardyn told him the story of how, a long time ago during his tenure as a professor, he published a scathing op-ed piece about one of his fellow professors. He started with a vague outline of what happened, but Noctis kept asking questions. Eventually they moved into the office and sat together on the couch, discussing.

Really, it had all been a matter of integrity—if anyone would believe that. Ardyn felt this colleague was using his doctoral students’ thesis papers for his own research, denying them credit because the students were not published authors. When he brought the matter to the department’s attention, they told him to forget the whole thing. And, they insulted him. Said he was eccentric and paranoid. That his own history was not exactly so ‘spotless’ either, considering the rumors of flagrant relationships he’d had in the past…

It pissed him off. Royally. So one night, after a few drinks, the op-ed piece was born. Ardyn condemned his colleague and the rest of the department along with him, dragging in the names of other academicians he disliked as well. All in all, the piece was a total mess (not even very well written, when he looked back. Bourbon did not evoke the best syntax, it turned out). And once it was published, his career was well and truly over.

Now that Noctis knew, Ardyn felt…actually, he didn’t feel much of anything. His pain over what happened had been muted by years of dealing with the aftermath. Now the whole thing was a mere fact of his reality. 

“That’s stupid,” Noctis declared.

Surprisingly stung, Ardyn narrowed his eyes angrily in the younger man’s direction. “…Not my best career move, arguably.” 

“Oh, no, not that.” Noctis fold his legs underneath himself and faced Ardyn sheepishly. “I mean…everyone else. Like, they all ganged up on you just because of what a couple of people thought? That’s dumb. Can’t they think for themselves? Make their own decisions about what happened…?”

Ardyn chuckled. “Interestingly enough, academic types are not always the most open-minded people. And the collegiate world is a small place. People tend to move in…herds, I suppose.” He took a sip of coffee. “Also I did call the dean of my department a mealy mouthed cocksucker. So, there’s that.” 

At that, Noctis burst out laughing. “Did you really?” he asked, gasping.

“Oh yes. I certainly did.” Ardyn shared the laugh too. The situation could definitely be funny when looked at in the right light. 

As the laughter died, Ardyn glanced back at the stack of desiccated papers that used to be his manuscript. He hadn’t looked at the thing in quite a few years. Now it had already grown old. Just like him. That could make a man nostalgic, to be sure…

“You know,” he began, examining one clipped together section. The writing was his own. He could still remember the sentences. How he’d crafted them so painstakingly back in the day. “…I spent almost six years writing this book. It was like my personal crusade at the time. But now, ten years later, I can’t seem to remember when I spilled coffee on it. Or maybe it’s whiskey…I honestly don’t know.” 

“What, seriously? Six years?” Noctis could hardly believe that.

The older man nodded slowly. “Indeed. Six years and many sleepless nights. Countless setbacks and little breakthroughs. There’s a special kind of joy in writing a book like this.”

“So what’s it about?”

“Hermeticism, mostly. The connection between science, magic, and religion. I tried to…draw parallels between its practice in the Renaissance and how that carried over into modern day. It’s quite interesting. Or at least, I thought so.”

Noctis nodded right away. “Yeah. I mean, it sounds important.” Honestly Noctis was just glad he understood the concept. And, the subject seemed very close to Ardyn’s heart.

He liked that. Closeness to the older man’s heart. That had to be important.

Ardyn ran a hand through his hair and regarded Noctis with a pleased smile. In all likelihood, he could wax endlessly about his past failures and Noctis would think they were all wonderful. 

What a magnificent boy. How in hell had he wound up in Ardyn’s life?

“Tell me, Noct.” Ardyn spread out on the couch, trapping Noctis between his legs. “What are you studying in school?”

Wiggling in excitement, Noctis put his hands on Ardyn’s shins happily. “Me? I’m training to become a nurse.” 

“Really? A nurse?” Ardyn would never have pinned Noctis for the type—although, the textbook. And really…the boy did seem to have the kind of heart that wanted to serve. To heal, in a certain way.

Perhaps it made sense after all.

“What brought you to that, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Noctis shrugged. “Don’t know, I guess. In undergrad I was all over the place. Took me forever to decide on a major. Eventually I just panicked and majored in photography because my best friend was doing it. Not because I was good at it or anything. Not like him. So, yeah, nothing happened with that.”

Was this actually an embarrassing story? Noctis wasn’t sure. But either way, it was the truth. And Ardyn had just been very honest with him, so. He might as well be honest too. “After I graduated, I was…kind of in a bad place, you know? Didn’t leave the apartment much. Just hung around. Not a lot of friends. Bad…head space.” He shook his hands around his temples to demonstrate.

Ah, so. Noctis had endured some hard times. Depression and such. Actually Ardyn could picture that well. But it hurt him to know, especially when he thought about the fact that Noctis probably hadn’t had a lot of support with it either. So, he reached out and wrapped Noctis’s hand in his own. His small way of offering sympathy and, he hoped, a measure of understanding. He didn’t want Noctis to feel like that anymore. Lost or sad. Not on his watch, anyway.

Noctis squeezed Ardyn’s hand in return. He always loved holding hands, in any context. And Ardyn did this whenever Noctis started to breathe too heavily or space out. It was small, just a larger hand cradling his own, but it was a real comfort to him. And that meant a lot.

“Anyway…” the younger man continued, locking their fingers together. “When I…got out of it…I needed to keep myself busy. So, I volunteered at a few places. Homeless shelters, animal shelters, hospitals. Things like that. I decided that the best thing I could do, even if I don’t love life or anything, is spend my time trying to help other people. And some of the nurses I met in the hospital were pretty nice. So I decided to go back to school for nursing.” He shrugged. “That’s it, I guess.” 

“Well that’s lovely,” Ardyn said slowly. “I’m sure you’re going to save a lot of people some day, Noctis.”

“Tch, I don’t know…” Noctis rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “Some of the science courses are pretty hard…” 

The older man waved his hand at the idea. “Just stay focused. You’ll do fine. Because you have a reason to succeed. That’s what’s important.” He paused and added, “Plus you have the money to stay in school until you get it right. That’s also very important.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Noctis slid his eyes over to Ardyn hesitantly. “Um so…did you pay for all your degrees by…working, or…?” 

Realizing Noctis meant sex work, Ardyn quickly corrected him. “Oh, no. That only started once I left the field. Before that I had a trust fund, like you. My father was lucky enough to be a wealthy man. And I was lucky enough that he died early in my life, so. There you have it.” 

Noctis honestly did not know what to say that.

But Ardyn wasn’t finished. He went on to describe how the money in his trust slowly drained away as he spent and spent. On all kinds of things. Some useless, some not. Until he was left with nothing.

“This is why I tell you to be careful with your money,” Ardyn continued. “I know it seems like a lot right now, but nothing lasts forever. You need to be smart about what you’re spending. Always. Hmph…” he chuckled. “…unless you want to end up like me.” 

Noctis's blue eyes went wide as saucers. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Then he said, “Is that such a bad thing? If I end up like you?” 

For one insane moment, Ardyn wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. But he couldn’t do either because that question was so ridiculous. As if Noctis could even imagine a life like this… “Yes. Yes it is a bad thing. Avoid it at all costs, please. Trust me.” 

Conceding, Noctis nodded a little. “Okay. I mean, I’ve been trying to be…aware of stuff, lately. Like money. I think I’m getting better with it…” 

Now that, Ardyn could quietly laugh at. ‘Better’? As opposed to what? Well, no matter. He knew he had made his point clear. 

He finished by saying, “Just don’t spend every last bit of your money on booze and whores. That’s all.” 

A quiet gasp punctured the mood. It was Noctis. He couldn’t believe Ardyn just…said that.

Seeing the blush on the younger man’s face, Ardyn thought perhaps his word choice could have been…better. A little more tactful. Noctis was getting redder by the minute. Personally, Ardyn didn’t mind referring to himself as a whore. Truth was truth and it didn’t bother him. But Noctis seemed to harbor some kind of insecurity about the whole idea…which was understandable. After all, the kid had clearly paid a man to take his virginity and go on dates with him. That had to make a person feel low at the end of the day. 

Although Ardyn could put together perfectly well why Noctis struggled so much making connections with people. The entire process didn’t come naturally to the kid. He was awkward and self-conscious, riddled with anxiety that emanated from him like the plague. No wonder he’d never been with anyone. But so what? Some people fought that battle. It was nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, Ardyn was proud to be the one to give Noctis all these new experiences. He thought they both knew that.

“I’ve…” the younger man started to say, looking at the floor. “…I mean, I’ve…never seen you that way. Not now and…not before, either. When we started. Just so you know.” 

Truthfully, Ardyn did know that. They’d never talked about it—but he felt it. The desperate need to be liked and to please. Noctis didn’t consider Ardyn a sex worker. He saw their relationship as something much more. He always had.

Ardyn said nothing. He didn’t know what to make of all this, really. This, out of everything he’d been through in life, had never happened to Ardyn before. Someone who saw him as more than a thing. Not a pet or a project. But a person, a man. A…what? 

A what. Did he have the balls to say it? Because it was clear they were not playacting anymore.

“…Can I ask you something?” 

“…yes,” Ardyn answered quietly, still lost in his own thoughts.

Noctis turned to face him again. “How many…? I mean, like…how many other people are you seeing? Besides me?” 

Blinking slowly, Ardyn spoke in a soft voice. “Right now, you mean?” 

“Yeah, right now. Like, these past few weeks.” 

Noctis honestly did not know why he wanted to hear this. But part of him just…needed to. Even if it hurt. He needed to know so that he could understand what was really going on between them. No holds barred.

Ardyn took a deep breath. He could lie. Make up a number. Not like Noctis would ever check. And it would firmly set the boundaries where they needed to be. 

…But they were passed that, weren’t they?

“None, Noct.” It was the truth. “I’m not seeing anyone other than you. How could I? You’ve kept me quite busy lately, inviting me over night after night. I’ve hardly had time to finish my editing work I’ve been so occupied…” 

Noctis’s blood froze in his veins. “Really? So right now I’m your only…client?”

“That’s correct.” Ardyn was smiling now. Honesty freed the soul, didn’t it.

A bubble of crazy happiness swelled in Noctis’s stomach. Without thinking, he crawled over to Ardyn and straddled his lap. 

“…Why?”

Holding onto the boy’s waist, Ardyn smirked and said, “I just told you why. You’ve been running me ragged, my dear.” 

Noctis shook his head. Unable to hold back, he cupped Ardyn’s face in his hands. Drunk off the feel of stubble and coarse skin. His heart was hammering so fucking fast.

“No, but I mean…are you…okay with that? With seeing just me and no one else?” 

Ah. 

Ardyn walked his fingers up Noctis’s shoulders. He stroked the skin on the younger man’s neck, delighting in the way Noctis shivered. Quivering and so excited in his lap—the perfect place for Noctis. Ardyn wanted to keep him right there. In fact, that was all he felt like he needed to do in that moment. Which spoke volumes.

Maybe the way he answered this question changed everything. Maybe it didn’t. But Ardyn was going to risk it. 

He couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

“Mm, yes. I think I’m alright with it.” Ardyn brought his voice low and leaned in closer. “Maybe a little more than alright, actually.” 

Noctis lost it.

Some kind of sound came out of his mouth, but it was quickly cut short when he pressed his face flush against Ardyn’s. Kissing him as hard as he could. So hard that his hands started tugging at the skin on Ardyn’s cheeks like putty. But the older man allowed it. He kissed Noctis back as much as he could, but the prince’s pace was too wild. Too much pressure—they couldn’t even move their lips. It was all just pushing against each other. Trying to get as close as possible, until there was not a single fraction of space left between them.

They breathed in quick gasps, smashing back together like magnets every time they broke apart. 

Refusing to stop kissing, Noctis pawed at Ardyn’s sweater. He found the hem and pushed it up. Searching for his lover’s skin. Sure enough, Ardyn was not wearing anything underneath the worn sweatshirt. Noctis greedily ran his hands everywhere he could reach. He tried to lift the sweatshirt up and off with his forearms, but the angle was too tight. 

“Here,” Ardyn said huskily. He took off his glasses with one hand and set them on the end table nearby. Then, smiling, he slid off the hoodie and started working on his pants.

Not needing to be asked, Noctis ripped his own clothes off with shaking fingers. This felt so different. He was still horny, still wanted Ardyn to fuck his brains out like any other time. But this time it did not feel like a set-up. It was like…they were going to have sex because they wanted to. Just for that. Wanting to be close and no other reason.

Was that called making love? 

Fuck, Noctis didn’t know, but he needed it. 

“Should we…head to the bedroom?” the younger man asked hesitantly, standing up to remove his pants and boxers. 

Ardyn shook his head. “No need. The couch is more comfortable anyway.” He reached into the end table drawer and pulled out a condom (lucky he had these stashed all over the apartment just in case). 

Looking over at his naked prince with the throbbing, full-mast hard-on between his legs, Ardyn grinned. This was his prize for the evening. He held up the condom and beckoned Noctis over to him with both hands. 

Laying on flat on his back, he said, “Put this on me.” 

Noctis bit his lip in anticipation. He ripped the foil carefully, making sure not to tear the rubber (like he learned in school), and stared at Ardyn’s burgeoning cock with wide eyes. Moaning, he stroked the older man’s length up and down a few times. Just to feel it.

“Ah yes…very nice.” Ardyn tossed his head back in enjoyment. Noctis’s little hand was like its own kind of sex toy. Soft, with just enough pressure. “Slide it on me now….there you go…” 

The condom rolled on pretty easy when Noctis lined up the middle of the circle to the tip of Ardyn’s dick. It was pre-lubed, so it made a mess, but Noctis didn’t mind. His lover’s cock felt slick, full, and hot underneath the thin material.

He thought about bending over and stuffing the thing in his mouth—the instinct to do that hit Noctis like a ton of bricks—but he knew the condom would taste…bad. If he was going to do that, Noctis wanted to taste the real thing. Not rubber! So he’d have to wait for next time.

Damn…next time. The fact that he really felt like there was going to be a next time made Noctis feel like he was floating. 

“Take a seat, your majesty,” Ardyn invited, sliding down on the couch so Noctis could straddle his hips.

“Tch.” Again with the nicknames…well, Noctis was in a good enough mood to play along. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Sitting on Ardyn’s abdomen was like dipping into a warm bathtub. So soothing against his skin. A remedy for the day’s stress. Ardyn’s bare skin…Noctis fell on top of the older man and dragged his mouth all over Ardyn’s chest. His fleshy pectorals; his dark, wide nipples; his unyielding stomach and navel…Noctis wanted to feel everything. Every last inch of this man.  
  
“Mmmm, ah…” he moaned. “Ardyn you feel so good.” 

The older man sighed contentedly. He slid his hands on Noctis’s hips—loving the view from his angle. Noctis on top of him, doing all the work. Eyes unfocused with desire, making tiny sounds with each kiss and lick against his skin. 

“Hmmm….” Ardyn hummed. “And I’m not even inside you yet.”

Noctis grunted. “Nnnh, but I want it…” 

“Then go ahead.” Ardyn propped himself up for a better view. “Open yourself for me. Give me your hand so I can get your fingers ready.” 

Wait what? Ardyn wanted him to do _that_ …to himself? 

But when Ardyn’s mouth settled around his fingers, Noctis forgot everything else for a while. Oh…fuck, this mouth. He’d felt it before. But damn it was so warm and big and wet…that tongue, sliding over Noctis’s fingers like each digit was a cock he wanted to slather with attention…

“So hot…” Noctis whimpered, reminding himself to hold back. (The old version of himself probably would have come just from that. The training definitely paid off.)

Ardyn pulled back with a pop. “Now, let me see.” He folded his hands behind his head, ready for a show. “I want to see His Majesty finger Himself. Stretch that tight little ass of yours and make room for me, love.” 

Embarrassment shot through Noctis in a flash. He glanced away at first, shy. But then he realized: Ardyn wasn’t asking him to do this to humiliate him. He wouldn’t, because he actually liked being with Noctis. So then, that meant…he was asking because he genuinely wanted to see him do it.

That gave Noctis a good boost of confidence.

He looked back at Ardyn with heavily lidded eyes. “You wanna see…?” He dragged his hands across his inner thighs. When his fingers reached his crevice, Noctis spread his cheeks open with one hand and poked his entrance with the other. “Then…take a good look…”

By the—Ardyn’s gaze locked onto the scene above him. Oh, he was looking alright. Make no mistake. Nowhere else in the world could be as interesting right now.

“Mmm…” Noctis slid one finger inside himself. It was a tight fit (he wasn’t properly lubed), but knowing that Ardyn was watching him…made it good. He could feel the weight of Ardyn’s eyes. Burrowing heat into Noctis’s sensitive parts as he stared…making his cock twitch each time his finger grazed his hole. 

Ardyn was _watching_ …

“Mmm…” Noctis’s thighs were shaking now. He could feel himself getting loose. “Look at me, Ardyn…is this…what you want to see…?”

The older man sucked back the saliva threatening to fall. This was… _perfect_. Noctis was stretching himself so nicely—he could literally see inside of the boy, to the very depths of him! Just as he wanted. 

And those slutty little comments…unbelievable! Exactly what kind of monster had Ardyn created?

Noctis added another finger and rubbed the inside of his rim. Something he knew would get him hungry for more. “Ah…feels good…” 

It really did. Noctis’s nipples were hard now too, as if they wanted Ardyn to stare at them and play with them like before. “Mmm…it’s…! I like it, but…I’m getting too excited…I want you… _Daddy_ …”

Dear lord, this boy could not be good for his health. Ardyn felt like he was about to pass out from blood rushing to his dick and a heart that could not keep up with all this beautiful stimulation.

He grabbed Noctis’s wrists and pulled the young man’s hands away from himself. In a mad rush, he stuck Noctis’s fingers in his mouth again to get a good taste of that ass he loved so much. Ah yes, the same as he remembered. Sweet as ambrosia.

“Oh, you know just what to say, don’t you?” Ardyn groaned. “The perfect thing to get Daddy’s cock nice and hard for you, hmm?”

All of this was still kind of embarrassing, Noctis realized, but it felt…private. Theirs. They were saying this for each other, because they both got off on the way it sounded.

Better than good. 

So Noctis nodded and said, “Please, give it to me….” 

Drowning in his own arousal, Ardyn lifted Noctis by the hips and lined him up with his cock. “It’s all yours, my love. Take it. Ride it as much as you want, however you like. Until you’re satisfied…” 

Holding onto the older man’s shoulders, Noctis let himself slide down the eager cock waiting for him underneath. It filled him and rubbed him exactly the way he liked. This was the cock he craved, maybe he always would. The way they were now…this cock just _worked_ for him. Hand in glove.

“Oooh…yes…finally, yes…” Noctis moaned, setting a short, slow rhythm. 

He got to set the pace this time. And he was going to ride Ardyn for all he was worth.

The tight heat of this young man…Ardyn reveled in it. Even after all the other times they’d had sex, in all the different ways…his favorite thing to do was still simply fucking this boy. Old fashioned and straightforward. That’s what he wanted most.

Noctis bounced up and down on his cock. Faster and faster. Angling his hips so Ardyn’s dick reached all the way inside, right up against that sweet spot. Nothing could ever beat that…

“Mmm…mmm…I’m getting there…” 

Ardyn wrapped his hand around Noctis’s pretty little cock and stroked him. He felt lucky, like he always did with Noctis. That he was the one who got to see this. Such an adorable young man, fucking himself on Ardyn’s cock like he’d been born to do it.

“Yes, my love, go ahead…Cum for me…give yourself what you want. You can have it, now…” From the way Noctis was clenching around him, it wouldn’t be long.

“Ah…ah…!”

“That’s it…” And now, just looking at Noctis—head rolling around his shoulders as he gave himself over to pleasure—was enough for Ardyn too.

They were going to come at the same time, weren’t they?

Just a little more. Exactly like this. They wouldn’t need anything else…

“D-daddy!”

“Noct!”

And there it was. They climaxed together and rode each other through it, Ardyn slamming upwards into his prince while Noctis drove himself down as hard as he could. The aftershocks tumbled over them, sending them to heaven several times before it was done. 

This…would it always be this way? Ardyn wondered as Noctis laid down on his chest.

Could a dream so perfect be real?

He moved to roll out from under Noctis, but the boy squeezed his cock with his internal muscles, refusing to let go. Apparently he was not ready to separate yet. 

So at least…for now. This is where they were.

“I’m okay with it, too,” Noctis mumbled, shifting to look at Ardyn. “Just so…we’re clear. I…don’t want you to have any other clients.” 

Ardyn laughed softly. He pushed Noctis’s face back down to his chest. “I know, Noct. It’s alright. We’re here now, okay?”

_We’re here now._ Noctis said the words over again and again in his head. He wanted to memorize them so that he could keep them forever. They sounded so nice.

….

In the end, Ardyn let Noctis stay the night. They didn’t need the umbrella after all.

_____________________________________

Across town, Ignis sat at the kitchen table of his own apartment. There was a closed folder laying in front of him. He knew what it was filled with, he had put the documents together himself.

Those images. Ignis closed his eyes and tried to forget what he’d seen. Frisky boyfriend and rent a daddy…how were these places people took seriously enough to actually…use?

And Fox Toy. Ignis covered his mouth and shook his head silently. 

“Oh, Noct…” he said to himself. “Why did you…?”

Ignis must have failed in some way. He knew that now. After all, he bore primary responsibility for raising Noctis. So he was the one to blame for all this. He must have let Noctis down somehow to make his charge think it was alright to do…something like this. To go there looking for…

Why. He felt riddled with shame and deep sadness. How could he have done a better job? What was missing from his work? What did he need to give Noctis so this wouldn’t happen…?

Ignis shook his head again. He couldn’t say.

But he knew what he needed to do. And, like always, he was the only person in Noctis’s life who could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm creepy foreshadow >___< You guys probably know what's coming, huh?
> 
> Anyway! Explaining Ardyn's weird af apartment made me happy. He's basically sitting on a dragon hoard of stuff he's deeply attached to. To put it in Tolkien terms, he's part Treebeard ("some of these trees were my friends...they had voices of their own...") and part Smaug ("You will take NOTHING from me! I am king under the mountain!!!"). That's a fun combo.
> 
> Love you guys <3


	8. Force his soul so to his own conceit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to tell the different between reality and the stories you create in your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh man. I needed to write this chapter because it was weighing my soul down so much.
> 
> Warning: This is whump red alert. Not a drill. Major angst chapter. (I'm so sorry, this is my life.)
> 
> *Hamlet reference: From Hamlet’s famous “rogue and peasant slave” monologue: “O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!  
> Is it not monstrous that this player here  
> But in a fiction, a dream of passion  
> Could force his soul so to his own conceit”

**Chapter Eight: Force his soul so to his own conceit**

“Give me your phone, Noct.” 

Around 1:00 the following day, Noctis was finally ready to leave Ardyn’s apartment. He could have stayed much, much longer—but he had class later. And he should probably go home first to make sure he had the right textbooks and all that shit. (Why didn’t he think to bring over everything he would need the night before? That way he could have hung out with Ardyn the whole day…damn, Noctis wished he had thought ahead).

But they had an idyllic morning. Comfortably waking up at 11:00, Ardyn took the time to make Noctis breakfast in his tiny, cramped kitchen. (Weird, the rest of the apartment was so big, but the kitchen was so small. Crammed into a corner like an afterthought. Maybe because food and dining did not fit the rest of the aesthetic—the biggest appliance in there was the coffee maker anyway). Remembering that Noctis had no cooking skills whatsoever, Ardyn started with something simple: Pancakes. He told Noctis to watch and see if he could pick up any tips. Of course Noctis took the invitation literally, clinging to Ardyn’s shoulders the whole time, nuzzling his lover’s neck and stealing tiny kisses from the corner of Ardyn’s lips. Functioning as little more than a distraction. 

Although no cooking lessons were learned, the pancakes were delicious. Noctis ate a whole stack—kind of obsessed with the idea that Ardyn had made these fluffy cakes with his own two hands. He liked knowing that this man he adored was capable enough to cook for himself…to take care of Noctis like he promised he would.

It made the younger man’s stomach tingle with excitement and pride. He wanted Ardyn to cook for him again. He would eat whatever this man made, no matter how it tasted (especially if it was as delicious as those pancakes).

With their time drawing to a close, Noctis and Ardyn said goodbye at the door. They lingered together in a long embrace, remembering everything that had been spoken the night before.

_“Maybe a little more than alright.”_

_“I…don’t want you to have any other clients either.”_

Holding Noctis in his arms felt special to Ardyn, more than it ever had before. The idea of being able to keep this boy—really keep him, as a lover instead of a client—kept creeping in on all his other thoughts. Sparking a ton of other ideas.

Owning someone. Having access to them whenever you wanted. In a real way. Ardyn had not entertained these notions in a very long time. They didn’t feel like thoughts he was allowed to have. But…did it really have to be that complicated? 

Why couldn’t they do as they pleased? What was there to stop them?

Ardyn liked doing as he pleased. He asked Noctis for his phone.

Smiling as the older man brushed the hair out of his face, Noctis handed over his phone without any argument. He more or less knew what Ardyn would do and he was a fine with it. Right now, after last night, he felt invincible. He could do anything he wanted—he could even _have_ this man for real.

Eyes glittering, Ardyn typed a few quick buttons and passed the phone back to Noctis.

Sure enough, Noctis saw a new entry in his contract list. Labelled simply ‘Ardyn,’no frills and even no last name (although Noctis knew his real name by now, having seen some of the books published with his name on the cover). 

“There. That’s my number.” Ardyn kissed Noctis’s forehead and added, “Next time you want to get together, why don’t you call me, hmm?”

Feeling like he just been handed the keys to some kingdom, Noctis nodded. “Tch. Hell yeah I will.” 

He couldn’t believe those words actually came out of his mouth (sure, he had been thinking them, but…). Ardyn just chuckled in response. A fiery look of affection based through his eyes and they kissed one more time. 

Somehow Noctis managed to scramble out of the doorway, even though they both kept tugging on each other’s shirts to lean in for one more kiss. They eventually parted in a fit of giggles and playful shoves.

There was no mention of payment. Neither that day, nor the day before. Perhaps in the midst of everything—the stories, the confessions, the sex—they just forgot. Or…maybe Ardyn allowed himself to forget. But on the whole, he was fine with it. They could work out some reasonable compensation next time. 

Ah. Next time. What a liberating concept.  
  
_________________________________

Noctis had never felt better. 

When he made it back to his apartment building, he felt like he was about to fall out of a dream or something. This had to be a dream. Ardyn couldn’t _actually_ want him. They weren’t _actually_ going to be together like a real couple…

He held his hands in front of his face to make sure his body was still there. 

Yup. Still corporeal. So that was a good sign. Shaking his head and smiling, Noctis sauntered down the hallway to his door. There was a familiar soreness in his lower half and in his thigh muscles. A little reminder of the night before. That dull burning sensation always put him in a good mood. A mark Ardyn left on him. Noctis decided he wanted to feel this way every time after they had sex, so that whenever he walked to sat down, he could remember: Ardyn _wanted_ to be with him. 

Riding a rush of pleasant sensations, Noctis hurried to his bedroom to gather the rest of his textbooks. 

Ignis was already sitting at the kitchen counter. Noctis might have missed him he was moving so fast, but a black shape in the corner of his eye made him screech to a halt.

“Oh…uh, hey…” Noctis began, trailing off as he saw Ignis's strangely (uncharacteristically) grim face. Accompanied by a blue folder on the counter he had never seen before.

Did the room feel cold? Why did it suddenly seem like the temperature had dropped about ten degrees? Also, Ignis was several hours too early. He knew Noctis’s class schedule. Why would he come over now when Noctis would be rushing to get to class on time?

Unless he had something important to discuss. A million terrible things ran through Noctis’s head automatically (more like his stock list of “bad things” that he irrationally worried about in the back of his mind). His dad had been in a horrible car accident. The company had taken a hit and was going under. Prompto was the hospital. _Something_ like that…

Heart racing, Noctis forced himself to breathe through his nose. “Umm…everything okay, Specs?”

Ignis closed his eyes for a moment. He’d come over to Noctis’s apartment around 10:00 that morning, fully expecting to wake his charge up with a decent breakfast and plenty of his favorite foods. He'd planned to have this conversation over coffee, as amicably as possible, try to convince Noctis that he only wanted what was best for him. Remind the young man of old times, instances when Noctis made bad choices that were easily fixed. For example, the time in elementary school Noctis brought home a pet squirrel, claiming he had bonded with the feral thing. They released the animal into the wild the next day with teary goodbyes and a tiny bag full of acorns Ignis helped collect. Of course, the creature left the bag on the sidewalk, not entirely sure what to do with it, but Noctis felt it was important that they tried. Now, just like then, Noctis found himself taking on problems he didn’t fully understand. 

Ignis concocted a whole script he was more than ready to act out today. Only to find a note on the refrigerator, clearly from the night before: _Out with friends tonight, don’t wait up — Noctis._

Here it was nearly 2:00 in the afternoon and his charge was just strolling through the door. Ignis had tried to keep himself busy while he bided time, cleaning and sorting laundry into piles. But even so. He texted Gladiolus and Prompto; no idea where Noctis was. So. Ignis had been sitting at the counter for nearly an hour, just waiting for him to come home. 

He did not want to do this over text. Then Noctis might work himself up before they even got a chance to speak in person.

Unfortunately the down time gave Ignis an opportunity alone with his own thoughts. He had to wonder: How often was Noctis out of the apartment these days? How many nights did he spend somewhere else (the gods only knew where)? How many times had that man…stayed over? 

This was all much worse than he feared. 

Ignis hardly even knew where to begin. A sense of dread and deep humiliation permeated his spirit. According to the script, there should never be a time when Ignis himself lost his placid, calm demeanor. His friendly “big brother” type position. 

But now, looking at Noctis—whose hair was disheveled from a night spent in a foreign bed, clothes rumpled, a suspicious dark mark near the collar of his shirt. And…was the young man…favoring one leg slightly? Dear sweet Eos. 

This needed to stop. Ignis’s pulse quickened. What if there had been cameras outside the apartment building? What if someone saw Noctis in this state? A walk of shame that would cast shadow on the whole family. Especially if they found out exactly where Noctis had been the last twenty-four hours. Ignis himself was not certain he wanted to know—although, of course, he needed the facts before anyone else. To make sure he could craft a reasonable explanation for the press (and Regis) should he need to.

“Noct…” Ignis began, opening his eyes and turning to face Noctis with a rigidity he normally only used on people outside the family. “…where have you been.” 

It was not a question. Noctis frowned. He felt like…Ignis knew something. He had to. Because nothing made Ignis more exasperated than not having information, however the bespectacled man did not seem to be at a loss. He was calm. And sad. Like…he already knew.

“Out with friends,” Noctis answered. He nervously shifted the weight of his backpack onto his other shoulder. “I left a note on the fridge. Did you see it?”

Ignis pierced him with unamused hazel eyes. “Yes. It says ‘out with friends’ but it does not specify where. So I’m asking you now. Where were you?”

There was a rough edge to Ignis’s voice. Noctis did not like it at all. He felt familiar anger and resentment rising in his blood. “Uptown somewhere. I guess.” 

Hurt passed across Ignis’s face. “You guess.” He paused. Giving Noctis a chance to fix his statement, wherein they just stared at each other. Sighing, Ignis went on to say, “Noct. Please. I’m asking for the truth right now.” 

“That is the truth, though. I was uptown.” Not particularly wanting to get into this argument (his emotional high from earlier already fading), Noctis turned his back on his caretaker and made for the bedroom.

That cold dismissal. Of course, he’d always known there would come a time when Noctis would need him…less…but, he’d never expected to be treated like he didn’t matter. Ignis had never felt more useless in his life. He cared about Noctis more than anything else in the world. The distance between them lately made him feel like the worst kind of failure: The kind who thought they’d meant something when they didn’t. 

But no, Ignis knew he was just projecting his feelings on to the matter. He had the wherewithal to understand that. Still…it did not make Noctis’s uncaring repudiation hurt any less.

“Come have a look at this, Noct,” the bespectacled man began conversationally, picking up the folder (he only wanted to touch this thing with his fingertips, not the whole hand, because it was far too filthy for that). “There’s something you need to see.” 

“…Can I look later? I’m kind of getting ready for class now.”

The tone in the younger man’s voice cut Ignis even deeper. He buried it underneath a veneer of collectedness—telling himself to turn off his emotions and focus on what he needed to do. That was of the utmost importance.

“I’m afraid it can’t.”

Sighing dramatically, Noctis put his backpack down on the floor. He sat across from Ignis on the opposite side of the counter, trying not to make eye contact. It was a matter of self-preservation. If he looked up at Ignis, he knew he was going to feel guilt separating from the rest of him. Floating up to the surface until that’s all he could feel. So he decided not to look.

Orchestrating his face into an expression of seriousness, Ignis passed the folder to his charge. “Tell me if you recognize anything in here.”

Noctis frowned as he glanced from the folder to Ignis (or, somewhere near the bespectacled man’s chin). His caretaker had never approached him this way before. It all felt very…incognito. Like they were acting out a movie or something. But, Noctis had experienced his fair share of weird crap like that. Being famous was, in a lot of ways, the most surreal level a person could reach. His dad had actual bodyguards. Codenames and secret hiding places, just in case. Strange way to live, but Noctis learned to get used to it.

He opened the folder. At first, the only thing he felt was confusion.

What were the pictures from the secret file on his desktop doing here? There was Ardyn, with his long hair. In the black suit. Totally naked except for the fedora between his legs—

Had Ignis been snooping around his computer? What the hell gave him the right to do that?!

Painfully hot stinging betrayal climbed up Noctis’s throat. He felt sick all of a sudden. Ignis had _seen_ these pictures? He knew Noctis…looked at them sometimes? 

Feeling like he might pass out from shame and flustered anger, Noctis began stammering. He closed the folder immediately and tried to speak. “Y-you…were you…on m-my computer?”

Ignis closed his eyes and pressed a tight fist to his lips. He shook his head no. “I…no. I found these photographs online when I searched the name your…acquaintance gave me. ‘Ardyn Izunia’ pulled up a wide variety of things. Those are only the beginning.”

Realizing what Ignis had done—gone on a fishing expedition researching Ardyn through the internet—Noctis's shame exploded into rage. He threw open the folder and flipped angrily through photos he’d seen a hundred times. (For both their sakes, Ignis did not bring up the fact that he now realized Noctis kept these photos in some kind of…collection). 

“What the fuck, Ignis?!” Noctis yelled. Every scandalous photo he unearthed (the freebies from all Ardyn’s websites) just made him more and more furious. “Why did you…go looking for all this stuff? I mean—for fuck’s sake, _really_? You _printed_ this?”

It was a picture of Ardyn on a sex swing, scantily clad, suspended over a naked man on his knees with a ball and gag in his mouth. From some S&M escort service called whippingmesoftly.com (and yeah, Noctis had seen this one before too. He’d jerked off to it…maybe once or twice). 

Ignis adjusted his glasses. “Yes. I thought you had a right to know. That…this man you’ve been seeing…” 

Saying this out loud, with the condemning pictures littered over the counter, Ignis felt like he might lose himself. His hands were already shaking. He wanted to demand some kind of answer from Noctis—who did not seem at all surprised to find material like this, meaning his charge already knew.

So Ignis’s suspicions from the beginning were correct. Noctis knew exactly what he was doing. Whether he was in control of the situation or not. 

Fighting the urge to clench his fists, Ignis cleared his voice and said, “Noctis. Tell me you know what this man really is.” 

Righteous anger tore through the younger man. “I know what he is. He’s my…boyfriend, alright?” 

These pictures didn’t change Noctis’s mind about anything. He felt as embarrassed as it was possible to feel now that Ignis had seen them (holy _shit_ ), but he remembered the promise Ardyn had given him the night before.

_We’re here now._

They were passed the point where Noctis needed to pay for services like everyone else. They were more than this.

Silence fell as Ignis processed that. Then he replied, barely above a whisper, “No, Noct. He’s not. He’s...an escort. This—whatever relationship you think you have—is a job for him.”

Noctis shook his head stubbornly. “You’re wrong. It’s not like that anymore." 

Ignis curled his bottom lip between his teeth. “Anymore? Meaning you…?”

Oh, crap. Noctis just realized what he had basically admitted to doing. _Damn_ it.

“Noct have you…” Ignis reached into the folder to pull out some papers, which he held to his chest for a moment. “…been paying this man for services?”

No doubt about it now: Noctis’s face had never been this red before in his entire life. And there were many, many instances of deep shame over the years. But this. This was the worst thing he had ever known. 

Ignis. The man who _raised_ him. Confronting him about paying for sex.

He immediately wanted to lie about it. Except it would be a stupid lie because Ignis probably already knew. The bespectacled man clutched those papers like they were some kind of trump card. His face told the whole story. There were going to be no surprises for Ignis this time around. 

Noctis, on the other hand, just wanted to walk away, lay down on his bed, and never come out again. How could he live with Ignis when they both knew Noctis had actually gotten desperate enough (fucking _pathetic_ enough, he told himself) to hire a prostitute. All the self-loathing Noctis kept inside, the feelings of inadequacy that led him to hire a sex worker in the first place, broke through the dam he had built to carefully keep them in check. They started running wild in every direction. 

“It…was only a couple of times…” Noctis muttered, hiding his eyes behind the scruff of his bangs.

“Oh, Noct.” A sudden flurry of sympathy made Ignis shudder. He could tell Noctis was embarrassed. 

They both were. They were in a constant feedback loop of shame. Noctis felt bad for doing this thing and Ignis felt bad for somehow allowing it to happen. Fortunately he knew now, for sure, that he needed to offer his help. More than shaming him—which Ignis truly never intended to do, although it was practically unavoidable—the caretaker wanted to make sure Noctis did not feel powerless in this situation.

It occurred to him for the first time that Noctis might be in trouble. Actually, that made the most sense. Noct was probably in way over his head, riding through an exploitative relationship that he had no idea how to get out of. Well, Ignis would offer the young man his escape route. 

He reached out with one gloved hand and covered Noctis’s shaking fist with his palm. “Why didn’t you come to me first?”

“Tch.” Noctis wanted to burst out laughing. But nothing on his body was working properly. “How could I, Ignis? I just wanted…” Shit, he couldn’t say it. Too embarrassing.

Ignis nodded slowly. “I know, Noct. But I could’ve helped you. If you told me you were…that lonely, I could have inquired about finding someone more suitable for you. I’m sure there are other reputable families out there with sons looking for a boyfriend. It’s not that rare of a thing—”

“But I wanted…” Noctis clicked his teeth and shook his head again. How could he say he had a thing for older men? That nothing got him off more than dom daddy porn? That he thought Ardyn was the sexiest man alive, and could get hard just remembering the way he smelled? 

Yeah, no. Couldn’t say that. So he settled for the easier option, “I mean, come _on_ , Specs. I go to you for everything. Like, you cook me dinner, buy me clothes, do my laundry. It’s a lot sometimes, you know? I…didn’t want to go to you for _this_ too…”

Well, Ignis supposed he could understand that. “…Alright. But Noctis. Really. This should never have crossed your mind. You…can’t possibly do something like this.”

A heavy stone of realization dropped into Noctis’s stomach. He repeated Ignis’s words in his head a few more times. Can’t possibly. So…there was no way Ignis would ever accept the relationship he wanted to have with Ardyn. 

Obviously. How could Noctis ever think that Ignis might be okay with it…when he had this whole mountain of evidence piled up showing what a…pervert Noctis really was.

Slowly, he pulled his hand away from Ignis’s. The touch had started off feeling okay, reassuring even—there had been hope that maybe Ignis would be on his side after all—but no. That was just some dumb idea Noctis got in his head because he wanted it so badly.

“It’s alright now,” Ignis said immediately when he saw the way Noctis completely deflated (folding in on himself like he did when he was trying to escape from reality. A look Ignis had not seen in months). “We’re going to put an end to this right here. Give me your phone and I’ll call this gentleman at once to tell him it’s finished. If he has a problem with that, I will direct him to the Caelum personal security team—"

“But I don’t want to end it.” Noctis kept his face down and shook his head once more.

At that, Ignis’s entire plan skidded to a halt. “I…” He tilted his head to one side, trying to understand. “You’re saying you’re…fine paying this man to…?” 

“It’s…different. I don’t know.” Noctis put his head in his hands, not even sure how to begin describing what he had with Ardyn. “I can’t explain it. But we….I’m his only client right now. And Ardyn says he’s…fine with that. So…we’re kind of…together, I think.” 

Shit. Why didn’t he _know_? Just that they never explicitly said…and even though Ardyn told him he was ‘a little more than alright,’ what did that mean in terms he could tell Ignis? 

Ignis put a hand to his mouth. Dear gods. He really had failed in teaching Noctis about the world. This boy knew nothing of con artists and swindlers. And Ardyn, Ignis thought, must be the worst kind of man—someone who played on people’s hearts to get what he wanted.

How could he break that news to Noctis? It might crush him…

“Noct,” he started, laying out the papers he'd been holding against his chest. “Do you have any idea how much you’ve spent on this man?” 

Noctis rolled his eyes where Ignis couldn’t see. He had no idea how much he’d spent on Ardyn so far. A lot probably? Who cared. Besides, he’d been a little more careful lately. In fact, had Ardyn even asked for payment after last night…? Why couldn’t he remember right now?

“Look." Ignis pointed to several tiny numbers printed on the papers. Unsurprisingly, these were bank statements from Noctis’s personal accounts. Regis had made sure to designate Ignis as a co-signer so he could help Noctis keep track of his funds. 

“When I realized what this man Ardyn Izunia does for a living, I checked the activity in your bank account. Over the past few weeks, you gifted a series of funds to one PayPal name, listed here as a series of numbers. For privacy I’m assuming.”

Noctis stared at the numbers blankly. They started off small. $50, $80 (the pictures. Yeah Noctis remembered that). Then $800 and $1,000. On the dates that followed, every other day listed higher and higher numbers: $1,200 here, $1,400 there. $2,000 in one night. 

“What’s your point?” the young man grumbled. 

“My point is…” Ignis retorted, reminding himself that Noctis had never been exposed to monetary hardship before. 

“…Noct, you’ve spent almost fifteen thousand dollars on this man.”

“Yeah…” To be fair, that sounded about right. But it really didn’t matter to Noctis. He would have spent it all on Ardyn again if he needed to. “…not exactly missing it, am I?” 

Ignis pursed his lips. Remember, he told himself, the boy is sheltered. By your hand, in fact. Feeling a sense of defeat, Ignis soldiered on.

“I suppose you’re right. And to you, I’m sure, a trust fund of several hundred million seems like it will never run out. But, I can assure you, Noct. If you continue spending indiscriminately like this, it will."

He paused, hoping that his words had some kind of effect. “And then, the money that your father gave you to live on for the rest of your life will be gone before you’re forty. Into the hands of…people who would like to take every penny they can pilfer.”

“Ardyn’s not like that,” Noctis snapped. His jaw clenched at the blatant insult.

“But how do you know?” Ignis asked softly. “What makes you think otherwise?”

The younger man gripped his legs and held on tightly to all the memories he had of Ardyn telling him he cared. The nice dates. The affectionate sex, the aftercare. Cooking him breakfast in the morning. Talking. Sitting in silence and enjoying each other’s company. Holding hands. The things that didn’t cost Noctis anything, and the things that he cherished the most. 

“He…cares about me. I can tell.” 

A weary sort of pain crashed over Ignis’s head. He sighed deeply. “Noctis, you…in your life, we’ve made sure that you’ve never had to be exposed to people like this man before. People that can put on…a disguise, if you will. That can make you feel something as part of their job, maybe turn into the thing you want most in the world. Just to get paid as much as they can…no matter what happens to you.”

Squeezing his eyes closed, Noctis shook his head hard. He bit the inside of his lips to fight the harsh rush of anxiety trying to spill out of him. 

Everything Ignis said had been floating around in Noctis’s own mind for weeks now. He just didn’t want to believe…no, it couldn’t be true. They had shared something the night before. It was making love! _That_ was the truth…

…wasn’t it?

But then, what the hell did Noctis know. He wanted Ardyn so, so much. Maybe he was, like Ignis said, just seeing what he wanted to see. 

“This is an unsavory business, Noct,” Ignis continued. He pulled out a composite list of all the websites Ardyn’s professional name had been listed on over the years. There were almost three and a half pages of sites. “And this man, whoever he really is, has been in the business for a very long time. He knows what to say to you.”

Why did that hurt. Holy… _fuck_ , why did that hurt so much? 

“At any rate.” Ignis closed the folder gently, pulling it away from Noctis, who had been sitting mute for a few minutes. “I haven’t told your father any of this yet.”

Noctis’s head suddenly whipped around to face him. “…Yet?”

“Like I said.” The bespectacled man tucked the folder into his briefcase. “This is an unsavory business. And your father is running for city council. Recent polls show that he is most popular with an older, more conservative crowd. If it got out to the public that you’re having an affair with a male escort…”

Oh, yeah. Noctis could see the headlines now. His face on the cover of a newspaper or some online article. Along with Ardyn’s face. Maybe one of the pictures from his website (he’d seen the media do something like that in the past). And, of course, Regis’s face on the side. 

A connection no one would ever forget. 

Ignis shook his head dismissively. “In any case, if a scandal were about to break, Regis should know about it in advance. So he can brace for impact and…incur the least amount of damage. I’d be culpable for knowing and withholding information if I said nothing.” 

His green eyes turned cold—a calculating look. “Let me be clear: If you don’t end this affair, I’ll have to tell Regis everything I know. Whatever is in this folder. It’s…my career in harm’s way, Noctis. Also there’s a direct danger to the family I serve—yourself included. Regis would want to know if you’re doing something that could end up hurting both of you.”

The panic and deep fury in Noctis’s eyes was painful to see. Ignis wished he never had to endure that look. But Noctis was not a child anymore. As an adult, Noctis needed to understand consequences. Being involved in some kind of stupid, fleeting, secret relationship with an escort was a foolish decision. Of course there would be fallout, even if Noctis couldn’t see that until Ignis explained it to him. An affair like this would never stay secret, and if Noctis wanted to keep his life the way it was, quiet and free of scrutiny…Ignis needed to be honest with him.

Ignis told himself he was required to threaten Noctis like this. Even though it felt wrong, and it wrecked him to be the one to say it. Everyone else in Noctis’s life served as a shelter. But Noctis was a man now. He didn’t need shelter. He needed to accept reality and its repercussions.

A loud sniffle echoed around the kitchen. Ignis realized that Noctis was softly crying.

Oh, dear. He’d really developed feelings for the man, hadn’t he? Ignis was submerged in guilt and deep sympathetic pain. If only Noctis had exercised better judgement…

Well, they could not change the past. It happened. That was that. They could only move forward. Hopefully to a better future. And if the relationship, such as it was, had to end, better to end it now before Noctis got any more attached. Same as with the crazy pet squirrel years ago.

Steadying himself, Ignis stood by Noctis’s side and put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. He could feel him gently quivering. 

He wished he did not know where all this pain came from. But Ignis knew. He’d been with Noctis all his life. In a way, he should have seen this coming.

“…Would you like me to call him and end it?” Ignis murmured quietly.

Twisting his head from side to side, Noctis eventually muttered, “No. I’ll do it.” 

“Alright. But if you need help with anything, just call. …I’ll be in the shop for the rest of the day.” Probably better to give the younger man some space to breathe. Some of what he’d said was true; Ignis did coddle him too much at times.

“…Okay.” Noctis did not move a muscle. 

Slowly gathering his things, Ignis spared Noctis a final glance before heading to the door.

“There’s…dinner in the refrigerator if you get hungry after class,” he said. He couldn’t help himself. 

Noctis sniffled once more and rested his head on his hands. 

Ignis's feet were stuck to the ground. He should leave. He needed to respect Noctis enough not hover around him right now when he was technically the cause of his pain….he needed to treat Noctis more like a man. That was the goal, after all…

“…Would you like me to stay over for a bit?” 

Nodding, Noctis brushed his face and said, “Maybe just a little longer.”

Ignis immediately put down his stuff and went to heat up some food for his charge.

___________________________________________

Several hours later, Noctis rolled to one side on his bed. The pillow underneath his head was still soaked, but the tears had stopped a while ago.

…How long had he been laying here? It was hard to tell when he got like this. If he let himself go, receded into his own head, he could stay like that for days. Intermittently sleeping. Crying now and then. Laying and thinking, mostly.

At this point, having cried himself out, Noctis felt like he’d run over his conversation with Ignis about four thousand times. Maybe now he might be ready to move a little. Every so often, Ignis knocked at the door to remind him to eat something if he felt hungry. That was the only way Noctis could be sure time was passing.

He buried his face deeper into his wet pillow. He loved the way it smelled. Like sleep and unconscious comfort. A place Noctis often wished he could stay. Just…away from everything. Numb for a couple of hours. Sleep was the best remedy for a lot of things….

…but right now, Noctis was in too much pain to sleep.

He could not even begin to touch the embarrassment he felt having Ignis discover the truth. Everything Ignis knew…well, Noctis could be thankful that his lifelong friend didn’t see him any differently. Instead of treating him like a common pervert and distancing himself, Ignis had sat with him the whole night. Baked some cookies, which Noctis nibbled at. Listened when Noctis explained that he'd never meant to actually meet someone on Fox Toy, it just sort of…happened.

“I understand, Noct,” Ignis said a few times, nodding as if he could see it all perfectly. “And it’s alright. Just end it now before it goes any further.” 

Really…Noctis would not have been able to hide the whole thing for very much longer. In a lot of ways, he was lucky Ignis had been the first one to find out. Instead of some news-hungry journalist, or someone on the street looking to sell out his information. 

Or Regis. 

Thinking about his dad finding out summoned a huge wave of panic that dragged Noctis underneath. Why had Noctis never thought about this before? If he stayed together with Ardyn—for real, like he wanted—they would have to tell Regis eventually. Of course they would. 

And what would happen then?

His father’s eyes…riddled with shock and then disappointment. The same look he’d given Noctis in college when he found out his son had lied about enrolling in a business class. Regis had been so furious—a silent kind of rage that burrowed into Noctis’s self image and made him feel lower than shit.

_“You know what…” Regis began with a sigh. He closed his eyes and held up one hand. “It’s fine. Do whatever you want.”_

_He went back to his dinner and never said another word about business classes for the rest of Noctis’s undergrad career. Even afterward, Noctis would never know if Regis had any idea what his son eventually decided to major in. They never talked about school again until Noctis mentioned nursing._

_“That’s a great idea,” Regis said blandly, not looking up from his work phone. “Just send me the bill, okay?”_

And there had been other times. The time when Noctis failed his chemistry class in high school and had to take it over the summer. Regis went on and on about how _he’d_ never had to do that in high school. 

_“What happened, son?” Regis asked, frowning, staring at Noctis with a mixture of confusion and sadness. “Where did you make a mistake? Was it too hard? Were you trying as much as you needed to? There must be a reason…”_

But Noctis knew the reason. There was a boy in his French class that he’d had a huge crush on. The boy sometimes invited him out to the alleyway by the nearest corner store, where they smoked cigarettes and pretended to be cool. Noctis held in his coughing and acted like he didn’t care he was missing chemistry. Just for a chance to be near the boy (even when the guy’s girlfriend was around). 

He cared when Regis said something to him about failing, though. Maybe because it was the first conversation they’d had all semester. And it was to talk about how Noctis fucked up. 

That was always their way. Regis was busy, focused supremely on work and nothing else. Except when Noctis made himself look like an idiot. Then, Regis was magically all over him. 

There were a million other examples. 

Noctis was pretty sure he'd never even told Regis he was learning how to drive. But Regis knew the second his son failed his first road test. He’d never told Regis that he struggled making friends, that the person closest to him in life was Prompto. And yet, when Noctis stayed in his apartment for three full months without speaking to anyone else, Regis suddenly jumped in and gave him all this useless advice on how to make friends. 

Regis didn't care until it looked bad for him. Ruined his image. Then he cared a whole lot. In this case—the opportunity for a ripe sex scandal—Regis would be shitting bricks…staring at him with a look of disbelief. Maybe he'd even laugh at first. Until he realized Noctis was being serious: ‘Yes, Dad. I hired an escort. It’s no big deal.’ And then Regis would fix him with that _look_.

How would Noctis even begin to tell him? He could not stomach the idea of reading about his own sex life in the newspapers. He just couldn’t handle that…

…but maybe Ardyn could. Noctis thought about how calm Ardyn was in the restaurant. 

_“It’s alright, my love,” he’d said, smiling. “You’re with me.”_

_As if being with Ardyn negated all need for social anxiety. Which, at the time, it sort of had. Ardyn’s presence really did calm him down. By the end of the night he was fine with people looking at them, even though they might know what was going on._

That memory—out of all the pictures flashing through Noctis’s head—made Noctis feel like he could sit up in bed. Buoyed by the memory of confidence, Noctis climbed into a sitting position. Dizzy when the blood redistributed throughout his body for the first time in hours.

If Ardyn stayed by his side, maybe Noctis could weather all the crazy nonsense he was bound to go through when the truth came out. Ardyn wouldn’t care about headlines—he’d probably have some comment about how the paper had in fact been a rag since ten years ago when they published some obscure opinion that turned out to be incorrect…

Smiling for a second, Noctis shook his head. Yeah, that sounded the most like Ardyn.

As long as they were together, Noctis thought maybe he could stand the fallout.

But then…what guarantee did he have that Ardyn would want to stay with him?

A thought festered in the back of his mind, like a rotting tooth Noctis could not help prodding with his tongue even though it hurt like a bitch. Maybe Ignis was right. Maybe Ardyn was just in this for the money. 

Quickly, he ran through everything he’d ever said to Ardyn and everything the older man said back to him. Furiously reading into things and trying to decipher some hidden meaning. There had to be something…

What about the night when Noctis (oh gods, so embarrassing!) told Ardyn that he just wanted to be liked. Instead of laughing at him, Ardyn held him close and promised that he did enjoy spending time with him.

_“Trust me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”_

So there. One side of Noctis was hell bent on proving that Ardyn really did care about him. However, the other side…

…What if the thing that kept Ardyn bound so close was knowing he could charge whatever price he wanted? What if he wanted to stay with Noctis only because he knew Noctis had a trust fund…

Ignis said it. So, it had a good chance of being true. Besides, pretending to be his friend just to get the perks of hanging out with him? It wouldn’t be the first time

His friends in elementary school only came over when they could play in the private video game lounge in Regis’s brownstone. When they got video game consoles of their own, they stopped. Then they came over for the private pool. There were a million people there for his birthday parties, but never a single friend Noctis could actually hang out with at school. There always had to be something in it for them.

Until Prompto, of course. But that was high school. And high school came with an entirely new set of problems.

Noctis’s first crush was the captain of the swim team. He even fucking pretended to like swimming just so they could hang out. The boy—James—was a senior, and he had a smile that made Noctis feel like giggling and a body that made him feel…like his tongue was suddenly ten times too big for his mouth. Like he wanted to play in the water together and come up with some excuse to tackle James…just so he could touch.

It was rough. Being a queer kid in high school when queer wasn’t really a thing. Not yet. Not for the people who came from homes as nice as Noctis’s—which was almost everyone in his high school.

But at the time, Noctis thought that no one else needed to know. It was just them. He knew he liked James but he also knew he couldn’t say that he did. Both of these things were clear.

So, he wrote a note. He poured everything he felt into, even the embarrassing things like how he thought about him in the shower and stuff. Then he put it in James’ swim locker and waited—heart in his throat—for a response.

He got one.

_James bounded up to him after practice. “Yo, Noct! Got your letter. You wrote this right?”_

_“Uh-huh.” Noctis stared at the scribbled-on paper. He’d made the thing himself, but it already knew something he didn’t: How James reacted first._

_The senior boy burst out laughing. “Nice job, man! It’s hilarious!” More laughter. “Great prank! Definitely didn’t see this one coming.”_

_“Uh….prank?” Noctis asked, blood vessels and hearts bursting in his peripheral vision._

_“Yeah, for sure.” James glanced back at the letter and shook his head. His smile now seemed a little forced. “But uh…” He handed the letter back to Noctis. “You should be more careful, you know? Some guys won't think it’s funny if you try to play a prank that says you’ve been staring at them in the locker room. Actually…” James scratched his neck awkwardly. “Some guys get real touchy about that.”_

_In a flash, Noctis realized his mistake. He snatched the letter out of the older boy’s hand. For a tiny second, he thought they might get into a fight._

_Thankfully he recovered quickly. Slapped James on the shoulder like any friend would do. “Not you though, right? I mean, you get it. It’s just a joke!”_

_“Yeah…joke…haha…”_

_After a few months, it was obvious they weren't friends anymore._

Stupid. So stupid. How could Noctis even exist he was so fucking stupid? Who the hell thought it was a good idea to go up to a boy and write some humiliating love letter—let alone someone who never showed any interest in him that way! Noctis never told anyone that story, but it haunted him forever. Knowing that he had done something so dumb, put his feelings out on the table where they were obviously not wanted. Made a fool of himself for trying. 

He spent the rest of high school staring and keeping his mouth shut. Best way to survive.

The next time he worked up the courage to ask someone out was college. A series of pitiful rejections followed.

_“Ah, sorry! I’m just…you know, too busy for anything right now.”_

_“Go out? Nah, can't. I’ve like…got a really specific type so. You know. Nothing personal. It’s just…not you, you know?”_

_“Haha you’re so cute. No thanks, though.”_

_“Really? You’ve been into me this whole time? I never knew! That’s crazy. Anyway, no. I’m still not over the last guy…”_

And on and on. So many times and in so many different ways that Noctis realized there was only one common denominator: Himself. He was the thing fucking everything up. No one wanted him because…they shouldn’t.

The only thing he had to offer was his money and his lifestyle. Once you took that out of the picture…he was just a joke.

…Had Ardyn been laughing at him on the inside this whole time?

Of course he has, part of him knew. The other part just couldn’t offer any evidence to the contrary. 

_Ignis said, “This man, whoever he really is, has been in the business for a very long time.”_

No way to argue that. After working so long with one thing in mind—money—how could Noctis expect Ardyn to want anything else?

Holy shit. Noctis had just been making up a story in his head about what they were. Like he’d done with James and all his other friends. Everyone else he’d ever liked.

A whirlwind of dark thoughts hit him in the face. Unlovable. Stupid. Pathetic. Kind of sad. Immature. Needy. Clingy. Noctis was all of these things, wasn’t he?

Was that any reason to put his dad through hell? To drag the family name through the mud and risk his dad’s entire political career? Fuck, how could Regis ever forgive him if he told him what he’d done…

_“Daddy!”_

_Noctis was eight. His mother had just died. The funeral was a few months back and now Regis was home for the first time since. As soon as Noctis saw his father, he cried. For some stupid reason. He just cried and cried. It started out small, a few sniffles here and there as he tried to be a big boy and sit in his seat quietly like Ignis taught him. But that only made it worse. The sniffling turned into tears. Then soft weeping. Then bawling. Howling._

_He didn't even know why he was crying. When the adults in the room asked him, he couldn't explain. So no one knew what to do._

_Shaking his head against the ugly screams, Regis gave up and tried to leave. Back to the office where he could get some peace and quiet. He was still grieving himself, although his grief was a personal matter. Locked away from the rest of the world. Not to be heard or seen._

_“Daddy don’t go!” Noctis cried, running at his father with arms outstretched._

_Regis held up one hand and stepped away. Solidifying the distance between them. Seeing his father retreat, Noctis stopped dead in his tracks. Eyes wide. Taking it all in._

_“Later, Noctis,” his father said. Stiff and pained. “When you’re…feeling better.”_

_The door closed with Regis on the other side. Noctis remained inconsolable for the whole night._

And now, the truth…Noctis wanted to feel better. He wanted to be in a place where his father could relate to him. He didn’t want to make an ass out of himself like always, through tears, or by stupidly wearing his heart on his sleeve for no reason. 

He needed to handle this. He needed to grow up and stop pretending that he was in some kind of fairytale romance with a guy that just wanted to pick his pockets. He needed to be the person his father expected—the one who didn’t have any problems and didn’t make any mistakes. 

He needed to end it.

________________________________

Noctis waited while the phone rang in his ear. It was his first time dialing Ardyn’s number. He could not help feeling a thrill of anticipation—he was actually calling after hours of picking up the phone and wussing out. 

It was close to 1:00 in the morning. But he knew Ardyn would be awake. Those were the kind of hours the older man kept.

The line scratched and Noctis went completely still. In a moment, he heard a tinny version of Ardyn’s voice:

“Hello?” 

“…Hey.” 

“Ah, Noctis.” Ardyn chuckled happily into the younger man’s ear. He sounded…exactly the same on the phone. Maybe even a little more gruff and sexy. How did he accomplish that? “I was waiting for your call. I’d hoped you would dial me up as soon as you got home, but…no matter. You’ve caught me at a good time.” 

Noctis closed his eyes. His heart sank. He wanted to get lost in the sound of Ardyn’s voice…maybe he couldn’t do this after all. He really, really didn’t want to!

_“This man has been in the business for a very long time.”_

_“What happened, son? Where did you make a mistake?”_

_“You get it. It’s just a joke!”_

_“When you're…feeling better.”_

Right.

“Anyway, what can I do for you, my dear?” Ardyn purred into the receiver.

“Um so…” Noctis voice was hoarse from all the…yeah. The laying down crying thing. He cleared it noisily. “I was thinking…”

“Do tell.” He could hear the smile in Ardyn’s voice.

Gods help him. “I was thinking that uh…maybe you should start seeing other clients again.” 

The buzzing silence in the space after those words. Noctis wanted to throw up. He could still feel the physical pain echoing inside him that smacked of Ardyn—he could feel his insides thrumming every time Ardyn spoke.

He wished he could give it all back. The sweet memories. Everything. It hurt worse than anything else right now. His traitorous body…still so needy for Ardyn. Even when Noctis was trying to be strong.

“…Hmm.” Ardyn finally spoke. “What brought this on?” 

“Just that um…” Noctis clapped a hand over his mouth for a second as he felt a sob trying to come up. Luckily, he stuffed it down. “…you know, I might be busy for the next few weeks and uh…I wouldn’t want you to…not be able to work or something. If you need the money.” 

Another long pause. “I might be able to manage for a bit. How long do you need to yourself?” 

Fuck, no! Why now? Why did Ardyn have to be as amazing as he always was? Why couldn’t he just let Noctis do this….

“Don’t know,” Noctis answered, his voice breaking at the end. He cleared his throat again. “Could be a while. Like maybe um….” 

Every muscle in Noctis’s body clenched. The words came out, even though his body kept trying to fight them. “Maybe…we should just stop, you know?” 

“Stop?” Ardyn returned instantly. “Stop…meaning…?” 

It was out now. Noctis body felt like it had been through some kind of pulverizing machine, but he’d said it. Almost there now. “Yeah. Like you take on other clients and I’ll just…focus on what I need to do.”

Wow. How lame could he get.

Ardyn sighed. “Noct, what's going on?”

“What do you mean?" Was his voice squeaky all of a sudden?

“Well, it’s obvious something happened.” The older man sounded impatient and a little…concerned. “This is the exact opposite of what you told me last night, and this morning. So clearly you’re upset about something. I can hear it in your voice. What is it—”

“Nothing, I’m fine…” Silent tears streamed down his face, but yeah. He was fine. He needed to be fine so.

If anything, Ardyn got even more concerned. “Just relax for a moment. Take a breath so you can explain it to me. Would you like me to come over or—”

“No.” Hard and real. Ignis was here so Ardyn could definitely not show up now (then Ignis might actually kill him). “No, I really don’t want you over right now. Or like…you now. At all. Just…we need to end it. I’m s…”

He held his mouth again. If he started apologizing, he would be saying sorry until his phone ran out of battery. He couldn't start that. 

“Please, just…” Noctis forced himself to say. “…let’s end this. I’m gonna hang up now. Don’t call back, okay? I’m s…yeah. Bye.” 

He ended the call before Ardyn could say anything else. At first, all Noctis could do was sit there. Trying to breathe but not able to get enough air.

How did breathing work, again?

A few seconds later, his phone vibrated with a text. From Ardyn—

**Ardyn:** Noct, I respect your wishes, so I won’t call you. However, you should know that it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped hoping my prince will change his mind. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be waiting :-*

The smiley face. Why that smiley face. Why did it have to make Noctis’s heart beat faster, even when he was so emotionally destroyed.

He threw himself down on the bed. Squeezing his eyes shut and trying to empty his head so he could sleep. He just needed sleep. Sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep…

Fuck. This was going to hurt for a long time, wasn’t it?

_______________________________________

Ardyn stared confusedly at his cell phone. He had just sent off what he hoped was a convincing and sincere text message. Something he might have sent on Fox Toy, but perhaps a little more earnest.

Clearly, Noctis was in some kind of panic. He lashed out at Ardyn in blind retaliation against something—whatever it was, who among men could say what bothered the prince on any given day. But of course, Noctis would regret his sudden decision to end their correspondence. 

Naturally. Noctis’s body absolutely _sang_ for Ardyn now. He’d made the prince that way. Loyal and thirsty. For that alone, he would need to call Ardyn back any moment now…

By the time the sun rose with no reply from Noctis, Ardyn began to think a little harder. Perhaps Noctis was angry with him personally for some reason. Maybe something he’d seen online or perhaps something in their conversation that Noctis just remembered. Then it might take the prince a little longer to cool off, if his temper was running high. Though, for the life of him, Ardyn could not imagine why Noctis might be angry…he’d found their previous night to be nothing short of…heavenly.

He went to bed and woke up the following afternoon, still with no reply. Hmm. Perhaps it would take even longer than he thought. So, Ardyn threw himself into his editing and tried not to think about it. 

At the end of the day—still staring at a silent phone—Ardyn revisited the issue. Either Noctis was truly mad at him and would not forgive him for anything, (which made no sense, they had no quarrel), or someone else had gotten to him. Ignis, maybe. Or the rich daddy. Threatening him with his trust fund. ‘Break up with the sex worker or we’ll cut you off,’ kind of thing. Hell, Ardyn had role-played as much with some of his other clients. It was a powerful scene.

But, if that were really the case, then that meant…

Oh. 

Noctis might really be finished with him.

Ardyn chuckled to himself, taking his glasses off with one hand and rubbing the tiredness out of his face. No, impossible. Noctis would not end things so abruptly after practically proposing to him the night before. It went against everything they’d been working towards! All the little…feelings cropping up. The stories. The gestures. Free food, sharing their pasts…Noctis wanted to keep it going, didn’t he? 

He must.

Another day passed with no messages or calls from the prince. Then another.

Infuriating. Noctis had suddenly decided to ghost him? (Did it count as ghosting if you got an actual goodbye? Fuck if Ardyn knew what the kids were saying…) Really and truly? 

After all the _effort_ he’d put in, all the _promises_ , all the devotion and care and _love_ —

No. Ardyn felt himself sliding into a place he did not want to be. A place where his purposes in life—the reasons he maintained in order to remain himself, Ardyn Izunia, a man who could get by on so little and worked for everything he had—became…fuzzy. Once his purposes went out the window, there was…very little else.

Noctis had abandoned him. That much was clear. After a full week, Ardyn told himself to accept it.

And that was…fine. He’d weathered this before. Fantasizing some relationship with a client…it was all a farce. A central conceit. Ardyn needed to get over this persistent need he had to be something more, or else he would go completely insane.

Perhaps he was already mostly gone…at least in the emotional sense, when you considered everything he had to compromise in order to stay alive. His career. His life’s work. His dignity…

No. No. Absolutely not. Not _there_ , again, after all this time. That long dark road of self doubt.

Ardyn left his computer and sat in the middle of his living room, surrounded by his things. His pieces of history. Little corners of the world Ardyn had carved himself into, whether anyone else liked it or not. They could not stop him from having this.

Think of the _reasons_. Nothing else. 

Survival was everything. Warmth. Food. Clean shelter. Everything else…a delicacy. 

Ardyn had tasted delicacy in Noctis’s arms. The prince’s sweet smile. His sexy little lewd face. The tight ass engraved with the shape of Ardyn’s own cock. So, so many orgasms pulled from deep inside the boy. Like tiny pearls. Treasures Ardyn could clutch in his memory. Always knowing, always remembering. That was enough.

…Not only that. The young man who listened when Ardyn spoke and was enamored. Who found every detail about him fascinating. Who wanted to go out to places because they had fun together. Laughing and talking easily. The boy who could get fucked or just as easily sit and watch television, happy either way. The man who wanted to read his ancient manuscript (Noctis even asked to take it home, and Ardyn chided him for being ridiculous) because he thought Ardyn’s written voice was interesting. Noctis liked Ardyn not just for his body but also…the other things.

Oh. So.

Back to searching for purpose…

Ardyn sat on the floor of his living room and waited for his reasons to return. He listed them again and again. Truly, he was swimming in the land of plenty right now. What did it matter that he lost one client, there were so many more out there…and yet, still. His resolve swayed like a house made out of straw.

He was going to miss Noctis. Alright, that was true. He could acknowledge that. Noctis had perhaps been Ardyn’s favorite thing about life recently. Maybe that was the real truth. More than money, more than his apartment, maybe even more than…well, most things…Ardyn found a sweet sense of purpose being with Noctis. Acknowledging that was fine.

Because he could live without him. Yes of course. Certainly. He’d done it before.

Once he found his other reasons again, Ardyn knew he would be fine. 

After another week, Ardyn sent Noctis one last text. Short, to the point. The briefest bit of closure that people in his line of work could expect. (Going against a client’s wishes was the fastest way to an untimely arrest, as it turned out.)

And that was it. They were through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dragging myself to the end* I'm broken and bleeding, but the chapter is done. T____T I normally don't write angst like this, honestly! (...Maybe that's a lie...lol) 
> 
> Anyway, this was kind of cathartic. I look forward to crying with people in the comments. orz
> 
> More whump coming up, amigos...


	9. What a piece of work is man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did he think the hard part was over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life is a mess of binge writing! Woohoo! Ah, but I can't bring myself to regret any of this. Besides, I had to write the next update so people wouldn't be stuck with the angst from the last chapter for too long.
> 
> Also, TW for dealing with depression and that whole business. Though everyone saw that coming, I guess. 
> 
> *Hamlet reference: From Hamlet’s monologue known by the same quote, in which he talks a lot of shit about the nature of humankind: “What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me.”

**Chapter Nine: What a piece of work is man**

Ignis stood outside Noctis’s bedroom door. He’d already knocked several times. No answer from the younger man.

Dear gods. Ignis closed his eyes. 

It had been almost a week since their…conversation. That night, Noctis assured him the brief affair was finished. Which of course made Ignis feel relief at the time; now Regis would never have to know, and the family was no longer in danger of collapsing into scandal. He could not help feeling proud of his charge, too. Even though it clearly hurt him—Noctis was in tears that whole night—he’d done the right thing in the end. Maybe he was maturing after all!

And then came the following day. Noctis skipped class the night before, which Ignis thought was reasonable considering the circumstances. The next morning, Noctis slept in as well. The whole morning and into the afternoon. Ignis was finally able to rouse him around 2:00, just to get him to eat something. Unfortunately, the young man refused to eat much. He sat in bed and took one bite of some toast Ignis made for him. That was it.

“Really tired…” Noctis groaned. His face was pale, his eyes were droopy and unfocused. “…gonna go back to sleep.”

“Noct, you have class in a few hours.”

“….” Not responding, Noctis rolled over in bed and went motionless again. 

Oh no. That look. The boneless body, devoid of life. Ignis knew these signs.

And so, he realized. Noctis had fallen into one of his…valleys. That’s what he called them, the periods of deep depression his charge went through from time to time. Peaks and valleys, Ignis rationalized. Everyone had peaks and valleys in their life. Ups and downs. Instances when they felt on top of the world and then days when they just didn’t want to get out of bed. That was normal.

Of course, Noctis’s ‘valleys’ were a bit far from average. The last time they endured something like this—about a year ago—Noctis stayed in bed for four days straight. Thankfully it was during a school vacation when there were no immediate consequences. A worrisome, but notably short valley period. To say nothing of the time before that, prior to enrolling in nursing school, when Noctis holed up in his apartment for the better part of a year….

….damn it. 

Yes, Ignis imagined his friend might be a little down after breaking it off with a man he seemed to genuinely like. Anyone would be. But this? This was…not good. Noctis in bed, sleeping his life away as a coping mechanism. He'd seen this before. There was no telling when Noctis might get out of this slump.

The worst part was, Ignis could do almost nothing to help him. Try to keep him fed, stay in the apartment for hours cooking and cleaning, remind Noctis to shower. Sometimes he needed to physically rip the blankets off the young man and pull him into a sitting position, just to get him to move at all. Haul him to his feet to walk from the bedroom to the kitchen. Eat a few bites. Just stand under the shower spray for a few seconds if he couldn’t be bothered to actually wash his hair.

That was all Ignis could do. 

After three days of this, he grew seriously worried. He’d hoped that maybe Noctis would snap out of it on his own, like last time. But there were already so many missed classes. Every time Ignis came over, he prayed that he would find Noctis in a better way. Maybe today he would be sitting on the couch watching TV (quite an improvement). Or maybe he would be able to get dressed and go outside for a quick walk around the block. And each time, Ignis was sorely disappointed.

Now that a five days had passed, Ignis was beginning to think they were in this for the long haul. 

He cursed under his breath, opening the door to Noctis’s bedroom without permission. Sure enough, there was the lump underneath the sheets indicating Noctis’s body. Lights off. No sounds.

It hurt Ignis so much to see him like this. He’d thought they were doing so well! Almost a full year with no episodes like this. Few and far between, he'd thought. Only to have Noctis shut himself off completely!

Obviously, Ignis could not pretend he didn’t know why. Even so. Knowing this was caused by the sudden break up made Ignis feel sullen and completely at a loss. What could he do? They needed to end the relationship, of course. They couldn’t possibly stay together. But now Noctis was…like this.

It must have nearly killed him to tell Ardyn it was over, Ignis realized. A coarse, grating feeling passed through the bespectacled man’s chest and stomach. Like dry sand beating against a piece of driftwood. Grinding his soul in a horrible kind of crucible.

Ignis sat down on the edge of Noctis’s bed. His green eyes were weary, haggard from days and nights spent tormented with concern. 

“Noct…” he began quietly. “…It’s Thursday. Class starts soon. Do you think you’ll be able to make it today?”

“….mm.” Noctis turned his face the other way, not moving any other muscles.

“…Right.” 

Ignis made a mental note to call the school and see if it was too late to withdraw from the classes. Probably was, considering midterms had already passed. Now Noctis, definitely in danger of failing, would have to take the hit. At least Ignis could try to get the bursar to hold his charge’s enrollment. Maybe Noctis could take a leave of absence….good god. How did it come to this?

Adjusting his glasses, Ignis realized he was aiming too high by mentioning classes. They were at the very bottom right now. So they needed to start smaller. 

“Here, Noct,” he began. He reached over to the desk and found the younger man’s phone. “Take a look at your phone. Maybe you have some messages, or maybe you'd like to play king’s knight…”

He held the phone to Noctis’s turned back. 

“Hnnh….” Noctis scrunched his shoulders. Then he mumbled, “…no thanks.” 

Ignis closed his eyes and exhaled softly. The frustration, compounded on the sympathetic pain, on top of the relentless mortar and pestle crushing away at his insides. It was a lot. 

But he refused to give up. Hands shaking, he pressed the home button on the phone to start it up. “Let’s see what you’ve been missing in the world these past few days.” 

The screen remained dark. Ignis pressed the button a few more times. Nothing happened. Ah, so the battery was dead.

“…I’ll just plug this in. Get it to charge for a bit.” Finding the cord, Ignis laid the phone back on the desk to charge. Once it warmed up, there were a few notifications on the screen.

“Prompto’s been texting you…” Ignis observed. (He knew Noctis’s lock screen password, but he would not open it without permission. Unless he had to, of course.) 

At that, Noctis slowly lifted his head. “He has? …what did he say?”

Thrilled to get a response, Ignis eagerly typed in the password and read out some of the messages. Mundane things. Asking Noctis where he’d been lately. Quick snapchats that actually brought a tiny flicker of a smile to Noctis’s lips when he saw them. 

They sat together for a little bit longer. Mostly in silence. 

“Would you like some dinner?” Ignis asked eventually.

The light drained out of Noctis’s eyes. “…no thanks.” He flopped back down on the bed.

Ignis pursed his lips agitatedly. “Noct. You can’t stay like this. I know you’re hurting, but…you need to get out of bed. Just for a little while is fine. Step by step, like last time, remember?” His voice was as gentle as he could get it. 

No response.

“…I see,” Ignis answered himself. “Perhaps you should…get some more rest then.” 

The following day, Ignis called Prompto and explained the state Noctis was in. He did not tell him any of the details—though he wondered if Prompto, being his charge’s best friend, knew already—but he asked him to come over.

Naturally, Prompto dropped what he was doing and showed up at the apartment in less than an hour. 

“Noct,” Ignis called, knocking on the door to his bedroom and opening it without preamble. “Prompto’s here.” 

Blinking hard, Noctis gingerly rose into a sitting position. He stared at the blonde young man he called his best friend. Prompto was a piece of the outside world—always had been. Something separate from the rest of his life that Noctis desperately wanted to keep. Seeing Prompto there now made Noctis realize all of a sudden that more than a few days had passed.

“Hey man,” Prompto said, ignoring how shitty his friend looked and how foul the room smelled. Body odor and sweat. 

They’d been through all of this before. His blue eyes filled with gently masked worry and Prompto sat down next to Noctis on the bed. (Oh yeah, this close the smell did not get any better. Jeez, Noctis had gotten hit hard.)

“Hey.” Noctis rubbed one eye as he fought the urge to flop back down.

Ignis politely left the room to give them some privacy. He prepared a plate of snacks (fruit and cookies, desperately hoping that Noctis would eat some of the fruit. He sorely needed nutrients…). 

“So, Specs called you?” Noctis asked. Prompto smelled like fresh air. Life beyond this room. It made him kind of tired. 

“…Yeah.” Prompto brushed his bangs out of his eyes and crossed his legs. He leaned into Noctis’s space a little, hoping the proximity might jolt Noctis out of his head space. “But I figured something was up when you stopped answering my texts. For like, whole days.” 

Noctis wanted to ask how long it had been, but he didn’t want to sound pathetic. Even though, yeah. Pretty low bar there. 

“So…you wanna talk about it?” Prompto asked softly. 

Noctis blinked hard. “…Didn’t Ignis tell you?”

“Nope.” 

That was kind of a surprise. Normally Ignis liked to give background information as if he were handing out a dossier every time he let someone into the apartment. But then, of course, Ignis wanted the whole thing with Ardyn to stay a dirty little secret. 

Maybe it was time to tell Prompto, though. Noctis clicked his teeth and grumbled, “Well…I mean, I…kinda…” 

How could he even start? I was looking at porn one night, then I fell in love with a prostitute? Was that more or less the story? Fucking terrible. Not to mention…Noctis could imagine the look on Prompto’s face when he found out. Eyebrows up, totally shocked. And then…disgusted, for like a second, until Prompto remembered to get his face under control. Then he would just play out the role of ‘concerned friend.’ 

Noctis couldn’t handle that right now. “Forget it,” he said finally. Laying back down would be so nice. “It’s…stupid.” 

“Can’t be that stupid if it’s got you this upset,” Prompto pointed out. 

“Tch.” Noctis gave his friend a sarcastic look. “Yes it can. You know that.” 

The blonde opened his mouth to say something, but the expression on Noctis’s face stopped him. So he just shrugged and said, “Whatever. Not trying to like, get up in your grill, here. I mostly came over to hang out.” He tossed Noctis a playful smirk. “Wanna go a couple rounds in Street Fighter?” 

Oh, shit. Street Fighter. They hadn’t played that in forever. Noctis automatically remembered what character he played and the general rush of adrenaline he got mashing buttons on a controller, watching his guy bust out impossible moves. 

“Sure.” Why not? He didn’t have to think to play Street Fighter.

Ignis was shocked to see the two of them out of the bedroom, sitting on the couch. His jaw dropped when Noctis even picked up a controller to join his friend in some fighting game. Quelling his rush of excitement, Ignis laid the snacks down on the coffee table in front of them and went back to his business.

He pretended not to be listening as the boys talked about the game. But it was so nice just to hear Noctis talking again. The bespectacled man’s muscles felt weak with relief, and the clouds in his mind cleared ever so slightly. Maybe he could finally get some other work done…head to the shop for a bit while Prompto was over.

No, he couldn’t. The sandpaper scraping away at his chest only got worse when he imagined leaving Noctis like this. How could he? When he was the one who had…?

Horribly so, Ignis knew what he was feeling: Guilt. It was his fault Noctis had fallen into another valley. He’d been too harsh on him, threatening him and making all kinds of demands…even though it felt like he’d had no other choice at the time. 

Truthfully, Ignis had never been good with guilt. Especially when it came to Noctis. He cared so deeply (probably far too much) about Noctis’s well-being; the thought that he was the one responsible for Noctis’s relapse…he could hardly tolerate it. 

Ignis folded his hands together and sat at the kitchen counter, pretending to look at his phone. Secretly lost in thought. He listened to everything Noctis and Prompto said, telling himself it was all going to be fine. Noctis would come out of this. Just like the other times. 

Ignis would make sure of that.

_____________________________________

Prompto ended up staying over the apartment for a few days. He could lure Noctis out of bed with video games and stress-free TV shows. They ate snacks and hung-out, ignoring all the bad stuff going on in Noctis’s head. 

When Noctis worked really hard, he could keep his thoughts still. Perfectly still. If they wandered even a little bit, they would fall into dangerous territory. And it was a slippery slope from there. He’d be reminded of something small (a car with racing stripes in a movie reminded him of Ardyn’s car, seeing the mail reminded him of that awful love letter he wrote in high school, thinking about dinner reminded him of eating in Sabor de Havana) and then he’d be stuck in a world of pain. Spiraling downward until he felt too tired to move again. 

Those damn words in his head. _Unlovable. Stupid. Pathetic. Kind of sad. Immature. Needy. Clingy…_ Those were the goddamn worst. He didn’t even need to list them anymore. He just knew they were there. 

It felt like being trapped in an empty space barely big enough for his body, surrounded on all sides by barbed wire. He needed to keep absolutely still. Not think about anything else other than what was right in front of him. Otherwise he would get nicked by the wire. Tangled, trapped in a way he couldn’t get out of.

With Prompto around, not pushing his boundaries, just hanging out like everything was normal, the space in Noctis’s head got a little bigger. After a while, he could stretch a bit without brushing up against the barbs. He took showers now. Ate at least one meal a day. Once, he even went for a walk to the corner store with Prompto to get some soda. (The outside world felt weird. Too cold and too sunny at the same time.)

After about two weeks, Noctis gave in to Ignis and called his school. He talked to his advisor and asked if he could go on medical leave. He’d fail the semester, but at least they wouldn’t kick him out. The advisor told him he needed a doctor’s note, which he didn't have. Then she said he could just suspend his enrollment—put everything on hold until he was ready to go back. They would do that as long as he paid a fee every semester to keep his name active in the system. 

So that’s what he did. Finals were coming up next week and he was just barely ready to go outside. No way he could make up for all the time he’d lost. So, better luck next semester. Or something.

Really, why was he even trying to become a nurse? He would probably be terrible at a job like that—assuming he could even pass any of the classes and get certified. Other people, depending on him? He couldn’t even get the fuck out of bed in the morning! He’d probably be the worst nurse ever, people might even get hurt because of him…

…Nursing had been a stupid idea to begin with. Noctis slumped down on the couch and played more video games. He was better off quitting. Before he failed at this too. Just like he did with everything else.

Noctis couldn’t bring himself to feel any sense of triumph from ending things with Ardyn. He knew he should—hadn’t he done the right thing? Taken one for his dad’s sake? But it just didn’t…feel good. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole. Turning down a guy he really liked, no matter the reasons. Wasting Ardyn’s time. Even if it was all a scam like Ignis said, Noctis still felt bad letting him down. The thought that Ardyn was out there somewhere in the world, disappointed in him, made Noctis want to cry.

Also, being without Ardyn left him so empty. He knew how much he liked Ardyn, obviously. But he hadn't expected to feel constant pain just from the memories. Especially the good ones! That was the weird thing. He felt sad because it was over and they would never have another night together (that made his body ache). But it was worse thinking of all the fun things they’d done together.

Dates. Noctis clenched his body and fought strangling sadness when he remembered how calm and cool he felt sitting in a restaurant with Ardyn. Like nothing else mattered. Going home and having crazy good sex like it was normal.

Talking. Noctis wanted to dig his fingernails into his arms to forget the sound of Ardyn’s voice. What it did to him…the things that voice could make him feel…could make him want to do (bend over and let an older man eat out his ass, for example). 

Feeling. Generally all the things he felt around Ardyn. Each one of them was so good and now so hurtful. He wanted to forget…

…what the hell was the point of relationships? Noctis wondered. It was so hard too stay together—there were always so many things working against you, life and everything—and breaking up was even worse. Happy memories turned into tiny traps, waiting to strike if he wandered into one even accidentally.

Fuck this whole thing. Noctis curled up in bed and told himself he was better off. Nothing could be worth feeling like this.

________________________________________________

About a month after breaking it off with Ardyn, Noctis successfully settled into a state of apathy. Feeling nothing was way better than feeling worthless and sad. It took him a while to get there, but. For now he just wanted to stay blank. Numb. Not thinking too hard.

Any relief he could get.

Unfortunately, he could never get completely numb. He was dealing with a lot of other side effects too, things he had not prepared for. Specifically the way his body felt now that he was no longer getting it on the regular. Besides the searing emotional emptiness left in Ardyn’s wake, Noctis was also feeling…physically empty. In all kinds of ways.

For one, he got horny at the most random times. Generally speaking, he was too zombified to want to have sex. Noctis didn’t really want anything except sleep most days, or just mindless video games. But that was his mind. His body was a completely different story. Noctis could be sitting on the couch watching TV and thinking about nothing, when suddenly he would feel a tight pain between his legs. More than an ache, it actually hurt. So he’d look down and realize he was completely hard. For no reason.

He tried to ignore it (who had the energy to jerk off, anyway?), but that didn’t work. Even if he pressed his legs together and tried to think of other things, depressing things or whatever, his stiffness refused to go down. It would get even worse, until any kind of pressure felt good. Noctis could palm himself in his pajama pants and start to get wet.

Everything—the feel of his ratty t-shirt against his bare chest—felt good. But it just wasn’t…enough.

It seemed like Noctis had gotten used to a certain level of physical contact. And, embarrassingly…release. Like he needed to get off enough times during a week or something. His dick expected it. If he didn’t masturbate, he’d get hard no matter what, out of the blue. 

Masturbating sucked, too. Noctis wanted to be touched everywhere, all over, like how Ardyn used to touch him. He couldn’t just reach into his pants and rub one out. That wouldn’t get him there. Nope. He needed to do the whole thing: Take all his clothes off, kneel on the bed or the floor, jerk his desperate cock as fast as he could with one hand, the other hand roaming across the rest of his quivering skin. Noctis would tweak his nipples and run a hand through his hair. He pretended his hand was bigger and rougher, more like…Ardyn’s. He buried his face in the mattress, imagining it was Ardyn’s chest hair…

Noctis wished he had gotten the chance to taste Ardyn for real before they ended it. Maybe he should ask to pay for one more time—one last fuck where Noctis could do whatever he wanted. Deep throat him, bury his nose in the older man’s burgundy pubes…he just wished he could…

Now he’d never get the chance. 

Thinking of that when he jerked off made Noctis’s toes curl in mixed pain, pleasure and regret. By the time he came, he was already crying. Usually, he just cried himself to sleep. It was…the easiest thing to do. He couldn’t fight when he was coming down from a hard-won orgasm. Didn’t have the energy. So he let himself sob and swallow the grief of what he knew he was missing. 

Not to mention, Noctis’s ass throbbed every time he touched himself. He wanted it…back there. He could feel his hole, decently worn by now, gasping for it. Expecting it. Noctis always gave in eventually and wiggled his finger there. He _had_ to! Sometimes that alone did it for him, sometimes it was nowhere near enough. His fingers weren’t big enough, couldn’t get deep enough. 

Trembling with emptiness, Noctis fished around for the vibrator Ardyn left behind. Although, holding the hot pink dildo in his hands made him remember the older man even more. A lot of times Noctis got too sad. So he would just sniffle and…stop. He forgot about masturbating, didn’t even care how hard he was anymore. Sometimes (and he would never, ever admit this to anyone), he put the dildo under his pillow and fell asleep clutching the thing in one hand. It felt kind of nice. Like he was holding a piece of Ardyn, even though it wasn’t the real thing. 

Holy shit. He really, really missed the guy. 

Noctis dreamed about him a lot (especially when he slept with the vibrator). Sometimes they were sex dreams—which were a nice relief, because Ardyn always gave him exactly what he wanted until Noctis woke up to wet sheets. And sometimes he dreamed they were sitting together or talking or going somewhere. Ardyn could show up out of nowhere. Those dreams were harder to forget because there was no closure. At least with a wet dream Noctis could shake his head and tell himself that at least he’d gotten off. But with the other ones…the only thing he had in the morning was a cold bed. 

It hurt.

One day, Noctis got another text message from Ardyn. His first reaction was to delete it immediately. Pretend like it was spam or something and delete it without reading. That was probably the smartest thing he could do.

But then…he’d never know what it said. What did Ardyn really think of him, now? How did the older man feel about…all this? Everything they’d said and Noctis…dumping him?

Noctis really wanted to know. So fucking bad. His hands shook as he held the cell phone, fighting conflicting desires to open it and delete it at the same time. All he could see was the text preview which read: “If you…” 

That’s it. “If you…” Those were the only words Noctis could read without opening the text.

Completely torn, Noctis threw his phone done on the bed. Whatever. Not like it mattered. He could just leave it. Forget about it for now and decide later when nothing hurt. 

So, in the end, Noctis left the unread message in his phone for weeks. Staring at the notification and deriving some measure of comfort. If he got really, really desperate, Noctis could always open the text for a bit of Ardyn’s voice. It was like a little safety net for him. So he’d never reach rock bottom at least. 

…Yeah.

The sex thing was a problem though. Noctis wanted to get to a point where he didn't think about Ardyn so much. He wanted to be blank, not needy. Being needy made everything worse!

He had to forget about Ardyn altogether. Find a way to make his body just…calm the fuck down. Move on, in other words.

But how could he do that? Google was no help in this situation. His searches kept telling him to talk to friends and write his feelings on paper. Like hell. How would it help to write down the fact that he wanted to choke on a cock until he literally couldn’t breathe? Would it help if he filled a journal with all the different ways he wanted someone to piledrive him, plow him so hard he couldn’t walk the next day?

Actually Noctis tried writing his fantasies out (why not, after all). It stupidly made him even thirstier, because now he had a chance to imagine everything in detail, step by step. If he could only get his hands on someone (not Ardyn, definitely not Ardyn! He’d lose everything, especially his mind. He wouldn’t be able to turn him away again if he had sex with Ardyn now. He shouldn’t even be thinking about it!) and work some of this out…

…He needed to have sex. Noctis realized that was the only way he could move on. He had to fuck someone else to forget about how great it had been with Ardyn.

And uh, yeah. No shit. Having sex was always the problem, wasn’t it? Not being able to get laid was what had brought him to Fox Toy in the first place. So it wasn’t exactly easy to say that the solution was to find someone to sleep with. If that were easy, Noctis wouldn’t be in this nightmare right now. 

He thought about maybe just going to a gay bar. Apparently a lot of guys went there looking to hook-up with no strings attached (gods, that’s exactly what Noctis needed). But what if he went and couldn’t find any guys his type? That wouldn’t even be worth it really, to fuck a twink or some guy that wanted to bottom for him. Wouldn’t help. Or worse, what if he finally worked up the courage to go to a gay bar and…no one was interested? 

Noctis really did not think he could handle a night of rejection. He had no idea what it was like in one of those places, but bars in generally made him pretty anxious. Situations where he needed to socialize with groups of strangers and somehow make himself look normal. Especially normal enough to spend a night with. Way too much pressure. 

He just…wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe he never would be. 

So, where did that leave him?

For fuck’s sake. Noctis banged his head against his computer desk and tried not to fall into another death spiral. The answer was right there in front of his face and it was practically _funny_. He should have been laughing! Hysterically or something. 

But Noctis really couldn’t bring himself to laugh. Besides, what he really needed to do was focus on a way to do this that wouldn’t…get him into trouble. Like last time. 

So, okay. Stealth mode. (How pathetic was that? Noctis literally had to become a shady little shit in order to get laid…yup. That was his life.)

To begin with, Noctis needed to be smart about spending his money. Ignis would be checking his bank account (because that’s just what Ignis did, which was actually pretty damn annoying when you thought about it), so Noctis decided he would pay cash. And, in order to withdraw that much cash, Noctis made a lot of small withdrawals, $100 each, over the course of a week. So it looked like he was just buying himself a bunch of video games or something. And the withdrawals could be traced back to an ATM, nobody’s PayPal account. No way to prove how he’d spent the money.

Okay, that was step one. (As dumb and sad as this was, Noctis could at least admit that he wasn’t bored.) Now for step two. 

Noctis needed to book a hotel room. He was not bringing anyone back to his apartment anymore. Hotel rooms only for all hook-ups from now on. So, Noctis needed to do some research and find the right hotel. Something not too expensive that wouldn’t raise any red flags on his account. And, if possible, a place that would accept cash. Most hotels expressly said they needed a credit card on file, which sucked. It narrowed down his choices considerably. Sure, he could stay in some flea bitten motel, but he really didn't like the idea of it. Bringing home bedbugs would be a dead giveaway. Then he’d have to explain where he’d gotten them (even though you could get bedbugs anywhere, Noctis somehow knew Ignis wouldn’t be happy with that answer). Besides, a one star motel wasn’t exactly the most romantic place in the world. 

So, Noctis came up with a better idea. That said, was sex his number one motivator or something? Because he was kind of killing it right now. Or maybe…it was the fact that he was naturally an asshole and shady crap like this came naturally to him. Yeah, probably that.

Either way, he found a hotel that had a nice restaurant attached with the same name. (The charges on his account just showed the name of the place that got paid, not what he was actually paying for.) Then he took Prompto out to lunch at the restaurant one day, much to his best friend’s delight. The steak sandwiches were actually pretty good. He tried to make the bill come out to the same price as a single bedroom for one night, but. It wasn't exact. He did the best he could.

So. This way, when the charge showed up on his card, Noctis could say that he and Prompto liked the food at the restaurant, so they ate there sometimes. And, if asked, Prompto would even have a story to go with it. 

Plus, the hotel had flexible check-out times. Anytime after midnight. This way Noctis didn’t have to come up with an excuse about where he was for a whole night.

That settled most of the logistical problems. Now he just needed to find the right guy.

Steeling himself for a whirlwind of nostalgia and hurt, Noctis signed back in to his Fox Toy account. He didn’t see the point in creating a new username. If the name appeared in his credit card statement, Noctis could always say he forgot to delete his account and Fox Toy charged him for the next month automatically. 

Was he getting good at lying? Noctis didn’t know. He hadn’t actually told any of these planned out lies yet. But it didn’t matter. He needed to do this. Being secretive was part of his life now, clearly. Skulking in the shadows. He should have been doing all this from the beginning, but…he just hadn't known. 

Wow. Noctis realized he had acted like such an idiot when he first started paying money for Ardyn. Giving the guy a ton of money for ten minutes of a sexy picture. Begging the older man to let him pay even more. How fucking embarrassing. It made Noctis’s stomach tingle in shame.

Shaking his head, Noctis reminded himself what he needed to focus on this time around. This was just about sex. Nothing else. No date fantasies or special feelings or any of that. So, in that case, maybe he should find a guy he was attracted to, but not _that_ into? No one drop-dead gorgeous (obviously no one that looked even a little bit like Ardyn). Ruggedly handsome, old enough. Sexy, sure. But nothing that would stay in his head for the rest of his life. Gods help him.

And above all else: He would _not_ search for Ardyn’s profile on Fox Toy, just to look. He did _not_ want to know if Ardyn was still active on the site, looking for new clients. He did not need any of that information in his life.

Noctis filled in the search parameters (general height, body weight, age) and scanned the results. Right away, he needed to take a deep breath. Holy shit, he forgot how hot most of these guys were! And all the suits. Damn, Noctis was already hard. He gripped himself over his jeans, pumping his length enough to stay focused, and kept looking.

A few profiles caught his eye. Tonight, Noctis seemed to be hungry for scruff (which, when wasn’t he?). He narrowed it down to two choices. Really, he would be fine with either of these guys. They were both his type, interchangeable with a few other men he’d seen in porn. One had a somewhat standoffish look about him, like smiling was not his usual thing. The other had an intelligent smile, handsomely worn face, and a monocle. 

Noctis decided to try the standoffish guy first. After all, he was going for opposites here. As different from Ardyn as it was possible to get. 

The escort’s username was ImmortalLion. His bio was pretty standard, except for the last line: “Come find me when you think you’re ready. Or maybe you just need someone who’ll fight to keep you safe?” 

Wow. …What the hell did that mean? Noctis honestly could not say he understood, but it turned him on. The thought of this man, ImmortalLion (did ‘immortal’ mean he had good…stamina?), standing next to him with a gun or maybe…a sword or something. Old fashioned and cool. Like a samurai. Ready to fight for his honor. Hell, it was hot. Definitely worked.

The guy had a coarse face. Wrinkled around the eyes and sun-beaten. Nice dark stubble that turned into scruff underneath his chin. Naturally fuzzy. Short brown hair, a little salt and pepper in spots. Perfectly square jaw and a crazily broad chest. The sight of his shoulders, the way ImmortalLion held himself with obvious hidden strength, made Noctis’s cock jump in his own hand. And the eyes—grey and super intense. 

Good choice. Added bonus: He looked like he didn’t know the first thing about symbiotic ancient religions or mysticism or any of that shit. Instead, it seemed like he could take a beating if he had to. 

So, flexing his fingers and glancing at the pile of money stashed away in his top drawer (yup, he had enough to cover the man’s fee), Noctis typed out a message. 

This time, without any deliberation or conflicted feelings, he sent it. Because really, if ImmortalLion said no, Noctis would just move on to the next guy. Someone was bound to take him on. That was their job.

For once, Noctis actually didn’t feel anything. 

**PrinceCharmless:** hey

A check appeared; the escort saw his message. Noctis waited a few seconds for him to respond.

**ImmortalLion:** hey yourself. 

**ImmortalLion:** Nice to meet you. Like my page?

Right to the point. (Not like Ardyn who beat around the bush forever, up selling photos…) Noctis appreciated that. He wanted to get right down to business too, no chatting or fooling around. 

**PrinceCharmless:** yea I really do.

**PrinceCharmless:** wanna meet up?

**ImmortalLion:** haha that’s pretty fast, kid. 

Noctis waited another moment or two.

**PrinceCharmless:** so…yes?

**ImmortalLion:** sure. I can see you’re a young man who doesn’t like to waste time. 

**ImmortalLion:** where do you want me?

**PrinceCharmless:** Meet me at this hotel — room 7E. I already booked it, so just come up. Also, I can only pay cash.

**ImmortalLion:** Guess that’s fine. Alright. See you in thirty minutes. 

Slamming his laptop closed, Noctis grabbed his backpack, stuffed in the cash, and scribbled out a note to Ignis, just in case: _Out for a bit. Home soon. - Noctis_ None of that “don’t wait up” shit he’d written before, an obvious sign he was going out for a booty call. 

Luckily the hotel was in walking distance, so Noctis didn’t have to go very far. He checked in easily (good idea booking in advance) and explained that he only need one set of keys. Sure enough, he got to the room first. It was decently spacious. But Noctis only cared about the bed. He checked the drawers for lube or condoms, which there were none. Good thing Noctis packed everything he still had from Ardyn’s first-date gift. 

Then he just sat on the bed and waited. Practiced in numbness, Noctis really didn’t care all that much about this. He could say more than anything, he thought it was interesting. Especially if he actually got away with it this time. That would be a switch. And even if someone found out…what did it matter? This was just a dumb one night stand. If Ignis wanted him to end it, then he was in luck. Because after tonight it was already over. 

He heard a soft knock on the door. Noctis snuck a glance through the peephole and smiled. 

“Right on time,” he said, very satisfied. He let his escort into the room and closed the door behind him.

ImmortalLion was tall in person. Somehow, his chest was even broader. Clearly built beneath his clothes. Noctis wet his lips unconsciously. His stomach did a flip, knees buckling as he imagined the kind of force this guy could put behind his thrusts. That spot deep inside him grew hungry staring at this new man.

Noctis wanted it _now_. He thought about skipping any conversation and just getting to his knees. His cock twitched against the zipper on his jeans impatiently.

The escort looked around the hotel room briefly. “Thanks for setting all this up,” he said. His voice was deep and tough, but it fell smoothly over the ears. Reminded Noctis of listening to the ocean at night. Dark waves crashing on a shore. More dangerous when you could barely see them.

ImmortalLion looked the younger man up and down, taking in the full sight of him. Head to toe.

“Uh, sure,” Noctis answered awkwardly. His hands were sweating. The escort’s eyes had landed on his crotch…could he tell that Noctis was already hard? Probably. 

“So um…” he reached for his backpack, hoping that there would be no instant noodles comments tonight (because he might have lost some of his endurance over the past few weeks). “…do you want the money now or later?”

The older man shrugged. “Whenever. It’s $1,000 either way, so.”

“I’ll give it to you now.” Up front was better, right? 

Noctis pulled out a roll of cash he’d already counted, tied with a rubber band. Ten hundreds, $1,000 exactly. When he handed it to the escort, the guy immediately took off the tie and counted it for himself.

Shrugging indifferently, Noctis took off his shirt and pants. He sat down on the bed in nothing but his black boxer briefs. For some reason, looking at the older man now made him kind of curious.

He didn’t want a story, Noctis realized. None of that daddy play he’d done with Ardyn. That would…get him to a bad place, he knew. So instead, he wanted to have something neutral to call this man. 

“Hey, uh…what’s your name?” Noctis asked.

“Call me Cor. Most people do.” 

The man named Cor took off his leather jacket and hung it on the back of the nearby desk chair. Right away, Noctis’s eyes were glued to him. He wanted to see more. Noticing that he had the younger man’s attention, Cor undid the buttons on his shirt one by one. Slowly. Dragging out the moment. He let the shirt hang open when he was done, giving Noctis a sneak peek of his well-toned chest.

Whoa…Noctis leaned forward without thinking. Cor’s chest hair was pretty thick! A nice carpet over heavily muscled flesh. He wanted to twine the fur around his fingers so badly…but Cor hadn’t said he could touch yet. And the older man wasn’t even coming close to the bed….

Was this a tease type-thing?

“Cor, huh?” Noctis tossed out, as coy as he could get. He squirmed to the edge of the bed. Eager to close the distance between them. “So…Cor the Immortal?”

The older man grunted a short laugh. “That’s right.” He undid his cufflinks and the zipper on his pants. Still not nearly exposed enough.

“Why do they call you that?” Noctis was staring straight at the clothed bulge inching out of the open zipper. A mystery waiting to be unwrapped. He couldn’t even hide his interest anymore.

Cor dropped his pants. “Wanna find out?”

Noctis swallowed and jumped to his feet. He approached the older man, crossing his wrists slowly, safely, behind Cor’s neck. “Yes,” he whispered. 

Oh Gods he really did.

“Hnh.” 

They felt each other’s presence for a minute. The nearness of body heat and skin. Noctis loved the way Cor’s breath felt on his lips…heavy and even. Confident. He liked the older man’s sturdy hands coming to rest on his hips. They were smiling at each other knowingly. 

This didn’t hurt.

When they kissed, Noctis could feel right away that Cor’s lips were chapped. It startled him at first and took him out of the moment. Ardyn’s lips were never chapped, he used lip balm religiously. So that was a new feeling. Noctis’s first reaction was to be a little turned off…he didn’t like the sensation of dead skin on his lips. But then, Cor deepened the kiss and stuck in his tongue. And it was all heat and steady pushing. Noctis liked that a lot. He moaned quietly, tilting his head to give Cor a better angle.

Forgetting about the lips, Noctis pressed his groin against Cor’s thighs. Wow, this man was made of steel. Tough muscle…ah yes. Noctis rubbed himself against Cor for a few minutes, kissing him without holding anything back. He buried his fingers against the older man’s scalp. He liked knowing he could do whatever he wanted to the close-cropped hair and it would fall right back into place.

“Mmm…” Cor gripped him a little tighter. 

“Yeah…” Noctis whispered, slotting his legs around one of Cor’s thighs so he could feel the older man’s package against his own. 

This cock was just as hard as the rest of him. Unyielding, definitely very long. Noctis wanted to unwrap Cor right now, see what the ‘immortal’ was working with. Stuff the whole thing down his throat. 

Groaning impatiently, Noctis broke their kiss to suck on Cor’s neck. The tightly corded veins and ligaments…Noctis tongued him greedily and bit down hard against the juncture of his shoulder.

“Ouch,” Cor hummed, but he chuckled immediately after. Didn’t so much as flinch. 

Clearly, Noctis had been right in thinking Cor could take a beating. He was allowed to be rough, at least rougher than he normally liked. Only because he wanted it so bad…

…And yet, something felt…off. Noctis sucked the mark he made on Cor’s neck and inhaled deeply, trying to put his finger on exactly what he didn’t like right now. Sexy guy, hot stud, not too expensive. Arms around Noctis’s waist, pushing him back towards the bed. What was there not to like?

Wait. Noctis sniffed again. Suddenly he realized—Cor smelled…different. Like peppermint and aftershave. Not the cheap cologne Noctis was used to. None of the vague scent of cigarettes and rose-tinted air freshener. Cor had a manly scent of his own.

It was all wrong. Noctis didn’t like it. He wanted what he remembered.

But why had he been expecting Ardyn’s smell? Obviously everyone had their own personal scent. No one could smell exactly like Ardyn, or even come close. Not all men wore cheap cologne, sometimes smoked, and had leather seats deodorized with roses…why did Noctis think that’s what he would get?

He frowned and turned his head away for second. 

Cor noticed, of course. But he paid it no mind. Instead, he laid Noctis on the bed and brought his mouth down to the younger man’s chest. He pressed his scratchy lips to Noctis’s sternum, kissing his way to those dusky brown nipples. 

“Ah…!” Noctis cried. All his interest renewed when it became clear Cor was going to play with his nipples. He’d been craving that so much…

Please, he thought. Please touch me there…make me feel it…

Smiling, Cor closed his mouth around Noctis’s hardened little buds. They rose to meet him so he kissed them tenderly, spurred on by the way Noctis manhandled his head. Forcing the older man to lick him there.

“Mmm, yess…” Noctis moaned, toes curling. That was it. Almost, getting there, but…

…No, wait. Cor wasn’t doing it right. He was just sort of working his mouth around them, not sucking or licking. Not gently taking them between his teeth and flicking them with his tongue the way Ardyn used to do. 

“Nnh, harder…” Noctis asked. He readjusted his body so he was laying down flat underneath Cor, instead of propped up on the pillows. 

Cor obliged by moving his mouth faster. That wasn’t what Noctis asked him to do, though. It felt alright at first, but then it just started to tickle. He hated the tickling feeling.

Clicking his teeth in frustration, Noctis pushed Cor’s shoulders away before he knew what he was doing. He panted in relief when that mouth finally left. It sort of made him uncomfortable what Cor was doing there. 

The older man furrowed his brow. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just…” Noctis blinked awkwardly. “Can we, like, move on…?”

Cor smirked. “Heh, sure.”

With that, he shucked off his shirt and towered over Noctis on the bed.

Desperately hungry again, the younger man sat up and attacked Cor with both hands. Running all over the lean shoulders and cut biceps. So hot. Noctis lost himself to the amazing feeling of Cor’s skin. He would never get tired of touching an older man like this. Hopelessly aroused, Noctis buried his face against Cor’s chest hair. 

Like a shag rug. Noctis loved the hell out of it. He moaned and rubbed his face as hard as he could. Of course, Cor’s skin was coarse. And his body hair was bit wiry. It scratched Noctis’s cheek when he pressed down. Which was alright. Kind of.

There, the tight red briefs keeping Cor’s burgeoning manhood hidden from view. Giving into temptation, Noctis snuck one finger under the waistband and tugged, holding the briefs open so he could peek inside.

Cor’s length fell out instantly. Actually Noctis had to move out of the way of that one.

“Whoa…” he breathed, pulling down the rest of the shorts. This…this was not at all what he expected!

Cor was huge! Longer than anything Noctis could have pictured in his head. Definitely the kind of material you would find in big dick porn. Perhaps not as thick around as Ardyn (most of Ardyn’s cock was made up of sheer girth, after all), but at least a few inches longer. Underneath that, Cor had a full pair of swinging balls. Heavy and large. The perfect way to complete the ensemble.

“This what you wanted?” Cor asked smugly. He took his dick by the base and wagged it back and forth for show.

“Uh…yeah…” Noctis choked. His mouth was watering right now! How had something this beautiful only cost him $1,000…?

Shaking his head in disbelief, Noctis bent down and licked bashfully against the tip of Cor’s behemoth cock. He wrapped his mouth around the tip, hungry to feel the thing in the back of his throat. It tasted like salt, but distantly bitter. Noctis thought he appreciated that. He tried to inch it farther back, little by little.

The second Cor’s length touched his soft palate, Noctis started gagging. He immediately spit it out and turned his head away, afraid he might throw up or something. How gross could he get… Luckily, it was just a fleeting sensation.

“You okay down there?” Cor asked, patting Noctis on the head.

Sighing (that hand felt nice there), Noctis took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I’ve…I mean…I’ve never done this before.”

Cor blinked. “Done what?” 

He was going to make him say it? That was really embarrassing! “You know…with my mouth,” Noctis admitted quietly, blushing high on his cheeks. 

“Heh,” Cor chuckled. “You’ve never given head before?”

Noctis shook his head no, hiding behind his bangs. Then he added, “And I…don’t know if even I can. I mean…you’re really big, man…” 

At that, Cor barked a short laugh (cutting Noctis to the quick). Finally he said, “Yeah, probably not. Think I’m a little too big for your first time.”

Noctis glanced to the side in irritation. …Ardyn would have offered to teach him. He would have cupped Noctis’s face and told him to try his best. Slathered him with encouragement. Ardyn would _never_ laugh and then give up on him altogether. 

Shit. This wasn’t the same. It wasn’t scratching the itch deep inside. 

Noctis closed his eyes in defeat. This wasn’t going to work, was it?

“Here,” Cor pressed on his shoulder. “Lay back. I’ll give you what you need.”

Struggling with the feeling of despair that had slithered its way up his back, Noctis did as he was told. He let Cor spread his thighs apart. 

“Is there lube in here?” The escort rummaged through the younger man’s backpack.

Noctis nodded mutely. He gripped the underside of his knees and lifted his legs, silently begging for Cor to just hurry up and fuck him at this point. This was his last chance—the thing he wanted more than anything. To have a thick cock in him, turning him out…this _needed_ to work!

The moment he felt Cor’s slick fingers on his entrance, Noctis sighed in relief. _That_ felt good. Finally! Cor traced circles around his hole, humming in approval when Noctis sighed. 

“Come on, come on…” Noctis moaned. His legs were beginning to shake in anticipation.

“Easy, kid.” Cor pushed in with one finger. “If you’re gonna take me, we have to do this the right way.”

Cor put one finger inside him and then two. The fingers felt familiar. They were the right size and shape. Noctis heaved with pleasure, rolling his shoulders and pressing his head back into the pillow. Yes. _Yes_ …that pressure against his insides. The feeling of being stretched. It used to hurt, but these days Noctis wanted it all the time. 

Now all Cor needed to do was curl his fingers just right. At that exact angle that made Noctis go crazy. A little deeper…a little higher….not yet, not there…almost, almost…!

…No, not like that.

Cor swirled his fingers around a few times, in up to his knuckles. “That feel good?”

Noctis’s face went blank. He was fucking waiting for it to feel good! “Not yet…little deeper…” 

“Hnh.” Cor added another finger and pressed in further. Now he was really deep, but he still wasn’t hitting Noctis at the right angle.

So close, but just not enough! Noctis growled in frustration. He shook his hips back and forth, trying in anguish to get Cor’s fingers to touch the right spot.

Cor sighed patiently, drawing attention to the problem. “It’s alright,” he said gently. When he pulled his fingers out, Noctis couldn’t hold back a whimper of disappointment. “You just need a big cock to fuck you, huh?” 

Noctis had no idea if that’s what he needed. But maybe it would help. So he nodded quickly. 

“Well…” Cor slipped on a condom with one hand. Practiced and quick. “…I’ve got it right here.” 

Holding his body upright, tense and dying for it, Noctis bit his lip as Cor inched his way inside. As expected, it didn’t fill the younger man up right away. He waited eagerly, feet twitching in midair, for Cor to slide in farther

“Yeah, yeah, more, come on…” Noctis encouraged. His shoulders heaved when he felt full. 

It was so _good_ to be able to share his skin with someone else. He looked up at Cor, suddenly not quite so lonely. Cor’s face was serious and unsmiling…but at least he was there with him. Noctis cupped one hand around the back of the older man’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. 

Even when he was full, Cor kept going. Noctis waited for him to press on that magical spot. But it…didn’t happened. Frowning, Noctis opened his eyes and pulled back, a little confused what was happening. 

Cor was still going. Deeper and deeper, well past the place Noctis yearned for him to pound. Deeper than Ardyn had ever been. A little too deep, actually…

“Cor…” Noctis said weakly, not even sure what to ask for.

“Don’t worry there’s more,” the older man replied matter-of-factly. 

“Uh, wait, but…” Noctis did not actually know if he wanted more!

Cor grunted and pushed the rest of the way in with one harsh sweep. Noctis’s whole body tightened, eyes wide, mouth open. He could feel Cor all the way up to his stomach…and he definitely did not want him there!

“That’s good, right?” Cor asked. Noctis still wasn’t saying anything.

Getting silence, the older man thrust all the way in again. Hard against Noctis’s stomach. Unless he was hallucinating, Noctis could see a bulge twisting underneath the skin of his abdomen. 

He thought he might throw up (for the second time). It hurt—like something trying to punch a new hole inside him!

“No!” Noctis yelled, hitting Cor’s shoulders over and over, trying to get the older man to move. “No, stop! Stop! No more! I don’t like it…!”

“Hmm?” Cor slowly got his bearings. He tried to dislodge himself—

Not fast enough for Noctis. He twisted his leg in between them and pushed with all his might, forcing Cor to pull out. When they separated, Noctis covered his ass with one hand, absolutely hating how open he was in that moment. He did not like the way it felt to be fucked on such a huge dick. Those deep parts of his body were not meant to be touched!

Cor stood with arms out, not sure what to do. They stayed frozen for a few moments. Panting. 

Eventually Cor peered at Noctis’s face with a look of concern. Keeping his distance. “Are…you okay?”

“…Yeah…” Noctis murmured between breaths. He folded his knees against his chest and rolled to one side. “Just…got scared for a second.”

The moment lasted a little longer. “Do you…” Cor began hesitantly. “…want to try again, or…?”  


“No.” Noctis shook his head immediately. He sat up stiffly, looking back at Cor with a slightly apologetic face. He didn’t know how to act now that he'd literally just pushed the guy out of him. And Cor hadn’t meant to do anything wrong.

But it was obviously not going to work. This kind of sex—no everything about Cor just wasn’t the right thing. Not the right size, not the right feel. How was Noctis supposed to get off when nothing felt the way he remembered? The inside of him still felt…empty.

Noctis hung his face sadly. “No…no, I think we’re done here actually.” 

“You sure?” Cor sat down next to him on the bed. Leaving enough space in between. “I could do something else for you if you want.”

“Like what?” Noctis buried his face in his hands. His body felt sore and kind of gross. He just wanted to go home and go back to sleep right now.

Cor put a gentle hand on Noctis’s shoulder. “I could suck you off or give you a hand job or something.” He rubbed soft circles into Noctis’s back.

Slowly, the younger man’s body relaxed. That touch felt nice. Comforting. After a few minutes of that, he inched a little closer to Cor. Getting the idea, Cor kept rubbing his back, soothing the boy’s ruffled feathers. Eventually Noctis laid his head on the older man’s shoulder. 

The hands were wrong, of course. Rough palms and callouses. Cor probably did some sort of manual labor. But that was okay right now. It felt good just to have someone’s hands on him. Not in a threatening way. Just there. Reminding him he was okay. 

Because he was okay. Sure, the sex got a little scary there for a minute, but it ended right away. Cor seemed like a nice enough guy. He tucked Noctis’s head under his chin and let the younger man lean his weight on him. Safe and protected. (Now Noctis knew what he meant in his bio.) 

“That’s nice…” Noctis mumbled.

Really, the only thing wrong with Cor was the fact that he wasn’t Ardyn. Noctis could see that now. And unfortunately, that would be the flaw in every other man Noctis tried to sleep with. 

Overall this experiment had been a huge failure. Noctis was completely soft right now. Probably scarred for life (there went the sexiness of big dick porn, shit). And he hadn’t even gotten off. 

He couldn’t get off the way he wanted to without Ardyn.  He wished the hand rubbing his back was Ardyn’s (his _daddy’s_ ) right now.

Fuck. Noctis still missed him way too much.

Good thing Cor was actually a nice guy. He didn’t even say anything when Noctis started spilling tears all over his shoulder. Like someone who had been there before himself, Cor let it all just happen.

After some time passed, Noctis pulled away. Better move on now. He wiped his eyes and made like he wanted to start getting dressed.

“You sure I can’t do anything else for you?” Cor asked, rising to his feet.

Noctis shook his head. “No, it’s okay. That was…good there at the end. So…thanks, I guess.” He started putting his clothes back on. 

Cor gave the younger man a sad smile. It seemed like he understood. But he also knew that understanding the problem didn't fix anything. So he said nothing and followed Noctis's lead.

They agreed Cor would leave first. Before he left, the older man pulled Noctis in for a tender, whole-body hug. They clung to each other for a brief moment. Then Cor patted his client on the shoulder and walked out.

Alone again, Noctis let himself cry some more. He didn’t know how long he took, but eventually he decided it was time to leave.

________________________________________ 

He let himself in to an empty apartment. At least he’d been able to check out on time, without spending the whole night. For some reason, Noctis thought spending the night in the same bed as Cor would have felt weird in the morning. 

So. Time to make the call: Had _any_ of that been a good idea? 

Noctis threw himself down on his bed, still fully clothed. The rational part of his mind wanted to say that at least he’d gotten off. But…he hadn’t. Neither of them had. Shit, how embarrassing was that? All Noctis really did in the end was hire a guy and then cry all over him. So yeah.

Nothing made him feel better. Every time he thought about sex, the only thing in his mind was Ardyn. When Noctis imagined the rest of his life—going back to school, or maybe not, even just trying to do something worthwhile again—he had such a hard time picturing himself without Ardyn. The older man left such a mark on him. Not just sexually. Noctis knew he would be thinking about Ardyn for the rest of his life. In the back of his mind, perhaps. But still there. 

Someone he couldn’t make himself forget. 

He’d known that all along, but he was just starting to accept that now. It felt like a revelation.

The memory of his safety net popped into his head. Maybe it was time. If not now, then when? Noctis had just come to a major realization. In the face of that, what did one text message really matter?

So, Noctis pulled out his phone. He stared at the notification and slowly clicked on his messages. “If you…” Wow. This was it. 

One tap and the text opened.

…Actually it was pretty short. Not the lengthy goodbye Noctis had been expecting. He read it about fifty times over to make sure he wasn’t missing something.

After maybe the hundredth time, Noctis gasped and felt tears gather in the corner of his eyes. There was a dense fog of emotion inside him, so it was hard to tell, but he thought that maybe he didn’t feel sad right now. The thing in his heart felt a little like…relief. Yearning, definitely. He read those words and just wanted to jump into Ardyn’s arms, stay there forever. Still, relief was the strongest thing he could identify. Mixed with a tiny seed of…happiness.

**Ardyn:** If you ever need me, you know how to reach me. Daddy loves you, Noct.

It was their phrase. The thing Ardyn taught him to say when they first started messing around online. Part of the ‘rules.’ It was fun and really hot and it worked. Eventually they stopped saying it in favor of…other kinky stuff, but Noctis still sometimes whispered the words to himself when he masturbated.

Why did this feel different? Seeing it written there. The word—‘love.’ It hadn’t meant anything when Ardyn said it in the beginning. Just a come-on. An act for both of them to get lost in. But now, after everything they’d done together…that conversation in Ardyn’s apartment Noctis remembered so fucking well, when they sort of agreed to start…something. Maybe not a relationship, maybe not an official romance or whatever, but still. _Something_.

Noctis remembered what Ignis said. Ardyn knew what to say to him. Of course now the escort would say their phrase. The one last piece of control he had over Noctis. It was the most logical thing to do.

But…it just didn’t feel like Ardyn was trying to coerce him. Why would he? The text wasn’t a proposition. It wasn’t saying, ‘why don’t you come over? You know Daddy loves you…’ or something like that. Ardyn could not know he had anything to gain by saying it. (And really, Noctis hadn’t even opened the message until two weeks later. So. The returns had not been high.)

It felt like Ardyn just wanted Noctis to know that he loved him.

Noctis pressed his forehead to the screen of the phone and cried again. A million wishes flooded his head. He wished he had read this text earlier. He wished Ardyn sent this before the other goodbye text. He wished he never broken their arrangement off in the first place. He wished he hadn’t listened to Ignis…he wished he had been able to explain it…

“Fuck…” Noctis sniffed. He wiped his eyes and read the text message a few more times.

If he learned anything from this shit storm of a night, Noctis now knew an undeniable truth about himself: The person he had become, after all this, was a person who wanted to be with Ardyn. Who _needed_ to be, even. 

Was Ardyn only using him for his money? Noctis looked at this text message and suddenly did not think so. It made sense that he would, but he just didn’t. 

After all, Noctis had tried to throw money at Ardyn so many times. Extra payment for this or that. The one fight they’d ever had was Arydn telling him he didn’t want Noctis to pay him for things he hadn’t earned. Besides which, Ardyn had been the first one to teach him how to be cautious about his money. He’d even told him not to spend it all on ‘booze and whores.’ 

And Noctis remembered perfectly now. Ardyn did not ask to be paid the last night they were together. Noctis even checked the bank account on his phone quickly—nope, no payment for that date. 

So. Ardyn made plenty of money off him. But. There was more to it than that.

_If you ever need me, you know how to reach me._

Ardyn had always been there for Noctis. Waited patiently through all of his panic attacks. Held his hand. Stayed the night without asking for extra money. Now he just wanted to give Noctis another lifeline. A reassurance; in case something went wrong, Noctis could always call him. Or text him. Or anything.

A greedy man would have tried harder to get Noctis to come around. Ardyn didn’t. He’d sent two text messages, that’s it. Not pushy or demanding—just reassuring as hell. 

Noctis realized that Ignis was wrong. He’d felt that way at first, but all his other shit got in the way. Plus, he knew why Ignis thought Ardyn was that kind of person—it fit the job, to be fair. But Ignis didn’t know the whole story. He didn’t know the small things that Ardyn never charged him for. He didn’t know how it felt to be wrapped up in Ardyn’s arms, comfortable and happy. He hadn’t seen the texts. 

These were all things Noctis could not get again so easily.

He had been fighting the wrong battle. Noctis thought he needed to fight to end things with Ardyn and move on. To do the right thing by his family and be an adult…but all that did was teach him how to sneak around to hire sex workers. This wasn’t helping him move forward.

What Noctis really needed to do was fight to keep Ardyn in his life. There would definitely be consequences. He’d have to come clean to Ignis—his dad too, somehow, shit. He might even need to come out of the closet to everyone else in his life. He’d have to risk the world finding out all his dirty secrets. Seeing them in the papers and the whole thing. 

But, to have the kind of thing he’d had with Ardyn? It was worth it. Facing consequences to keep the things you wanted in life—that had to be just as mature as anything else. Plus, it sounded a hell of a lot better than giving up everything to save a life you hated. 

_Daddy loves you, Noct._

“I love you too,” Noctis whispered to his phone. He wished he had said it before now.

He typed out a response and sent it as fast as he could. The only problem now: Would Ardyn still want to try again?  
  
__________________________________________

“Oh no…I really do hope no one’s watching me touch myself right now,” Ardyn whispered breathlessly into the hands-free headset. “I would be ruined if anyone found out…but oh my god, it feels so good…”

He glanced at the clock. Just over twenty minutes. Ardyn wondered if perhaps he would make it to thirty this time. The customer was panting like race horse in his ear. Clearly near the big finish. 

Fighting back a sigh, Ardyn figured he might as well just end it. This was the seventh phone sex call he’d taken that night. They were all sort of blending together at this point. 

He rubbed his eyes with one hand and tried to focus on the small print in front of his face. Right…which manuscript was this? Something about architecture in Constantinople during the Byzantine Empire…oh yes. This one. The most boring thing he’d touched in the last five years, easily.

“Oh, oh!” Ardyn panted into the receiver. He was trying to remember the other names given to Constantinople around this time. “I think I’m coming…! I’m cum—I can’t, oh, cumming—”

The gentleman on the other end groaned harshly. Practically sobbing—ah, there it was. Now Ardyn remembered!

“Basileuousa, the Queen of Cities! Lovely title.”

The client slowly stopped panting. “…Huh?” he asked in a gruff, tired voice.

Oh. Had Ardyn accidentally said that out loud? “Nothing, nothing at all. We’re all finished here, right?”

“Yeah.” 

Just like that the call ended. 

…Maybe it was time for a break. Forgetting to differentiate between the calls and the editing was a fairly poor sign. Ardyn most likely needed to rest a bit. (At least he’d made the mistake after the client blew his load. Otherwise that might have caused some unfortunate griping and down-voting on his profile.)

Although, it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. This manuscript was taking Ardyn forever to finish. He hadn’t gotten paid by the publisher in some time. Phone sex served as his main source of income right now.

He…hadn’t gotten around to taking in-person clients again. After Noctis. 

Part of him felt that perhaps he shouldn’t. Really. Ardyn needed to accept the truth about himself that on some level he would always want more from the sex than any client could give. This had happened to him too many times now. Noctis, as painful as their departure had been, was a good lesson in that department. 

Facts were facts: A boy with beautiful blue eyes and a tight ass had reduced Ardyn to sycophancy! Maybe his days of hustling the field were over.

Honestly, part of Ardyn was ready to accept that. He was not exactly chomping at the bit to pick up live clients again, even in spite of the money. Maybe it was time to shut down his other escort pages, focus on phone sex and editing. Maybe even get to work on a manuscript of his own…why not, he was old enough, right? What could it hurt to try again? 

Suddenly his phone vibrated with a text notification. Who was it at this hour? His publisher, trying to light a fire under his ass one more time?

Ardyn glanced at the screen. ….His eyes must be playing tricks on him. He rubbed them and looked again.

Yet, there was the name: **Noctis**. 

…After over a month?

Forgetting himself, Ardyn yanked off the headset and put up his away icon. Eyes sharp, laser-focused, he opened the text message.

**Noctis:** so…is now an ok time to tell you I still need you?

Ardyn muttered the words out loud as he reread them. His first instinct was to laugh—of course. Of _course_ Noctis would do this to him! Wait until Ardyn felt good enough to move on and then _this_. That bastard! That spoiled, stubborn prince! Such a…piece of work!

Well, if they were going to play their roles, Ardyn would have to don his old hat too. He would have to scramble to meet Noctis’s every need. Run to his side just like he always did.

It was infuriating that the idea didn’t bother him as much as it should.

Ardyn heaved a long sigh. Should he even answer this? Maybe this was just more nonsense…more of the endless agonizing Noctis could accomplish on a professional level. Did Ardyn really want to be a part of that again?

…On the other hand, could he ever fully ignore his prince? Try as he might, Ardyn knew the young man had embedded himself into Ardyn’s grain. Pleasing Noctis was part of his nature now.

Always would be. No denying it.

So, telling himself this was probably a terrible idea, Ardyn typed back his response.

**Ardyn:** Ah, Noct. It’s been so long.

**Noctis:** I know. I’m…idk. But, can we talk? I really want to see you. 

The older man frowned. He glanced around his apartment, already having an idea where this was headed.

**Ardyn:** …now?

**Noctis:** Yeah. Can I come over maybe?

Ardyn ran a hand through his hair. Dear lord. This boy was going to kill him. He was going to be the absolute death of him! Making demands at 2:00 in the morning on some random night over a month after suddenly breaking off their relationship…

…this demonic prince. Ardyn was going to pay for this, wasn’t he?

**Ardyn:** Yes, prince. I am, as always, at your disposal. You can come to my apartment whenever you like.

**Noctis:** …okay, cool. I’ll be right over.

Setting down his phone, Ardyn headed into the bathroom to quickly wash his face. He probably needed a shower, but it was too late for all that. This would have to do.  The cold water felt good on his skin. Mind-clearing. It reminded him of the reality—Noctis was about to pay him a visit. Because he needed something. Gods only knew what.

Ardyn looked at himself in the mirror and smirked. Well, if he was going to pay for his weaknesses, he hoped it could be done as painlessly as possible.

Hell. Maybe it would even be sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) ;) ;) One more: ;) So, forever ;)
> 
> Anyway, I don't think I'll tag the Cor/Noctis because it...doesn't end up amounting to anything. Just an awkward bad sex night with Cor being a decent guy before its done lol. Unless you think I should tag it? Ah, idk. Kind of feels like it might be a spoiler, too...
> 
> Just have to say again, I am so thankful for all the love this story is getting. You guys have made this such a wonderful experience for this crazy writer over here. 
> 
> Almost at the finish line!


	10. Be all my sins remember'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ardyn doesn't know what to expect. Then he sees the way Noctis looks after their time apart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is monstrously long. I get that. I'm sorry everyone T___T I just didn't have any way to break them up like last time. All of this kind of needs to be together and...yeah. Please don't hate me!
> 
> On the bright side, we have a chapter limit now! Two more after this. 
> 
> Mad kudos to [KazeChama](%E2%80%9C) and Kircheis who, for fun, took the time to search for the sex work sites I made up. They found these amazing gems: foxtoy.cz.en and rentadad.wordpress.com I love itttt <3
> 
> *Hamlet reference: The end of Hamlet’s ‘to be or not to be’ monologue, where Hamlet hopes that Ophelia can forgive him, and proclaims that he really doesn’t deserve her: “The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons  
> Be all my sins remember’d!"

**Chapter Ten: Be all my sins remember’d**

When Noctis imagined what he would do seeing Ardyn again in person for the first time in so long, his mind went wild. He thought he would jump into the older man’s arms, bury his face in his neck, kiss him until near of them could breathe. They would fall to the ground and fuck each other right there in the doorway. And then they would know the worst was over. Or, maybe Noctis would just fall to his knees and cry. Beg for forgiveness. Maybe they would both smile at each other, laughing at how foolish this past month had been. Knowing without saying anything that they were meant to be together and that Noctis had made a dumb mistake.

In his core, Noctis wished everything would be solved the moment they looked at each other. The desperate yearning inside of him, the itchiness, the sadness, the pain. Everything would fall away and they could be just like before.

Of course, the reality was very different. 

Noctis stood in the doorway of Ardyn’s apartment. Ardyn was holding the door open for him, wearing a ratty sweatshirt (same logo as last time, different color) and stretchy plaid house pants. 

They just stared at each other. 

Noctis’s heart was beating so fast. His mouth fell open and his eyes searched Ardyn’s face for some kind of reaction. He could smell him—the musk and cologne spice he knew as well as his own intimate scents. It clouded Noctis’s head, slowing down all the words he’d imagined saying in this moment. 

He wanted Ardyn to be happy to see him (obviously, that was the best case scenario). He would also totally accept Ardyn being raging mad and ready to scream. Hurling insults or something. Noctis knew he deserved that. But, Ardyn didn’t seem to be either of those things—not happy or mad. He stared right back at Noctis with a face that was….

Neutral. 

Not smiling. Since when did Ardyn ever hold back a smile? Even a fake one? Now of all times, the older man’s face was unreadable. Eyebrows down. Mouth in a straight line. His molten gold eyes flicked across Noctis’s face sharply. Reading him in a way that Noctis simply could not do in return, no matter how much he wanted to.

They said nothing for a few long moments.

Noctis swallowed hard. He was starting to get cold standing here. The warmth he was used to feeling from Ardyn was…missing. Where had it gone? Was it still there, underneath? Or had Ardyn already…moved on?

Panic unfurled inside Noctis. Had he waited too long? Was it already over?

The old wooden floorboards creaked beneath their feet. The rest of the apartment building was dead silent and dark. Stock-still. Doors closed, wishing to be left alone. When Noctis heard the creaking, he realized how awkward it was to be standing there for so long. He wanted to look away, maybe tell Ardyn to just forget it. That he could go. He wouldn’t bother him anymore. It was fine. Even though it wasn’t, really. 

But for the life of him, Noctis could not tear his eyes from his old lover. He stared at Ardyn without blinking. Not saying anything. Just…waiting for something to happen. That’s all he could do: Wait. After all, Noctis had texted him out of the blue and dragged his sorry ass across town to see him. Now, the ball was in Ardyn’s court. 

So they waited. Letting everything settle. All the instincts and knee-jerk reactions rose and fell in the first few minutes it took for either of them to speak.

Suddenly Ardyn’s expression changed. He sighed, closing his eyes slowly. When he looked back at Noctis, there was a faint smile on his lips.

“Well. Come in, Noct.” He turned around so Noctis could follow him inside. 

Thank the gods.

With the door closed behind them, Noctis suddenly felt…warmer. At least Ardyn let him in. Besides, he remembered this place. The high ceilings. Filled to the brim with books and random artifacts, some in the same places as last time. Familiar.

It smelled like Ardyn in here. Noctis inhaled deeply and let the warmth rush through him. He wanted to slump down into a sitting position, lean back against the door and fall to the floor right there. If he rested his head on the door, Noctis figured he could probably go to sleep in the hallway. Which would be really nice…

Holy shit. Noctis put a hand against head and realized how tired he was. Ready to drop. 

It had been a long night. The hotel room with Cor, the walk back, the message. The realizations. The journey here. Now this. Noctis felt so exhausted. Maybe he should just fall asleep on the floor…explain everything to Ardyn in the morning…

“Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, water, tea…?” Ardyn asked from the kitchen. 

Shaking his head to stay focused, Noctis dragged himself into the living room. Oh right. There was no place to sit here. All the couches were taken. But Ardyn had not invited him into the office yet…. The office. The place where they’d had sex last. Right on the pillowy leather couch. Noctis remembered riding Ardyn until they both came, together. Everything felt perfect and good…

He didn't want to go in there right now. 

So, Noctis sat down on the floor. The living room rug was bristly and very stiff. Not exactly comfortable, but. He leaned his head back against the stuffed couch and it felt okay. 

Sitting was a relief anyway. Finally. He could stretch out his legs and rest for a few seconds. 

“Uh, coffee please…” he called to Ardyn. Something to keep him awake. 

Ardyn heard Noctis from the living room as he brewed some fresh coffee. Naturally the prince wanted a cup. Honestly, Noctis looked dead on his feet when he showed up. Pale. Dark circles under his eyes. Thinner, too. More flimsy somehow.

Ardyn took a deep breath. Seeing Noctis just now had been…a challenge. Ardyn thought he was ready to welcome the young man in with open arms, listen to him complain or ask to be fucked one more time (that had to be what Noctis wanted, right? One last round of sex because he couldn’t get it as good anywhere else?). But, Ardyn was wrong. The second he laid eyes on Noctis, a hundred unlooked-for emotions flooded him. 

Relief; a soothing balm against the fire inside that demanded he hold Noctis again. Surprise; Ardyn had truly given up hope by now. Concern; Noctis looked like shit. (What had this boy been doing in the past month? Was he sick? He might have been getting over the flu or something, that could explain it.) Also…pain; Ardyn felt a residual stab of hurt when he remembered the way Noctis ended their relationship so abruptly. 

For everything he was worth, Ardyn had not been expecting all those feelings. Especially not at the same time. 

He breathed in the relaxing smell of deep roast and ran a hand through his indomitable hair. He needed a plan, some course of action that could keep him steady throughout this whole…whatever it was Noctis wanted from him right now.

Ardyn didn’t want to be hurt again. If Noctis wanted sex—which honestly sounded delicious to the older man’s starved palate; he had been craving their specific brand of love-making quite badly himself, of course—Ardyn needed to decide if he would…agree. What could he give Noctis right now that wouldn’t end up crushing his own spirit? 

As much as Ardyn wanted to be indifferent to the thought of “I miss you” sex, he knew he wasn’t. Not by a long shot. The only thing he really wanted to do right now was take Noctis in his arms again. Cradle Noctis’s head in his hand and ask him to explain exactly what went wrong. Fill him with vitamin-rich liquids and good food. Nurse him back to full health—the sparkling-eyed young man in Ardyn’s memory. 

But he couldn’t. Not yet. Not until he knew why Noctis was here, what this boy expected of him. (What did he want? Hadn’t Ardyn given him everything he could, even more?)

Taking two coffee mugs in hand, Ardyn steeled himself as he walked into the living room. He knew he did not have much control over this situation. He needed to play the hand he had been dealt: The role of a man hopelessly in love with a boy who had no idea how to survive in the world. 

It was not a terrible hand. He’d accepted it weeks ago when he came to terms with the fact that Noctis’s absence really did hurt. So Ardyn felt a certain degree of comfort with the role by now. He just needed to be careful. Stay on his guard and…protect his unruly heart.

“Here you are,” Ardyn announced as he stepped into the living room. Except…he didn’t see Noctis. Frowning, he glanced around to see where the boy wandered off to…

…A black lump on the floor caught his eye. Ah. Noctis was sitting on the rug (to be fair, there was nowhere else to sit in this room, so whatever). His eyes were closed, heading resting on one shoulder. Asleep already?

Ardyn’s eyes softened. Noctis really must be bone tired. Had he been running himself ragged with school these past few weeks? Finals season, wasn’t it? The older man thought about getting a blanket from the closet and letting his boy sleep for a while. 

“…Noct?” he asked gently, leaning over the young man to see if he was totally out of it.

Some part of Noctis’s unconscious mind heard Ardyn’s voice. He immediately jolted awake, limbs flailing tightly, gasping in shock. Shit, when had he fallen asleep? He didn’t even remember making that decision…

Clearing his throat, Noctis rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Ardyn, so he just took the coffee mug with a quiet, “Thanks.” 

The older man nodded slowly. It seemed Noctis wanted to remain awake for this discussion. Even though he was fighting what his body clearly needed. But, that was none of Ardyn’s business. Right now, after over a month of no contact, they were not technically anything to each other. So, Ardyn would have to respect Noctis’s distance. 

He sat across from Noctis on the floor, leaning against the opposite couch. Had this room ever been a proper sitting room? The couches faced each other. Had Ardyn ever invited guests over and made intelligent conversation like a well-adjusted person? Hmm, perhaps. Though he couldn’t recall any such time. Now the floor was as good a place as any to have a chat. 

They sipped their coffee in silence for a bit. 

Jeez, Noctis had forgotten how bitter and dark Ardyn liked it. But that was good. The sharp taste kind of woke him up (how embarrassing could you get? Falling asleep on the floor of your ex’s living room without any explanation…he just wanted to pretend that never happened.)

“You seem tired,” Ardyn said at last. He was watching the younger man cautiously. Noctis jumped slightly when he spoke, so Ardyn made sure his voice sounded calm. “Has your nursing program been keeping you busy?” 

Nocits forced himself to swallow more hot coffee. “Um, no…” He stared at floor, tracing a pattern in the carpet. “Actually I dropped out.” 

“Hmm?” Ardyn frowned. His body froze, not expecting to hear that. “You dropped out of school?” 

“Yeah.” 

The older man waited for an explanation, but Noctis said nothing else. …Ah. Ardyn tilted his head back. He refocused his attention on Noctis’s forlorn face and drained appearance. That…completed the picture a bit. Noctis must be down. In a bad place, like the one he’d described to Ardyn their last night together. Fighting his own internal battles. So, not the flu at all, then. 

“I see,” Ardyn said as easily as he could. He took another sip of coffee. “That’s a shame.” (No way he could condone passing up an education, no matter what the reason.) 

“Tch.” Noctis shrugged. “It’s whatever.” 

So much anger and pain. Ardyn wanted to shake his head in slow disbelief. Where was the prince attempting to store all these toxic emotions? Nothing could contain them. They were starting to eat him from the inside out.

Concern swelled up within the older man. He’d never seen Noctis like this before. This was worse than a panic attack. It was a type of torment that only existed inside the walls of Noctis’s head. 

Ardyn wanted to go get the blanket anyway. Carefully wrap it around Noctis’s body and tell him it was all going to be fine. If Noctis needed help, Ardyn would try his best to steer him back onto smoother paths. They could do it together.

He almost got to his feet without thinking. But then Ardyn remembered himself. He had no idea what Noctis really needed right now. Even if Ardyn wanted to be the parental figure he had established himself as (for whatever godsforsaken reason), he should wait until it became clear why Noctis had chosen to message him tonight.

“…Is it?” Ardyn asked with an unamused face. “So then, can I ask what happened? I thought you were committed to your schooling.” 

A sigh escaped the prince. He looked up at Ardyn with pained eyes. Clicking his teeth in irritation, Noctis finally said, “I should…just tell you the whole story.” 

“Please.” Ardyn adjusted his legs and got ready for a long explanation. (Normally it took Noctis a while to get a thought out of his head, so this might drag on somewhat.)

Noctis wearily stared at his reflection in the black surface of his coffee. He looked like he had been punched his both his eyes, the rings underneath were so dark. And his mouth drooped down. Sallow and stupid looking. Gritting his teeth, Noctis fought a wave of barbed wire-thoughts that threatened to choke him for a moment. 

Why would Ardyn want to hear this? Why had Ardyn let him inside at all? Especially now that he knew Noctis was a quitter. Just a worthless, sheltered piece of crap…

He tore his eyes away from the sight of himself. No time for all that now. Instead, he took a deep breath and gripped the loose fabric around his jeans (his usual nervous habit). Noctis needed to say this. If nothing else happened tonight, he owed Ardyn some kind of reasoning, so that this man could understand why he decided to end it. And, hopefully, how much he regretted it.

“Ignis found out about us.” Noctis looked back down at the carpet. He wondered how it would feel against his face if he decided to lay down here… “I mean, he found out about…” 

He glanced up. Ardyn’s familiar face was watching him patiently. It made Noctis’s stomach tighten. He wished they were sitting closer. As warm and floaty as he felt right now, being in Ardyn’s apartment again, Noctis wanted to give in to himself. The harsh aching in his chest. He wanted to curl up against Ardyn and tell him the story while they snuggled. That way he could listen to the older man’s heart while he told him everything. Hear every reaction.

But Noctis knew he didn’t deserve that kind of closeness yet.

Taking another deep breath, he restarted. “What happened was, when I left your apartment that day, Ignis was waiting for me at home. He had this…like, folder. There were all these pictures of you inside it. From the…websites and stuff that you’re on. He had my bank statements, too. So he figured out…you know. That we met on Fox Toy and the whole thing.” 

Ardyn digested that information. Hmm, a folder of him? He wanted to see it! No one had ever bothered to create some kind of dossier specifically about him before. How lovely! Maybe Ignis could put them in a binder so Ardyn had a portfolio of everything he'd done in this job…it was an interesting thought, at least.

No, but that wasn’t the point. Noctis must have been humiliated! That was his worst fear, wasn’t it? Having his family uncover the truth. Ardyn remembered how panicked the boy had been on their date, and the morning after, when Ignis came close. This was the disaster he’d been trying to avoid.

Ardyn hummed sympathetically. “Ah. I’m so sorry, Noct.” 

“…What?” Noctis snapped, staring back at Ardyn with a frown. “What are…you sorry about?” 

“Well, that’s what you were afraid of, right? Your family finding out?” Ardyn leaned in a little closer, wishing suddenly that he had chosen to sit next to Noctis instead. His family might have completely turned their backs on him…and Ardyn hadn’t even been there to help him through it. 

The soft look on Ardyn’s face took Noctis’s words away. Instead of worrying about his own name getting dragged through the mud…Ardyn seemed to realize right away what a problem it had been for Noctis at the time.

Shit, why hadn’t Noctis just told him the truth? He rubbed his forehead with one hand, exhaustion driving him to confusion. In all truth, Noctis couldn’t even remember why he lied about it at the time. Given some excuse about being too busy….not wanting to see Ardyn again.

Fuck. Noctis squeezed his eyes closed. That must have hurt Ardyn so much. If their places were reversed, Noctis would have been absolutely crushed. Thrown into a valley much darker than where he was now.

“No, I’m the one who should be apologizing,” Noctis groaned. “I…didn’t mean any of that stupid stuff I said to you on the phone that night. About being busy and wanting to stop. It was all a lie…” He shook his head groggily. “I just…”

Ardyn nodded slowly. He had a good idea where this was going now. Noctis thought he needed to them to stop in order to cover up their relationship. For his father’s sake. It made sense. More than that, Ardyn had even expected this to be one of the reasons. It wasn’t too hard to piece together, after all. Boy in the spotlight (and in the closet). A family with high expectations. These things did not exactly lend themselves to the world of paying money for sex. 

“Noct, I—”

“No, it’s just that…” Noctis talked over him. He _needed_ to get this out. “Ignis told me that if I didn’t stop seeing you he would tell my dad. And I…I mean, I couldn’t even imagine talking to him about us…it was…” He wanted to say embarrassing, but wasn’t it rude to tell Ardyn that he was embarrassed to be with him?

Besides, Noctis wasn’t embarrassed anymore. He just wanted to lay down on Ardyn’s chest. Even if everyone in the whole world saw him, he didn’t care. That’s where he wanted to be right now. 

Ardyn sighed. “Noct, I understand. It can’t have been easy for you. So, you called me right away to finish what we were doing together. Yes, I was there for that part, remember?” 

His eyes wide, Noctis’s eyebrows knitted together. “Yeah…that’s…what happened.” 

“And it’s fine.” Ardyn took another sip of coffee. “You don’t have to explain.” His face darkened again into an unreadable, placid look. 

“But, I mean…” Noctis glanced to the side. This felt weird. “I just want you to know…why I did all that. It wasn’t because…I meant any of it. I didn’t. Those were just dumb lies and I’m sorry.”

Ah. Ardyn flashed Noctis a tight smile. “Well, apology accepted.” 

“…Really?” 

An impatient sigh pushed out of Ardyn. “Yes. Now…if you’ll allow me to ask you something?” 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Noctis straightened his back, preparing himself for anything.

“Why are you here now?” 

That was the one thing Ardyn really didn’t understand. Yes, naturally, Noctis had been put under pressure by his family to break contact with Ardyn. As a person who had been through this before, Ardyn could not say he was surprised or even insulted. What else could a man in his position expect? Fooling around with rich and (semi) famous boys was all well and good, but sex workers were a sordid secret on the best of days. They could often be an image-ruining scandal. Something you didn’t want to be seen with. 

Ardyn was not offended by that logic. He’d even used it to his advantage in the past, knowing what to say when a client tried to withhold payment or treated him in a way Ardyn took exception to. Although, in this case, Ardyn had to admit there was an underlying feeling of…discomfort…to think that Noctis might also consider him a dirty secret. After everything he’d done for the boy. 

Really, he should get some credit! Any man who slept with Noctis after him should have to pay Ardyn homage for everything the older man had taught him. Now Noctis could last longer than five seconds in bed. He could withstand massages and various sex toys. Blindfolds and bondage. Maybe someday Noctis would even have enough stamina to fuck someone himself. If so, that would be one hundred percent thanks to Ardyn. 

Those other men should have to…call him on the phone, or write him a letter or something. Or else just know that it was _him_ Noctis really belonged to. At least in the beginning…

Ardyn swallowed a mouthful of bitterness around the thought of Noctis being with another man. He’d imagined it before, obviously, in the month-long absence. Of course Noctis would have other men eventually. But the idea never failed to send Ardyn into a fit of resentment. He told himself that no other man would ever make Noctis feel as good as he did. He consoled himself (sometimes while jerking off, sometimes just as a general reminder) by imagining Noctis thinking of Ardyn whenever he slept with someone else. Picturing Ardyn instead of whomever had the opportunity to fuck him. It was the only thing that got the acrid taste of jealousy and rage out of his mouth.

Regardless, Ardyn knew Noctis’s reasoning. What he wanted to know was why Noctis had now decided to end the silence and come over to talk. The situation with his family was not likely to change anytime soon. Hell, they could be discovered together at any moment from now on, since Ignis knew about their situation. 

So why was Noctis risking his reputation?

“You…want to know why I texted you again?” Noctis asked. 

“Yes.” Ardyn helped himself to another gulp of coffee. It had gone lukewarm. He thought about perhaps putting some whiskey in it…

“Because.” Noctis pulled out his cell phone. “I saw the last message you left me. This one.” He held out the text for Ardyn to see, but the older man knew what it said. “Where you said that if I ever needed you, I could reach out. …Right?” 

They both felt it when he left out the last line of that message. Noctis felt like he wasn’t ready to say those words yet. And Ardyn felt a little self-conscious knowing that Noctis had actually read what he wrote and wanted to bring it up. He’d thought the message would just be some kind of…poignant farewell, or something.

“That’s right,” Ardyn admitted. He regarded Noctis one more time, head tilted downward. “So, tell me. What do you need, Noct?” 

“I…” Wait so, Ardyn didn’t know? Noctis couldn’t help feeling taken aback. Ardyn really couldn’t figure out why Noctis was here? He wanted him to say the words out loud?

Well, in that case. Fuck it. Noctis would tell him. He didn’t want to hide it anymore.

“I just need to be with you, Ardyn,” the younger man said. His voice was soft, but distinct. Sincere and wanting. “I…wanted to see you. To tell you that I’m really sorry for all the bullshit and that I missed you so much. Like _so_ fucking much? And that…I want to try again.” 

The edges of Ardyn’s heart frayed with each of those words. He could see that Noctis was telling the truth. The boy’s face was riddled with pain, like he had been carrying around a heavy weight for some time now. Whatever was eating him up inside, it had to do with this. 

Oh, Noct, Ardyn thought. His boy had been pining this badly? Probably torturing himself over the lies. That was just his nature, wasn't it?

Consumed with sympathy, Ardyn rubbed his chest with one hand. He needed his heart to stop trying to swim its way over to Noctis. He needed to stay strong, resolute. Because! Even if Noctis wanted him, badly enough to torture himself, that didn’t change their reality. 

What did Noctis expect out of this? 

“Try what again, Noct?” Ardyn’s face gave away the fact that he was not in the mood for their games. He was not playing the daddy right now. He just needed to know the truth. 

That face made Noctis want to cry. He felt like Ardyn was closing himself off. “I don’t know. Try…us, again? The…I want what we had before. Whatever it was. I liked it and…I think maybe I need it?”

Shit, did this sound pathetic? Noctis’s arms were starting to feel weak. The coffee wasn’t working any more. He didn’t feel awake at all. His stomach was a little antsy—probably the only lingering effect from the caffeine—but the rest of his body was shutting down. Noctis knew that if he let his head lean back against the couch, he would probably fall right to sleep even if he tried to stop it.

Adjusting himself to sit upright, away from the couch, Noctis rubbed his face and kept going. “I’m…I don’t know. Everything feels wrong right now, Ardyn. I’m all fucked up. I’ve been…just like, out of it ever since. Sort of…gone.”

He squeezed his eyes closed again, the image of Ardyn’s unmoved expression seared the backs of his eyelids.“And I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry because I know you don’t care about any of this and you shouldn’t, I get it, but…it hurts so bad…” 

“Noctis…” Ardyn rose to his feet. He watched Noctis rest his head in his hands, near tears.

Oh dear. The boy had worked himself to the breaking point, hadn’t he?

“It really fucking hurts…” Noctis rambled on. “I’m so, so sorry Ardyn. It’s…this isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to be with you and make you happy. Like before. But now it’s all wrong…” He sniffed hard. “I want to be better than this. I want to make it up to you, but…I don’t even know how.” 

Noctis’s body felt crippled with sadness and deep exhaustion. He leaned back against the couch, already crying. But he didn’t register the tears anymore. He was sore and hurting all over, inside and out. He wanted to fall over, curl into a ball. Fade away…

Ardyn knelt down next to Noctis. He watched as the boy’s body slowly collapsed against his couch. When his hands slipped, head drooping downwards, Ardyn saw that Noctis’s eyes were closed. There were fresh tears on his face and yet he had already fallen asleep. Again.

The kid couldn’t keep his eyes open, it seemed. He was an emotional, agonized, hot mess. 

Well, this was it. Ardyn’s own breaking point. He couldn’t stand to see Noctis in such a state. Yes, he was probably walking right into a trap. Setting off the same series of events as before, in a continuous loop. Allowing them both to need each other even though none of their problems were solved. Ardyn was still a sex worker and Noctis was still his father’s son. 

But Ardyn could not take any more of this. Everything in the older man’s nature told him that he needed to go to his boy now. Hold him. Soothe him. Calm him. Noctis had suffered enough.

He slowly reached out and took Noctis’s hand, wrapping an arm underneath the boy’s shoulders.

Startled by the touch, Noctis stiffened as he tried to wake up. He registered Ardyn’s hands on him. _Those_ were the hands he needed. So, so warm. That smell, so close. Disoriented, he looked up at Ardyn with unfocused eyes. He was being pulled to his feet. 

“Where are we going?” Noctis asked sleepily.

“Hush, Noct. Just move your feet.” But really, Ardyn could have carried the younger man to the bedroom without any help. Noctis was practically skin and bones at this point. (Ardyn remembered the prince telling him something about how he didn’t have any appetite when he was depressed, and that food generally sounded like a terrible idea. What a shame).

He dragged Noctis across the apartment and into his bedroom. The decor in here did not fit with everything in the other rooms—there were no books, no artifacts. Just a bed with a pale red comforter and grey bedsheets. Untouched pillows. The room hardly had any kind of lived-in feel, and that was because Ardyn almost never slept there. His bed of choice was the office couch. 

But Noctis only saw the fact that he was staring at a bed. Did Ardyn think…he wanted sex or something? No, he couldn’t…besides, Noctis wasn’t done explaining everything he felt…it was probably all still a mess.

“Wait, but…” Noctis began slowly. He swayed on his feet when Ardyn let go of him to turn down the comforter. 

“You need sleep, my dear.” Ardyn sighed. He gently pulled Noctis into a sitting position on the bed. “Get some rest. We can talk about all this in the morning. If you still want to.” 

The words sounded like they made sense, but Noctis was mostly just happy to be so close to Ardyn again. He gripped the older man’s shoulders and pressed his head against Ardyn’s chest, moaning as he inhaled the ripe scent of that iconic sweatshirt. 

“Ardyn…” he groaned. His body moved closer, trying to crawl into the older’s man.

“Lay down,” Ardyn commanded. Noctis refused to let him go (which was a familiar feeling, considering how many times the younger man clung to him in the past, especially after sex). So, in order to get him to bed, Ardyn laid down on his side and took the boy with him. 

They laid there in a mess of limbs.

Finally horizontal, a huge wave of comfort washed over Noctis. His tired body gave out completely. As did his mind, and his heart. Noctis couldn’t fight it anymore, not laying down next to Ardyn like this. The older man had one arm still wrapped around Noctis’s middle, which Noctis wanted to lock in place forever. 

“Ardyn, stay…” he whimpered, digging his fingers into the cotton material of the sweatshirt. Trying to latch onto him. “…don’t leave, okay? Please…”

Nodding, Ardyn settled in for the night. Of course, he had never planned on doing anything else. He could feel how much his boy needed him right now. It was an intense feeling. Raw. More desperate than ever before. As hungry as the rest of Noctis’s body.

Ardyn would never leave him like this.

“Alright, Noct.” He set an alarm for 10:00 in the morning, reaching over Noctis to place his phone on the nightstand. “I’m here. Not going anywhere.” 

Eyes closed, half asleep, Noctis started rambling again. “I’m so sorry, Ardyn…so, so sorry…’m sorry…please, I…sorry… “

“I know.” Ardyn held him a little closer, resting the prince’s head on his chest. “It’s alright now. Just sleep.” 

The vague memory of Ardyn’s text message popped into Noctis’s head. He gripped Ardyn tighter and tried to look at him, failing to make eye contact with his sleep-clouded eyes. 

“I love you, too, Ardyn….! I love you and I need you, okay? Please…I’m sorry…”

The tight bindings around Ardyn’s heart fell away when he saw that pleading look. Like bondage ties fluttering to the ground during the aftercare part of a good scene. Oh gods, yes. This was his ultimate weakness: Noctis asking him for something. Especially when that something was as simple as Ardyn’s love. This had always been his downfall. And it seemed it always would be.

He combed his fingers through Noctis’s silky black hair, stroking the side of the boy’s face in the process. “I know, Noct. It’s alright.” Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to Noctis’s forehead. “I love you too. Now, close your eyes and sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Noctis dropped back down onto Ardyn’s chest. “…Promise?”

“Yes, I promise.” The older man pulled Noctis as close as he could. Their bodies were flush against each other, with Noctis mostly on top of him. “I’ve got you.” 

_He’s got me_ , Noctis thought. _Daddy’s here._ He nuzzled the older man’s chest, feeling calm and okay for the first time in many weeks. Repeating those words to himself, Noctis let his body fall into a good, deep sleep. 

Ardyn could feel Noctis unwind in his arms. Truly asleep. It calmed him too, knowing that his prince’s mind was at peace for the moment. What a troublesome mind. Always trying to undermine its owner. Sighing, Ardyn cupped the back of Noctis’s head and held him there for the rest of the night.

______________________________________________________

Wakefulness teased the edges of Noctis’s awareness for a while. A few times he opened his eyes, realizing he was in an unfamiliar place (he’d never seen Ardyn’s bedroom after all). But then he heard some soft, even snoring by his side. A sound he remembered—the snoring brought a small smile to his lips. As soon as he saw Ardyn, Noctis instinctively knew he was safe. He laid back down and went to sleep.

After a few hours of this, Noctis slowly decided to wake up for real. He didn’t want to move—especially once he opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Ardyn’s grey sweatshirt against his face. Engulfed by the smell he loved so much. Warm on all sides, comfortable. Cocooned and safe.

Except that…Noctis knew he was kind of gross right now. His body was sweaty and sticky from the night before. He shamefully remembered the hotel room with Cor, and how he had not showered afterwards. Wow. That was pretty bad. So, Noctis gingerly rolled onto his back. He set Ardyn’s arms down on the bed so the older man could still sleep—it was only 9:00 in the morning. Ardyn would be out for a while. 

Noctis smiled when he looked at Ardyn’s sleeping face. All the wrinkles around the older man’s face were smooth right now, just faint little lines here and there. Plus, Ardyn had fallen asleep wearing his glasses. Noctis heart filled to bursting at the sight. But, he knew it would be bad if Ardyn accidentally rolled over and crushed them. So he carefully slid the frames off Ardyn’s face, delighted to feel the older man’s even sleeping breath brush his cheeks when they got close, and placed them on the nightstand. Next to his phone.

Speaking of…oh shit. Noctis jammed his hands in his pockets and huffed a sigh of a relief when he found his own cellphone. He hadn’t lost it or something the night before when he was so…groggy. Barely awake. Noctis only sort of remembered their conversation—he knew he had explained everything and apologized, told Ardyn he wanted to try again. But had the older man agreed? Noctis definitely did not remember anything after crawling into bed. They both just went to sleep—which, Noctis felt so refreshed right now. That had to have been the best sleep of his life. He stretched his arms over his head, happy to feel the muscles waking up nicely too. 

He had gotten another chance to sleep next to Ardyn. It made him feel giddy and sort of…ridiculously lucky. Like ‘this might not even be real’ kind of luck. 

Just as the thought crossed his mind, Noctis’s phone buzzed with a text message. He quickly saw it was Ignis. So yeah, this was definitely still reality then.

**Ignis:** Happy to see you left the apartment, Noct. But may I ask where you are? And who you’re with?

Judging by the tone, Noctis could tell that Ignis was actually sincere in the first part. Besides, how many times had he nagged Noctis about going out, even just for a walk to the park or something simple. Also, if he was just getting this text now, chances were Ignis had arrived at the apartment a few minutes ago to find Noctis missing. So he wouldn’t know that Noctis had been out all night.

Good thing he woke up in time to catch the message. He instantly thought about coming up with some excuse, but….no. Noctis was done with excuses. Done with lies. He was going to come clean with the things he wanted from now on—starting with Ardyn.

Still, Noctis knew that he and Ignis were not quite ready to have this conversation. They needed to be together, face to face. Not like this. So Noctis thought of a response that could tide them over.

**Noctis:** Can’t explain right now, Iggy. But I promise I will. Can I call you later? Like maybe around 12:00? 

It took a few minutes for the response to come in. The tiny dots at the bottom kept appearing and then disappearing, like Ignis was typing and then changing his mind a few times over.

**Ignis:** I see. I suppose that’s fine. But make sure that you call me as close to 12:00 as you can, alright?

**Noctis:** Deal.

**Ignis:** Alright then. Be safe, please. 

**Noctis:** Also deal. 

**Ignis:** Thank you. 

He put his phone down and took a deep breath. So he had prolonged the inevitable. Actually he wanted to make it even later than 12:00 (that deadline was kind of arbitrary), but it needed to be a time Ignis would accept. And anyway, Ardyn might wake up, see that Noctis had recovered, then just ask him to leave. The escort had not agreed to do anything other than let him stay the night, as far as Noctis knew.

So. He’d better take the opportunity to clean himself up a bit. While Ardyn slept. Taking a last look at his sleeping lover, Noctis crept out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. There were towels hanging up on the dowel rod, although Noctis could not how tell clean they were. Whatever. They would do. Noctis ran a quick shower, laid his clothes on the side, and jumped in.

Ah. Man. Something about a shower right after waking up. It was a special kind of good. Maybe Noctis should remember this because he normally hated showering…although, the sleeps that he got when he was depressed were nowhere near as satisfying as last night’s sleep. Since he was already rejuvenated on the inside, the extra water made Noctis’s skin come alive too. He held his face under the spray for a while. Just enjoying it. 

As he cleaned his body, Noctis made sure to be as thorough as possible (Ardyn taught him how to probably clean up after a night of sex). His ass was still pretty loose from the night before—a horde of unpleasant memories rushed in that made him grimace. For fuck’s sake, that had been so painfully awkward with Cor. And it felt so bad…stretching him out in a way Noctis did not even want to remember. Chapped lips and rough hands. Not Noctis’s thing. 

At least he learned a few lessons in the process (like, for one, he needed to have a cap size on all the penises he decided to put inside himself from now on. Because damn). So, as much as Noctis regretted last night, he could at least say he got something out of it.

Especially coming to understand that no sex would ever be as good as what he got from Ardyn. 

And here he was, standing in the man’s shower. It occurred to him that Ardyn also showered here. Naked and…wet and…oh. A touch of excitement flittered through Noctis. He had showered with Ardyn before. He remembered how…powerful that man looked with his hair wet, water sliding all over his broad body…

“Nnh.” Noctis closed his eyes as he was greeted with a dose of half-mast morning wood. He’d been hard when he woke up, but it faded as soon as the nerves settled in. Now it was back with a vengeance.

Should he masturbate here? He definitely could. Noctis ran one slippery hand down his chest and imagined he was touching Ardyn instead of himself. Slick and close….yeah he could probably get there right now.

But that was kind of a dick move, wasn’t it? Jerking off in another guy’s shower? Even if Noctis knew it would feel crazy good (he was calmer than he’d been in some time, surrounded by everything Ardyn), he would be so ashamed if Ardyn ever found out. As if Noctis needed to rub one out in the shower like some horny teenager…no, that was too embarrassing. He wanted to show Ardyn that he was…something. Better, maybe. Not the kind of asshole that would get cum all over the inside of your shower.

Did he have any dignity left? Maybe he did. Or not. But still, he wanted to try.

Noctis finished his shower without laying a hand on his own cock. Toweled himself dry too. He threw on his old boxers and jeans, leaving the shirt off for now so it wouldn’t get wet. 

Ardyn was still asleep when Noctis got back to the bedroom. There was something about the way this man slept—he made Noctis want to sleep too just by watching him. Ardyn really did make the most of his resting time. The way that he rolled around, so naturally reluctant to wake up…

…Noctis sat next to him. It was kind of creepy to watch someone while they slept, but Ardyn was probably an exception. How often did you meet someone whose sleep was contagious? Not to mention, Noctis finally had a chance to look at the man who had been on his mind for so damn long. A face he’d seen in his dreams a bunch of times. So…? He was only going to stare for a second. Then he would give Ardyn his privacy. For sure.

He learned over Ardyn’s face, eyes wide with a mixed feeling of power and reverence. There were some crimson hairs caught in the lashes of Ardyn’s left eye, so Noctis gently brushed them away. Gods, this man’s hair was so bushy. Each individual strand was so thin—why Ardyn got so many fly-aways—but clumped together they were like tangled branches, thick enough to add volume. That hair did what it wanted. Did Ardyn even need to comb it? Maybe not. 

Smirking, Noctis leaned farther down. Now their noses were almost touching. Hmm, Ardyn had kind of a pointy nose, didn’t he? But it worked for him. Dragging his gaze lower, Noctis traced the outline of Ardyn’s lips with his eyes, trying to remember how it felt to kiss him. He still had Cor’s lips in his head and anything else was harder to imagine. But Noctis thought they were full and soft. They could slot around his own like grooves with a mind of their own, instead of trying to dominate Noctis or suck his own lips inside. Forceful but not overbearing. Guiding…

Noctis tongue darted out as he fought the urge to kiss Ardyn. He was being such a creep right now, but…no, he really shouldn't do this without permission. It was wrong. And he didn’t know if Ardyn had any desire to kiss him again—

Without warning, a drop of water from Noctis’s wet hair fell onto Ardyn’s face. Right onto his closed eyelid.

Shit. Noctis scrambled backward as Ardyn groaned in his sleep. A large hand came up to wipe his face. Feeling wetness, Ardyn slowly opened his eyes. 

He blinked several times and then immediately caught sight of Noctis. The younger man had not gone very far, obviously. Grunting in acknowledgement, Ardyn yawned and dragged himself into a sitting position. 

“I….” Noctis began, panicking when he saw that Ardyn was actually awake now. He would probably want an explanation for why his face was wet. “I wasn’t staring! I was just…” 

No. He’d promised himself: No more lies. So, taking a deep breath, Noctis looked back at Ardyn (who was in the middle of another jaw-cracking yawn). “I mean…actually I was staring. Way too close probably. Sorry.” 

“Hm?” Ardyn mashed his eye with one hand. He frowned in confusion when he realized his glasses were missing.

Noctis knew that look. A dazed Ardyn peering around squint-eyed. So, without hesitation, Noctis passed the glasses back to him with both hands, as carefully as he could. He stared in fascination as Ardyn adjusted the frames on his face.

“…Ah,” the older man commented, staring at Noctis with much clearer eyes. “There you are, Noct. Good morning. Now, what’s this about staring at me?’”

Noctis gulped around the flurry of tingling in his stomach. Ardyn was giving him one of those _looks,_ careless eyes and a small smile. A playful look. He didn’t seem mad or indifferent, not like the night before at all,

“Umm…” Noctis brushed the back of his hair awkwardly. Why was it so hard to think when Ardyn was giving him a look like that? “I was kind of…looking at you. When you were, you know. Sleeping.” Wow! Out loud that sounded so much worse! What the hell was he thinking…?

Ardyn chuckled softly. “Oh were you? Well, did you see anything interesting?” He moved a little closer.

“Uh…yeah, actually.” Noctis met the mischievous gaze with a smile. 

“Good.” 

Far from upset, Ardyn leaned in and pecked Noctis on the cheek. Just once, but enough to make Noctis’s head explode. It was something they used to do—casual kisses and small touches. Noctis wanted to return the favor by nipping at Ardyn’s earlobe or something, a sign he was interested in a little playtime, but the moment passed before he got his chance. 

“So.” Ardyn sat back on his side, looking at Noctis with piqued interest. The kind of penetrating yet nonchalant gaze only he could pull off. “How are you feeling? You were dead on your feet last night.”

Noctis nodded in agreement. His cheeks were still red, but. “Yeah, sorry about that. I feel a lot better now though. So, thanks.” 

“Hmmm…” Ardyn bounced his eyebrows. “You’re very polite this morning. How nice. Maybe you are feeling better.”

“Tch…” Noctis glanced away in self-consciousness. 

Tossing him another smirk, Ardyn followed up with, “Would you like some breakfast?” 

Noctis’s jaw dropped. Why was Ardyn being so nice to him? He thought they were still on shaky ground, but now Ardyn was acting like nothing had changed between them since before they stopped seeing each other. Noctis knew he should try to make it clear that he wanted something real between them, before they fell into the same pattern as before but—

—His stomach grumbled loudly. The memory of Ardyn’s homemade pancakes was too strong. And, for once, Noctis felt legitimately hungry.

Grinning, Ardyn offered Noctis one hand to help him out of bed. “Come. I’ll make you something. Then you can tell me whatever else is on your mind, alright?” 

Nodding wordlessly, Noctis took his hand and followed him into the kitchen. He liked the way Ardyn held his hand the whole way. Even though he didn't have to. It made Noctis feel warm—the way he had wanted to feel last night.

Small gestures of affection were what attracted him to Ardyn the most. The hand, the breakfast. Noctis sat at the table while Ardyn toasted some bagels (it wasn’t pancakes, but. At least it was fast. And full of carbohydrates). 

“Butter or cream cheese?” Ardyn asked. He took both out from the fridge and held them up so Noctis could pick.

“Ummm…” Wait, what did he like on his bagels again? It had been so long (maybe even years? That’s what it felt like anyway) since the last time he’d eaten one…Noctis couldn’t remember. 

When the prince couldn’t come up with an answer, Ardyn smiled and brought over both. “I see. One of each, then,” he said with a wink. 

Smearing butter on one half, cream cheese on the other, Ardyn passed Noctis a lightly toasted bagel. It smelled so good, the younger man’s stomach started rumbling again. He glanced back up at Ardyn, who was brewing some coffee, and took a bite.

“Mmm!” Soft but chewy, just the right amount of butter to fill his mouth with a salty cream taste. He gobbled the rest down before he even realized what he was doing. It filled his stomach comfortably, answering the primal need screaming for him to eat.

Ardyn smiled with satisfaction, sipping coffee as he watched Noctis eat. Would he ever get tired of feeding this boy? The look on his face as he enjoyed his meal—by the gods. Did Noctis even know what kind of face he was making? A lesser man than Ardyn might have bent him over this table by now! Fucked him within an inch of his life to keep that look on his face for as long as possible.

Humming in approval, Ardyn sat down and enjoyed his own bagel. Albeit much slower and more controlled than Noctis had. When he saw Noctis eyeing the leftover crumbs on his plate, he asked, “Would you like some more?” 

“Ah…” Noctis felt so perfectly full. He didn’t want to spoil it by trying to eat anything else right now. “No, that’s okay. …Can I have some coffee, though?”

“Help yourself.” 

The silence of a good meal brought its own kind of reassurance. A lot of Noctis’s nerves from earlier were gone. He could look at Ardyn without his stomach clenching now. Instead, the only thing he felt was the tingling. A sense of excitement. Gods help him if he looked at Ardyn’s hands…he couldn’t stop picturing what those hands felt like on his body…they knew all the places Noctis liked to be touched, even the secret places. Somehow Noctis knew those hands still remembered each and every one. 

“So let’s see,” Ardyn began, clearing their plates and running them under some water. “You got a good night’s rest. A hot shower. A decent meal.” He looked back over at Noctis with shining eyes. “Is there anything else you need, my prince?” 

Pleasure ghosted across Noctis’s body when he heard the nickname. No one else called him that except Ardyn. And only when he was feeling…affectionate.

Obviously yes. There was definitely something else Noctis needed. So, so badly. He stared at Ardyn with huge eyes. Not sure what to say.

Laughing quietly, Ardyn took Noctis by the hand again. “Let’s go, then.” 

By the time they got back to the bedroom, Noctis was already shivering. He wanted to rip off his pants as soon as physically possible, throw his body down on the bed and spread his limbs for Ardyn like some kind of offering. At the same time, he wanted to pounce on the older man and kiss every inch of his body, run his fingers over all the skin and hair he had been missing these past weeks. Especially once Ardyn took off his glasses and pulled the sweatshirt over his head. Like last time, there was nothing underneath. Just the beautiful sight of Ardyn’s bare burly chest and husky waist. 

Noctis thought about dropping to his knees right there. Fishing through Ardyn’s plaid pajama pants for the cock he had been fantasizing about nearly every day for the past month…

…But what about his plan? Didn’t he want to talk before they fell into bed again?

“What’s wrong, my dear?” Ardyn asked, hands on his hips. He could read Noctis’s face well enough.

Grunting in frustration (why did this have to be so difficult! Why was Ardyn so damn tempting, why did he want to have sex now of all times?!), Noctis sat on the edge of the bed and tried to force his own impatient body to relax for a second. Long enough for him to just say…

“Ardyn, you need to know,” Noctis proclaimed. He had the same tortured look on his face that he wore the night before. “I came over here last night because I wanted to tell you that…” 

He bit his lip, trying to focus on nothing but the safety net text. That’s what would give him the courage to say this. Not the doubts in his head trying to drown everything else out by whispering all of Noctis’s past failures.

_The love letter to James._

_The rejections!_

_He’s only in it for the money._

_He’d never want to be with a sad joke like you._

No, none of that right now! Noctis clenched his fists and repeated the text message in his head. _Daddy loves you, Noct._ That’s all he needed to hear right now.

Regaining his strength, Noctis started again. “I wanted to tell you that…I love you, Ardyn. I love you more than anything. And I…want to be with you. For real. Not just as one of your clients, but like…a person that’s special to you. And I want us to…go on dates and have fun where everyone can see because—” (oh no, he was on a roll right now. Vomiting it all out like he had in the letter all those years ago!) “—I don’t care what anyone else thinks! I’ll tell Ignis and I’ll tell my dad and everyone it…doesn’t matter to me anymore.” 

Ardyn paused. Noctis was spinning off the tracks again, so it was better to wait until everything was out before he said anything.

“I should have done this that night, Ardyn, but I was too scared. Again. I’m always so fucking scared and…I’m tired of it! So.” Noctis’s face filled out with determination. “No more hiding. No more…Fox Toy and crap like that. I just want to be with you, Ardyn. Because I love you so fucking much that…it hurts when we’re not together.” 

He stopped there. Running out of breath, mostly. But also the weight of those words hung in the air. A siren that told them both there were no other choices anymore. It was all or nothing. A real attempt at being together, or they would have to stop playing games.

“Oh, Noct.” Ardyn clutched his chest. The heart underneath was as full as it had ever been—no bindings could ever hope to keep it in now. “I’m touched. That must have taken a lot of courage for you to say.” He sat down next to Noctis and put one hand on the boy’s shoulder. Smiling with pride and love.

“Yeah but it’s the truth!” Noctis head was kind of swimming. He’d lost all notion of self restraint at this point. “It hurt so bad when we stopped seeing each other. I…I can’t…” How did he say this? “I can’t…live the way I want to when you’re not there…”

Caught up, Ardyn silenced Noctis by wrapping him in his arms and pulling him in close. A tight hug. The kind of embrace they’d both been craving since their anticlimactic reunion. They sat for a moment, just feeling each other. Letting the intimate touch speak for itself. 

Then Ardyn slowly moved back. As long as they were tossing out confessions, he supposed he might as well jump on the bandwagon. He hadn’t known if he was going to tell Noctis the truth today, after they fucked, or maybe some day down the line, when Noctis was ready to hear it. But here they were. And after that little speech, Ardyn knew his boy was definitely prepared for what Ardyn wanted to tell him. He’d probably been aching to hear it for some time, and Ardyn just…hadn’t realized.

Time to remedy that.

“Noct.” Ardyn cupped his boy’s face in one hand. He made sure Noctis was looking at him. “Let me be perfectly clear: I am in love with you. Never doubt that, understand? I’ve been in love with you for some time. And yes…of course when we began I was trying to seduce you because you hired me. It was fun, and I enjoyed the paychecks quite a bit. But then I…” 

Noctis lower lip trembled. He knew he would never forget these words as long as he lived.

“…I couldn’t help it, Noct.” Ardyn flashed him a wistful smirk. “Every time we were together it just…” He shook his head. “I mean, you must have been able to tell how I felt from the sex alone. You think I behave that way with every client? Lusty and possessive? Trying to hold back an orgasm after fucking you for five minutes?”

Noctis bit the inside of his cheek. “Are you…being serious right now or…?”

“Tsk.” Ardyn sighed. “Yes Noct, of course I’m serious. Why would I lie? This doesn’t exactly look great for me either, you know. I thought I had more professional pride than this, but…here we are. You have utterly bewitched me, you handsome prince. As I feared.” 

They shared a smile. Tearful on Noctis’s side, joyful on Ardyn’s. 

Then the older man continued, “Besides, have I asked you for money at all since the moment you showed up on my doorstep, lovesick and half dead?” 

Noctis sort of laughed at that (it was a pretty accurate description of how he looked last night). And in truth, no. Ardyn had not asked him for payment this whole time. They’d never even brought it up. 

“So. If you want to do this—to try something real, as you say—then we can do that. No payments, no bank deposits. No appointments. None of that. Just the two of us taking what happiness we can from this world. But, you need to understand something. Above all else.” 

“…What?” 

“There’s no going back.” Ardyn thumbed the side of Noctis’s lips. “Once we start this, and everyone knows…we can’t take it back. It’s going to be out there forever that you paid me for sex and then we fell in love. That I’m a much older man and you’re a trust fund baby. That’s all going to public knowledge, I’m afraid, love. Especially to your father.” 

He let the words sink in. Noctis’s eyes went cloudy as he considered that. The idea…not so much of public knowledge, but of Regis-knowledge. 

“That said, if you can’t handle that,” Ardyn began again. “Tell me now. If you want to try and keep this a secret from your family for as long as we can, then we can make an attempt. But I don’t believe there’s much hope, especially with that savvy caretaker of yours—”

“No.” Interrupting him, Noctis grabbed one side of Ardyn’s face and returned the gesture. He stroked the older man’s cheek for moment, then said, “It’s okay. No more secrets. You’re right, we can’t really hide anymore. So. Let’s just do it. All the way.” He opened his eyes again. “No going back.”

Admittedly, Ardyn was the tiniest bit taken aback by the prince’s determination. He’d never seen such a steadfast look Noctis’s eyes before. But at least the torment was gone. To that end, this must have been what the boy really wanted.

“Are you sure?” Ardyn asked again, for clarity. 

Noctis nodded once. Firm. “Totally sure.” 

They shared glances for another moment. As realization hit, the seriousness evaporated in an instant. Before either of them knew it, they were laughing in each other’s faces. Not for any real reason. Other than the fact that this probably the most bizarre conversation either of them had ever had. Agreeing to do something like this. Coupled with the relief of knowing that their love was requited.

Requited love. It was a new taste for Noctis. He couldn’t decide what it really felt like. Ribbons of excitement wrapped around a solid brick of happiness. Inside a body that felt worthless. Like he would probably never deserve Ardyn’s love, no matter what.

But maybe Noctis’s worthlessness wasn’t so important if Ardyn loved him anyway.

The laughter slowly faded. Gasping, Noctis pressed his forehead against his lover’s. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for…telling me all that, Ardyn. I mean…I knew, kind of. At least I think so? Ever since I saw the text. But hearing you say that…” He started to sniffle. “…it means everything…”

“I know.” 

Seizing the chance to stop their endless confessing, Ardyn kissed Noctis softly on the lips. A gentle reminder. A promise that the feeling was, in fact, mutual. Excitement and heartfelt consolation tricked through them both with that kiss—their deepest worries, all the leftover hurts, were gone. 

Ardyn chuckled as he pulled away. On to more important matters!

“Now…” He grabbed Noctis’s shoulders and dragged him down with a heavy thump. “If it pleases the prince, I would like to begin the business of fucking you until your body collapses from a sheer overload of ecstasy. Enough to make up for lost time, if you will.” 

“Fuck. Yes.” That mouth that could make simple words sound like the dirtiest things…Noctis dove on Ardyn’s lips, kissing him hard. 

“Hmmm…” Quite pleased, Ardyn swiped his tongue across the inside of Noctis’s mouth. “Does the motion pass?” he asked coyly, while Noctis sputtered from the strange sensation.

“It…passes…” Jeez, was the inside of his mouth _that_ sensitive? He could feel the aftershocks of Ardyn’s tongue against his palate…

Ardyn pushed Noctis flat on his back and hovered over him on his knees. Every ounce of the hunger he had been holding back for a month was plain on his face. He looked _ravenous_ in that moment.

“Excellent.” 

Locking eyes with Ardyn, Noctis intuitively felt the older man’s lust right down to his core. He trembled where he lay, staring at Ardyn and wanting nothing more than to just be…taken.

“Ngh…” Noctis threw his arms over his head, crossing them at the wrist like he had the night Ardyn tied him up. 

It was an act of total surrender. And of course, Ardyn did not take it for granted. Growling, he attacked Noctis’s neck—licking and biting, gently sucking—to get a taste of the sweet flesh that had eluded him these past weeks. So heavenly. Noctis’s skin was the like the paper-thin dough used to make crepes. Delicate, spongy, and sweet. 

As he kissed him, Ardyn slid his hands down the younger man’s torso. The memory of this body sprang to life in his mind—all the wonderful things he had done to it in the past. The way Noctis twisted and writhed for him. Like he was doing now, arching into his touch. Spreading his legs unconsciously to make room for his lover.

“Mmm…” Ardyn kissed his way down his boy’s body. His voice was a low rumble. “How I’ve missed you, prince.”

“I…missed you too…” Noctis whimpered. The wet mouth on his ribs sent little jolts of pleasure across his skin. His nipples were already so hard…they knew that Ardyn’s mouth was close. The thing that they loved most in the world, that could make them cry with joy…

Please, he thought. Lick me there, Ardyn, please… He wanted to say it, but…he didn’t want to sound too pushy. His head was already foggy with too much desire and built-up need. If he let go completely, he might lose his mind altogether.

But those hands…they were so _right_. That mouth. Hot and cunning. The wisps of red hair tickling his chin. This was what Noctis needed. The familiarity of being with a man who knew how he wanted it. A comfort only his _daddy_ could give.

“Ardyn…” Noctis whined, wrapping his thighs around Ardyn’s leg. “…I’m…” 

“Oh, yes.” Naturally, Ardyn could feel how painfully hard his boy was for him. A full, throbbing erection after only some quick little touches. To be fair, Ardyn was not in a much better state, but he didn’t have to address that right now. The ultimate goal here was to make Noctis come in giant, rapid bursts. Like he usually did.

“I know how badly you want it, my love,” Ardyn drawled. He slowly undid Noctis’s pants, sliding them off and leaving the prince to writhe in his already damp boxers. “You’ve been fantasizing about this for a while, haven’t you?”

“Mmm…” Noctis bit his lip. Oh god, Ardyn had no idea how many times he’d conjured up this fantasy. So much that he dreamed about it, climaxed in his sleep, and then woke up still wanting more. The _real thing_ …

Ardyn ran a fingertip across the elastic on top of Noctis’s boxers. “Tell me,” he hummed, licking his chops as he imagined his prince trying and failing so hard to please himself. “How often did you imagine me playing with you like this?”

Damn it, why wasn’t Ardyn touching him where he knew Noctis needed it? Instead of palming his desperate cock, Ardyn was slipping his fingers underneath the hems on the legs of his boxers. Massaging Noctis’s trembling thighs. Wearing a wolfish grin.

“It…” Noctis jerked his hips upward. Ardyn’s fingers crawled along his inner thighs, brushing against his balls but nothing else. “…was a lot…” 

“Oh?” Ardyn swallowed around a mouth that wouldn’t stop watering. 

He wanted to torment Noctis just a little bit more. He felt he deserved it. Considering how long Noctis made him wait for any kind of sex. Dropping him without even promising that there would be another time. Ardyn felt his prince was due for some patience testing. A small, ever so tiny bit of revenge. 

“Well, then tell me.” Ardyn hooked his fingers underneath the elastic from the inside, ready to pull Noctis’s underwear down (and probably inside out). “What did you picture me doing to you?”

How did Noctis describe every fantasy? There were so, so many! And, also, mostly just one: Ardyn reaching the place inside of him no one else could successfully touch. Massaging Noctis’s sweet spot with cruel, beautiful fingers, sliding into it with his perfect cock. Owning Noctis’s ass, holding him through each orgasm….

But Noctis didn’t know how to describe all that in words. His tongue locked inside his mouth. Residual shame dredging up the old inhibitions. 

Seeing Noctis’s red face, and squirming hips, Ardyn realized his boy was too embarrassed to say anything. That was fine. Ardyn was a marvelous guesser, and he had an opportunity for a lot of trial and error.

“Hmmm…” He took off Noctis’s boxers. Tossing them behind him without a care in the world. “Let me make some predictions. Was it this you were thinking of?” He slung Noctis’s knee’s onto his shoulders, leaving the boy spread and open for him on the bed. 

Noctis nodded his head rapidly. Oh thank goodness, Ardyn wasn’t going to make him say it. He was just going to give it to him…fuck, why did Ardyn know him so well? How to toe Noctis’s made-up boundaries without ever crossing them, bringing him to a new place of pleasure every time they had sex.

“Ah, yes.” Bouncing his eyebrows, Ardyn dropped his head between Noctis’s legs. “This, too, Noct?” He eyed the young man’s furiously hard manhood, straining and twitching with each beat of Noctis’s heart. Some pearly liquid already gathered at the tip. 

Truly grateful for the experience, Ardyn licked the head of Noctis’s cock. Teasing the slit and tonguing the exposed parts of his most sensitive place. Noctis threw his head back and moaned, jerking his hips up to meet Ardyn’s mouth. 

“…Yeah!” he cried, overcome with sensation as Ardyn licked the throbbing vein along his shaft. 

Oh shit, oh shit…he might come. Noctis clenched his teeth, hips rising and falling with each swipe of Ardyn’s tongue. He was already close—back to instant noodles, then. Fuck! How embarrassing…and after all the work he’d put into it…

But Ardyn was just too sexy for him! Knowing how he liked to be touched. After so long craving him. Too much!

Seeing his boy’s cock dripping wet, Ardyn pulled back. His eyes were wild with a crazy kind of satisfaction. He relished the taste of Noctis left over in his mouth and said, “Yes, and what else? What else have you been wanting Daddy to give you, hmm?”

“A-ardyn…” Noctis moaned, twisting his hips to beg for some kind of stimulation. “Please don’t…tease me, I…” 

“ _Don’t_ tease you?” the older man asked. He laid down between Noctis’s legs, peppering kisses across the boy’s abdomen. “Why ever not?”

Noctis whined as Ardyn nibbled on the soft flesh around his stomach. He realized now that he was in for it—Ardyn was going to make him suffer. For fun. …Not that, Noctis could really say he minded. As desperate as he was, he liked when Ardyn pushed him to his limits. Prolonged the kind of intense pleasure that made Noctis’s body want to explode from just a small taste.

“So. What about these?” Ardyn brushed his thumbs over Noctis’s rock hard nipples. 

“Nnnh!” Noctis’s whole body tightened, fingers clenching the sheets. “Yes! Yes, there!”

“Mmm, I see.” Recognizing a point of weakness, Ardyn craned his head one of Noctis’s pebbled little nubs. He ran the flat of his tongue across the whole area, warming it up and stimulating the parts that were aching for him. 

Losing much of his control, Noctis grabbed Ardyn’s hair with one hand. “Ah ha…” He felt Ardyn sucking on him, flicking his nipples with his clever tongue. Tremors flooded Noctis and he wrapped his legs around Ardyn’s middle. He didn’t want to come yet, but he couldn’t stop himself from rubbing against the older man’s stomach. The combined sensation was just… _so_ …

“Hmm.” Ardyn pulled off Noctis’s nipple with a shrill pop. He sat up on his knees and looked at the stain of wetness his boy left behind on his torso. “Now, you’re making a mess, Noct. Why is that?”

A blush spread across Noctis’s whole body. “Sorry…I just…got really excited.”

“That’s right.” Ardyn bent over the opposite nipple and starting gently teasing that one as well. To think, Noctis hadn’t even liked nipple play back when they first started. But Ardyn quickly made him change his mind. “Well, I suppose I’m the one who knows best how to play with these. Even better than yourself, I’d say. Right?”

It was so, so true. Noctis nodded his head wildly. “Yeah…” He wanted Ardyn to lick him like that forever. Driving spikes of pleasure through him with each pass of his tongue.

“Say it.” Ardyn spoke around the young man’s nipple, sucking hard. Enticing Noctis further.

“Ah!” The feeling consumed Noctis. Made him feel so, so hard. Everywhere all at once. “Y-you…know how to play with them—ah! The best! You’re the best, Ardyn…”

Perfect. A thrill of ego and gratification thrummed through Ardyn’s own body. He tossed his head in happiness and sat up on his knees again. Looking at the lost, dazed look on his boy’s face, Ardyn knew neither of them could really wait anymore. If he kept teasing, Noctis might just come all over the place without any warning. 

Which maybe Ardyn wanted to see. Just a bit.

“Oh, Noct…” He reached into the nightstand to pull out some lube and a condom. “…I’m so very glad you decided to call me last night. This is truly a blessing, having you in my hands again after all this time.” 

Ardyn lubed up his fingers, putting Noctis’s legs into position (i.e., dangling across his back). He gazed longingly at the dark crevice between his boy’s spectacular, round cheeks. Oh, heaven and hell alive, Ardyn had so sorely missed this little spot. A hole that was made specifically for him. Which he could not help fantasizing about himself whenever a particularly lovely memory of being inside Noctis crossed his mind.

He knew, without asking, that Noctis was gasping for it. He could see the way Noctis thighs trembled when Ardyn spread some lube against the entrance. Just a small bit, only to re-acclimate them both to the sensation. The small puckered ring twitched under his finger. It opened immediately. Throwing back all the doors to let Ardyn in, right away.

“Ah, yes…” Ardyn’s toes curled in anticipation. He stuck the very tip of his finger just past the ring. More than anything, he did not want to rush this part.

But, to his surprise, Noctis’s hot little entrance did not feel quite like he remembered. There was more…space inside. Roomier than Ardyn envisioned. 

“Noct…” Ardyn asked curiously, starting to piece together what might have gone on in his absence. “You are so very open back here. Much more than usual.”

Fuck. Noctis bit his lip, clenching his hands, feet, and eyes. Trying to will Ardyn not to bring this up. He just wanted to be fucked…Ardyn’s finger went no deeper than the rim, the very edge of his entrance. Noctis _longed_ to feel those fingers where they belonged. Farther in, pressed up against his sweet spot.

He really did not want to remember Cor right now. Even if…well, maybe they had to talk about it. The other people they’d been with. 

“Tell me,” Ardyn swirled his finger, making Noctis grunt in the back of his throat. “Did you let anyone else have you while we were apart, Noct?” 

A soft sob escaped Noctis’s lips. It told Ardyn everything he needed to know. 

So. It was true. The thing that made Ardyn’s heart turn to darkness and sour jealousy. Someone else had taken his place—another man knew about the sweet pleasure of Noctis’s angelic body. 

The smile vanished from Ardyn’s face. He pulled his finger out and regarded Noctis seriously. One eye twitching, he said, “Go on. Tell me everything. In detail.” He needed to know exactly what had happened, so that he could imagine the kind of pleasure his boy had been through at the hands of someone else. Ardyn did not want Noctis to have a sexual experience that he himself was not aware of.

Regret swelled up inside Noctis. He was so mortified that he had even tried substituting Ardyn for someone, especially now that he had an experience to compare it with! It killed him to think his love might be angry with him for seeing someone else—the look on Ardyn’s face was awful! 

Shaking his head from side to side, Noctis cried, “It was stupid! I…hired another guy from Fox Toy cuz I…I just kept getting so horny and I really wanted sex. Like what we did together. But Ardyn,” Noctis scrambled up onto his elbows, face full of sincerity. “It was bad. Really bad. I hated it! His…dick was too big. I didn’t even come, neither did he…it was just…a bad night.” 

Ah. Well. If this had to happen, Ardyn supposed, if his boy needed to try sex with someone else, then at least it had been with some big-dicked idiot. A moron with no idea how to take advantage of Noctis’s unique body. 

A half-smile inched its way across Ardyn’s face. He ran the backs of his fingers down Noctis’s chest and said, “So. My prince has learned a distasteful truth about life. Men with huge, swinging dicks only understand one thing: Sticking it in you. They don’t see the whole picture. And I highly doubt a man like that would be able to give you what need.”

Noctis breathed a sigh of relief when he saw some light return to Ardyn’s face. He nodded quickly in agreement (after all, yeah, no shit, he really had learned that the hard way). 

“I hope he wasn’t rough with you,” Ardyn cooed, spreading some more lube on his fingers. “Men like that have a tendency to go far too hard on their partners.” He caressed Noctis’s entrance gently. “Are you alright, Noct?”

Noctis squeezed his eyes at the memory of the discomfort. “Yeah, I’m okay. It was just…too deep. And not in the right place.”

“Mmm.” The older man nodded in understanding. “Well, don’t worry, my dear. Daddy’s going to be gentle with you, alright?”

Sniffing, happy to have the secret off his chest, Noctis settled back down on his back. He was ready now for Ardyn to really take him. In fact, he was itching for it. The long strain of being denied an orgasm (last night into today) was starting to make him anxious. On edge, and more than little…frenzied. He just wanted to have normal sex, to let himself go in Ardyn’s arms. That starving place inside of him was ready to be pummeled.

Although, when Ardyn said ‘gentle’ he mostly meant that he was about to tease Noctis ten times harder. Just another small, hardly even real piece of payback.

He stuck the very tip of his finger back inside Noctis. He watched his boy hiss in appreciation. They both knew what happened to Noctis when you played with his rim. It was the fastest way to make him start begging to be fucked. 

Twisting his finger against Noctis’s rim, Ardyn became conversational. “Have you been using the toy I bought you, Noct?” 

“Nnnh…” Noctis’s hips bucked when he felt the pads of Ardyn’s fingers slipping in and out of him. He closed his eyes, trying to stay calm. “A little…”

“Only a little?” Ardyn stroked the outside of Noctis’s entrance. His boy threw his head back in distress. “What about the vibrator?”

Biting his lip, Noctis shook his head no. “Not so much…” 

“Aww.” Pouting in disappointment, Ardyn fingered Noctis a little deeper. He wiggled his finger against the inner walls, driving up his boy’s stimulation.

That finger fluttering against the shallow parts of him made Noctis want to scream. He shoved his hips downward, trying to drive Ardyn deeper. He’d been waiting _so long_ , he just wanted it already! Why was Ardyn teasing him like this…?

“C-come on, Ardyn….just…” he whimpered.

Pretending he hadn’t heard, Ardyn slid his finger back and forth. “But it’s a shame if you lost all that endurance we tried to give you. Weren’t we almost up to setting 7 last time, Noct?” 

Tears of frustration sprang to his eyes. Noctis was done talking. He’d already bared everything. Heart and soul. Now he needed to comfort the insatiable thirst inside…

“Ardyn! Please!” Noctis's hips were snapping. Out of control. His mouth hung open, needy sounds pouring out. “Please, touch me there, please….”

The older man inched his finger a little further in. Taking pity on his love now. “I know what you want, Noct,” he whispered darkly. “But I just adore hearing you ask me so nicely…like the good little boy you are.”

Another sob tore from Noctis’s throat. He would do _anything_ to get what he needed; those fingers, just little farther in. “Please, ah! Please, please, fuck Ardyn, I need it…” 

“Tell me what a good boy you are,” Ardyn encouraged. Not moving at all. “I know you think you’re so very terrible, but that’s all nonsense, my dear. I’m afraid I’ve grown tired of you feeling that way about yourself. My boy deserves love, like all good boys do. So, say it.”

Lines of tears fell from Noctis’s eyes. His body felt tight, poised like a string. Ready to snap. “…Say what?” he asked blearily. 

“I’m….” Ardyn coached, swirling his finger again.

“I’m!” Noctis thrashed. “I’m a…g-good…” 

Oh shit, this felt so weird. And very wrong on some level because Noctis knew he _wasn’t_ good, not by a long-shot! He was basically just lying right now to make Ardyn happy. But the idea that Ardyn…maybe saw him as a good person made his insides feel cottony and distant. Like he might be floating. Without any hope of stopping the tears. 

Was he good? Did his lover really think so?

“Go on.” Ardyn nuzzled the side of his boy’s face. He couldn’t wait to hear this. “You’re such a wonderful young man, Noct. My good boy. I love you very much, as you know. So tell me…”

Sobbing again, Noctis wrapped his hands around Ardyn’s neck. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. He couldn’t think it was true, but he held Ardyn’s opinion in pretty high esteem. Besides…it felt so _good_ to hear. In a selfish way. Like maybe, it was alright if he needed to be with Ardyn. That he wasn’t committing some kind of horrible crime by letting himself enjoy this.

“I’m a g-good…boy…” he whispered. Barely audible.

“That’s it. Come on…” 

“I’m…” Noctis’s voice was louder now. “I’m a good boy.” 

“There you are.” It was music to Ardyn’s ears! “Keep going…I’ll give it to you now, my prince.” 

“I’m a good boy, I’m a good boy, I’ma goodboy..immagoodboy!!” 

Filled with the most delicious satisfaction, Ardyn stuck two fingers all the way inside his love and curled them just so. Exactly where Noctis needed him. 

_There!_

Noctis saw stars as he screamed the words Ardyn told him to say. There it was, that crazy fucking dry orgasm! His eyes rolled back in his head, his body trembling into one perfect half circle. That desperate spot that Ardyn knew better than anyone—he’d found it on the first try!

Overjoyed, Ardyn fucked Noctis through another dry, G-spot orgasm. Noctis had descended into complete incoherency. Ardyn could see that he was back to hair-trigger sensitivity. That with only two fingers in his ass, all Noctis’s sullenness and bravado disappeared into thin air. He loved that about him.

“Daddy’s going to fuck you now, Noct…” Ardyn murmured. He pulled off his pants and shakily slipped on the condom. “Is that alright?”

Noctis could hear a distant ringing in his ears. The pleasure had gone straight to his head, it felt like, making it hard to do anything other than scream. But he was still hungry. He hadn’t actually released yet…and he _wanted_ to…his balls were starting to ache…

“Yes, Ardyn. C’mere…f-fuck me now, please…” He held his arms and legs wide open.

“Of course, love. As much as my prince desires.” 

Closing his eyes against the most delicious feeling (not just the sexual pleasure, but also the feeling of being…whole. Like Ardyn had found his true purpose buried inside Noctis. That he was always meant to be there, loving this splendid boy to pieces), Ardyn thrust his cock into Noctis’s waiting entrance. He fucked him slowly at first, trying to smooth out the young man’s shattered nerves. Noctis was still babbling, head rolling around on the bed, shaking his hips in time to each push. He came once with a squeeze to his cock—and then again almost immediately afterwards when Ardyn kept thrusting. Not slowing down for a second. Hand flying up and down his boy's cock, dragging a complete release from his love as he crashed into his own. 

They were both grunting and panting as they waited it out. Ardyn was sure a piece of his soul left him at the moment of climax—the telltale harsh push behind the eyes. An incredibly strong orgasm. He hadn’t felt that in quite some time.

When the first round was done, Ardyn held Noctis against his chest while they got their breath back. He whispered a few things into his boy’s ear, how much he loved him. How true it was that Noctis was his good, sweet little boy. How Ardyn was going to stay with him as long as he could, for the rest of their lives even, if Noctis would let him. 

Noctis cried. He didn’t really know how much. But he just felt so…happy. Being with Ardyn like this was everything he’d ever wanted. Knowing that Ardyn saw him for what he was—a person with a lot of problems—and loved him anyway made Noctis feel complete in a way he never had before. Feeling like he didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of affection.

He loved Ardyn so much.

They kissed languidly, until they both became aroused enough to go another round. This time it was fast and rough. Ardyn tried to hold back but he just couldn’t. Noctis was screaming his name and proclaiming his love. Ardyn wanted to keep that moment frozen in time. Suspended. So they could live it again and again. As many times as they liked.  


____________________________________________

When they had finally tired themselves out, they lingered in bed together. Kissing now and again. Giggling for no reason. Ardyn wiped away some sporadic tears from Noctis more than a few times. They had just experienced a complete dumping of all the pent up emotions they’d been carrying around for the past month, even longer. That kind of release left them a mess afterwards, but. 

It was a good thing.

Telling each other stories of the month they were away, Ardyn explained that he hadn’t taken any other clients in the interim. He also came clean about the phone sex gig, which he had been doing off and on the entire time they were together. Noctis didn’t mind it so much. Talking on the phone was pretty different than hooking up with someone in person.

He even asked Ardyn if he could watch him take a call one day. Just to see what it was like. Ardyn agreed. Technically yes, it was a breach of privacy for the client, but Ardyn didn’t care too much about that. There was no exchange of personal information. Besides, he didn’t have to let Noctis hear the client’s voice. Just his own. Whispering dirty things into a stranger’s ear. 

“So…” Noctis began, threading his fingers through Ardyn’s hair. “…You don’t want me to pay you anymore?”

“That’s right.” Ardyn was confident in this decision. He had basically decided to put the hooking life behind him anyway. 

“But…don’t you need money? I mean, I can help…I don’t want you to be like…in trouble or something…” Noctis didn’t care if he had to give Ardyn a bunch of money to keep him afloat. Basically become his…sugar daddy. In reverse. Or something (the thought kind of made him laugh). He just wanted Ardyn to be comfortable.

“How about this,” Ardyn suggested, kissing his love on the cheek. “You can buy me dinner a couple nights a week. Since you love taking me out for good food anyway. Does that sound good?”

Noctis shrugged. “Sure.” More dates? Hell yeah. “But I mean…let me know, okay?”

Realistically Ardyn knew that a time would come when he needed more than just dinner. But they would cross that bridge when they got there. Honestly, he could live with idea of being financially supported by this wayward young man. It was a far better gig than taking up new clients online, at any rate. 

And Ardyn had a feeling he’d be spending enough time with Noctis that he could feel like he earned at least some of that money as well. No doubt.

“Oh shit,” Noctis said suddenly, glancing at Ardyn’s phone.

“Mmm?”

“It’s 12:30.” He wobbled over to his discarded pants and searched for his own cell phone. “I told Ignis I would call him at 12. Tell him where I was.” 

Ardyn turned his head to the side, intrigued. “Are you…going to tell him where you actually are right now? With me?”

The young man turned on his phone and dialed Ignis’s number at rapid speed. Most important thing was not to keep Ignis waiting, or the bespectacled man might do something stupid like call the police again. “Yeah,” he said to Ardyn. “The truth from now on, right?”

“…Right.” 

Still, Ardyn sat back against the pillows, watching his lover closely. It was quite an amusing idea to think of Noctis telling the truth to his caretaker. Even more than that, Ardyn would be…touched if it ended up happening. 

Perhaps this was the moment that defined them.

“Hello?” Ignis said softly—with a forced measure of calmness—into the phone. 

“Hey Ig. What’s up?” 

“Good afternoon, Noct.” Ignis breathed a deep sigh. He’d clearly been tied up in knots about Noctis’s call. “Thank you for attempting to call me on time.” 

“Heh, sorry. Did my best.” In truth, Noctis’s hands were sweaty. They were shaking a little. The sound of Ignis’s voice had sapped some of his confidence. But, he still knew what he needed to do. “Uh…everything okay?” 

“Everything’s fine, Noct. I’m at the apartment. So. Where are you?”

Noctis took a deep breath. Moment of truth. “Okay, so. First thing you gotta know: I’m okay. I’m not hurt, nothing’s wrong. Everything’s cool. I came here on my own. Alright?”  


Ignis hesitated to answer. “…alright…”

“But uh…yeah. I’m at Ardyn’s apartment.” He squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for the bomb to drop.

And actually, once it was out, Noctis did not feel so panicked. Not at all, actually. He didn’t have the racing spirals of doubt he normally did after telling a lie. In a lot of ways, Noctis felt strong. He wasn’t hiding anymore. 

When he glanced over at Ardyn, the older man was looking at him with a surprised, pleased expression. He held up his hands and gave Noctis a silent congratulatory clap.

“Wha…Ardyn?” Ignis took a moment to register that. As if he had forgotten the name (he had, after all, mostly referred to Ardyn as ‘that man.’ Too offended to say his real name). When it hit him, he just started sputtering. “But…Noct. Noct, we agreed that…I thought I was very clear—”

“Okay, wait! Stop. Stop for a second because I can tell you’re freaking out.” He waited until Ignis's bewildered, indignant comments died down. Then he continued, “Listen. I want to explain the whole story to you and I promise I will when I get home, okay? But you were wondering where I am and that’s the truth. I’m not gonna lie anymore, Specs.” 

Harsh silence buzzed into the receiver for a moment. Then Ignis said, slowly, in a controlled manner, “Well…I suppose, I appreciate the honesty, Noct.”

“…Yeah. So just, stay there, and I’m going to head over now. Or like, in a few minutes.” (Ardyn had chosen that time to stand up, giving Noctis a rather pleasant view of his charming backside. …Noctis might need a few minutes here.) “And then we can talk, okay?”

Ignis sighed. Deeply. “Alright, Noctis. I…I’m deciding to trust that you can come over here and give me a well-thought-out explanation. Does that sound…fair to you?” 

Noctis blinked when he heard that. Fair? Since when was Ignis concerned about being fair? “Uh, yeah. Yeah it does. I mean…do you think that I’m being fair to you right now?” Might as well make that go both ways.

Another long pause. Then Ignis said, “…I suppose so.”

“Okay. So I’ll see you in a bit then. Bye.”

“…Take care, Noct. Please.”

“I will.” 

They held the phone in their hands for a full minute after hanging up, like always. That tradition from Noctis’s childhood would probably never die. And that was okay. 

Fairness. Noctis kind of liked the idea. A lot. 

“So, how did that go?” Ardyn asked as he pulled his sweatshirt back on. Noctis wondered suddenly if the older man ever washed it. (He almost hoped he didn’t.)

“Uh…not bad,” Noctis admitted. He needed to take another shower if he was going to head home now. “He was…alright once I promised I would explain everything.”

Ardyn raised an eyebrow. “And you have an explanation in mind?”

“Yup.” He sauntered over to his lover and grabbed a fistful of Ardyn’s still-bare ass. The older man hummed in approval. 

They shared another soft kiss. Memories of all their love confessions came back. The very many things they had said to each other during sex. And after. For that, all of this craziness would be worth it.

But Noctis still chuckled in exasperation. He realized what he was up against. “I just hope I don’t have to pry Ignis off the ceiling when I get there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That sex scene was probably my favorite one so far ;) ;) I like a harsh dose of honesty and neediness in my sex lol. 
> 
> Anyway...two more chapters to go! (This is legit the longest thing I've written in years.) As a heads up, I go back to work full-time next week, so the updates might start to get a little slower. :( Boo. But at least our guys are in a good place!
> 
> Peace and love guys <3 <3


	11. To thine own self be true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis decides to face his fears and lay everything out in the open. For better or worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This one took a lot of energy orz. But it was all worth it because...the feels. I do it all for the feels, guys, lol.
> 
> *Hamlet reference- Polonius says this to Hamlet in Act ii: “This above all: to thine own self be true,   
> And it must follow, as the night the day,   
> Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

**Chapter 11: To thine own self be true**

Leaving Ardyn’s apartment was still the worst thing in the world. The goodbye parts, for whatever reason, filled Noctis with such stress…. He had to do it in incremental steps. Put his hand on the doorknob, then go back for another kiss. Open the door a crack, then stomp back over to Ardyn for one last hug. One foot out the door, a whine, and then he buried his face in Ardyn’s neck again.

After last time, when their relationship ended so abruptly, how could Noctis be sure he would ever see Ardyn again?

Ardyn stood by for the whole process. He let Noctis take his time with the goodbyes, knowing that yes, his boy struggled with severe abandonment issues. Probably due to a myriad of factors Ardyn himself did not want to get into. He just wanted to be there as long as Noctis needed, to remind him that he was in fact not going anywhere.

“As I said, love,” Ardyn explained softly, one hand on Noctis’s waist. “If you’d like me to go with you…”

Rubbing his nose into the delicious, familiar heat of Ardyn’s sweatshirt, Noctis shook his head. “…No.” He pulled away for a moment. Eyes sincere, but distant. “I have to talk to Ignis by myself for now. He’ll…freak out, otherwise.”

Ardyn nodded slowly. He was not sold on this idea of Noctis going alone. Surely this man Ignis knew all kinds of things to say that would make Noctis weak with guilt, doubtful about his decisions…

…But then, Noctis needed to be strong enough to stick to his guns. With or without Ardyn. Ignis, as difficult as he was to talk to, was just the first bump in the road, after all.

“So…see ya…” Noctis began slowly, trying to tear himself away from Ardyn.

Humming in thought, the older man grabbed Noctis by the waist and pulled him in for another whole-body embrace. “Just remember, Noct,” Ardyn whispered in his ear. “I’ll be here. Whatever happens.” 

Noctis squeezed his eyes closed when he heard that. He wanted to remember what it felt like to be cocooned inside his lover’s arms, safe and happy. To remember why it was all worth it. Especially when Ignis tried to tell him that Ardyn was just pretending, only wanted the money, and everything else (which Ignis was definitely going to say. Obviously). As long as Noctis remembered this moment, he would be fine. 

Because right now everything felt real. Noctis _knew_ it was real. He didn’t need to question that.

“…Okay,” he said weakly. All his doubts and fears buzzed constantly at the edge of his thoughts. It was hard to come off strong. 

Ardyn thumbed Noctis’s chin playfully. If the prince got caught up in his own head before he even showed up, it was all over. So Ardyn needed to find a way to distract him.

“Perhaps I’ll send you messages throughout the rest of the day…” he mused. “Nothing important, of course. Just ancillary thoughts. Besides, I’ve been meaning to try some of these new buttons….what are they called, again, Noct? Emochis?” 

“Emojis,” Noctis corrected, a smile springing to his lips. “Uh…yeah. Okay. You do that.” 

Actually, he loved the idea of Ardyn maintaining steady virtual contact by sending him random one-liners, or a series of (probably poorly conceived) emojis. Like a steady hand on his shoulder. Reminding him that Ardyn was out there, thinking of him.

They gave each other one last kiss, slow and gently passionate, before saying a tentative goodbye. As promised, the second Noctis emerged from the apartment building he got a text from his lover—

**Ardyn:** Next time I’ll make you a real breakfast. Crepes with fresh fruit and Nutella, how does that sound? 

In truth, Noctis started drooling as soon as he read that. But more than the idea of sweet breakfast, Noctis’s heart filled to the brim with love as he relished the promise of “next time.” Next time. All Noctis ever wanted to hear was ‘next time.’ Next time they would… The future, though horrifying most of the time, could be exciting if he imagined the possibility of time spent together. 

**Noctis:** sounds delicious :-* 

**Ardyn:** Ah, wonderful. That’s what we’ll do then (I’m making a note)

…Did Noctis even deserve a future this happy? Maybe not. But he couldn’t think about ‘deserve’ right now. Not when he was clawing and scraping against the boundaries of his regular life, trying to get what he so desperately wanted. He could think about ‘deserve’ later. When…there was time.

As he rode the elevator up to his own apartment, Noctis tried to shake the feeling that he was about to do something wrong. He might…hurt Ignis again, accidentally. In the process of all this. Because, yeah. Noctis knew he had sort of hurt Ignis’s feelings a while back when he was so obvious about all the secrets. He could only hope that Ignis would understand, that he would try to see things from Noctis’s perspective. They’d been friends for so long—that had to mean something. They should be able to weather something as weird as this.

Noctis wanted to believe in their relationship. Just like he believed in Ignis when he was a child, suffering from his mother’s sudden passing. When Ignis sat by his bed every night, making sure Noctis’s room was just so. Night light on, check. Closet closed. Sheets tucked up against Noctis's chin at the perfect angle. Fiddling with the thermostat to make it the exact temperature Noctis needed in order to get to sleep…. Sleeping on the trundle bed when Ignis, barely a teenager, got too tired to keep his eyes open anymore.

They hadn't talked about those days in forever. Maybe Ignis thought Noctis had forgotten, but no. Back then, Ignis was the only support in his life. When Regis denied Noctis access to grief, closing himself off from any discussion of what happened and where they were as a family, Ignis stepped in right away. A shoulder to cry on. A pair of arms and a knowing mind to care for him. He was Noctis’s true family. The voice that really mattered.

_“What are you doing, Specs?”_

_Ignis sighed, bent over a tiny pair of pants. He held them up to the fading light in Noctis’s bedroom so he could see better. “Sewing your jeans back together. You tore them again on the playground.”_

_“Oh…” Noctis did remember jumping from the swings that afternoon because someone told him it felt like flying. (And actually, it didn’t feel like flying at all, it felt like scraping his hands and knees in the sand, because that’s exactly what happened)._

_But he hadn’t meant to make more work for Ignis. “…Sorry…” Noctis looked down bashfully, waiting for Ignis to huff and sigh, reprimand him for being careless. For the millionth time. By now Noctis knew what it felt like to be bad at things. It seemed like every day he discovered something else wrong with him._

_“No, it’s alright.” Ignis adjusted his glasses and redoubled his efforts, straining his eyes to focus on the needle and thread. “I don’t mind the work, as long as you look presentable tomorrow.”_

_Noctis frowned, creeping closer to Ignis to see what his friend was doing. That practiced hand stitching so tightly, as precise as a machine. Noctis glanced back and forth between Ignis’s face and his hands. Truly floored by the skill._

_“You’re…not mad?” the young child asked. He tried to crawl into Ignis’s lap._

_“No.” Ignis allowed Noctis access to the ‘special seat,’ as his charge liked to call it. “In fact…I’m happy you were having fun outside. That’s good. Were you playing with friends?”_

_Noctis leaned his head against the crux of Ignis’s elbow. He gave a half-shrug as response. “Sort of.”_

_“Well. That’s nice.”_

_After a few moments of silence, Noctis asked in a small voice, “What if I tear them again?”_

_“Then I’ll just sew them again,” Ignis answered immediately. He turned his face towards Noctis and gave him a relaxed, kind smile. Definitely not mad. If anything, he looked like he might break out into one of his quiet laughs. But Noctis didn’t see what was funny._

_“As many times as we need to.” Ignis did laugh then. His usual, tame sort of chuckle._

_Noctis smiled back. Even though he still didn’t really understand. He just knew that they were okay. Being okay felt good._

It was one of Noctis’s favorite memories from his elementary school days. He didn’t really think about it often, but sometimes the images popped into his head without trying. The feeling of being okay even if Noctis did something wrong and kind of stupid…Noctis wished they could go back to that.

He wished Ignis would laugh it off just like that time. It was true that Noctis wanted to be his own man, the kind of person that made his own choices. But he didn’t want to have to sacrifice what he had with Ignis, either.

He didn’t want to have to choose. Ignis or Ardyn. He wanted both in his life.

When Noctis let himself into his apartment, Ignis was sitting on the couch. He had a mug of coffee in one hand—Ebony, his favorite—and was idly watching some nature documentary. Something about whales or seals or whatever. Noctis just saw the blue water engulfing the screen and some aquatic mammal trailing its fins against the camera. A woman’s voice softly narrating. Kind of a calming picture (and Noctis knew how much Ignis loved his documentaries. The acquisition of new facts was one of the guy’s favorite past times, besides baking). 

As soon as Noctis closed the door and took off his shoes, Ignis shut the television. The soothing blue background vanished into black stillness. Noctis got his first taste of the awkward atmosphere hanging heavily over the apartment. Clearly Ignis had been waiting for some time. Brooding. Again.

Noctis sighed, forcing himself to look Ignis in the face when he went into the living room. The expression his friend wore was dark and placid. Hard to read. But Noctis thought, perhaps, it was not quite as…frantic as last time. There were no folders with secret documents. No ultimatums. Just the two of them. Ignis had his jacket off and the sleeves on his button down shirt rolled up. He seemed more casual today. More like himself.

“Well, sit down.” Ignis gestured to the open seat next to him on the couch.

Not quite sure what to say, Noctis sat. He glanced at the television, wishing that Ignis had chosen to leave the program on. Muted or something. It would be nice to see some fish swimming haplessly through the ocean right now. 

At that moment, his cell phone vibrated again. Holding the phone against his leg, Noctis checked the screen. Yes, it was Ardyn again. Hedging on the random wonderings he’d promised earlier.

**Ardyn:** It occurs to me, prince, that I don’t know your favorite foods. How is that possible, after all this time? I’m in the grocery store. Tell me what you’d like me to get. Things I can keep around my apartment. For the future ;) 

There again, the future. Noctis broke into another smile. What should he tell Ardyn to get? …Wasn’t that being kind of picky, anyway? Anything was fine—

“Who is that, texting you?” Ignis asked quietly.

When Noctis turned around, he saw a defeated expression on the bespectacled man’s face. It seemed Ignis already knew. 

“It’s…” Noctis could have just lied and said it was Prompto. The words were practically out of his mouth already, on instinct. But no…he’d said no more lying. Honesty from now. Right, right, right.

“…it’s Ardyn.” 

Ignis took a quick sip of coffee, clearly not surprised. “…I see.” He paused for a moment. Then said, “And…what is he saying to you?”

Genuinely not expecting that question, Noctis opened his mouth—primed for some kind of lie. ‘He’s just checking to make sure I’m okay.’ ‘He’s saying hi….’ Wow. Maybe the lying really had gone too far if Noctis’s gut reaction in every case was to tell his oldest friend some made up story.

Shaking his head, Noctis crossed his legs on the couch and faced Ignis again. When they were kids, they never lied to each other. If only he could convince himself not to be embarrassed, to be strong about the things he wanted…

“He’s at the supermarket,” Noctis explained. He fixed a neutral expression on his face, trying to seem comfortable with all this. “He wants to know what kind of foods he should pick up for me to eat when I’m…over his place. Just, what I like and stuff.” 

It was the truth.

An unknown emotion rippled across Ignis’s face. He set his coffee mug down on the end table (safely on top of a coaster). Then he laced his fingers together and looked back at Noctis, mirroring the younger man’s posture. He pushed his glasses up with one finger, swallowing somewhat harder than normal. 

“What, are you…” Ignis gestured to the side awkwardly. “…moving in with him now or something?” 

Suddenly it was impossible not to see the blatant hurt smeared over the bespectacled man’s features. Noctis practically jumped out of his seat to correct him. 

“No, no! We’re not…it’s not like that, Ignis. He just…” Noctis glanced down at his phone for strength. “…wants to know for next time. Like when I go over for a night or something. That’s all. Just so I have something to eat. You know, I mean, you of all people should get that…” 

Ignis pursed his lips and looked away. Of course, he did get it. “That’s…considerate of him. And…how will you handle the matter of payment? Did you pay him before you left just now?”

“No.” Noctis shook his head and set his lips firmly. “I didn’t…we’re not going to do that anymore. With the payments and stuff. He’s spending his own money on me right now and actually…it’s not the first time.” (Noctis thought back to the expensive sex toy Ardyn bought for him, wildly hoping that Ignis would not ask for evidence.)

“Hmm.” Ignis tried to keep his face still. “When did you decide all this?”

The younger man sighed. He really should just start at the beginning. “I…called Ardyn last night. I know what we said and I remember everything you told me about it, but…I don’t know, Iggy. I just…couldn’t. I had to see him. Couldn’t pretend I didn’t want to anymore.”

Noctis wanted to hide his face, especially with the way Ignis was leering at him. Piercing him with his stare. But he knew that would make him look indecisive. And really, he wasn’t on the fence right now. Noctis knew exactly what he wanted.

He kept going. “So we met up. I was like…I mean you know how I looked yesterday, Ignis. I looked like total shit. But Ardyn let me in anyway and I told him the truth. About you finding out and everything. I fell asleep—like just totally exhausted, fell asleep on the floor of his living room…” (Okay, maybe too honest? But Ignis's eyes weren’t letting up.) “…He carried me to his bed and just let me sleep for a whole night. It felt…really good. I was exhausted, you know how I get…” 

The kind of sleep Noctis binged on during one of his ‘valleys’ was not the kind of rejuvenating sleep most people enjoyed. Ignis was well aware of that.

“Then, this morning…” Noctis would give the PG-rated version. Really no reason to go beyond that (again, he just hoped Ignis wouldn’t ask). “…I told him everything. How I felt. That I wanted a real relationship, that I didn’t care anymore about people finding out…”

Ignis took a deep breath, punctuating Noctis’s story. 

“It’s true, Igs.” Noctis blue eyes were almost pleading now. “You know how I feel. I mean, you do, right? And it hasn’t changed, even when I tried to stop…I still felt the same way about him.” 

Before he said this next part, Noctis rolled the words around his mouth quietly for a few moments. Tasting them. Imagining how they would sound. Getting ready for the truth. 

“I’m in love with Ardyn, Iggy. And…he loves me. We said it. And we…decided. No more money. Just us. We want to be together and…even though I know it’s weird—because in the beginning, yeah. I totally paid him for everything—this feels…right. It feels like I’m making the right choice for the first time in my whole life and…” Noctis took a breath to steady himself. “I’m gonna stay with him. No matter what happens.” 

“So that’s what you said. …And then you paid him for the night, I assume,” Ignis finished, face unmoved. 

“No!” A flash of anger pulsed through Noctis. He was starting to get pissed because of how stubborn Ignis was being! “I said, we’re not gonna do that anymore! I didn’t pay him and I’m…not going to pay him for nights like I used to. He said he doesn’t want me to. He wants it to be real…” 

Ignis narrowed his eyes. “Real?”

“Yeah.” Noctis nodded, telling himself not to get angry or else he would definitely regret it later. “He’s my boyfriend. And I don’t care who knows. I’ll even call Dad myself right after we’re done here. You can listen to me telling him every dirty little detail. Huh? How about that?” (Okay, well at least he tried not to get too upset.)

Far from being hurt, though, Ignis looked momentarily…confused. “You would…tell Regis about Ardyn yourself?” 

“Yup. Damn right.” Noctis crossed his arms. He thought about dialing his dad right now just to show Ignis he was being serious (even though the thought of that conversation still made him want to throw up). “I’ll tell him the whole story from beginning to end, and I won’t leave anything out. This way Dad can hear it from my lips before he sees it on the news or whatever.” 

Ignis tilted his head to one side. He regarded Noctis curiously, trying to read the strange mix of pain and something else on Noctis’s face. What _was_ that look? Ignis could not remember seeing it before. Something like stubbornness, but a little stronger. A little more…

…Oh. Light broke across Ignis’s face. He thought that he might know the name of that look: Determination. 

…Amazing! He had never seen Noctis so steadfast before, about anything! Normally the nagging lack of confidence plagued every decision the boy ever made. From his college choice, to his first major, to his entire life afterwards, to nursing…all the way up until now. Noctis drifted through life with the weight of insecurity dragging him down like a tire around his waist. 

But now, sitting there across from Ignis with his arms crossed, Noctis looked set in his ways. Firm. Not tormented by shame and indecision. It was beautiful, to be sure. Something Ignis had long imagined seeing on Noctis’s face: The aura of a man who knew what he wanted and would work to achieve it. A _man_ , not a boy. 

“Noct…” Ignis began softly, shifting closer to Noctis in his seat. “…are you sure about this man? This…Ardyn, I mean?” He needed to close his eyes to get the name out, finally, but Ignis felt…he felt that it might be important to say it now. 

Hearing his friend’s voice drop in volume, Noctis turned to look at him again. There—oh shit! Ignis was wearing one of his faces. Apprehensive and curious. Serious. The same face he had when Noctis declared that he wanted his own apartment. Before that, the face Ignis wore when Noctis started his first day of high school. Then his first semester of college. This was Ignis’s face when he was…putting some level of faith in Noctis.

It gave Noctis all the strength in the world. Just that one expression—something that he knew so well, as well as he knew Ignis himself. A sign that his friend was inching towards Noctis’s way of thinking.

Relief (premature, probably, but it didn’t matter) crashed over Noctis. He felt emboldened. The inner voice—a newfound source of confidence—telling him he was making the right choice drowned out everything else for one glorious moment.

He put his hand on Ignis’s shoulder. “Yes. I’m sure. Ardyn is…a good guy, Specs. I know you have doubts about him, but…I know him. I want to be with him. I think it’s…good for me, you know?”

What, what was this. A swell of mixed emotions rose inside Ignis. He took a breath to steady himself and covered Noctis’s hand on his shoulder with his own. 

“How can you be so sure, Noct.”

“Just am.” 

Slowly, Noctis shook his head and jostled Ignis’s shoulder like he sometimes did when he was trying to convince him of something. Or when they were just playing around. A gesture they hadn’t shared in quite a while now. The movement made more emotion break like waves across Ignis’s chest. Noctis was in such better spirits today. Better than he had been this whole month—even longer! 

If Ardyn was the cause of that, then…

“You have to trust me on this, Igs.” 

Noctis pressed his forehead against Ignis’s. They hadn’t done this in years. It felt…powerful and yet somehow fragile. In the span of only a few seconds, Noctis felt like he was in control of the situation. For once. Like he had some strong measure of control over Ignis that he’d never even realized before. It made Noctis feel strong, but the responsibility of it all was glaring. He needed to apologize to Ignis for everything he’d put him through. The lies, the cold shoulders, the unintentional insults. He didn’t want Ignis to feel so frustrated anymore. 

They had spoken of fairness, and that just wasn’t fair to his older friend.

“I’ll take all the blame, okay?” Noctis whispered. “It’s fine. Let Dad get mad, or whatever he’s gonna do. I’m okay with it.” 

“Noct…” Ignis sighed, almost at the point of being overcome.

“It’s cool.” Leaning back a bit, Noctis gave his friend a small smile. “I think I spent a long time trying to be who Dad wants me to be. But…I never could because like…I don’t know if that person even exists? Dad just wants me to be perfect, like some mini-version of him, and…I could never do that. Not worth even trying.” 

He nodded. Hearing this out of his mouth for the first time was startling, but…true. “So, I’m just gonna be my own man. Do what I think is right for me…and, I have to accept what makes me happy. That’s Ardyn, Igs.” 

Once again, the bespectacled man sighed. Noctis felt that he had just about said everything he could on the subject. They’d covered his future with Ardyn, what he needed to tell Regis. What else could he say?

Oh, right. There was one more thing. “And…I’m sorry, Ignis.” Noctis finally got that out. “For…lying to you for so long. Treating you like you didn’t matter. That was…really wrong of me, and I’m so sorry. I should have told you the truth from the beginning. But I was just scared.”

A dagger of shame stabbed Noctis’s side. It hurt admitting this, but. His friend needed to know. “You matter a lot to me, Ignis. I mean it. I want you to be okay with this because…I care about what you think, you know? So…do you think you can like…try to accept me and Ardyn?” 

“Oh, Noct.” 

Ignis’s hand rose to his own face with lightning speed, wiping away a single tear that he couldn’t hold back anymore. “You…really are becoming a young man, aren’t you…?”

“Huh?” Reading all the mixed signals from his bespectacled friend was practically impossible right now. Was he…crying? And…what’s that about growing up? 

“Noct, listen to me.” Ignis held Noctis by both his shoulders. If nothing else, he wanted Noctis to understand this. “All I want, is for you to be happy and safe. I…want you to make your own decisions and to decide what’s best. I objected to Ardyn because I felt like he was nothing but a danger to you. And now…”

Swallowing insecurely, Ignis adjusted his glasses. “…Well, if you think that being with him is going to make you happy then…I can’t say I object. You’re…taking a stand and that’s…very good, Noctis. I have to say that I’m proud to see that.”

“Heh…” Noctis actually felt himself blushing right now. In part because Ignis was beaming with pride, which was a weird feeling. The last time he saw Ignis like this was his high school graduation.

“Besides,” Ignis added. “You look well-fed and well-rested. It seems that this…Ardyn took proper care of you last night.” 

(Noctis held back a snort. Ignis had _no_ idea.)

“So, perhaps…” Ignis pushed his hair back, steeling himself for these next words. “…perhaps this relationship is for the best. Especially if it helps you get out of the apartment when you’re feeling depressed—”

Without even letting him finish, Noctis wrapped his arms around Ignis, pulling him in for a big hug. They embraced each other in silence, the seconds ticking by with no notice. For a brief moment, Noctis felt like he did when he was a kid. Crawling into Ignis’s lap for a chance at the ‘special seat.’ A place where he knew he wouldn't be judged. Then, second by second, the moment transformed and Noctis didn’t feel like a child anymore. He felt like himself. A young man of twenty-four who was just trying to figure out his life and needed some support from an old friend.

Ignis held on to Noctis with a heart full of appreciation. He was afraid to let go, sure. But he knew that once he did, Noctis would be in a better place for it. Honestly, Ignis could not stand to see his charge laying on the bed again. Useless and completely despondent. Ignis would give anything not to let that happen. 

Maybe Noctis had managed to figure out chunks of his life on his own. With help from this mysterious escort. Turned boyfriend. 

Maybe Ignis had something he needed to thank Ardyn for.

When they finally pulled away, they were both a little teary eyed. “Thank you, by the way,” Ignis said eventually. “For the apology. I understand what you were going through and…I admit, I could have been more lenient with you at the time. That might have benefitted you more. So. I apologize as well.”

Noctis kind of laughed at that. Mostly because he felt buoyed by the sheer relief of Ignis agreeing to allow this whole thing. Also because he never thought he would live to see the day when Ignis apologized seriously for something he had done in earnestness. Normally Ignis just explained his reasoning over and over, mixed in with a few words of apology. But here the guy was, sitting in front of Noctis and apologizing for real.

They had come so far.

“Apology accepted,” Noctis proclaimed, slapping Ignis on the back again. 

Sniffing, gathering himself, Ignis rose from the couch to stretch his limbs and refill his cup of coffee. “So. Our next step is to reveal everything to Regis, is it?” 

“That’s right,” the younger man confirmed. He looked down at his phone, trying to absorb some of its energy. He had felt the thing buzz a while ago, so he checked his messages again.

His eyes fell on a string of food emojis. Apples, watermelons, grapes, pears, avocados, spaghetti, pancakes, hotdogs, cookies, and a bucket of popcorn. With a single question mark at the end.

Jeez, was this a list of things Ardyn wanted to buy or…? Was he just pressing random buttons to amuse himself? No way to tell. He hesitated before responding because he didn’t exactly know what to say.

“Here.”

Ignis strolled back into the living room with fresh coffee. He gestured for Noctis to pass over his phone. 

“Umm…” Under normal circumstances, Noctis would never let Ignis sift through his text messages or anything (whatever the bespectacled man had planned right now). But considering they’d just had a comforting heart-to-heart conversation, settling into a place of understanding, Noctis thought he should maybe trust his friend with this. 

Gazing at Ignis with wide, glistening eyes, Noctis handed him his phone.

Ignis wasted no time typing out a quick message.

Somewhere uptown, Ardyn got the most interesting reply to his assortment of food emojis (who knew they had installed food into the options? Why did people send tiny drawings of food to each other, if not to create some type of menu or shopping list…he wondered what other emojis were hidden on his phone, so he spent close to ten minutes scrutinizing them all in the middle of supermarket). 

**Noctis:** Hello. This is Ignis Scientia, we’ve met before. I understand that you’re going to be a part of Noctis’s life from now on. In that case, there’s a lot we need to discuss. First of all, if you’re going shopping, let me tell you some things that are essential for Noctis’s diet:

The next message came with a long list of foods, some explanations given in parentheses. Apparently Noctis hated vegetables but could sometimes be tricked into eating them if you told him it was vegan meat substitutes, which he would eat. Also, Noctis liked sweet fruit but not melons (because of the texture). He enjoyed potato chips and popcorn, but Ignis was trying to get him interested in healthier substitutes. Like low sodium crisps or kettle corn.

It sounded like a text from somebody’s overbearing mother. A lot of pieces suddenly clicked onto place for Ardyn. 

Beyond that, he felt ridiculously proud of Noctis. It seemed he had succeeded in convincing his caretaker (nursemaid?) to accept their relationship. And now Ignis would be in the picture, someone Ardyn would need to converse with and spend time with. His lover’s family.

Interesting. Ardyn could handle that. He even wanted to learn more about Ignis. The man seemed fascinating in his own right.

**Ardyn:** I see. That’s all good to know. Thank you for the help.

Ignis kept a stiff upper lip and typed out his response. 

**Noctis:** No. Thank you. 

Bare honesty was, in a lot of ways, quite refreshing for everyone.

__________________________________________________

As it happened the next person to find out was Prompto. 

The blond came over to Noctis’s apartment the following day, part of his ongoing routine to make sure his best friend was awake and out of bed. They started playing video games, as always. Noctis’s phone vibrated with text messages every so often. Naturally, Prompto could not help noticing the tiny smile that appeared on his friend’s face every time he checked his phone. 

“So….” Prompto began, trying to at casual. “Who’s the lucky guy? Getting all your text messages?”

Noctis snapped his head up. His eyes were nothing short of icy. 

“Whoa, whoa, chill…” the blond said immediately. Better walk this back if Noctis felt that strongly about it! “I was just playing around…” 

“No, actually…” Noctis sighed, throwing his phone onto the couch. “I should tell you, Prom. I’ve been…seeing someone.” 

Prompto leaned in closer, eyes wide and bedazzled with undisguised interest.

So, the whole story came out. Noctis wasn’t trying to hide any bits and pieces, so he just told Prompto everything. Fox Toy, their date night, the forced break-up, his talk with Ignis about moving forward. Everything. 

“Wait, wait, wait…” Prompto interrupted once the story started to wind down. He finally found his voice and needed to clarify a few things. “You’re saying you actually hired a—an escort and brought him up here…then went out on _dates_ with him? Like, you actually worked up the nerve to do all that?”

“Uh, yeah…” Noctis admitted, scratching the back of his neck. He wasn’t exactly proud of it? But he liked where he was now.

“Dude!” Prompto leapt onto his knees. He grabbed Noctis’s shirt collar, face totally serious, blue eyes shining and more serious than Noctis had ever seen before.  “That. Is. _Awesome_! I’m so freaking jealous! And like… _ridiculously_ proud of you, man! You’re way braver than me, I could never…”

He trailed off, realizing that his next words might be insulting. Fortunately, Noctis was wearing a small smile. A sign that Prompto’s words had in fact gone straight to his ego, as the blond intended.

“So! Fuck, tell me everything!” Prompto shook Noctis by the collar, riling them both into a fit of laughter. 

Ignis peered at them from across the room. It was reassuring to know that Prompto was alright with the situation. A reminder that Ignis had made the right decision. He breathed deeply and smiled to himself.

Meanwhile, heedless of being watched, Noctis shoved Prompto off him and grabbed his phone. He searched for a (decent) picture of Ardyn, settling on the one in the suit. Shrugging one shoulder awkwardly, he explained that Ardyn looked basically exactly like all his photos.

“Oooooh, I see, Noct…” Prompto whistled. “So that’s your type, huh? Good to know. Looks like an…interesting guy.”

“Well, maybe you’ll meet him soon.” Noctis picked up their controllers to indicate that he wanted to get back to the game. (Return to normal, those were his most pressing goals right now.) “I mean he’ll be coming around here sometimes, so…”

“Really? Hm. Okay.” Saying nothing else, Prompto restarted their game and dove back into it.

Realistically, he didn’t need to say anything. It was obvious that Prompto—and probably everyone else—felt a certain way about actually meeting Ardyn in person. Knowing of his existence? Fine. Shaking his hand, knowing the whole backstory? That would take some guts on Prompto’s part. They both knew that. 

But Prompto wanted to do it. For Noctis’s sake, as well as his own. Ardyn was the guy keeping Noctis together, wasn’t he? That had to mean something.

_________________________________________________________

About a week later, Ardyn and Ignis sat across from each other in the small waiting space outside the penthouse office of one Regis Lucis Caelum. The office door was closed; Noctis was inside, sitting with his father and explaining…a variety of things. Probably. On the other side of the door, Ignis and Ardyn sat around a low center table. Sipping coffee and trying to avoid unnecessary eye contact.

The coffee was passable, Ardyn reasoned. He had already finished one cup and moved quickly on to his second—after all, it was only 1:00 in the afternoon, hardly the time to be dressed, out of his apartment, and fully presentable. Ardyn needed a little caffeine in his system. As much as possible, in fact. Even though it tasted like some kind of bland hazelnut knock off, smoothened out by a swift coffee grinder to hide the relatively cheap quality of the beans. 

Interestingly enough, Ignis had poured himself a cup of coffee but had only taken two sips. Instead, he chose to sit with his legs tightly crossed. Arms folded. Staring in Ardyn’s general vicinity, eyes whirling behind his glasses in intense thought. But they had only spoken a few words to each other so far. 

The tension of what Noctis was currently doing behind that door had gotten to them all. Ardyn licked his dry lips and readjusted his sitting position, one leg draped over one knee. He tapped his fingers against the stiff leather couch, trying not to let the mood seep into his own bearing.

“So,” Ardyn began. He needed to speak or else he would probably lose himself to the tightly wound atmosphere. “What do you think. Indian or Central American?” 

Ignis’s eyes flicked up to meet him. “I beg your pardon?” 

“The coffee.” Ardyn waved his hand in the direction of the styrofoam cup. “If indeed it is hazelnut, do you think it’s from India or Central America?”

“Neither.” The bespectacled man recrossed his legs. “It’s from Seattle.” 

Ah. Ardyn couldn’t hold back a short chuckle at that answer. It seemed Ignis knew coffee, at least somewhat. Or else he had been the one in charge of buying the whole stash for the office—an even more amusing thought.

“Well assessed,” Ardyn hummed. He took another thoughtful sip. “Mm, yes. I think I see what you mean now. Kind of a shame.”

“…Shame?” 

“Only that you’ve barely touched yours,” Ardyn noted, gesturing to Ignis’s own relatively full styrofoam cup. 

At that, the bespectacled man sighed. “It’s…not to my liking,” he admitted at last, recrossing his legs yet again.

“I see.” Wow, this was kind of fun. Needling conversation out of an uptight man. Ardyn could tell that Ignis had plenty of things he’d like to say. But he was holding back for some reason. Propriety? Or maybe shyness? Either way, Ardyn just wanted to pry all the comments out of him. For curiosity’s sake. 

“Let me guess…” Ardyn postulated. Fishing for topics. “You’re a man who likes a medium dark roast. French perhaps? Something low in acidity. A Danish style blend, hmm?” 

“I’m…partial to Ebony,” Ignis offered after a moment’s hesitation.

“Mmm, I see.” The older man nodded slowly. “A pure dark blend. Smooth and full bodied. But I admit, that’s a little…darker than I envisioned for you.” He flashed Ignis a knowing smirk, edging ever so slightly on lewd. 

Clearing his throat harshly, Ignis adjusted his glasses to hide the faint redness on his cheeks. Ardyn imagined it was hard for Ignis to look at him with the images of all those dirty pictures from the internet in his head. Ardyn mostly naked, posing, in costume…etc. He wondered if perhaps Ignis had gotten aroused, even slightly, by any of his pictures. Had this been a few months ago, Ardyn might have tried to solicit this man for a little extra—a private show, perhaps. Or some photos only available through purchase. 

But, as things were, that part of Ardyn’s life was behind him now. His main priority was Noctis. Which meant, he needed to appear at least somewhat conventional in the eyes of his prince’s caretaker. So. No propositioning Ignis for pornographic photos. (Besides, Ardyn couldn’t seem to get a solid read on the man’s sexuality. Gay, straight? Both? Some sort of…grey area? Hmm. Difficult to say with someone as tacit and controlled as Ignis.) 

Regardless, Ardyn made a mental note to ask the man if he could take a peek at that secret dossier he had compiled. Sometime. Maybe not today, of all days. But soon. He was itching to see it.

“Excuse me, but…” Ignis regarded Ardyn with a dead serious expression. “I have to ask you something.” 

Bouncing his eyebrows, Ardyn opened his arms wide, hooking them against the back of the couch. Making himself a literal and figurative open book. “Ask away.” 

“Let us say…” 

The bespectacled man laced his gloved fingers together. The leather crackled as his hands moved and Ardyn could not help associating the sound (something he was used to hearing in quite a different context) with the speaker. Ignis. Quiet, secretive, but he had an underlying layer of aggression that Ardyn had to commend. Ignis was all soft leather and dark coffee. 

Ardyn decided he liked him.

“…that, hypothetically speaking,” Ignis continued. “…I were to offer you a million dollars. Here and now. Under the condition that you disappear from all of our lives. Without a trace, not even a word to Noctis. Just…abscond quietly with your million.” 

The former escort licked his lips to keep from smiling. He could tell that this man was being utterly sincere, but that only made such a ridiculous offer even more hilarious. What was this, a game of politics and intrigue? Like some television program? …Actually Ardyn liked shows where a ton of drama unfolded over past affairs. The truth coming to light at the most inconvenient times. It might be interesting to take Ignis’s offer just to see where this all went. Like an episode of _The Good Wife._

But of course, no. It was out of the question. Ardyn had no desire to leave his apartment, the city, go off into the distance somewhere. Especially not without Noctis. That young man was the entire reason Ardyn was awake right now, traipsing through bizarre conversation with uptight socialites. 

Besides, it wasn’t nice to lie to someone like Ignis—a man of stout-hearted hope and integrity. Not even fun, really. Enough of all this.

“My good man.” Ardyn set his coffee on the table and sat forward. Time to level with the guy. “Just what are you trying to do here? I thought Noct made it clear that we’re both serious about what we have. Aren’t you being a bit disingenuous by—”

Ignis held up his hands in a show of complete concession. Halting the conversation. “I know. Yes, you’re absolutely right. I just…” He glanced off to the side, then hung his head a bit. As if defeated. “I just…need to make sure that…his judgement is sound.” 

Oh. So that was a test. Ignis was giving him…what, some kind of millionaire shovel talk? A question of intentions? That was—well, it was kind of sweet in its own way. Ignis vetting the vagabond prostitute by offering him money to see if he would accept. The ultimate show of integrity. But alas, Ardyn could not be swayed by the promise of hush money.

So now, here they were. With that fake proposal out in the air, the mood became even more tense. Ardyn felt severely mistrusted, and Ignis just looked…confused. At odds with himself. Eyes closed, perpetually rubbing his temple. 

After a few moments of that, the caretaker muttered softly, “My apologies. That was quite rude of me, wasn’t it?”

“Hmph.” Ardyn rubbed his chin in exasperation. “So you noticed.”

Ignis nodded once, now very ashamed. “Yes, I…realized. My apologies once more, I…well, if it’s any excuse, Noctis has never had a boyfriend before. Nor anyone close to him…well, I’m sure you know what I mean.”

The awkwardness, though. Did Ignis take all of his shame and bury it somewhere inside of himself at the end of the day? Ardyn could not believe a man like this even existed! So explicitly honest. Really, Ardyn liked him even more now. Ignis was _fun_.

“So, to be fair to myself…” Ignis folded his hands again. “…I feel it’s necessary to be extra cautious. Noctis is quite taken with you. One of us needs to have a clear head about the situation.” 

Ardyn smiled gently. “I understand.” It was lovely to hear how Noctis was ‘taken’ with him. How even Ignis could not deny that anymore. Also, Ardyn really did see where the caretaker was coming from. Noctis was like a son to him. He must feel as if he were…giving him away on his wedding day. That kind of drama seemed normal for this group of people. And Ardyn wanted to show that he truly had no ulterior motives.

“Is there any way I can prove my sincerity to you?” Ardyn asked, raising one hand curiously. 

Ignis pondered that. Then eventually, he shook his head. A tight, ironic smile spread across his lips. “I’m afraid not. The best thing you can do is…be good to Noct. Treat him well. And if…if in the future you must leave him at some point, then, please. Try to let him down gently. Noctis has a tendency to take things to heart and he thinks quite highly of your opinion, I know. So please.”

He fixed Ardyn with a critical stare and a grim smile. “Take care of him.” 

Hearing that, Ardyn had to admit, he was touched. There was a mushy center to this man. A shot of sweet cream after the ebony. He really cared for Noctis. So, that made two of them, then.

Ardyn nodded tenderly. “I will. I can promise at least that much.” 

“Thank you.” Ignis pressed the backs of his fingers to his lips. “Would you…be opposed to exchanging phone numbers with me? Just so I can get in contact with you if anything comes up.” 

“What a marvelous idea.” Actually it was. This way, Ignis could text him whenever Noctis forgot to check his phone, minimizing the stress on both parties if Noctis stayed out for a night. Ardyn took his phone out right away and they input each other’s cell numbers. 

Getting that number felt important. As if having access to Ignis was like having a secret key to Noctis’s life. And it showed that Ignis did in fact trust Ardyn—enough to bring him in to the tight circle of contacts allowed around Noctis. 

Bemused and rather pleased, Ardyn leaned back in his seat. He checked the time—Noctis had been in Regis’s office for nearly forty minutes already. Such a long conversation, but they could not hear any voices through the door. Father and son spoke in hushed voices. Probably trained to speak quietly even when tempers flared. It was foreboding and almost…eerie.

“You know, I uncovered a bit of your personal history,” Ignis started to say.

Ardyn chuckled. “Yes, I heard.” 

“Well, that, but also…” Was that another blush on the caretaker’s cheeks? Ardyn wished he knew Ignis better so he could accurately tell. “…your family’s history. Old money, stemming from a long line of medical researchers and tenured professors. You too. A professor at the uptown university weren’t you?”

“My, my…” Ardyn clicked his tongue in appreciation. “Quite the amateur detective you are.” Not that Ardyn minded! He loved police procedurals too. He liked to think of Ignis typing away on his computer, uncovering the past. How exciting. “And yes, that’s correct.” 

“As it were, I read your op ed piece. Published in the Times, yes?” Ignis drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch as he spoke. 

“Did you now.” Well, that was amusing too. Ignis had read Ardyn’s whiskey-drenched, grudge-fueled, paranoid ravings. No better way to get to know a person. “The piece that ruined me, hm?”  


“I…believe that’s the one, yes.” Ignis’s hazel eyes skirted over Ardyn in a distantly fascinated kind of way.

Ardyn hummed a low laugh. “Tell me. What was your favorite bit? Was it the way I painted nearly a hundred people with the broad stroke of hypocrisy? Or the particularly eloquent phrasing? Explicit, in spots, if I remember correctly.” (Which he did. Perfectly, of course.)

“Ah yes. ‘Erudite sperm dumpster’ was my particular favorite, I think…” 

They broke out into a short, shared chuckle. Ah, a sense of humor! Ignis was just full of surprises, wasn’t he?

“Say what you will,” Ardyn said when the laughter died. “I do know how to turn a phrase.”

Ignis nodded wistfully. “Granted.” 

They could have talked even longer. Ardyn wanted to pick Ignis’s brain for what he knew about the classics, and Ignis (for all his talk of being guarded) seemed amenable enough. If he had made it even that far in Ardyn’s nonsensical op ed piece then he must be decently educated.

But, at that moment, the door to Regis’s office clicked open. Muffled voices became clearer (Regis was muttering something to Noctis, with a sense of finality behind it, but Ardyn could not make out the words). Naturally, Ignis jumped to his feet. Ardyn followed suit, but he took his time.

Regis emerged first. Ardyn sized him up immediately. A man in his mid fifties wearing a pinstriped button down shirt, high-class suspenders and expensive cufflinks. Greying hair that morphed into a well-trimmed beard around the sides of his face and over his chin. Not a single strand out of place. Subdued red tie, satin from the looks of it, but not flashy. Ardyn thought Regis looked a bit old school. A throwback to the bygone days of Wall Street—but then again, the man had made his money in investment banking, so perhaps that landscape was what Regis knew best.

His eyes were his most striking feature. Like father, like son. Except where Noctis’s eyes were soft blue and precious, cutting only when he was especially hurt, Regis’s eyes were cobalt grey and…cold. Heavy, as if each gaze pinned you to the wall by sheer force, whether their owner intended to or not. Ardyn had a feeling those metallic eyes were forged by time and circumstance. Regis, Ardyn could clearly see, had endured a difficult life. Painful. Perhaps deeply so.

If Ardyn could have his way, he would sign Regis up for a day of luxury treatment at a massage parlor. One he knew (from various experience) specialized in happy endings. And more, if you could pay for it. Regis looked like he needed that. A good once-over, maybe even twice or thrice. An orgasm that could shake him to his core, make him question the way he built his life and treated other people—

“Ignis.” Regis stood in the middle of the floor with his hands firmly at his sides. His attention was fixed on the advisor. Bearing down on the man—but, to his credit, Ignis kept his shoulders straight. Face immovable. Not at all hindered by the severe tone. 

Noctis slunk out behind his father. He looked…pale. Paler than he had when they walked in. His shoulders were hunched. And, his nose was red, but his eyes did not look like he had been crying? Ardyn scrutinized his lover’s face, trying to gauge the overall reaction. Anyone else might have described Noctis as apathetic. His features were still. Eyes uncaring. But Ardyn knew him better than that; his prince was sad.

Like the face of the boy in the photographs Ardyn had seen that first night in Noctis’s apartment. Crushed, but not at all surprised. 

It hurt to imagine Noctis wearing this face for the better part of his life. Ardyn immediately appeared at his lover’s side, hesitant to touch because of the circumstances. But it was…hard to hold back. 

Noctis stared at Ardyn’s chest and didn’t say anything.

“Ignis, you know about this?” Regis waved his hand vaguely in Noctis’s direction to indicate what he meant.

“…Yes, sir,” the caretaker replied. He eyed Noctis warily. “I am aware of the situation.” 

Regis sighed loudly. The wrinkles around his eyes and mouth appeared to deepen somehow. He rubbed his face with both hands and sighed for a second time. When he was finished exhaling, he shook his head quickly. Only once, as if in sheer disbelief. 

Noctis flinched when he saw it. 

“Well, tell me you have _some_ idea how we can spin this?” Regis demanded, scouring holes into Ignis’s alabaster face. 

“Yes, sir. Several, in fact.” Ignis reached down for his briefcase. When he met Regis’s gaze, he did not flinch. He gestured to the boss’s office, beginning to rattle off ideas. “There’s always the straight ally parent card. That is quite fashionable these days. Beyond that, there’s the ‘man reformed’ angle, where you can profess that discovering Noctis’s sexuality changed your own personal beliefs on the subject…” 

Regis sighed for a third time. He pressed down on his forehead, following up with, “And the investors? Tell me, which version of this makes the most sense for the company?” 

As he passed Noctis, Ignis touched his shoulder. He squeezed it briefly and offered him a small nod. Encouragement, it looked like. A sign that Ignis believed Noctis had done the right thing. Although neither of them were smiling.

“Let’s discuss the rest inside, sir,” Ignis answered, when he saw the unsteady way Noctis touched his hand in return. 

“Yes, good. Also, get Cid on the phone. And Clarus if you can reach him.” Regis whipped around to follow Ignis inside—when he caught a glimpse of Ardyn in his peripheral vision. Fully by accident, Regis noticed the stranger standing in the waiting room of his office. 

Those cobalt eyes landed on Ardyn like two leaden weights. Piercing him. Regis was suddenly alert, lethal in intensity. Under normal circumstances, Ardyn might have started with some quip or a quick-to-surface comment, but right now…he just wasn’t in the mood. Instead, Ardyn’s face darkened a little. His eyebrows wrinkled in the middle. 

It was difficult to know how to respond to Regis. Especially with Noctis cowering so close. 

The CEO sucked in breath through his nose. “You’re him, aren’t you. The man Noctis told me about.” 

Mouth twitching with a hostile smirk, Ardyn gave Regis a shallow bow. “I am he. Ardyn, at your service.” (No last names this time. No need to get into all that again.)

Regis narrowed his eyes at the strange display. He took a step forward, making like he was going to dismiss both the stranger and his son in one fell swoop. But then, at the last second, right before he went back into his office, he turned around again. Slowly, without breathing a word, he offered Ardyn his hand to shake.

Nodding graciously, Ardyn shook Regis’s hand. The CEO had cold skin, coarse around the backs of his hands. But his grip was firm. Ardyn responded in kind with decent pressure of his own. 

Their handshake lasted only a few seconds. But the air went out of the room so fast no one could breathe. Time seemed to slow down. Everything felt weird, out of order…

…And that was it. The moment passed. They dropped hands. Regis glanced once more at Noctis, closing his eyes and nodding at the same time, before he turned around and quietly shut the office door. 

Once more, a door stood in between Noctis and his father. Noctis felt like he was used to the sound of it closing. Like he heard it all the time. But that couldn’t be true…In reality, he hardly ever came to Regis’s office, tried not to get anywhere even close to the building if he could manage. So it must be his imagination. 

“Noct…” 

The younger man flinched (nearly jumped out of his skin) when he heard his name. Thankfully, reality returned quick enough. He glanced at his lover’s face, half smiling in relief. He knew this was Ardyn at his side…but he still felt…

“Shall we go home, my love?” Ardyn asked softly. 

“Uh, yeah.” Noctis ruffled the back of his hair, not making eye contact. “Um…your place okay?”

“That would be fine.” 

They made their way downstairs towards Ardyn’s car. The elevator ride to the first floor was…difficult. Ardyn wanted to wrap Noctis in a hug, to kiss his face and tell him how proud he was that Noctis had told Regis the truth, but he had a feeling Noctis might stiffen in his arms. Uncomfortable and still as a board. So he waited for Noctis to make the first move…which the young man never did. He sort of looked at the floor the entire way down. 

Before the door opened, Ardyn stretched out his fingers. Ever so slightly brushing the back of his lover’s hand. An offer, if Noctis wanted it. And he did. Noctis quickly intertwined their fingers. They surreptitiously held hands on the way out to the car.

Sitting in Ardyn’s dear old thing, Noctis finally let out a breath. Here was the leather, the faint cigarette smoke, the cheap cologne that stuck to every fabric surface within an inch of Ardyn. This was one of Noctis’s favorite places to be—right next to Ardyn, being driven somewhere in this car he loved so much. Noctis inhaled the familiar scent and tried to chase away the numbness in his limbs.

Why was he numb? Noctis couldn’t remember when he lost feeling in his feet and hands, but now he had pins and needles swimming through his extremities as the blood slowly returned. His heart steadied itself out moment by moment.

_“Noctis, tell me you’re joking.”_

“Ah.” Ardyn slid into the driver’s seat and regarded Noctis one more time. The kid still looked like shit. But, Ardyn plastered a smile on his face nonetheless. “Ready?”

“Yeah…” Noctis took another deep breath, closing his eyes. The seats felt nice against the back of his head. “…Let’s go.”

Now. To begin the slow, painful process of trying to forget that conversation ever happened. The deep grave of shame Noctis had dug for himself would always be there. But Noctis could always try to bury it. Bury it, bury it. Forget everything that was said. None of it mattered. At least now Regis knew and Noctis didn’t have to hide anything anymore. Ignis was already working on a nice story they could sell to the media. It would all be fine.

_“No, Dad. I’m…it’s not a joke. I’m gay and I’m dating a guy I met on a website for male escorts. That’s…yeah. That’s it.”_

_A full five minutes of agonizing silence. Regis sitting with his head in his hands._

_“I guess it’s too late to ask why in god’s name you’re doing this.”_

“So…” Ardyn glanced at his lover a few times, keeping a steady watch. Noctis’s shoulders were still clenched, but at least he was breathing normally. “Tell me. What happened?” 

“It went…fine,” Noctis mumbled. 

Yeah, fine. As good as anyone could expect…and at least Regis had not threatened to disown him or anything. They were still on speaking terms (or something? Were they ever on speaking terms? It wasn’t like they actually…talked to each other, unless they were doing a media run). And Noctis still had his trust fund. Everything was intact. 

Except for large portions of dignity, of course. Noctis felt like he had basically submitted himself to some kind of public flogging just now.

_The look. THAT was the look. Utter disappointment and a tiny bit of…_

Dad, do you hate me?

Noctis hadn’t actually asked that. He was way too afraid of hearing the answer. It took every ounce of courage he had just to be honest with Regis about his love life. They weren’t in any kind of place to touch the…other issues. The things they had been carrying around since Noctis was a kid. 

“Mmm.” Ardyn decided not to mention the conversation again. Not unless Noctis brought it up himself. Whatever had gone on in that office—whatever had been spoken in quiet, whispered voices—Noctis needed time to work through it. Ardyn would just have to be there as he could.

As he had done many times by now, Ardyn laid his hand across the automatic shift. Remembering how good it felt to be anchored by that hand, Noctis took it. He clutched it to his chest and stared out the window.

Ardyn’s hand felt so nice right against his heart.

___________________________________________________________

That night they ordered Thai food and stayed in. They ate on Ardyn’s bed, watched TV. The older man explained bits and pieces of his shows. Character backstories. Tiny plot points. Nonsensical things to fill the silence. (He really should be working, but at the very least, he was caught up with most of his editing. Besides, this felt more important.) 

Noctis liked it. All of it. They were…hanging out. Very chill. No rush, no sense of needing to be anywhere or keep obligations. Ignis knew Noctis was with Ardyn tonight and that was fine. This…was exactly where he was supposed to be.

With a belly full of tum yum noodle soup, Noctis laid down on his lover’s bed and tried to absorb the moment. Clear and comfortable. 

He looked over at Ardyn, who was twining some pad khee mao around his chopsticks and staring curiously at the television. Right now, Noctis felt at home. 

He was home after a long, pain in the ass kind of day. Noctis realized he sort of liked the idea of ‘home.’ Having his own apartment was one thing. But with Ardyn, he had a place to really relax. Somewhere he could snuggle up to his daddy and demand things. Food and sex and all kinds of things. 

“Hey…” Noctis said, claiming Ardyn’s attention. “Why don’t you come over here?”

Ardyn looked over to the spread arms of his young lover. There was a coquettish gleam in Noctis’s eye that Ardyn knew quite well. He turned the television off without taking his eyes from Noctis. “With pleasure,” he replied.

They fit against each other easily (once the take-out boxes were shoved onto the nightstand). When they kissed, it was slow at first. Ardyn’s mouth was spicy from the Sriracha sauce, but Noctis enjoyed lapping the taste off the older man’s lips. He curled his body around Ardyn, trying to envelop himself completely in his lover’s body. 

That kittenish tongue…it really drove Ardyn crazy. He purred in satisfaction and hooked his arms around Noctis’s waist. This gave him the perfect angle to hoist Noctis up into his lap. Straddling him. He rather liked seeing the younger man on top. The boy looked princely upon him. Like he was sitting on some type of throne.

Perfect.

Noctis huffed and smiled down at Ardyn. He wiggled his hips a little, adjusting his seat. 

They shared a familiar look.

“Are you comfortable enough up there?” Ardyn asked.

“Uhuh.” Noctis shifted again, rubbing against the bulge he knew rested inside Ardyn’s loose-fitting pants. He wanted to feel that bulge turn hard—he wanted to know that he was the one turning Ardyn on like this. 

And he wanted to see the smile on the older man’s face when he got hard. The look of acceptance and…happiness…and… 

All of a sudden, Noctis was sniffling. Swallowing tears.

“Oh, my dear…” Ardyn reached up and cupped Noctis’s face. He thumbed away some of the tears as they fell. “…You know I’m proud of you, right? So, so proud. You’ve done all anyone could ever ask of you.” He brought Noctis’s hand to his lips and softly kissed it. “Such a good boy.”

“Mmm…” Noctis clenched when he heard the pet name they used during sex now. Normally it was fine, but…he did not feel good right now. He felt anything but. 

_“I guess I have to clean up after you. Again.” A hefty sigh. “Noctis, I thought you were growing up, but this…? I just don’t even know what to say to this.”_

How could Noctis possibly be good when he had made such a terrible mess of things? Like always. He really didn’t even deserve someone as loving as Ardyn because he would definitely fuck it up down the road. He was kidding himself if he thought this would ever work. Maybe Ardyn was trying to see how far it could go—

“Noct.”

Opening his eyes, Noctis suddenly remembered where he was. Straddling Ardyn’s hips. He blinked a few times as he registered the older man’s face underneath him.

Clearly, Noctis was in all kinds of distress. Ardyn had expected this. He slowly sat up, helping Noctis into his lap. Holding his face in both hands. “…Where did you go just now?” 

The younger man shook his head. It was…hard to describe. He was remembering that afternoon so well, like it was happening over again.

“Just…” Noctis started to say. “I don’t know. He said…ugh.” 

Ardyn kissed his boy’s forehead. “What did he say, Noct?” 

That, though. Actually repeating it? Too much. That would be like admitting to Ardyn what a failure he was. Once the words were out, Ardyn would probably shake his head and try to offer things from Regis’s perspective. Which he had every right to, considering that Noctis was basically actively making everyone else’s lives miserable. Because that’s just what he did—

“Noct.” Ardyn said it more forcefully this time. 

When Noctis looked back, he seemed almost sleepy. Worn down from so many negative thoughts. 

Unacceptable. Ardyn could not abide that. 

“Here. Let’s try something new.” He pushed on Noctis’s shoulders until the boy was laying down on his stomach, facing Ardyn with a quizzical look. 

“I want you…” Ardyn began, threading his fingers into Noctis’s silky black hair. “To forget about everything you heard this afternoon. For now, at least. I don’t want my prince steeping in those silly little thoughts—what I want is for you to focus all your attention over here until none of that matters.” 

Without explaining, Ardyn took off his sweatshirt and his pants. Predictably, he was not wearing any boxers underneath. He gave Noctis a good view of his utterly naked body. Flesh, muscle, and hair arranged on a figure that bore not one ounce of self-consciousness. 

On instinct, Noctis bent forward and pressed his face against the thin hair on Ardyn’s chest. He inhaled deeply, letting the tiny hairs tickle his nostrils. 

This…this manly body… _this_ is what Noctis needed…he didn’t want to think about anything but this right now.

Ardyn took his already hard cock in hand. He guided Noctis to touch him as well, whispering in the younger man’s ear, “Would you like Daddy to teach you how to suck him off?” 

“Yes!” Noctis exclaimed before self awareness could catch up to him. But to be fair, he’d been wanting this forever! He’d imagined it so many times, alone in his bedroom when they were apart…and now…

He gazed down hungrily at the fully erect dick already in his face. Holy fuck it looked so good. Thick and proud. Not too long, but with so much…power. That’s the only word that came to mind when Noctis looked at this dick. 

A burning need to feel that cock in his mouth overtook Noctis. His tongue itched, his cheeks felt sore already. Throat trying to swallow around air. He was _so_ ready for this!

Before Ardyn could even give him any instructions, Noctis sucked the older man’s whole member into his mouth—teeth and slobber and everything. He could barely fit it, but who could about that—it tasted so good…bitter and musky, a little tangy and acidic like the dark roast coffee Ardyn loved so much. That was his taste… It made so much sense!

“Easy, easy…” Ardyn warned. He held onto Noctis’s head, guiding him slowly off his dick so that he could give some kind of guidance. 

To his surprise, he met with resistance. Noctis did not want to stop. He wanted to stay right where he was. 

Oh…well. By trying to pull Noctis off, Ardyn inadvertently created a kind of suction. The unexpected pleasure went straight to his head—he grunted, grimacing on one side of his face as he tried to regulate all these wonderful feelings. Noctis, thirsty as anything, sucking on his dick like he was dying for it. That warm, soft, wet mouth that had never been around another man….

Yep, too much. Ardyn probably didn’t have much control over this situation right now. With how indescribably needy Noctis was being. So then. Instead of trying to bend the ocean to his will, Ardyn had better move with the waves.

“Alright, alright…just go slow…” 

Saliva pooled in the front of Noctis’s mouth. He had a crazy desire to feel Ardyn’s salty tip right in the back of his throat, so intensely strong that he moaned when the desire hit him. He wanted to feel everything…right _now_ …

“Noct, slow down.” 

But, there was Ardyn’s voice. Trying to reign him in. He should probably listen… even though the roiling impatience inside was telling him to take the whole thing without even trying to go for technique.

There was no technique here. It was just raw thirst. Not just for the slick manhood in his mouth, but for the satisfaction of knowing he could take it. He could please Ardyn, he could give him what he needed—

“Use your tongue a bit more. That’s it…tease the head. Right on the slit. Ah…yes…you know where…” 

Noctis nodded tightly, tonguing the tip while he rocked his mouth back and forth. That soft sound of pleasure from his lover was making Noctis hard. Really hard. He jammed a palm against the front of his pants, just to get some kind of relief. Or else he might start humping the bed like some kind of…whatever. Not that it even mattered.

“You can flick it with your tongue. Just like I do to those addicting little nipples of yours. Ah, very good Noct…” 

Like this? This was what Ardyn wanted? Noctis repeated the motion several times, making his tongue flat and stiff as he prodded the sensitive head. He could do this all fucking day if he had to.

“Mmm, that’s enough. Now try to take as much as you can….deep into your mouth, that’s it…” 

The best part of this blow job, Ardyn reasoned, was that Noctis just didn’t quit. His mouth kept working, never giving him a moment’s rest! Constantly tonguing or sucking or both. Dear lord, this boy’s mouth was the very pinnacle of sin! Remarkable for a first timer…

“Oh, you’re a natural, Noct…” Ardyn rumbled. He could feel steamy heat building in his abdomen and in his balls. “You’re…ah, yes, move your lips around the base. You feel the vein? Lick it, like a good boy. Mmmm…yess…”

Noctis lapped at the pulsing vein for all he was worth. He liked to think that this was some kind of direct lifeline into Ardyn’s being. His most intimate part, the place where his lover teemed with strength and vitality. Noctis closed his eyes in reverence, wanting that vein to feel all the pleasure in the world. It deserved every damn thing…

“ _Fuck_ , Noct…” Ardyn’s cock was already twitching. Impossible, but! How could he possibly hold back against such an intuitive mouth? “You are so good at following directions…you know just how to please Daddy, don’t you?” 

“Mmmhmm!” Noctis cried, doubling down on his sucking.

“Yes, of course you do. Because you’re mine, my beautiful, wonderful boy. You make me…mmm, fu…ah…yeah…” 

Ardyn could feel himself sliding down Noctis’s throat. He wanted to tell him to stop, but…it felt way too good. 

“Be careful…” he managed. “…Easy, now. Don’t hurt yourself, my love. You’re doing…nnnh…just fine. So very…perfect, ah…”

And there was the tongue again. Licking the vein on the underside with complete abandon. Just there, it was exactly what Ardyn liked…and he had taught Noctis to do it…Noctis, the natural born cocksucker. _His_ cockslut. The boy he wouldn’t give to anyone else. 

“I wish you could see…” Ardyn moaned, his hips beginning to jerk into Noctis’s mouth of their own accord. “…what I see…how magnificent you are—all the time—”

A shot of emotion struck Noctis’s heart. Tears bubbled up again, but this time he just let them fall. He was already drooling from taking Ardyn’s cock. His tongue was tired and so was his jaw. Why not add to it by letting himself cry a little. Just a little…! 

“I love you Noct. Daddy loves you so much, you know that…” 

Yes, not long now. Ardyn was so close. Right there on the edge. Reaching for his orgasm because he knew he could have it. He knew Noctis would give it to him, because he really was so amazing—

“You want to make Daddy come…? Ah, fuck…you’re going to get it…here…”

Noctis tasted a bit of pre-cum. He instantly went wild. A promise of what was next, which Noctis wanted so fucking bad. He sucked Ardyn’s cock as hard as he could. Moving his tongue in all directions. As much stimulation as possible.

Mind blown, Ardyn came. He rammed his dick into Noctis’s mouth once, an unavoidable reaction, before realizing what he was doing. He quickly resorted to tiny, shallow thrusts for the rest of his climax. Trying to remember Noctis’s well-being as his head flew up to heaven and did a somersault. 

This, this sweet, slutty little virgin mouth….was the afterlife, Ardyn realized. This is what he had been waiting for his whole life. It was _perfection_.

“Ah…” 

Even though Ardyn was done, Noctis still didn’t want to let go. He drank his lover’s release greedily, eager for more.

“Here…” 

Little by little, Noctis slid away from Ardyn’s cock. He stopped a few times to lavish adoring licks on that hyper-sensitive, spent member. Ardyn’s whole body shivered in response—Noctis could not get enough of the sight.

When they were finally laying side by side, Ardyn held Noctis in his arms and tried to catch his breath. This boy would definitely be the death of him. Death by overwhelming pleasure. Well, at least Ardyn would die doing what he loved.

“It’s all true, you know,” he admitted. “Every word. You are good, Noctis. And I love you. Every part of you, understand?” 

Noctis wished he wasn’t still crying. He wished the damn tears would stop already. But…every part of him?

“Even the shitty parts?” Noctis choked out.

“Of course.” The older man pecked him on the cheek. “Everything.” 

Wrapped in a loving embrace, the dreary horrors from earlier that day seemed less daunting. They were still there—they always would be, for a very long time probably—but Noctis might be able to live with them. If he stayed right where he was. Safe and…good.

“Now, are you ready for your turn, my love?” Ardyn licked his lips, eyes twinkling. “Because I think I’m just about there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowwww only one more to go! How did we get here?? I don't even know. But it's been awesome ^__^
> 
> Last chapter is kind of like an epilogue! Details on where our boys end up on the long road of monogamy and commitment :) :)


	12. Though this be madness, yet there is method in't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...how does living a nice life work, exactly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are guys!! DA END!!! This is a quick-type epilogue to wrap up the loose ends. A lot of people were asking about our dear Ignis, so I hope you're not disappointed ;) ;) ;) 
> 
> So many feelings about this chapter...but actually, this is exactly what I wanted. How often can you say that, right? (No smut, I'll say that upfront. It just didn't seem to fit with the vibe. But plenty of mentions lol).
> 
> *Hamlet reference: Another Polonius quote to finish us off! He says this in Act II as an aside to the audience, breaking the fourth wall to assert that he thinks Hamlet is talking crazy but he might be on to something.

**Chapter 12: Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t**

In the end, Noctis only ever saw two headlines about the subject of his sex life. In one, Regis and Noctis were hugging in front of the company’s banks (a clearly staged thing). Regis summoned a press conference to announce his campaign’s inclusion of LGBT advocacy in front of a mob of reporters. Basically, Noctis stood silently next to a podium while his father outed him to the world. So, yeah. Cool.

Running for city comptroller was such a pain the ass. Why did Regis even want the job?

The second headline showed Noctis and Ardyn out on a date. A stolen snapshot someone had taken of the of them in Ignis’s bakery. Actually, Ardyn loved the picture—Noctis was midway through a bite of his favorite Tenebraen pastry when the photo snapped. Showing off a bit of sweet cream at the corner of his mouth. Ardyn was quick to swipe the cream with one finger and sample it for himself—which the media ate like candy. 

“What a lovely commemorative of our excursion!” Ardyn exclaimed when he saw the series of photos. “…Although, the article itself is a little droll.” 

Actually, the older man was right. The article gleaned no new readers for the newspaper whatsoever. As a result, Noctis’s love life essentially disappeared from public view. There were more interesting things to care about in the world, after all.

Like when Regis won the election. Now officially part of the city’s mayoral council, his father became twice as busy as normal. So it began that Noctis saw him once every other month. They made a weak attempt at talking on the phone sometimes, but that was about it. The distance between them—painfully comfortable and far too easy—only widened. Noctis had to admit that he kind of just…let it happen.

However, after the whole ordeal of coming out was more or less finished, Ardyn began to insist that Noctis schedule regular therapy sessions. Ignis agreed. Although a lot of the tension in Noctis’s life had relaxed, the state of his mental health needed constant supervision. Vigilance and hard work. Noctis had a fairly good support system now, but most of the work needed to come from himself. Fortunately, it was easier to admit that he needed professional help when he had a team of people on his side telling him that it was alright. Applauding his efforts every time Noctis took a new step. 

So, Noctis found a new therapist, in addition to a psychiatrist who was able to prescribe a baseline dose of anti-depressants to get Noctis started on the road to recovery. There were some side effects—spikes of increased anxiety and a touch of insomnia—but Ardyn was able to find…useful ways to settle his boy. To the tune of a sensual bath and massage, or even a night spent tied and blindfolded, restrained against Ardyn’s bed for a several hours. Times when Noctis could literally do nothing but hand over the reigns to his lover. 

It was the best thing for it, Ardyn figured. In a way he was right. It helped.

They took things slowly. One day at a time. Ardyn deleted all his online profiles (with the exception of callmeanytime.com; that one he might be able to use in a pinch when money was a little tight, and Noctis consented that the phone sex hotline was fine). With those out of the way, he surprisingly felt a great burden lifted from his shoulders. The constant need to check and answer his clients’ every whim…it was like tossing away some hefty luggage. Things he didn’t need to worry about any longer. 

Noctis took him out to dinner twice a week. Beyond that, he paid for Ardyn’s mortgage every other month. A stipulation the young man would hear nothing about. He demanded that he help Ardyn with some of his expenses, if only because he had essentially cut out a huge chunk of the man’s income. So there was guilt added to the intense need Noctis felt to make sure Ardyn could get by well enough. 

Once, Ignis heard that in the past Ardyn had spent a good deal of time uncertain where his next meals were coming from. Substantially moved by the notion, Ignis spoke to Ardyn privately about the money issue. 

“If you ever need anything,” Ignis told Ardyn in hushed, serious tones. “Don’t be afraid to reach out. I’m certain we’ll be able to find some solution.” 

After all, Ignis would be a fool not to notice the positive effect Ardyn had on Noctis’s life. The newfound confidence, the generally better mood and demeanor. The therapy. All of it was largely thanks to Ardyn and Ignis was immensely grateful. He would keep Ardyn afloat with his own two hands if he had to.

Smiling wistfully, Ardyn graciously accepted the offer with a quiet nod.

Thankfully though, it never came to that. With Noctis’s bimonthly help and the income from his continued editing work, Ardyn was able to maintain his bohemian lifestyle without any problems.

After a little while, Noctis convinced Ardyn to let him read the older man’s discarded manuscript. A treatise on hermeticism across the ages. Although a good deal of it was far beyond Noctis’s level of education, he understood a lot of the essential ideas. He thought it was fascinating. And although he had never taken any theology classes or anything resembling the classics, he wanted Ardyn’s unique writing style to be heard by the rest of the academic world. 

“You should think about getting it published,” he said to Ardyn randomly one night.

Then, a few days later, “How long would you need to work on the manuscript to get it ready for the publisher?”

“Did you look into the publishing costs?”

“Maybe you should find your own editor or something…”

Little by little, needling away at Ardyn’s patience, Noctis convinced his lover to try again. Enough time had passed, he reasoned, since Ardyn’s career faux pas. Maybe the community was ready to receive him again. Especially if he went through channels other than his old contacts through the university. 

He sent the manuscript around here and there. Grumbling that nothing would come of it. He just wanted Noctis to stop pestering him about it. 

Lo and behold, one publishing company expressed legitimate interest. A place called Solheim Rhetorics (which Ardyn sniffed at, saying he remembered the name as a two-bit critical discourse industry in the past. But he responded to their letter of interest all the same). They said that they would like to work on getting the manuscript into print, if Ardyn took the time to update some of the sources to more recent literature. 

He agreed. Thus began the painstaking process of rewriting whole sections of his near-ancient manuscript. Ardyn said that he wouldn’t take it seriously, he would just throw some thoughts together to see what passed as legitimate research these days. But of course, after a few months on the project, the old historian became fully entrenched in his investigative work. Hammering out details and molding theories. Passion for theology successfully rekindled. 

Noctis loved seeing him work. Brow furrowed, glasses pushed all the way up Ardyn poured over his computer screen while taking manual notes (wow, notes by hand! Noctis watched in fascination as Ardyn took shorthand on the literature he found online). He could stare at his lover like a television. He found the whole process pretty cool, almost fascinating. And Ardyn could work for days on end—realistically, he needed someone to remind him to take breaks to eat, sleep, and bathe. Noctis was good for that.

It would be a while before Ardyn’s first book was actually published, close to a year in the end, but it would be the first of many. Esoteric religion was slowly creeping back into academic consciousness as a topic of interest. Ardyn had somehow managed to perfectly time his reentry on the scene. 

Ten years of an interim was actually not that much. Enough that no one cared about the scandals of a decade ago, but not enough to cast a person’s prominent, notable voice into complete shadow. As an old man, Ardyn learned how to navigate marginal career success for the first time in his life. 

What was this, he thought. Some kind of happy ending?

Why did happy endings bear the feeling of fantasy? As Ardyn slaved away on manuscript after manuscript, he could not help feeling as though the carpet might be pulled from underneath him at a moment’s notice. Surely his healthy relationship and decent life would be snatched away soon enough. Without any warning, perhaps.

…But even if it did, Ardyn realized eventually, he could survive. If those ten years of destitution had proved anything, they proved that Ardyn could weather anything. He could rest comfortably with that reassurance. 

Eventually he learned to accept a happy life as just another example of life’s capriciousness. If he hadn’t logged onto Fox Toy at that exact moment, all those nights ago, if he hadn’t been there to receive Noctis through the most tumultuous days of the young man’s life…then who knows what might have happened. 

Capricious indeed. But, not without its benefits.

Meanwhile, Noctis sluggishly began the process of getting back onto the swing of a work and school life. He paid for one more semester of nursing school without attending. After a summer of indecision, spent languishing on Ardyn’s couch pouring over musty old books just to keep himself busy while everyone else was at work, Noctis decided that…maybe it was time to give up the nursing dream. A work week of 70 hours plus? Noctis could barely stay awake that long. Let alone build his life around that kind of schedule.

So, he went back to basics. He volunteered at homeless shelters and animal shelters. Spent his vast amounts of free time trying to help other people instead of wallowing in his own thoughts. There were days when Ardyn simply refused to host Noctis at his apartment—demanding that his young lover go out among the world for a few hours first. Even though Noctis pretended to be angry about the whole thing, it actually did help. (He sometimes needed tough love just as much as a welcoming pair of arms.) 

After a few months volunteering exclusively at the animal shelter, Noctis learned that he actually had a way with animals. Especially cats. He could get a hissy, pissed off feline with bristly fur and bared teeth to relax after sitting in the room with it for about five minutes. It was all about giving the cat its space. Letting it get accustomed to his smell. Feel out the boundaries.

And yeah, being in the doctor’s office sucked balls. No matter if you were a tiny kitty or a grown adult. Noctis had enough experience to know the feeling. 

The vet’s office requested Noctis on the schedule more often. Then…

“I decided to go back to school,” Noctis announced one night.

“Oh?” Ignis asked, glancing up as he served a helping of chicken curry. “May I ask for what?” 

“I think I can be a vet technician.” Noctis shrugged, feeling awkward as he said this latest idea. (One of...how many was it, now?) “It says all you need a two-year degree and a certification program.” 

Ignis approved. It sounded like a more reasonable path. The full-time training program was intense, but there were not that many classes (much less than becoming an actual veterinarian which would require a medical degree). In fact, Ignis was pleased that Noctis had started to set his sights on something more doable. 

Ardyn was amused by the whole thing. He appreciated Noctis taking some initiative again. Although he had no personal love for animals, he could see Noctis’s natural affinity for the work. It was cute, admittedly. Plus Ardyn correctly assumed this new career path would lead to Noctis’s apartment acquiring several new furry friends—which, after a year in the program and 80 hours supervised internship, was indeed the case. Noctis now housed a decent-sized dog (who was blind and needed a lot of personal care) and a cat with cerebellar hypoplasia (a physical disability that lead to seizures and difficulty walking). They were like two small babies. Needy and constant. 

Actually, Ardyn kind of grew to like the dog. A black and white beagle and collie mix, it could sniff Ardyn out as soon as he walked in the lobby downstairs, scratching at the door the moment Noctis buzzed his lover in. Remarkable skill, Ardyn thought. He may or may not be responsible for slipping the creature extra treats from time to time. 

As for the cat, Ardyn at first wanted nothing to do with it. He worried about handling it the wrong way and prompting a sudden seizure, which was…off-putting, to say the least. 

But one night, the cat (a brown tabby with wide blue eyes reminiscent of a certain someone) snuggled up to Ardyn on the couch as he watched TV. She purred and rolled on her back, offering Ardyn her belly to pet which she did for almost no one else. After seeing that prim little feline smile, Ardyn developed something of a soft spot for her. Chiding her regular clumsiness, he would carry her from room to room whenever he was over. Clicking his teeth when she had trouble crossing the thresholds. 

Noctis explained to Ardyn that he wasn’t really doing the cat any favors; she needed to learn how to move on her own, even when her back legs went completely spastic. Ardyn agreed, of course, but he always carried her around anyway. She became a semi-permanent fixture in his arms, like a small child in a papoose. And, physical therapy be damned, she loved the attention. She rode in the older man’s arms like an enthroned queen. 

The whole picture was kind of…perfect. Noctis couldn’t help smiling every time he caught Ardyn secretly conversing with his pets as if they could talk back. Running the cat (Mitzy) through a line of discourse he had stumbled upon in his research that day, or else scolding the dog (Jerry) for playing fetch with his Bruno Magli knock-off loafers. 

“You see, Mitzy my dear, hermeticism in the Renaissance era hinges upon Casaubon’s linguistic discoveries. The idea that the visible world is but a portrait of the invisible—now Jerry we talked about this. Soft leather is not a chew toy, you magnificent idiot.” 

Noctis wanted to secretly capture the whole thing on film some day. But in a way he kind of liked being the only one who got to see that hidden side of Ardyn. So he appreciated the moments in silence, loving the strangely tight-knit relationship between him, his two fluffy pets, and his boyfriend.

He graduated from the vet technician program on time. The vet’s office was happy to hire him; Noctis’s first real job. He needed help managing his time, but Ignis was there for that. He needed help keeping up the emotional fortitude for full-time work, but Ardyn was happy to provide. 

The support system never failed.

___________________________________

They often went out to lunch as a group. Especially on the weekends (Ardyn was learning how to have a regular work week kind of life, five days of work, and then two days of weekend. It was exciting!). Ignis would take Noctis, Ardyn, and Prompto out to some restaurant in the city for late brunch or early dinner. A slow way for everyone to get to know each other. 

Sometimes Noctis’s personal trainer, a buff, tattooed man named Gladiolus, joined them. (Regis had hired Gladiolus years ago when he noticed his son lacked a certain minimum level of muscle tone. Ever since, Gladiolus had become part of the small, closely bonded circle of friends around Noctis. Adding his own dynamic to the group when he was present.) Gladiolus raised his eyebrow when Ignis bluntly explained how Noctis and Ardyn knew each other, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he shrugged one shoulder and got on with the meal. There was a generally…stiff feeling among the group for the rest of the day.

Shortly after that, Gladiolus pulled Ardyn aside and gave the older man his own version of the shovel talk.

“Treat him right. Get me?” the personal trainer asserted, one hand clasped tightly around Ardyn’s shoulder.

Ardyn gave Gladiolus a once over glance. Dark eyes, hot hands, and a tight body. In Ardyn’s experience, men like Gladiolus went their whole life without ever experiencing the liberating joys of white-knuckle prostate stimulation. Whether or not Gladiolus was attracted to men, Ardyn at least wanted to offer a toy or two that could help him in that department…although, that would probably constitute a breach of boundaries. Or whatever.

Ah well. Ardyn could bide his time.

“I get you,” he assured Gladiolus. “Now, if you’d be kind enough to stop wrinkling my good suit jacket. I just ironed it this morning.” 

Gladiolus and Ardyn never really made it to true ‘friend’ territory. They tolerated each other. Sometimes they could even share a stiff drink and a swath of dirty stories. Drinking buddies aside, Ardyn felt that Gladiolus had a long way to go in his personal life before Ardyn offered him any help with dating. From the looks of things, Gladiolus was in and out of relationships with various women. Probably looking for the wrong thing.

But that was none of Ardyn’s business…

Ardyn and Prompto got along well enough. At first, Prompto seemed to trip over his own tongue whenever Ardyn was around. Stammering and knocking his elbows into silverware. Once, Ardyn counted upwards of six forks that wound up on the floor through Prompto’s awkward gesturing. It was kind of amusing. Ardyn took it all in stride, warming Prompto up to him with jokes and funny stories. He put real effort into steering away from any kind of lewd conversation—since it was obvious that Prompto was a virgin, and thirsty as the day was long. 

Once Prompto could look at Ardyn without blushing, they began a sort of comfortable friendship. 

Ignis, on the other hand, got along quite well with Ardyn. They understood each other. Ardyn knew Ignis's top priorities in life: Noctis’s well-being and his job as advisor to Regis in some capacity. Although Ignis took his job pitifully seriously most of the time, no one could say that Ignis wasn’t good at what he did. Ardyn had to admire a man that was proficient with his work, regardless of what the work was. 

Not to mention, Ignis was skilled in a great number of things. Cooking, baking. Ardyn needed to exert staggering amounts of self control not to overindulge in the leftover sweets from Ignis’s bakery. Beyond that, he could carry on a conversation with Ignis for a whole afternoon. They could even discuss the progress of his manuscript; sometimes Ignis offered helpful insight when Ardyn hit a momentary snag. The bespectacled man was a wonderful talker and a pleasure to pass time with.

It boggled Ardyn’s mind when he learned that Ignis was habitually single. An attractive man, intelligent, stable, thorough, and good with his hands? Was there no justice in the world?

He poked around the subject with Noctis a few times (privately vowing to end Ignis’s romantic dry spell). 

“Noct, tell me more about Ignis. What’s his type?” Ardyn sipped a tumbler of whiskey and ruminated. “I mean, at the very least, is he interested in men or women? Or both, if you know?” 

“Uh…..” 

Noctis didn’t really talk to Ignis about his love life. His friend was a private person. Mostly because Noctis knew full well that Ignis was very picky about who he went out with. He used his work as an excuse, yeah, but the truth was that Ignis really wasn’t _into_ people that much.

“Women, I think?” Noctis scratched his head and shrugged. He tried to think of Ignis’s last relationship (ouch, at least three years ago now). “I remember he went out with someone from my father’s security team a while back. Her name was…uh, Monica, right. Yeah.”

“Hmm.” Interesting, Ardyn thought.

“Didn’t work though,” Noctis added. (Understatement of the year. That relationship was painful to be around as a friend.) “They were too similar. Too focused on work. Too…uptight about stuff, maybe. I don’t know. Monica’s a good person, but. Ignis needs someone different than him, I think. Like, serious about life, but…” Shit, how did Noctis say this. “…not too serious? I don’t know. I always kind of hoped he would meet someone at the bakery, but that never happened.” 

Ardyn nodded slowly. He was starting to get an idea going. Ignis needed someone who could be sympathetic to his lifestyle, but wouldn’t surrender to it. A smart woman, obviously, who took herself seriously but knew how to enjoy life enough for two people at least. Attractive, of course. At least attractive as Ignis himself—

Oh. Ardyn’s mouth curled into a cheshire grin. Well. Perfect.

He set his plan into motion the next time he saw Ignis. “Tell me, Ignis my good man.” He threw an arm around Ignis’s shoulders as they walked out of a restaurant together. “Have you ever been to this little establishment on seventh avenue? A place called Dragoon Lancex?” (He sort of mumbled through the last word, trying not to give Ignis any ideas.)

Ignis frowned as he tried to remember if he ever had. “No,” he said at last. “I don’t believe so.” A name as strange as that, Ignis knew the experience would have stuck out in his mind.

“Well, that’s a shame!” Ardyn cried, pulling out a small slip of paper he had already prepared.

(Suspicious, Ignis noted privately.)

“Here.” He passed the paper to Ignis. “It’s an incredibly well-run store owned by a friend of mine. They sell a few things Noctis seems to love, and actually I've been meaning to pick up some new essentials for him. I think I wrote them all down…”

Ignis blinked and stared at the slip. It appeared to be a small list. Of…fruits, perhaps? It read, ‘watermelon, orange, plum, and cucumber XL.’ Why the XL at the end? Were these…gourmet vegetables of some kind? Home grown, Ignis hoped, if Ardyn was planning on feeding them to Noctis. Ignis did not trust produce that was souped up with steroids or pesticides or anything like that.

Ardyn licked his lips as Ignis read the list warily. This was his fun for the day. Definitely. 

“Time seems to have slipped by me, unfortunately,” Ardyn continued. “Do you think, if you’re not too busy, you could stop by the store and pick these up for me? Noct would appreciate it, I’m sure.” 

Ignis adjusted his glasses. Considering it. He had meant to spend the rest of his day at the bakery, but seventh avenue was on his way. Besides, if this was all for the sake of Noctis eating his vegetables then perhaps it would be worth the extra effort. 

“Are you…” Ignis asked, slinging his shoulder bag over one arm. “…planning on making a special dish of some sort later?”

“Special? Oh yes.” Ardyn smiled in a curious way.

Although Ignis felt that something was off about this, he had nothing to lose by going on an adventure for produce. Ardyn (although Ignis hated to admit it) had been much more successful getting Noctis to try new foods. His charge often came home speaking about strange foreign dishes Ardyn fed him— _platanos maduros_ and something called _lùhng-náhn_ (a soapberry fruit Noctis ate like potato chips, to Ignis’s eternal gratitude). Perhaps Lancex was some kind of foreign marketplace where Ardyn got most of his ingredients. Could be useful to peruse.

Ignis nodded resolutely, folding the paper into his front pocket. “I can get these for you. And, I hope you’ll share the recipe with me afterwards.” 

For some reason, Ardyn’s grin only widened. “Of course. If you like.” 

Agreeing to keep in touch, Ignis walked off to the store while Ardyn scurried back to his apartment to text Aranea. He had spoken to her a few days ago. Saying that he wanted to send her a lovely little treat as thanks for being such a good friend to him for so many years. At the time, Aranea snorted and told him not to bother. ‘Treats’ from Ardyn usually came in the form of cheap dates or quick fucks, neither of which Aranea had any use for these days. She was passed the ‘casual dating’ stage of single adulthood. Now she was waiting for something serious to come her way. If it ever would.

Ignoring all of that, Ardyn single-handedly delivered Ignis to Aranea and texted her right away. Sizzling with glee all the while.

**Ardyn:** My dear, I think there’s a delicious, tightly bound package headed over to you as we speak.

He wished he could be there to see it. The look on Ignis’s face would be enough! Ardyn had sent him in search of three different kinds of flavored lube. Based off of Noctis’s three favorite candy flavors. (Ardyn had been trying to coax his boy into eating out his daddy’s ass, but Noctis kept complaining that he was scared of the taste. Which made sense, considering Noctis’s general food phobias. So Ardyn wanted to try coating his ass in tasty lube to encourage his lover’s clever little tongue…) The Cucumber XL was a joke. As far as Ardyn knew, it was the largest and thickest dildo on the market. He had no intention of using the thing on Noctis nor himself, but it would be funny to see the expression on Ignis’s face when he met with the sight of such a gargantuan phallus…

Not that he thought Ignis would actually buy any of those things. Most likely, Ignis would realize Ardyn was teasing him and then turn on his heels right out the door. But perhaps he would see Aranea first or maybe Aranea would see him. Perhaps love would strike…

Several minutes later, Ardyn got a reply.

**Aranea:** Fuck you, Ardyn. You know I go in for the glasses type.

The older man chuckled to himself. Of course he knew that. The fact that Ignis was one hundred percent Aranea’s type had made this an opportunity he simply could not pass up. 

**Ardyn:** Oh, do you? What a coincidence! ….Did I also mention he owns a bakery?

A few seconds passed.

**Aranea:** Fuck you. 

About thirty minutes later—

**Aranea:** Also, thanks.

Thrumming happily, Ardyn could only assume it had been a success.

**Aranea:** The cucumber was a low blow, though. I had to offer him a glass of water cuz he looked like he was about to pass out. Never seen a guy go from totally red to totally pale that fast. 

Ardyn burst out laughing, alone in his apartment. Oh, the glorious feeling when a plan turned out perfectly!

**Ardyn:** Should I take this to mean you’ll be dining on some more palatable cucumber of your own this evening? 

**Aranea:** Lol, he’s taking me out for coffee on Friday. 

**Ardyn:** Splendid.

Although Ignis never specifically mentioned anything about LanceX or what kind of experience he’d had that day, he did regard Ardyn with a pointed look the next time they met. 

“Well played,” Ignis muttered to him in passing. 

Ardyn patted him on the back surreptitiously. “You’re welcome.” A moment later, he added, “I hope you came up with some new recipes while you were there.” 

The bespectacled man blushed, but he also smiled. He even replied by giving Ardyn a sincere nod in return.

Ardyn took a personal measure of pride knowing he had set up two of his good friends. Now that he had found happiness in his own life, there was a strange sort of satisfaction inside him when he saw others experiencing the same thing. Especially people who deserved it as much they did.

And, as luck would have it, Ignis and Aranea hit it off rather well. A few weeks later, Ignis invited her to their weekly brunch to introduce her to the rest of the group. 

Prompto’s jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw Aranea, wearing her usual cardigan-style pin-straight dress. Slit up the side and a fashionable pair of boots. Plus, the rest of her. Eye catching silver hair and natural beauty. A body that stopped traffic. Even Gladiolus had to take a few moments to put his eyes back in place after the initial introduction. It was unlike him to be floored by someone—but Aranea was something special.

Ignis was proud to announce that they were ‘respectfully together’ as soon as he introduced her. It made Aranea laugh but not in a way that made fun of him—instead it was clear that she found him adorable, clearly a catch. Ignis smiled, offering a polite kiss to the back of her hand. Affectionate and content.

Noctis was absolutely ecstatic. He stood on his feet and clapped before remembering they were in public. Blushing, he curled up closer to Ardyn as he sat down slowly, riding out that somewhat awkward display. But really, Ardyn couldn’t agree more. They made a lovely couple. 

When Aranea caught Ardyn’s gaze, she nodded familiarly in his direction. A casual greeting. It became clear that they knew each other already.

“You set them up?” Gladiolus demanded, rounding on Ardyn when Aranea pointedly went to the ladies room.

Ardyn flashed them all a leering smile and took a sip of his bloody mary. “Yes.” 

“Dude.” Prompto hung on Ardyn’s shoulder, red in the face, eyes glassy. “Me next.” 

“Hmmm….” Ardyn let the tomato-soured vodka hit his system. He thought about the other available single people he knew that might be a good match for Prompto. 

There was a big-chested girl he had met at a gentleman’s club a while back. Nice smile, good heart. She waited tables at the club where women stripped and Ardyn picked up lonely gay guys and beleaguered straight women (in the days before he acquired his online handle). Cindy was trying to save up enough cash to support a mechanic business. Always looking for love in all the wrong places. A tough luck story.

Humming excitedly, Ardyn propped Prompto back into his own seat. “My dear Prompto, how do you feel about blondes?”

“Uh…” Prompto swallowed around a stammering mouth. “…strong? I’d say strong. Like, yeah. _Totally_. I mean…y’know?”

Throwing his head back, Ardyn enjoyed a full-bellied laugh. He could set up a meeting so easily—Cindy was the only mechanic he trusted to work on his car. Prompto could take the dear old thing over for him a couple of times, introduce himself…this and that.

_Amazing!_ He would get all these sexually repressed virgin boys laid. One by one! Gladiolus included—even if the man was stuffing his face full of steak and eggs jealously as they spoke. 

Perhaps Ardyn could also convince Gladiolus to take a little stroll over to LanceX. Pick up a few things. Maybe Aranea and Ignis would like to show Gladiolus exactly how the toys were used…if the guarded, semi-flustered look Ignis wore whenever he was around Gladiolus gave any indication. And of course, Gladiolus was Aranea’s _other_ favorite type. Brawny, with limited sexual experience. It would work.

One by one. It was Ardyn’s new favorite project! 

They could all thank him later.

_______________________________________________________

A few years later, there would eventually come a time when Noctis and Regis had a talk. Father to son. Once it became clear that Ardyn wasn’t going anywhere. And neither was Noctis. ...And neither was Regis. 

Sufficiently stuck together for the time being, they sat down to a talk. In Noctis’s apartment, Jerry’s head resting comfortably on Noctis’s knee. As if he knew, somehow, that Noctis would need the encouragement.

It wasn’t an easy talk. They had to bring up everything. From the very beginning. The years of Noctis’s life laid out in front of them like car parts on a lawn. Then, slowly, they would have to put the pieces back together into something that could run on its own. 

Noctis was learning not to need his father’s approval so much. He had a lot of support from everyone else. And as a result, Regis realized that he was making himself irrelevant with each day that passed. He also realized that he did not want to be irrelevant in Noctis’s life. As he grew older, Regis finally figured out that he wanted a son. At least a little. Maybe. In some capacity. 

But being a parent wasn’t like switching a light on and off. They both had to come to terms with that.

By the end, there were some apologies. Some tears—not all of them belonging to Noctis. 

A promise. To try harder. To try to understand. To be there. It was not a promise either of them could know for sure they would be able to keep, but. At least it was there. 

They were what they were. Noctis could learn to be alright with it. And, so could Regis.

______________________________________

“Mmmmm…”

“You up?”

“…Mmm.”

“Here, your glasses. ….that help?” 

Bleary amber eyes blinked into focused as they stared at Noctis. Sometimes Ardyn looked almost owlish in his wide, hipster-style frames. But Noctis liked it.

“Come on, get up. You said we’d go out for crepes today.”

“…I said that?” Ardyn’s voice was gravelly, still rough from sleep. “Why on earth would I say that when we have all crepe ingredients right here at home.” 

Noctis chuckled and ruffled his older lover’s hair playfully. “You said this place makes the best crepes this side of the west river. By your standards and all.” 

“Mmmm….” 

Grabbing Noctis by the waste, Ardyn rolled on top of his boy. Pinning him underneath his large, sweatshirt-cals body. Noctis groaned in annoyance at first, but, like always. He had to giggle once Ardyn started placing wet kisses right behind his ear. The sensitive spots on his neck. Sleepy little nips to his soft skin. 

“My standards, hmm?” Ardyn rumbled. He squeezed Noctis close. “But my standards have already been met. I have everything I need right here.” 

Even though it was just a stupid throwaway comment, said while Ardyn was half-awake, it still hit Noctis square in the heart. Squirming, tingling from the inside out, Noctis kissed Ardyn on the cheek. 

“Yeah,” he said, making himself comfortable where he lay, flattened. “Me too.”

Forgetting all about any of the other options, Noctis and Ardyn went back to sleep. Pressed together as close as it was possible to get. That was all they needed. Day by day. Moment to moment. Each one spent together. 

It was the world.

 

 

—The end—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh man. How do I even talk about finishing this story without getting emotional? You guys are the best readers any author could ask for. 400+ pages in my word processor and 140k+ words later, Foxfire turned into this. Writing this fic was a hell of a way to spend a summer. I want to give shout outs to each and every one of you, but the list goes on and on!! All I can say is, if you've stuck with this story and written me comments even when the chapters got monstrously long, (you all know who you are), I love you. Seriously. You guys make my world a better place. And I hope you know that <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Aaaand with that, I need a break from the adamantoise-sized stories for a while lol. Thinking about writing a short side story in this series about Ignis/Aranea's relationship (with the addition of Gladiolus?? wink wink--that means yes, the big guy is totally ready to be the meat in a highspecs sandwich). We'll see ;) ;) 
> 
> Jeejas out, y'all. Peace and loveeeeee <3 <3 <3 <3 (all the hearts in the world)

**Author's Note:**

> As always, hit me up [on tumblr](https://jeejascoffee.tumblr.com/)!


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